A Child of Friday

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child must work for a living,
But the child that's born on the Sabbath day
Is fair and wise and good and gay.

It's Friday!

The week is finally over.

I was going to stay late tonight and start throwing out old files, but I am just so tired that I just want to go home and pass out from exhaustion in front of the TV. I'll probably come in tomorrow instead and make the most of the daylight .

Thanks for all of the comments, you guys! It really lifts my spirits to see them - then I don't feel like I am scaring everyone away with my thoughts . . .

On another blog, someone wrote about how they feel like they are writing for an audience, and because of that they are very careful that they stay to the image that they portray. (Or something like that, my brain's a little fuzzy at the moment . . .)

Sometimes I think twice about writing all of my worries and complaints onto the blog. Will everyone think I'm a real depressing person? That all I do is sit around and moan and complain?

But I think about it like this: Sometimes I am happy. Sometimes I am sad. Somtimes I am a worrywart and overscheduled and frantic and neurotic and depressed. Sometimes I am happy and laid-back and flexible and funny and cheerful and helpful and artistic. It's all me, warts and all . . . and everyone is like this. That what makes reading blogs so wonderful - we all experience similar things and can comiserate and offer suggestions and words of comfort . . .

So while I'll try to tone down the whining again, just know that I'm glad that I was able to share it with you all instead of letting it all bottle up inside . . .

Everyone have a wonderful weekend!

The Chronicles of Insomnia

(Title inspired by the Saturday Night Live Skit/Video . . . I wish I could remember the words . . .)

I haven’t been sleeping very well again this week. I fall asleep almost right away, but then I wake up again a couple of times a night and have a bit of trouble trying to get back to sleep. So much going on . . . so many things to think about . . .

Last night I had a dream that I couldn’t find my driver’s license, and my friend and I kept looking in pockets and coats and everything to try to find it, but to no avail. We found a lot of old IDs of other people, but not mine. So we tried to make a new one. I don’t remember how or if it ended, because I woke up again . . .

Gee, does this symbolize something? Hmmmm . . .

Anyway, this being the last week in the old department, I’m trying to clean things up, but not doing a good job of it. I’m not changing offices or anything, and there isn’t anyone who is going to be taking over my duties right away. So I’m going to be staring at all of the same stuff while trying to get into a new mindset. I’m going to come in sometime this weekend to purge my office and get rid of a lot of files that I haven’t looked at for years and noone else will care about. That should help a little . . .

I told the ESL people that I’m not going to teach this summer, but will do so again in the Fall. (I’ve taught through all the semesters since September 2004.) Yay! And I resigned from the church board that I had been on because I just couldn’t handle doing much more than choir. Yay! So now the summer evening should be free to do whatever! Hooray! . . .

A ton of weight should be lifted off of my shoulders . . .

But whenever I go several days without a good foundation of sleep, I start getting very cranky and extremely sensitive to everything. So today I came into the office and immediately things started to go wrong. Well, not wrong, but extremely annoying things are happening that I really didn’t want to deal with today. Can’t this stuff wait until next week? . . .

I need a vacation in the worst way . . . I want to go somewhere else for a couple of days and not have to worry about this random stuff for a little while. I need time to mentally transition and prepare. I thought things were going to get better, but they aren’t quite yet. I’m trying to keep a stiff upper lip . . .

I guess the main thing I need right now is some sleep . . .

A Gold Pin and a Hearty Handshake

My father is officially retired as of March 1 of this month. Hurray! He worked for a large multi-national corporation for 33 years, starting out in 1972 as a lowly clerk in the credit department, working his way up the ranks, getting transferred to a different state and having to move his family, surviving a corporate merger and dodging through many layoffs. The company held a retirement luncheon for him yesterday and, besides my mom, my youngest sister, Mr. Random, and myself were all in attendance . . .

There were people there from all parts of his career – from his days starting out in Philly, to those who mentored him and assisted him in his diversity training days, to those who worked with him in his current department until he retired. There were many speeches – people stating how much they learned from my dad, how much joy and professionalism he brought to his job, how he knew his stuff. My dad even mad a short speech – made all the remarkable because he never makes short speeches, but also he said told us later that he had to cut it short because he was about to cry . . .

Can anyone imagine working in the same place for 30 years anymore? I mean, even if you wanted to? This morning I was watching CNBC, and the reporters were talking about how GM and its unions were about to make a statement about buyouts for 100,000 of its workers. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/03/22/AR2006032200576.html) One of the reporters remarked that maybe now the GM workers would finally realize that “the gravy train was over.” Gravy train? Are these people on crack? These people work hard for their paychecks and have for most of their lives, depending on the money to live on and raise families and all people ask is to be paid a decent wage and have some decent benefits. But that’s not supposed to be a given anymore. Today the attitude seems to be “you should be glad that we even pay you . . .”

During my lunch, my dad talked about how their company was continuing to move jobs overseas, because a guy with an MBA and 10 years experience living in Bangkok only gets $20K a year – so of course it’s cheaper to go over there. Many of their departments are getting shipped elsewhere – Canada, Argentina, Thailand, Mexico . . .

I guess I’m writing this because even on this happy occasion, I am scared. I’m scared because me and Mr. Random aren’t going to have a pension to fall back on, like my parents. I’m scared because we may be fighting Random Cat #8 for the tuna fish. I’m scared, because we just may have to have kids so we have a chance of not ending up out on the street. Yes, we have our 401Ks and IRAs, but they’ve gone up and down so much who knows how much we’ll have in a 30-35 years – and even then it probably won’t be enough. I’m scared because no one seems to care that decent paying jobs are disappearing and lousy paying ones are popping up in their place – and even those aren’t certain. I’m scared because now businesses only care about employees in so much as how much they can use them up before they throw them away – and then wonder why no one feels particularly productive . . .

I guess it will be OK – working for a non-profit, people will always need help of some sort, and will need people to provide that help, person to person – but if I were just coming out of school right now, I would have no idea what to do or what sorts of plans to make . . .

Seeing someone retire just makes you start thinking of your own future all the more. Peering into the abyss, what is in store for us? I doubt that when it is our time we’ll get a gold pin and a hearty handshake. I envy my dad, now deciding what he wants to do next and having the luxury to pick and choose his projects . . . will I ever be able to do that? Will you? . . .

Random Kath's Spring Reading List

Yesterday, I promised to list the books for you that I currently have on my nightstand, just waiting to be read:

Ways of Seeing – John Berger
On Photography – Susan Sontag
How to Look at Everything – David Finn
The Language Police – Diane Ravitch
The Sound on the Page – Ben Yagoda
House Thinking – Winnifred Gallagher
Home: A Short History of an Idea – Witold Rybczynski
The Year of Magical Thinking – Joan Didion
The Crimson Petal and the White – Michel Faber

Only one of the books, The Crimson Petal, is fiction (and good and trashy fiction, at that!). The first four books are borrowed, either from the library or from a friend, so those need to be read within the next few weeks. There is a definite grouping to some of my choices. Berger, Sontag, Finn. Ravitch and Yagoda. Gallagher and Rybczynski. I’ll try to keep you up to date on what I’ve read and let you know if I’ve added any more.

Remember, this is just a small fraction of the books I have that are just waiting to be read. I have another bookcase-and-a-half of things I need to read – both fiction and non-fiction.

If anyone else has a bunch of books they are going to read this spring, please share your list in the comments – I’d love to see what other people are reading and what subjects you are interested in . . .

New Random Links

Yesterday I put some new links on the sidebar and took away some that I hardly ever clicked. Check some of the new folks out – you may or may not like them, but these links more accurately reflect my myriad interests . . .

I have that stupid “I’m in Love with a Stripper” song stuck in my head. First of all, why is this stupid song on the radio? What sort of message are people sending here? Now, if I thought the song was done tongue-in-cheek, I wouldn’t be so squeamish, but if you ever see the video – and oh, there is a video – you would think “WTF?” . . . The tune is rather catchy though, darn them . . .

Saturday, I went back to the National Cathedral. (http://www.cathedral.org/cathedral/) It is an architecturally stunning, awe inspiring and incredibly humbling building to stand inside of. Even if you aren’t religious, you can still appreciate the scale and power and resources that went into constructing such a cathedral . . . if you are ever in D.C. and tire of the Smithsonian museums, do catch a cab and see it. I would love to go back to visit during a concert – I am certain that acoustics for choir and/or organ must be amazing . . .

I might be taking a few trips this spring. My grandmother has finally settles in Birmingham, AL and it would like to go down there for a weekend and visit. Also, my friend, L, goes to law school in NYC and I’d like to visit her before she graduates and comes back down here. I’ve never been to either place before, and I am excited at the prospect of going out on my own . . .

I need to post the list of books that are on my nightstand, waiting to be read. You all might get a kick out of the list, and it might inspire me to actually start and finish reading some of them . . .

I told you all that I read Ways of Seeing, and was going to read it again, but my friend told me that I definitely should read Susan Sontag’s On Photography as a companion piece, and now I’m on a mission to get a copy. What? You say I already have too many books in stacks to read, why am I seeking out another book? . . . I’m in the mood, so sue me . . .

I hope everyone had a great weekend. This should be an interesting week . . .

To Do or Not to Do . . .

Today I happened to stop by Poetry Daily and this poem caught my attention. It means something to me, but I’m still trying to figure out what it is . . . does it mean I should stop waiting and do the somethings that I want to do? Should I stop fretting about the things that I haven’t done and just go with the flow? I can be so dense about these things sometimes . . .

