Should Probably Switch to Decaf

School has started in full this week and I am already swimming in reading to do. Choir practice also started up again last night, but I didn’t get home until 10 PM. I think I’m going to have to give up my Wednesday night practices, at least for a while, until I start getting the swing of things.

I am highly anxious and feel very overwhelmed. Even though it has just been a week, already I seriously doubt how well I’m going to be doing this semester. And I’m only taking TWO classes! Hopefully, after the three day weekend, I’ll be all caught up and won’t feel so frantic about everything. My boss is being really supportive of me and I thank my lucky stars at night that she is around and being so encouraging. She’s part of the reason I decided to go back to school right now – if I had any other boss, the option probably wouldn’t have even been on the table.

Part of my anxiety is related to the fact that I started out this week with no sleep anyway, just worrying about things. Going to school is hard when you know you have a mortgage to pay. I listen to all of the students in my classes talk about their schedules and I feel highly envious – although I definitely wouldn’t want to be 18 years old again, that’s for sure! (BTW, not to be catty or anything, but some women seem to come to class WAY overdressed, over-made up and over-accessorized. My word, you’re not going to a club! You’re going to kill yourself on those heels! Besides, it’s only 10 AM! . . . yes, I am a cranky old lady . . .)

For my Econ class, they are going to have discussion sections led by TA’s where we will be required to turn in our weekly homework assignments. However, they did not include those dates and times in the original scheduling for the class. I am very concerned that these sessions will be scheduled on days and times that I will not be able to be on campus. I am lucky enough to get Tuesday and Friday mornings off – I really don’t feel comfortable taking off more time for this. Also, the professor’s office hours are on Mondays and Wednesdays from 1-4. Again, not very helpful – though I am sure that I could probably make an appointment if need be . . .

Little things like this are freaking me out. I want to take advantage of as many opportunities as I can to master the material, but it seems that I might not be able to do so and it upsets me greatly. I really, really want to do well . . . I know I have the capacity to do that, but I guess I’m so stressed out that all I can see are roadblocks in my way.

I need to chill out. I’m hoping to do something fun on Saturday to get my mind off of all this . . . stuff.

I hope that the rest of you are not as stressed out as I am . . .

Five More Random Facts about Random Kath: Back to School Edition

In no kind of order . . .

***I own four pairs of glasses that I wear pretty regularly. I’m pretty nearsighted, so I wear glasses from the time I open my eyes in the morning until I close my eyes at night (and sometimes, if I’m super-tired, they are still on even then!) So my glasses are pretty important to me and I like having choices.

One pair is my cat-eye, tortoise shell-type prescription sunglasses.

One pair is a pair of burgundy wire rimmed, almost reading-type glasses that I wear in the evenings when I’ve changed my clothes into my pajamas and am just hanging around the condo. They used to be my everyday glasses, but they are kind of small for my face and make my face look bigger and rounder than it needs to look. At home, I don’t really care that much. I usually get burgundy colored glasses since they go well with my skin tone. Usually when I pick them out at the optometrists,
they always comment on how people don’t usually pick that color, but it works
for me. My little way of being an individual, I guess . . .

One pair is a blue, oval, wire-framed extra pair that I wear when I’m wearing something blue – blue being one of my favorite colors. They are also around in case I accidentally lose or break my main pair.

My main pair of glasses is an interesting set of burgundy wire rims, in which the frame doesn’t fit around the lens, it sits in front of the lenses with at thin piece
at the top which screws into the lenses. I’d never seen anything like those
before, and they do frame my eyes pretty well – at least, Mr. Random thinks
so.

***When I sit in a classroom, I tend to sit towards the front. Usually, it’s just easier for me to see and hear that way, and I hate having to look around and over people. Also, being a teacher, I know what a pain it is to have everyone gravitate towards the back – What, you don’t like me? Come closer! I don’t want to have to yell the time so you all can hear me! It just makes it so much easier to keep people’s attention and stay engaged with the class. Also, it’s annoying when people come in late and they have to walk all the way to the front to get a seat. It’s kind of disruptive to both the class and the teacher. Now I understand the desire to want to sit in the back to slip out quickly if needed, but please, at least leave a FEW seats open back there . . .

***I’m an old fogey and I still take notes using a pen and paper. My pens of choice are extra-fine point rolling ball pens and my paper (which is getting harder to find) is a creamy beige/parchment colored college-ruled paper, which is easier on the eyes than a bright white paper. Also yellow college-ruled legal pads make me just as happy. I can’t type very fast, so bringing a laptop into class would be useless. I’ve been taking notes on paper my whole life and it works for me.

***I like to try to read ahead before class starts. I like having at least a little familiarity with the topic being discussed – then