Undid in the Land of Undone
By Lee Upton

All the things I wanted to do and didn't
took so long.
It was years of not doing.

You can make an allusion here to Penelope,
if you want.
See her up there in that high room undoing her art?

But enough about what she didn't do —
not doing
was what she did. Plucking out

the thread of intimacy in the frame.
If I got to
know you that would be

— something. So let's make a toast to the long art
of lingering.
We say the cake is done,

but what exactly did the cake do?
The things undid
in the land of undone call to us

in the flames. What I didn't do took
an eternity —
and it wasn't for lack of trying.

It's Not Easy Being Green

When I used to work for a large, venerable accounting/consulting firm in the eary 90's, I had a friend/co-worker, WW, with whom I used to hang out on weekends and do random stuff like go to bar crawls and clubs. He was 6-6, blond and from Iowa, and we were quite an odd pair of friends. Nothing romantic, just liked hanging out. He was like a big brother and I was like a little sister . . .

Anyway, WW had a group of friends in his apartment complex that he liked to hang out with too. They were all on a rec league volleyball team together and eventually the group all paired off and got married, including WW . . .

But before the pairing, WW always considered St. Patrick's Day to be a personal holiday. He would always take the day off work, and he and his friends would meet downtown at 11 am and start their own personal bar crawl from one Irish bar to another, eventually ending up in Old Town at Murphy's or Ireland's Own. Every year for the 4 years I knew him he did this . . .

One year I decided to meet up with him and his crew after work, meeting them all at 5:30 in Old Town . . .

Now, I'm not a big drinker - I just like hanging out and talking with folks and listening, so I'd usually order a coke, or if I'm very enterprising I'll have a cider or two, or nurse a Guinness through the evening, with a glass of water. I've never been one to get drunk, especially after walking many of my friends home and watching them puke in various places - never seemed inviting to me . . . I wonder why . . .

Anyway, I get to the pub and it is packed - line out the door - but WW told me where to walk to around back that would allow me to get inside . . .

Do you remember what keg parties smelled like at the end of the night, and the way everyone looked and acted? The sort of widespread drunken stupor, the forced hilarity, the pervasive damp, yeasty smell? That's what I walked into. Not everyone in the place was like that, but a good portion were . . . and especially WW and his group of friends . . .

It really wasn't very fun to be there. They were all three sheets to the wind, and had been for a while. They all had these inside jokes from whatever other escapades went on that day, which actually didn't sound quite as funny as they tried to convey. My friend was pretty much incoherent. I didn't stay very long . . . I normally don't like small crowded spaces, and this was way too many people for me . . . and I was kind of wondering what I was doing there . . . so I tottled off and went home . . .

So when people talk about celebrating St. Patrick's Day, I always think of my drunk, smelly friends, crammed into a bar and getting various beverages spilled on me . . . I'm all for wearing the green, but not for much else about the day . . .

. . . There is one other connotation for St. Patrick's Day that makes it a rather bittersweet day for me . . .

On St. Patrick's Day 1987, two things happened almost simultaneously: I got my acceptance letter into the college I really wanted to go to . . . and I found out that my favorite Grandpa died. . . .

I had just talked to him on the phone a week or so before, and made him promise that he would come to my high school graduation. I think at that time he knew he was dying, but he didn't want me to know. I will always remember, after the fact, the pause he gave before he said yes . . . that should have been a hint, but I wasn't looking for it . . . I wanted him to be proud of me . . . he had always encouraged me so much and always took the time to talk with me. Even after we moved away from Philly, we still felt rather close . . .

So here was what should have been one of my happiest days, mitigated by losing one of the people that I loved most in the whole wide world . . .

. . . I don't know how to end this post actually. Is it a lesson in taking the bad with the good? Am I trying to say that St. Patrick's Day is ultimately a real downer in my book?

. . . All I know is that, as I still struggle with transitioning into my promotion and dealing with life in general . . .

. . . I'm hoping that my Grandpa is looking down and being proud of me. And knowing that especially on St. Patrick's Day, I think of his jolly soul and wear green to also celebrate his spirit . . .

. . . And with that in mind, it gets easier to wear green every year . . .

Freaky Thursday

Today is the last day for the co-worker that I am replacing. I am in a full fledged, paralyzing panic at the moment - still so many questions, still not quite up to speed on a lot of stuff. After today I will be a department of one until the middle of April . . .

Since I'm so freaked out, you all won't get much of a post today. Please send any good vibes you can my way . . .

Hurry UP, Spring!

. . . Do you ever wake up with a feeling of dread sitting in the pit of your stomach, but you can't quite place why? Well, that was me this morning . . .

. . . ESL class last night was a bit of a mess, but that was entirely my fault. I couldn't really concentrate very well, and my transitions between topics were really clunky. We worked on irregular past tense verbs much longer than we should have, so we did not get to do an entire chapter that I meant to cover. Attendance has not dropped off, though, which is a good sign. Maybe people just come for the free chocolates . . .

. . . Choir practice tonight, but nothing scheduled for tomorrow night. Yay! I may actually get to start reading one of the books on my stack, or fall asleep by 9 PM - either option would be good with me . . .

. . . Hope to take some pictures this weekend using my Holga camera. It's a "toy" medium format, B&W film camera . . . it only costs $20 and is notorious for its light leaks, but I can't wait to finally try it. Loading the camera is quite challenging though - the film doesn't have a case, per se, and you have to manually spool the film into the camera. We'll see how it goes. If it does work, then I have to figure out how to get the film developed . . . maybe I can pay a photography student to do my negatives for me? . . .

. . . Spring brings thoughts of gardening. I have no garden, but I'm hoping this year we can do a container garden on the balcony, or at least do some hanging plants or something . . . our balcony is so bare . . .

. . . Did I tell you how much I hate meetings? Argggh. I have quite a few today, which means not much will get done that needs to get done . . .

. . . Today is the Ides of March. I almost forgot. Does my feeling of dread mean that some Caesar-esque calamity is about to befall me? Oy, that's just what I need now . . .

. . . Despite my many grumblings, things are going pretty well. I am still having to do way too much stuff, but promise of Spring and the sunny day today are lifting my spirits a little. I hope I can keep the optimism going . . .

Holding Patterns

I got a lot of work done today. The Random Non-profit had given us today off because of the Board meetings over the weekend, but I have so much work to get done that I just had to work on some things anyway. I finished a draft of a newsletter and made good headway on two funder reports. Sometime this evening I have to do a lesson plan for ESL class tomorrow, then I’ll be done for the day . . .

Yesterday we went out and ran a bunch of errands, taking advantage of the nice weather. We went to the bookstore so that Mr. Random could redeem his birthday gift cards, but somehow I ended up getting a couple of books for myself . . . not that I don’t already have stacks of books to read, you know. I must be stopped! However, in my defense, one of the books was a new, better Thesaurus, but there was really no good excuse for the other two . . .

Mr. Random did have a good birthday dinner on Saturday. Many of his friends showed up and brought him numerous gift cards, which were spent in the aforementioned spree . . .

Yesterday I also spent a large amount of time cleaning off my desk here in the Den – it was so covered with piles of papers that you could not actually see the surface of the desk, nor could you actually use the laptop computer that was buried somewhere in the mess. Now, there is plenty of surface area and I am happy to have my writing spot back again. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, it seems that my organization skills fall by the wayside, thus making me feel MORE scattered because everything is such a mess. I am hoping that cleaning the desk will bring good karma over into the rest of the week, so that I don’t feel so . . . so . . .

I’m hoping to have a little more time to read this week. Whenever I get to do a lot reading, the quality of my writing immediately improves. This only happens when I read actual books, though, magazines don’t quite engage the thought processes as much as reading 100 pages does . . . Is that just me? . . .

Looking at the side of the blog, I notice that I have been doing this for almost a full year. I did not think it would last this long, and it did not turn out the way I had hoped – I always imagined writing smart, sassy opinion pieces commenting on the news of the day. Instead you get semi-incoherent ramblings from someone who is neurotic and overscheduled . . .

But you know what? For better or for worse, this blog does reflect a lot of who I am and what I struggle with each day. . . and I don’t mind it at all. I do wish I could come have tea with you, my few faithful readers, to thank you for listening to my mutterings, but instead know that I think about you guys and worry about you everyday . . .

Until tomorrow! . . . unless it gets way busy – then it will be sometime soon . . .

Five Weird Things About Me

Wow, a rare Sunday morning post! I skipped church this morning, which allowed me a little time to write . . . I'm so glad to have this quiet time, and I desparately needed it, but the theological implications are a bit unsettling . . .

Virginia Gal dinged me on this meme, so here goes . . .

Only five? Dear me . . . I’m sure many of my friends can think of many more than that . . .

(1) I won’t eat anything left in the refrigerator more than 24 hours and I have the tendency to always quickly inspect and sniff at food before I eat it. This is a residue of having a father who grew up in the projects with 12 brothers and sisters and never wanted to throw food away. When my sister and I were little, my dad would heat up old stew for lunch on Saturday (even though we had it on Sunday) and it would all be a shade of GRAY. Condiments would be used for months and months after their expiration dates. My dad would cut mold off things and eat them. I think this was one of the reasons that I was very skinny as a child, because I was always too grossed out to want to eat much of anything . . .

(2) It takes me at least an hour to wake up in the morning. I am not a morning person at all. Luckily, Mr. Random wakes up first and gets ready, then he wakes me up and hands me the paper. For an hour, while still in bed, I quietly and with bleary-eyes read the Post and glance up at the Today show once in a while to see if anything is going on that merits turning the sound up. I end by doing the Sudoku puzzle in the style section. Then my brain is awake enough to get up and shower and face the day . . .

Now if I absoulely need to get up right away, I can and do, but I am horribly out of sorts for the rest of the day. And don't ask me to drive first thing . . . that's much too dangerous . . .

(3) Even the thought of mayonnaise makes me ill – don’t even think of putting any on anything that you’d want me to actually eat. See weird fact #1. However, if it is freshly-homemade I’m all for it . . .

(4) I feel like I have to be prepared at all times, so I carry a ton of stuff in my purse. I always try to have band-aids, cough drops, hand sanitizer, lotion, tissues, pens, paper, allergy medicine, etc. on hand. It does come in handy though – just on Friday at a meeting someone had a nasty paper cut and bingo! I had some band-aids. I always feel like such a Mom at times that way . . . I guess it’s a by-product of my eager-to-please mentality . . .

(5) I’m really finicky about pens – they have to feel right and flow properly, or else I throw them in the trash with disgust. I am really possessive of the pens I do like, so if you borrow one, I will actually hound you to get it back, and watch you like a hawk until you do so. I like my pencils always sharpened to a nice point, and I adore mechanical pencils most of all – but there have to be refills close by. I like my books to remain in as pristine condition as possible, and when I borrow them I try very hard to make sure not to mess them up or spill crumbs. I like writing on graph type paper best, with college ruled paper close behind. I can’t deal with blank sheets very well – I tend not to be able to write in a straight line otherwise . . .

. . . so there's a brief glimpse into Random Kath's many quirks. I'm not a tagger, so anyone who wants to do this and hasn't yet may feel free to leave their five in the comments.

The weather is gorgeous in Northern VA this weekend and I hope to take a little advantage of that today, if it doesn't rain . . .

Happy Sunday!

Treading Water

. . . It's been a hard week. Juggling the work of two departments is driving me bats. If I had quit to take a job somewhere else, I don't think they would have dumped so much on me - I would have had time to finish up my projcts and been fresh for the new position. But no - because the person I am replacing is leaving next week, I am trying to cram learning everything she knows into my head two days a week and work on things for the new department, while still dealing with the dippiness of the old department . . . Arrrggh!

. . . What's a blog for, if not for venting? . . .

. . . Yesterday, the person they hired as my new boss came to town - she's not officially starting for another month - and we went to lunch and we were talking about all the cool stuff we want to do, and about her philosophy of fostering an environment of learning and excellence in the staff, and is big on professional development. Yay! But she is also very high energy and very chatty, which could make things very interesting in our dour little Non-Profit . . .

. . . Went to my first set of meetings yesterday, and even had a dinner meeting last night, and I felt so . . . overwhelmed. Actually, that doesn't begin to describe how I felt. I felt dowdy and clueless and short and tackily dressed and very insecure about myself in these new situations. There is just so much to know and absorb, and I feel very much out of my comfort zone - which is good! - but I am totally starting to have serious doubts whether I can pull this off well enough. Everyone is really happy that I have taken this position and thinks that I am a great fit, but it brings a lot of pressure, you know? If I do badly, I fell like I'll let everyone down, myself included, and it is freaking me out to no end . . .

I know I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself, and I blame that on the fact that I haven't had a true moment's peace all week. I hope that in a month or so, things will have evened out a bit and I can actually enjoy what I am doing . . . for now, I am totally NOT . .

. . . I was going to try to do absolutely nothing this weekend, but the old department wants me to finish up some funder reports and get out a newsletter by Tuesday, so I guess I'll be working a bit . . .

. . . However, Mr. Random's birthday dinner is Saturday night and that should be fun. And I hope to go shopping at some point and get some new clothes . . . maybe a suit or two, which should make me feel a bit more professional . . . if I look professional, I tend to feel better about myself since then I can at least tell myself that I look like I can do the job . . . and sometimes appearance is the reality . . .

. . . I have finished the book, Ways of Seeing, but I have to read it again to make sure I interpreted it correctly. It is a short book and a quick read - and I did get something out of it - but it was such a quick read that I want to make sure I didn't miss anything . . .

. . . Have a great weekend everyone! I wish you all well . . .

Waking up to a big cat head staring at me . . .

. . . Since the diet started, Random Cat now jumps up on the bed and meows directly into our faces to wake us up so she can be fed. Oh joy! . . .

. . . The Strategic Planning class I had last night went OK - you can only get a brief overview of the process in less than 2 hours. A lot of it I already knew just from being around for so long, but it was good to have what I knew confirmed as correct. I'm really getting excited about learning more organizational capacity stuff, since I am genuinely interested in making non-profits work better. Maybe it is a field of study I should look into more closely . . . although I have a feeling the classes and readings would just be dreadfully boring . . .

. . . I started reading a book called Ways of Seeing by John Berger. I only had a few minutes to start it before my class last night, and now wish a had a bit more time to focus on it since it cries out to be chewed on and thought about a bit . . . if I am able to give a book report, I definitely will . . .

. . . Somebody at work shared the DVD of Lilo and Stitch with me, since I said I never saw it and it is their favorite movie. Has anyone seen it? Is it cheesy in a good way? . . .

. . . ESL class tonight, talking about parts of the body, symptoms and illnesses. This lesson is always fun . . . somebody usually says something out of left field, and I'm hoping for that tonight . . . I desparately need a good laugh . . .

. . . If you haven't noticed, I'm going back to the random blog thoughts. If I don't do that, it will be weeks between posts . . . Hope everyone's doing OK . . .

It was the Best of Weekends, It was the Worst of Weekends . . .

Some randomness to start off the week . . .

Watched most of the Oscars last night. I thought that Jon Stewart was wonderful – I actually *watched* the whole thing and enjoyed it. This year was much less schmaltzy than past years, although I did like the Ben Stiller bit and Will Ferrell and Steve Carrell . . . I’m just warped that way. Wished they had showed crowd reaction to the Three 6 Mafia playing, since I don’t think that most of the academy crowd is big on hip-hop/rap. Tom Shales wrote a scathing review of the evening in the Post today and I seriously wonder what show *he* was watching. I know that he isn’t a big JS fan, but the show actually was pretty good, IMHO . . .

Saturday was just awesome. Went out to lunch with some “Odd Couple”-type friends in Old Town and got to see a bit of the St. Patrick’s Day parade. Any event in Old Town brings out everyone and their dogs, and there were quite a few cute little outfits and cute little dogs about . . . and really huge dogs, too. Then we hung out a bit and went to the National Cathedral, but didn’t get there in time to get a tour. It was really cold and windy, so while we started to walk around the gardens, it was just too cold to really enjoy. We’ll have to go back again when it is a little warmer. We then went and got coffee/tea and hung out a bit more. It was such a nice relaxing day, which has been so rare lately . . . I need to do that more often – I came home with such a smile on my face and so wide awake (although that may have been the caffeine from the chai . . .)

When I got home, Mr. Random was working on taking down more of the bathroom wallpaper. We try to give each other a day to do whatever on our own, since we see each other all day, everyday at the office . . .

I am so incredibly tired though . . . I haven’t been sleeping very well during the week again, and my attempts at catching up on sleep are always thwarted for some reason. On Sunday, I was just a mess – all of the stress of the past few weeks just caught up with me and I pretty much burst into tears after church was over. I was exhausted and probably should have just stayed home and slept that morning, but we had some pretty cool choir songs that we had been practicing for this week and I didn’t want to miss it. However, when I got there I still wasn’t quite awake, and then they started practicing a song where I had to hit a pretty high “G,” kind of out of nowhere and I couldn’t do it. I sounded AWFUL. And I felt so embarrassed and frustrated that I just nipped down to the bathroom and had a mini-breakdown. There is just too much going on right now, and I have to keep track of too many things in my brain, and I’m going to have to jettison something – probably something church-related because I’m already doing Choir on Wednesday nights, which is quite enough, I think . . .

I need to take some days off, but I can’t even consider it for another couple of weeks until after the Random Non-Profit’s Board meetings are over and my new boss comes on board. Yes, I know . . . there’s always an excuse . . .

I have another professional development class tonight, ESL tomorrow night, Choir on Wednesday night, and dinner with a couple of Board members on Thursday night. At some point, I have to get Mr. Random some presents for his birthday on Friday – I know exactly what I’m going to get him now – a couple of Jared Diamond (Germs, Guns and Steel and Collapse) paperbacks and a DVD or two. Saturday night we have dinner with a bunch of work friends, but Sunday I’m not going anywhere or doing anything . . . at least at this point . . .

I need to do some more book reading . . . maybe once I get a couple of books completed, I’ll feel more like actually writing something useful . . . my brain is such Swiss cheese right now, I couldn’t write a coherent thought even if I wanted to . . . this Blog is exhibit A on that right now . . .

I hope everyone else had fun this weekend – do share! It's been pretty quiet here for a while . . .

Slimming Down with the "Cat"kins Diet

Mr. Random's TV debut didn't turn out quite as hoped, but it was a great show otherwise. I could only recognize Mr. Random's calves and back of his hair, and that's because I'm his wife and am supposed to know stuff like that. It turns out more people were wearing red socks than I remembered - who knew? . . .

Mr. Random took the Random Cat to the vet for the first time since we adopted her four years ago. We generally have shied away from taking her out of the house since as a "shelter cat" who had been left at the shelter by *two* sets of previous owners, we really didn't want to cause her any more trauma than she's already had. However, Mr. Random's sister just had her two cats die within a week of each other, and Mr. Random was sufficiently spooked enough to want to get Random Cat checked out . . .

I wasn't able to go with them since I had meetings that morning, so Mr. Random had to go solo. He said it was heart-wrenching hearing her meows of fright as she was transported in the carrier in the car to the vet. That's why I'm glad I couldn't go - it would have made me so sad . . .

So the vet says that Random Cat is a bit overweight, which we knew . . . it's kind of obvious. It turns out that she is 12 pounds - 4 pounds over her proper weight. Wow! I didn’t know she was that much bigger . . . it would be like you had to lose 30% of your body weight in a year. So the vet has put her on a “cat”kins diet – now we have to give her ONLY wet food, which I don’t think she will mind very much. Dry food isn’t good for her, the vet said, because it is full of carbs and empty calories. Odd thing is that the canned food is better for her than the weight-loss pellets we had been mostly feeding her . . .

In this job transition period, I feel myself getting dumber. I am trying to keep so much stuff straight in my head, and I have so many people asking me about so many different questions about different things, my brain just can't take it anymore. I have taken to giving glazed, puzzled looks whenever anyone asks me anything - and usually the question is wildly out of context, so I have to respond "And this has to do with . . . ?"

This has been such a long week . . . I hope everyone has a great weekend - I certainly am going to try! Haven't ended with a poem in a while, so I hope you like this one . . .

Elegance
By Linda Gregg

All that is uncared for.
Left alone in the stillness
in that pure silence married
to the stillness of nature.
A door off its hinges,
shade and shadows in an empty room.
Leaks for light. Raw where
the tin roof rusted through.
The rustle of weeds in their
different kinds of air in the mornings,
year after year.
A pecan tree, and the house
made out of mud bricks. Accurate
and unexpected beauty, rattling
and singing. If not to the sun,
then to nothing and to no one.

Sunshine and Rain

. . . Tonight, 10 PM ET on Discovery Health, the show "Rebuilt" - if you watch you may see Mr. Random, he's on the subject's coed soccer team, they are all wearing orange team shirts. We haven't seen the show yet, but if you think you can pick out who Mr. Random is let me know and I'll tell you if you've guessed right. He would probably be very distinctive . . . the hint is the color of his socks . . .

. . . Things are fine between me and Mr. Random, Monday wasn't as dramatic as it sounded, although it seemed so at the time - it WAS a cranky day though. When you're working with your husband, everyday has the potential for drama as personal life sometimes seeps into the workday . . .

. . . I am overwhelmed with work transition stuff! What am I getting myself into? . . .

. . . ESL class went well last night - we are finally getting into a groove and the group is starting to gel. One of the students asked me about why "Flour, Flower, and Floor" all were spelled and sounded differently. Probably because they all come from different roots in different languages, I guessed, reiterating that "English makes no sense . . ."

. . . The air is so dry everywhere and it is driving me simply bats. My throat is constantly starting to bother me and I am getting sick of liquids and cough drops . . . I wouldn't mind a little humidity now and then to break up all of this recirculating air . . .

. . . For Lent, I am giving up anything "chip-related" - no potato chips, Doritos, tortilla chips . . . anything of that sort. I was pretty good about it last year, but in the last few months I've been downing chips like no tomorrow . . . this will be a good transition to help me get into shape for the spring and running season . . .

Hope everyone's weeks are going well! If you celebrate Lent, please share what you are doing for it, if anything . . .

One of Those Days

Today is one of those days. One of those days you have at the beginning of the week, when you start out optimistic and looking forward to everything and then . . . things just devolve into a pile of poo rather quickly.

And it's not even the annoying work project that was dumped on me first thing this morning - it is something else that happened later, and not even to me directly. But it laid bare an elephant that has been sitting in the room for a long time. A short discussion was had between Mr. Random and I that had both of us feeling very sad and hurt. It is not an argument, or something that is either of us' fault, but a problem that sits and burdens the soul in trying to figure out how to resolve it.

Gee, isn't that vague enough? It's hard to write one's true feelings and experiences on a Blog - there is too much room for misinterpretation. And you can't have a cup of tea and a chat right away, since most of you don't know me in "real life." But do send some happy vibes and virtual hugs our way, if you can . . .

It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

What a beautiful day today in Northern Virginia! The sun is shining, it is not freezing cold, it’s Friday, there are happy 1989 tunes playing on the radio, and I am finally getting a promotion out of this horrible department that I have been dwelling for almost four years . . .

It is finally semi-official (in that most people know that it is happening) and I am starting to learn the new duties for my new position. It is both very overwhelming and extremely exciting. The new department is a great fit for me, taking a lot of what I love about what I do now and expanding it a bit. And since the department is ramping up after sitting fallow for almost two years, the other new staff and I will be able to try out some new ideas along with bringing new energy and renewed focus to what we do. I have a lot to learn about the new topic, but I am so eager to just start . . .

I am a bit sad to leave what I’m doing now, but I won’t be working for the crap-tacular uber-boss anymore, which means it will be a relief that things will get done on time and without much fuss. Part of my frustration was that we should have done much more than we were actually doing, and the things we did do should not have taken as long to accomplish as they did. There was a definite major bottleneck holding us back . . .

Besides, I was the last original member of our department from when I started four years ago – we’ve gone through so many good people, it is really sad – all driven out by the uber-boss’ management style, or lack thereof. I have a lot of transitional stuff to do and projects to wrap up, so it will be a while before I can throw myself into my new work, but now I can do the old stuff without the burden on my shoulders that this was all I was ever going to be stuck doing . . .

I am going into the weekend with a happy heart, actually looking forward to next week. Wow, what a difference a week makes . . .

Hoping for Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

As you may have noticed, my posting has been rather spotty lately. Many things going on at the Random household and at the Random Non-Profit that require attention. I can divulge a bit more in a few days, but there may be a few changes going on that will hopefully be for the better . . .

In the background, there is major drama going on in the life of one of my friends and Mr. Random and I are getting sucked back into it all again. This time I am setting major limits on what I will and will not help with, since most of this drama is the result of some pretty lousy choices on my friend’s part and I refuse to be an enabler to her anymore . . . it ultimately will not help either her or us in the long term . . .

ESL class this semester is still not going the way I had hoped. There is still a lot of confusion going on as we finish up the 3rd week of classes. I do like teaching, but I keep getting interrupted and distracted by all of the chaos going on around me – new teachers not knowing what to do, rosters that are never finalized, computers in the computer lab that seem to stop working all the time . . . it is making volunteer teaching more stressful that I would like, and I already have a great deal of stress in my life . . .

Earlier in the week, a news item came out that gave me great pause:

Stress Linked to Miscarriages: Pregnant women who undergo stress in the first
three weeks after conception are three times more likely to have miscarriages
than women who have less stress, a study in the Proceedings of the National
Academy of Sciences indicates. The study authors speculate that a woman’s body
may interpret increased levels of a stress hormone, cortisol, as an indication
of “deteriorating conditions,” which may prompt the miscarriage. The authors
recommend that women try to reduce stress in their lives as much as possible. At
least 15 percent of recognized pregnancies and up to one-half of all pregnancies
end in miscarriage. (Health
Day, 2/20/06)

I’m going to have to either make some big adjustments in my life soon or go straight to bed rest if I ever do get pregnant. It is a rather sobering thought, since I know that the time I was pregnant before, I had been very unhappy at my job and was stressed out all of the time . . . sigh . . . well, that’s all water under the bridge now . . .

Now the classic rock station is playing the Proclaimers’ “500 Miles.” (It's 1988 day . . .)

. . . I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who’d walk a thousand miles
Just to fall down at your door . . .

Was that from "Benny and Joon"? With that tune firmly planted in my head, I think I’ll close up for the day. I hope all is going well with everyone!

Rock On With Your Bad Self

The local classic rock station is doing “30 years in 30 days,” and today's theme is 1986. The station is playing a lot of songs from REM’s “Life's Rich Pageant,” which is one of my all time favorite albums – I think I wore out my original cassette tape playing it so much. Earlier they played “Begin the Begin” and it took all the willpower I had to not start rocking out to it at work.

I remember seeing REM in concert during the “Green” Tour around 1989/1990 at the Hampton Coliseum. It was one of the best concerts I’d been to up to that point. I’m not a big fan of their newer work . . . I guess because I associate such happy feelings with their earlier works, their later works leave me a bit cold . . . I’ll have to revisit them again I think . . .

Are there any albums that you just love, love, love and give you very happy memories? What was the best concert that you have ever attended?

Another Random Meme . . .

I’ve been tagged by Virginia Gal, so here goes . . .

1. First blog you ever read? The Anonymous Rowhouse, of course!

2. What inspired you to start your own? Justrose’s writing. Thought that it might improve my writing and provide a great outlet for my thoughts. HA!

3. The best and worst about blogging? BEST – finding out that others are going through the same stuff you are, not feeling alone, learning about other folks and what they do and how they live. WORST – showing off my really lousy writing and disjointed thoughts. Not having anything to say sometimes, or being too busy to write.

4. Who was the first person to comment on your blog? Justrose

5. What has been your most popular blog entry? I think it was my “A Writer is One Who Writes” one . . . I’m actually very proud of that bit of writing . . . it just came pouring out of me one day and needed to be put down on paper. However, if I wait to write in my blog for times that I am similarly inspired, the blog would have two entries in it.

6. If I re-named my blog I would call it…... I kind of like “Candle in the Window”

7. If my blog had a theme song it would be… At this point, Talking Heads “Once in a Lifetime”

8. If my blog was a room it would look like…..I guess like my living room, but with more comfortable furniture. Lots of newpapers and magazines lying around. Much clutter. Radio playing. Me at my laptop sprawled on the couch, looking at random stuff and working on 3 different projects at the same time.

9. Five bloggers I would like to have over for dinner – Merci, Virginia Gal, Justrose, Danielle & Pax . . . in another grouping, I’d like Dean Dad, Jo(e), New Kid, Scrivener, Profgrrl, & Dr. Crazy and just be a fly on the wall and listen to them talk for a while.

10. Two bloggers you would like to set up on a blind date – I don’t know a lot of single bloggers, but there a few friends that I wish I could set Virginia Gal up with . . . .

11. Somebody I wish had a blog? My friend, J, just because I love his writing and wish he’d share more of it with the world, not just on the stage . . .

12. If you were only allowed to read one blog ever again. Which blog would it be? Anonymous Rowhouse, of course!

13. Is there a fellow blogger you would like to snog/shag/do rude things to? Nope, he doesn’t blog . . .

14. Discover a blog. Link to a blog that you have recently found, or a blog you have been reading for a while and haven’t blogrolled. Scott McLemee’s blog (http://www.mclemee.com/id4.html) – he writes a column for Inside Higher Ed now, formerly of Lingua Franca, and honest to goodness I believe I went to a book group meeting at his house once years ago . . . I love his writing too . . . the way he writes, he reminds me of a friend of mine very much.

I’m supposed to tag more people, but I think I’ll just leave it open . . .

Monday Random Batch O' Thoughts

Action packed week ahead – Meeting, ESL class, choir practice, class. That is how my evenings are going to be filled this week, but then on Friday I get a breather and we get out of work early for the three day weekend. Dinner at out house on Saturday with friends. Out on Sunday after church. Monday, scraping wallpaper off the bathroom walls. So much to do!

I have that stupid James Blunt song, “Beautiful,” in my head. Please make it stop!

Snow – I love snow. I love true winter. I love the beauty of the snow on the trees and on the cars and on the buildings and on the ground. I love the delicate ballet you have to go through to walk through the slush. I love weather! It’s February, so it is true and right and good and proper that it should be cold and snowy. When driving around yesterday, I saw kids and families sledding down the hill in front of the Masonic Temple in Alexandria. Kids making snowmen. Teens throwing snowballs. I wished I’d had a sled too, so I could pretend to be 10 years old again . . .

We let the Random Cat out onto the balcony to experience the snow . . . she did come outside and sniffed around a bit, but once she walked on it, that was enough. Back in the house! She wasn’t really fond of the wetness . . .

Number 1 Single – my new guilty pleasure show. I love Lisa Loeb anyway – if I was still single, I would aim for her quirky personality. I’m just glad I don’t ever have to date again – I hated it with a passion. I seemed to have the worst dates on the planet, and I fully expected to become a nun. Luckily, the universe sometimes puts the right people in your way at the right times . . . although, sometimes I seriously doubt the timing and the purpose, but I go with it . . .

My youngest sister is working at H&R Block as a secretary now. This is quite funny, because our mom worked there when my other sister and I were very little. I can remember her bringing us into the office once in a while and me playing with the big adding machines. We joke that since she missed the experience the first time, she subconsciously wanted to work there someday too . . .

Michelle Kwan – was it just me, or did it seem like last night they were talking about her like she was dead or something? I really respect her determination and body of work, but I was very disappointed when she petitioned to be on the Olympic team after having so many injuries the past year – I thought it was very unfair to all those young women who worked so hard in competition and actually won spots on the team. I am glad that Emily Hughes finally gets to go, glad that Sasha Cohen will get her chance to shine.

When you work so hard for so long, it is hard to give up on the dream you have, even when the chances for it happening fade away. If you are good enough for so long, people start to give you a pass on things – “oh, she’s stumbling now, but we know she can step it up in the clutch!” In the short term, it’s great to give people the benefit of the doubt, but after a while, you have to sit down and say, “Maybe this isn’t for you anymore . . .”

It is hard. It is heartbreaking. You want to be young forever, with boundless energy and being able to strive harder, faster, longer. But at some point you have to modify the dream and take the knowledge you’ve gained and pass it along to others, and make a name for yourself in another way. Michelle Kwan is learning this lesson the hard way right now . . . but the real tragedy is that some of us never quite get it . . .

Can You Have Ennui Even If You Don't Know How to Spell It?

Ennui: a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction : BOREDOM

It’s been one of those days . . .

Big “all staff” meeting today at the Random Non-profit. It was one of those meetings where you sit so annoyed and bored that you just want to stab yourself repeatedly with a pen for the entertainment value. We are moving our offices again at the end of April . . . they just signed a new lease last week. If you know anything about office moves, you will understand how screwed up that little announcement is . . .

The new digs are going to be smaller, with even less storage space. We can’t afford to both paint the new offices AND get new carpet put in, so they are going for the fresh paint. Can you say “Ewwwwwww!”

There are some new organizational initiatives going on that echo older initiatives that went on a few years ago. More meetings! Woo hoo!

I am trying to be optimistic . . . I really am.

I had a massive headache over the weekend, so not much fun was had at the Random household. Did not get to go to the Super Bowl party that we were invited to . . . however, we did get to see the ads – all of them were posted on the Wall Street Journal website and you could vote for best and worst. I voted the Kermit the Frog ad as WORST because it is sacrilege to me to use Kermit to peddle cars. The Burger King ad was pretty lousy too, along with the CareerBuilder ones. Mr. Random and I did like the P. Diddy one . . . but I think we are the only ones, judging from the blogosphere’s reaction. (I guess you have to watch a lot of MTV to clue in on why we thought it was funny . . .) I also liked the MasterCard MacGuyver ad (if you are an ardent Stargate fan, you’ll notice that he dyed his hair from the gray), the Bud Light ad with the revolving fridge, the Dove ad (awesome!), the FedEx ad with the cavemen, and the phone one with the “crime deterrent” (that one caused a little spit-take on my part.) Really, with broadband, who needs to actually watch the game?

Got a lot of writing done for the work project I’m working on, but still have a ways to go. It was good to get the initial chapters done . . . a psychic hurdle has been cleared.

Things are looking up . . . I just need to get through the sludge of the next few weeks to see how my Spring is going to shape up. Send some happy vibes my way . . . I do need them!

Busy Bee

I've been swamped with work and other stuff this week, so I haven't been able to post much. I have been thinking of you all, though . . .

My ESL class starts up on Tuesday and I'm getting nervous, but in a good way.

I'm rooting for the Steelers on Sunday, just so you know . . . Mr. Random is rooting for the Seahawks. Actually, we don't follow football at all, but we do play along some Super Bowl time.

Now, the World Cup (http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com/06/en/) starts up in June. Woo hoo! Now that I will be excited about . . .

I hope to be better about posting next week. Have a great weekend everyone!

Solving Life's Puzzles

I love doing puzzles. Crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, sudoku puzzles . . . give me one to do and I will be most happy . . .

I do the Sudoku puzzle in the Comics page of the WashPost every morning before I get up to get ready for work. It drives me absolutely bats if I can’t finish it in the morning and have to wait until I get home at night. I especially like the “Samurai Sudoku” puzzles on Sunday, and usually work on that one every night before I go to sleep – sometimes only for 5 minutes, just before my eyes get heavy and I turn out the light to go to sleep . . .

I own about 8 or 9 thick crossword puzzle collections – full of Sunday-size puzzles that I work on in dribs and drabs, doing 1 or two puzzles in one sitting . . .

I have several jigsaw puzzles, but good ones are hard to find these days since the old “Game Keeper” stores closed. Most game stores nowadays are mostly for video games, and I am loathe to order them online . . . I kinda like to see the box before I buy, just to make sure I like the picture and the size . . .

During the most stressful times in my life, I do puzzles. No matter how sad or angry or frustrated I get, I always take the time to pull out some puzzles to try to calm myself down and snap me out of my funk.

For me, puzzles are all about logic – figuring out what goes where, and after that what fits in the next slot. It makes the logical part of my soul happy – answers are found according to order and reason with very little uncertainty thrown in. There IS a right answer to be found, and it CAN be found using certain logic patterns.

It is when I am doing puzzles that I tend to do a lot of thinking about other things that are going on in my life. I guess that in engaging that part of my brain, it helps me try to reason out other things hanging around in my head too . . . my mind goes into autopilot to solve the puzzle, while elsewhere it is focusing its attention on the other topics.

Yesterday and today, I have been doing a lot of puzzles. I am very unhappy about some things, and I am trying to figure out how to solve what’s been bugging me . . . and of course, I have to figure out exactly what IS bugging me . . . so out come the puzzles. Sometimes after doing the puzzles, I realize that I have been making a mountain out of a molehill – what I am upset about is really not a big deal, nothing to get so upset about. Sometimes, a course of action comes to me – “you know, you should do X first, then Y and then maybe it will lead to Z.” Sometimes, I realize that I need to do more research, or that I should just stop procrastinating and just DO SOMETHING. But no matter what, something useful always comes out of the puzzle session . . .

It seems to be taking longer today, though. But I guess I can chalk it up to being so distracted . . . not putting my focus on the puzzles, trying to do other things too . . . I need to figure something out though, and I need to figure it out soon, or else I am going to keep making everyone around me miserable as heck . . .

What do you do when you need to figure something out? Any specific rituals or people that you go to when you need advice?


BTW: Playwright Wendy Wasserstein, author of “The Heidi Chronicles” and “The Sisters Rosensweig,” died today of cancer at age 55. She leaves behind a six year old daughter . . . (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060130/ap_en_ot/obit_wasserstein).

I'm Here All Week! Next Time, Try the Veal!

I’m working from home today, with the intent to get a good handle on some writing that I need to get done for a project. I can concentrate here much better than I can at work, where a hundred interruptions fill my day, ranging from pointless meetings to e-mail requests and phone calls to people just popping their heads in the door to say hey. Also, it means that I get to work on a much better computer – the computers at the Random Non-profit are beyond ancient – at least 6 years old, which IS ancient in computer terms . . .

However, my mind seems to be wandering elsewhere this morning.

Last night, Mr. Random and I went to see our friend, J, perform at a comedy open mike in Downtown DC, held in a basement room of a small hotel. I had never been to such a thing before, and it was a rather interesting experience – lots of people trying it for the first time, or having only done it a few times, and a few folks who had really honed their act and that you could tell they were about to make it to bigger rooms and bigger audiences. You sit through a lot of mediocre material - worthy of only a chuckle; a lot or horrible material - in which you sit uncomfortably, hoping that the person’s set ends quickly so you don’t have to sit through anymore of the foulmouthed, misguided attempts at jokes; and then, if you are lucky, you get to sit through some pretty funny stuff.

The organizer of the open mike was I fellow that I had read about in the Washington Post Magazine – his life had been profiled for a couple of months in a feature the Magazine did to follow the lives of “real” Washingtonians for a set number of weeks. His story was actually one of the better ones, and I was very sad when they moved on to another subject – which if I remember correctly was a couple of slacker guys who were flooded out of New Orleans by Hurricane Katrina, and then managed to screw up any opportunities they were given here in DC. But I digress . . .

When I first walked into the room, I noticed how small and dark it was . . . there couldn’t have been more than 10 small cocktail tables with 3 or four chairs around each one. It was still a bit early and there were a few guys hanging around, waiting for the show to start. My first thought was . . . ugh, these MUST be the comics. Comics are not known for their striking good looks (although J is rather handsomely adorable looking, so he doesn’t get lumped in of course) but there is probably a reason they aimed for comedy, rather than, um, acting or modeling . . .

The stage was a small, square, black metal riser at the front of the room, in almost kind of a cubby, with barely enough room for both the tall, wooden stool and the tall microphone stand that stood on top of it. There was a white pot light attached to the ceiling that acted as a spotlight, and it shone almost directly in the face of whoever was onstage. The lights in the rest of the room were on dim, with most of the bright light coming from the doorway leading in the room from the hallway.

You could not order food and drinks at your table. You had to go to the bar upstairs and place your order and then the server would bring your food down to your table. At the end of the evening, you had to go back upstairs to the bar to pay for you stuff. It was annoying, and the food was expensive, but Mr. Random and I had no choice since we had spent an inordinate amount of time trying to find a place to park in downtown DC at 7 PM on a Thursday night . . . those who know the area will recognize the pain of that search . . . which was compounded in its painfulness by the fact that I REALLY had to go to the bathroom . . . REALLY bad. Yes, I had gone before I left the office, but I had had a lot of liquids yesterday. We had planned on going to Julia’s Empanadas, which Mr. Random had not yet tried and which I loved when I used to work down there, but it was not to be.

The room filled up with people – random couples, friends and family of the comics, hotel guests. The show started. J was supposed to be number 6 in the order, but the MC screwed up and called him earlier than planed, which entirely threw J off, since he wasn’t mentally ready to go on yet. He was a bit shaken, and the set did not start well, but after a while some of his old bits came back and people began to laugh, but then he tried some new stuff which didn’t go over so hot. When he got off the stage he felt pretty bad, but for someone who hadn’t done that in 6 months we were just in awe that he was able to get back up there and try, regardless of how he did. He’ll get better again, I’m certain of that. It will just take a bit of time . . .

. . . We are now in the point of the story where I could either go on about each of the other comics or I could just end it right here . . . and I’ll have to end it right here, since I’m getting a bit tired. It was quite fun to go out on a “school night” and experience something that I hadn’t before. Who knows, I may go to another one sometime now that I know that they aren’t too horrible.

Has anyone else ever gone to an “Open Mike?” (comedy or otherwise?) Have any of you ever performed at one?

Telling Our Stories

. . . Registration for our local Adult ESL and Family Literacy classes has begun. To help one of the program directors, I went on Monday night to do assessment testing at a new Family Literacy site in the area. Family Literacy is set up like the usual Adult ESL classes, except that once a week, the students bring their small children with them to class so they can learn together and do joint fun, language-building activities. Unfortunately, in that program the classes start and end much earlier in the day than I am able to attend, so I wouldn’t be able to teach those, but I think I would love the challenge . . .

Anyway, I got there on Monday night, having to leave a bit early from work, and I met with E, the program director and teacher, and B, one of the teachers at the day care center where the new site was located. The three of us women sat at waited for the potential students to arrive. However, since it was a cold, rainy night, and because the social worker who is based at the site was out sick that day, reminder calls weren’t made to the parents about registering for classes that night, so no one showed up for the entire two hours we were holding registration . . .

Normally, I would have been quite annoyed, but I didn’t mind just hanging out at all. The three of us passed the time, just talking about this and that, until the small talk fell away and we talked about the importance of telling one’s stories.

B was born in Cuba, the only child of a mother and father who were both the youngest of very large families. She talked about growing up in Cuba until she was 14, when her family came to the U.S. in the late 60’s, fleeing the Communist regime. She talked about how when she was little, her large extended family would sit on the porch and tell each other the family stories long into the night. B said she was glad that she stayed and listened to the stories, because after they moved to the U.S., they did not see much of the family anymore, and the older members began dying off. Now that she has her 4 year old twins, she is happy that she will be able to share some of the old family stories with them, and hopefully the history will continue to be passed down.

E grew up in this area, and has a lot of family here, but lamented the fact that her family does not talk much about the past. She said her grandfather fought in the Pacific during World War II, but never talked about what he did. Only now that he is very old and ill do some facts come out, but she is afraid that she still does not have much information about her background. E got engaged over New Year’s (yay!) and is starting to think about family and kids and all of the related stuff, and wonders what she will be able to pass on to her family . . .

Mr. Random’s family certainly knows how to document their stories . . . both Mr. Random’s great-grandfather on his father’s side and his daughter, Mr. Random’s grandmother, wrote books about their lives. Mr. Random’s grandfather (on his dad’s side) was an artist and some of his work resides at the Library of Congress. He also typed up an oral history of his family tree that Mr. Random’s uncle updates every so often. On Mr. Random’s mother’s side, their history is strictly oral, but does go back several generations.

For my family? Not very much . . . Neither side likes to talk about the past. My father and his siblings had a very difficult upbringing and they like to dwell on that, but beyond their parents and a few aunts and uncles, they don’t touch a lot on anyone further back. My mom’s mom’s family lived in Philadelphia for many generations, but my grandmother was the very youngest of a large family and her brothers and sisters were all grown when she was brought up. She doesn’t like to talk about the past either, no matter how much I prompt . . .

I am afraid sometimes that when I have children, they will be wowed by Mr. Random’s history, but I won’t have much to share from my side. I am trying to rectify that, but it is hard work, and I can’t compete with several authors, a missionary, and an artist. I know it is not a competition, but sometimes it feels that way . . .

On Monday, we talked a lot about the importance of telling our stories, knowing where we came from and how it makes us what we are today. We spoke about how important it was to share our histories with our children, so that they know that they are not alone, they are not different – that their great uncle was a little prankster, that their great-grandmother was a tomboy who was the first woman in the village to own a motorcycle, as B related to us . . .

If we are not connected to our stories, how can we describe who we are and who we came to be? How can we show that hard times are not permanent, that people get through them and move on, that we are made of stronger stuff that we think? How can we show that there is beauty that eventually comes out of even tragedy? How can we show that change is constant and we are all part of a cycle of life larger than just ourselves?

I guess that is the great thing about blogs . . . we can hear each others’ stories and gain knowledge from those, even if we don’t have the family stories to guide us . . .

Have Passport, Will Travel

In the mail on Saturday, I found a pleasant surprise . . . a little, black book arrived that will allow me to go anywhere in the world, anytime I want.

Most people will think this is no big deal. Most people I know have traveled all sorts of places in the world – been to different countries, just hoped on a plane and gone wherever, maybe even got to study abroad and live in a different country in a while.

But for me, this is an entirely new and scary thing. You see, when I was growing up, traveling meant going to an aunt and uncle’s house somewhere else in Philly. It meant occasionally going to Atlantic City for a weekend during the summer with my family, all of us crowded into a dank motel room, “Ocean View” – which meant that the motel was actually several blocks away from the beach. My parents were not big into traveling – they were broke and working and trying to go to school at night and raise two little girls – so most of our fun was found at home. My dad had been stationed in Germany when he was drafted into the Army during the Vietnam years, and once upon a time my mom and grandmom went to Montreal to see the World’s Fair, but otherwise they had not traveled much beyond the Jersey shore either.

This was OK, though. There was so much to see at home, just by taking the bus and the subway. Philadelphia has more museums and historical sights than you can shake a stick at. I was spoiled by the embarrassment of riches of things to see. I practically lived in the Franklin Institute, the Museum of Art, the local libraries . . . a trip downtown or to the Gallery or to walk around Chestnut Hill or Germantown was exciting enough for me. Besides, I had a million cousins to keep me entertained. Who needed to leave the city?

When my family moved down to Virginia, our horizons widened a little bit. We got to go to Myrtle Beach and stay for a week for a couple of summers. We drove back to Philly to see family often. Once, at my grandmother’s urging, I got to fly to Austin, Texas to visit my aunt and see my newborn cousin. When there, we went to San Antonio and saw the Alamo (which was underwhelming – it was across the street from a Woolworth’s) and went to Houston and saw the Astrodome and went to Astroworld (ugh, I hate amusement parks . . .).

My mom’s mom was considered the traveler in the family. She was part of a seniors’ group that once in a while took cruises to places like the Bahamas and Nova Scotia. The trips were heavily planned for, and she scrimped and saved to do it, but she did it. She also visited my aunt who was stationed in Madrid, Spain with her husband who was in the Navy. While there, my aunt also took her to visit France and Italy, but grandma came back complaining about how dirty everything was – so she wasn’t exactly the best role model for world travel . . .

So for me, travel was always something that other, more moneyed people did. People who were a bit more worldly than I was, had a bit more confidence than I did, were more comfortable in new environments . . . which definitely was not me.

Once I went to college, and then moved out of my parents’ house, I was out on my own and meeting lots of people who were much more traveled than I was, who told many amazing stories about their adventures backpacking through Cambodia, or hanging out in Prague, or living in Switzerland for a semester. At first, I was very intimidated, but after a while, I realized that some folks were just rather lucky, I guess. At this point, I was trying to scrape together enough of my meager earnings just to pay rent and occasionally attend happy hours . . . finding the cash to fly to London was just not on the radar screen. Besides, there was plenty to do here . . . I was working on a ton of community things – political campaigns, community groups, going to various local events – I was pretty fulfilled in my local life, and I didn’t think I was missing anything . . .

Mr. Random has never traveled out of the U.S. either. Well, he says Tijuana doesn’t count, and I agree . . . His family just didn’t travel much either, so it was no big deal . . .

But now I am 35 years old. There is still much that I want to do here in the States, many places I would love to visit – did you know that I have never been to New York City? Been to Boston, been to Atlanta, Chicago, L.A., Portland, Seattle, San Francisco . . . I can even say I’ve been to Fargo, ND, for goodness sake! But, now I am starting to feel like . . . you know, I really should see London some day. Go to Barcelona and try the amazing food and see the architecture. Go to Sydney Harbor. Go to Vancouver, BC and Montreal. I want to try to experience something out of my range, something not American, but feel what it is like to live in another place, with different markers, and accents and culture. Try to speak a different language and understand others. I want to go to Harrods and Marks and Spencer and Selfridges. I want to watch British TV in all of its glory and see the Thames.

I want to be . . . more a part of this big world that I am living in right now. I want to . . . widen my horizons. I want . . . something different, and maybe, the same.

I want to experience it, see what happens. Will it change me for the better? Will it help me understand myself better? Will it help me understand human nature better? Will I understand the world better?

I don’t know . . . but I certainly hope to find out . . .

Spotlighting a Few Blogs

I’m still in a cranky mood . . . I actually typed up a long post yesterday about how cranky I felt, and how I don’t know why I’m still stressed out and unhappy even after the stupid conference is over . . . but I didn’t want to inflict more random, unfocused mutterings on you all, so I shared with you the poem instead.

Today, I’ll highlight some blogs that have caught my fancy . . .

*For a moment of contentment, stop by A Good Place for a Cup of Tea and a Think. (http://russelldavies.typepad.com/ateaandathink/) Russell Davies has a couple of new places up there. Pretend for a moment to pull up a chair and sit with a good book and a hot chai in some of these lovely spots . . .

*Virginia Gal’s friend, Molly Malone, has a blog (http://redheadedrover.blogspot.com/) and there I was introduced to The Cool Hunter (http://www.thecoolhunter.net/) where there is a plethora of interesting new stuff to see everyday. The Pick of the Week is static, so you have to scroll down past it to see new items . . .

*Another noteworthy blog is Jefitoblog (http://www.jefitoblog.com/blog/) – awesome music reviews and random stuff from this graphic designer/music critic. I learn something new every time I visit, or hear something I hadn’t thought about/heard in a long time. The mp3s don’t stay up too long, so you have to catch them while they’re up . . .

*I’d also like to take a moment to note the demise of our dear Anonymous Rowhouse. Not Justrose, of course – she is alive and well and doing spectacular things for herself and her family – but I will miss reading her musings everyday. She is the one who inspired me to start my own blog, and I have since gained an amazing appreciation for her writing and output . . . if I could be just a quarter as good as she, I will be quite the happy girl . . .

*In other blog news, Drink at Work is back up again after several weeks of blog problems. Yay! By the way, I think Ces and Carol are the coolest NYC couple ever . . .

If anyone has knows of any new blogs that ya’ll think I should check out, please let me know . . . I’m always on the lookout for cool, new reads!

Thursday Poem to Share

Story of My Life
Jennifer Michael Hecht

Each day goes down in history, wets its feet,
bathes in the clear or murky stream, drinks deep,
comes out to join past days on the other bank.

We go in with the bathing day, every morning,
brace the shiver on our skin, taste the slaking
of thirst, find footing on mossy rock. Climb out

with sleep. Waking, we're back on the first bank,
wading with a new day into the kaleidoscopic
water. Days far from either bank are barely seen

and seem unseeing. There is no recording of them
that knows the cold and quenching of their moment
in the water. Yet I cannot let them go, nor bear

the strong suggestion formed by their fading figures
that they have let us go and that those coming cannot
be foretold anything actual of water, flesh, or stone.

Publisher holds out a large envelope says, Sorry.
We can't publish your autobiography.
Man sighs, says, Story of my life.

All these words, then, are only for the stream?
The stream is everything? The stream is not enough?
The specters on the banks are deaf but listening?

More Random Than Usual

The winter is already filling up with activity. Wednesday night Choir practice is starting up again, my Tuesday night ESL class begins at the end of the month, and I’m taking a couple of professional development classes on Thursdays in the month of February. It is a good busy . . . doing things that I want to do and just seeing where they lead . . .

A friend of mine has invited me to an “open mike” night next week and I am eager to go, if only for the fact that I haven’t gone out for fun downtown on a weeknight for . . . well, a long, long time. I have been advised to keep my expectations low to non-existent about the performances that night . . . my friend has not been on stage in a while and just wants to slowly get back into it . . .

I certainly couldn’t do it, but then I am not a naturally funny person. Well, not intentionally funny, anyway. I think I do have a pretty good sense of humor, it’s just that I couldn’t tell a joke or anything to save my life . . . my timing is just horrible and I tend to forget significant words at times. But I do appreciate other people’s humor, although I must admit I am a bit of a prude and an elitist, so I really don’t like gross jokes or sex jokes or stuff like that . . . unless it is very cleverly done . . .

Lately I have been writing random things down that I feel compelled to get on paper. They are usually no more than a sentence or paragraph or two, but they seem like they may be the start of something interesting. There is something else that I write about . . . and emotion makes me want to do it, but once it is all down I don’t know who I would share it with . . . I started writing it several months ago and have been adding to it at times, but I feel like I should just delete it . . . but I don’t want to . . . because it records how I feel about a certain situation and I rather like it . . . it captures it well, in my opinion. Good grief, Is that vague enough for you? Anyway, I’ll probably just keep typing it and then put it in a box and store it somewhere until I am ready to deal with it, for lack of knowing what else to do with it . . . or I could make up an author name and see what I can do with it that way . . . I don’t know . . . we’ll see . . .

OK, since the preceding paragraph makes no sense, I’ll stop for today, because I don’t think my thoughts are going to get any more coherent and I do need to get some work done . . .

Highlights from the Conference Trip

. . . Reading all of Edith Wharton’s House of Mirth on the train ride down to Florida. I so identified with Lily Bart – I really wish that I had had time to write the lengthy post on the book that I had composed in my head on that Sunday when I arrived at the hotel . . . I can’t really do it justice right now, but I do think I need to read it again soon . . . it really affected me . . .

. . . Having a hotel bathroom no larger that a hall closet. When you opened the door, you only *just* missed hitting the toilet on the opposite wall and barely had enough clearance to close the door again without having to stand directly in the bathtub . . .

. . . Feeling exactly like a mom, in that I could never finish an entire meal without getting interrupted with a problem, question, or something that had to be done RIGHT THEN. I am certain that I must have lost weight during the past week, since I never had more than a couple of forkfuls of salad or eggs at any one sitting. I mostly lived on Diet Cokes and chewing gum, I think . . .

. . . Calling Mr. Random at work to get some information for one of the conference presenters and then accidentally leaving him on hold for 20 minutes, because the conference laptops broke down and we had to use mine in their place to show the PowerPoint presentations. I ran to give the AV guy my laptop, then was stopped in the hall with a couple of questions by some attendees, and then the next thing I knew, I was back in the hotel office looking at my cell phone, going “OH MY GOD! I’M SO SORRY, SWEETIE!” He was a good sport about it all, and was actually humming his own waiting music the entire time . . . such a trooper! What a mess! . . .

. . . Despite the fact that when we had copies of all of the presentations made, we specifically specified a number that would provide more than enough handouts for everyone, we still ended up short for several workshops. Getting copies made at the hotel was a very expensive proposition, since they basically wanted 20 cents a page to use their copy machines, and the nearest Kinko’s was miles away . . .

. . . Having to facilitate a workshop in the middle of dealing with everything else. I was an exhausted wreck by that point in the day (late afternoon) and all of the attendees were exhausted as well. There was good interaction, but I clearly did not do a great job at changing gears so quickly. I can’t do everything – be liaison to the hotel staff, make sure all of the presentations and workshops are running smoothly, make sure we the meals and breaks are set up properly, be responsive to the attendees questions, requests and complaints, AND then turn around and do my own workshop . . . something has to give somewhere . . .

. . . Watching the sun rise each morning over the beach from my hotel room balcony. So beautiful! The sunsets were amazing, too . . .

. . . Putting my feet into the Gulf of Mexico on my last night in Florida. Now I can say I did that, even though the water was pretty darn cold . . . and so was the sand. In fact the evenings were pretty chilly, and I’m glad I brought my sweaters and jacket down with me . . .

. . . Meeting a Pastor from Paris, France at the train station on the way out of town. I guess he saw how tired I looked sitting there, and he came over and talked to me. Such a wonderfully nice man, and his English was impeccable! He would often say, “My English is not very good, is it?” and I would reply, “Your English is better than a lot of native-born speakers!” – and it was true. (It made me wish that I knew how to speak French, for certain!) We talked for quite a while about how he became a priest and about his family in France (wife and three young daughters). He was in the States for a church conference and now was going to visit his sister in Connecticut. He was soon moving to the Congo to start a church there, and was trying to recruit some resources and support from the other pastors. He was born and raised in Congo, but his ministerial studies brought him to France 20 years ago, and he has lived there ever since. Before he left me, he said many kind words to me and gave me a blessing in French. Sometimes people appear in your life when you least expect it, and they give you a gift that you didn’t know you needed. This dear man was one of those people . . .

. . . Getting into D.C.’s Union Station three hours late, but seeing Mr. Random’s smiling face at the end of the journey . . .

So, how was everyone else’s week?

The Fat Lady Has Sung

The conference is finally over. Most of the attendees have filled out their evaluation forms, checked out of their rooms and are on their way home. The tables have been cleared of leftover presentations. All of the boxes have been packed up and taken away.

I am sitting in the hotel lobby – first time since Sunday that I have been able to just sit and take a breath and not worry about someone needing something, or something not being done. It’s all out of my hands now . . . the next conference is starting and it is all someone else’s problem now.

It was a good conference. Everyone said that they really enjoyed the speakers and the give and take, enjoyed being able to network with their peers, and took away some really great ideas that they can take back to their organizations and communities.

That is all I need. It was the entire purpose of all of this angst and last minute dramas and long hours. As long as the people that it is our mission to help are happy, I am now happy. They are the ones that count, no matter how annoying my boss is, no matter the hoops I need to jump through to get what I need to do my job.

Now I can rest. I will get to walk on the beach at sunset and have a nice dinner. I will leave here tomorrow well rested and calm, basking in the glow of a job well done, living in the happy moment.

Now, next week? . . . That’s another story . . .

On the Road Again

. . . On the road again
Goin' places that I've never been
Seein' things that I may never see again,
And I can't wait to get on the road again . . .

-- Willie Nelson (I think . . .)

Tomorrow I leave for my conference. Today many frantic last minute details are being taken care of, and many large boxes are going to be shipped overnight for Saturday delivery . . . because everything was left to the very last moment. After 3 PM today, everything conference-related should be completed, and then I just have to focus on a short writing project that I must finish before I leave the office this evening. When I get home tonight, a frantic evening of packing will ensue . . . temperatures where I am going will fluctuate between the 50s and the 70s, so I must pack for a range of temperatures. It’s all about layers! I am always cold in hotels, so I’m thinking of dressing for the conference rooms. I doubt that I am going to go out very much in the evenings – the days will start at 6:30 AM and I know that I am going to be running around the whole time, so no evening nightclubbing for me!

I think the hotel has wireless access, so I hope to still be able to use my new laptop to check my e-mail and post a little in the evenings . . . but who knows what will actually happen in practice. Mr. Random got me “Curb Your Enthusiasm” Season 2 on DVD so I’ll have something to entertain me at night.

I am nervous. I have not traveled alone in quite a long time. I know that I can do it, I have done it many times before, but there is still the slight anxiety about it lingering in the back of my mind. I do hope that everything goes well . . . if not, well, then I’ll have something interesting to write to you all . . .

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I may or may not be able to add updates next week, so keep watching this space. Otherwise, I will return to ever lovely Northern Virginia on Friday afternoon and will catch up with you all then..

Shiny New Year, Same Old Me

Four days into the new year and I think I am already starting to react a bit better concerning work-related stresses. Well, I don’t know if “better” is the right word for it since I felt like I was sleepwalking through yesterday, but at least I’m not a bundle of anxiety. My attitude has been “eh, it’ll get done. If not, oh well.” I really hope this is the last one of these particular conferences I have to do . . .

Did you know that next week will be the first time I have spent a night away from Mr. Random since we were married over 7 years ago? Wow! I didn’t know it had been that long. I used to travel extensively for one of my previous jobs, when Mr. Random and I were still “courting,” and I would be gone for a week at a time. I’m actually looking forward to being away, oddly enough, and I feel slightly bad saying that. But it will be fun to have a hotel room all to myself and be totally independent and self-directed. I’m rather jealous that Mr. Random will have the condo all to himself – I guess lots of Cartoon Network and Sci-Fi Channel will be watched while I am away, and not many green vegetables eaten.

Another work-related blessing came my way today – a project which has been hanging over my head a while has been postponed for the end of the month. Yay! I have more time to work on it and I won’t feel horrible about it while I am at the conference. My counterpart at the other organization hasn’t been working on it on her end either, so that is a huge psychic burden taken off of my shoulders for now . . .

The sweater I’m wearing today is shedding like crazy . . . it’s worse than a cat! Plus it is one of those kind of bulky but “form fitting” sweaters that keeps riding up and I feel like I have to constantly pull the bottom of the sweater down, otherwise it will be up to my armpits by the end of the day. I got it at H&M last year for dirt cheap, and it is a nice pastel green to match the flowers at the bottom of my long black skirt. I’m also wearing black dress boots and a black scarf. I’m liking the outfit today: it’s very slimming and comfy (except for the constant tugging.)

After many months of bellyaching about it, today I finally went to the post office and submitted my passport application. In 6 weeks, I will be ready to travel the world! Yahoo!

However, my elation is tempered by highly irritating circumstances in which I submitted my application. Mr. Random and I stood in line at the post office for 45 minutes – it seems there were several families who decided to come out and apply during the lunch hour. Also three people were filling out their forms and were standing off to the side, so when I finally reached the window, the woman said “Oh, these people were here before you, they just had to fill out their forms.” Little tufts of steam rose from my head, because I’d already been waiting about 25 minutes at this point AND I had made sure to have everything already filled out nicely and neatly, documents at the ready, checks written. Then when there was just one person left in front of me, the employee decided she HAD to go to lunch right then. Off to another window and another line! More steam rising from my head! When we finally got to the new lady, she was very, very nice and had quite a lovely smile, which immediately made my grumpiness go away for the moment. My turn only took 5 minutes and then I was all done!

One goal down for 2006 already! So awesome that I can cross something off the list! I hope this bodes well for the rest of the year . . .

The Fun Begins . . .

Happy New Year, everyone!

Tomorrow the vacation is over, we jump into the fray again. Today I had lunch with my friend, J, at an Afghan place nearby. J, if you are reading this, I send a cheery wave hello!

It is so weird to tell someone I know so well about the existence of this blog. Mr. Random knows that I have one, but he doesn’t read it. I certainly hope I don’t come off as too whiny and annoying . . .

In the 2006, my mantra is to take things one day at a time and try not to get too stressed out about the job. We’ll see how long that lasts . . .

Today was dark and rainy and dreary and sleepy, the kind of day when you just want to crawl under a comforter and sit on the couch and read, read, read. I was surprised to see so many other people out and about today at the shopping centers . . . last weekend there weren’t nearly so many people shopping, as far as I could tell . . .

New Year’s Eve was a quiet one . . . Mr. Random and I bought ourselves a dozen vanilla-frosted cupcakes and a quart of Double Fudge Brownie ice cream, and ate ourselves into a sugar coma while watching MTV. We watched ABC for a minute to see Dick Clark. You can tell that he had a stroke – his speech was definitely slurred – but you could also tell that he did an amazing amount of work to get to the point where he was. It made me a bit sad to see him that way, but only because it was another reminder of how everything is constantly changing . . . how we all are getting older, and those people and things that seemed they would be around forever are now fading into history. It’s similar to all those people who mention how they used to watch Guy Lombardi play “Auld Lang Syne” . . . soon it will be all of us saying how we used to watch Dick Clark on TV way back when, and our puzzled grandchildren will say, “Who?”

This was the first year that I celebrated the holidays without my grandmother nearby. Mr. Random’s grandmother is turning 90 years old on Saturday. My parents turn 60 in a couple of months. All of these people that I love and respect and have been a part of my life for so long are growing older too. One day, they too will just be a name on the back of a picture, a “do you remember” person . . . I don’t know if I am ready to handle the passing of time in this way yet. I still miss my grandpa more than ever before, and almost 19 years have passed since he died. But I will have to handle it . . . time does not stop . . . those we love will be gone someday . . . and all of the people, those famous and those not-so-much, who served as the background noise of our lives will be gone too.

My! These are very sobering thoughts to be having today. To lighten the mood, I will end with a quote that has always stuck with me from my favorite children’s book, L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables:

"Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it."

I hope tomorrow goes well for you all!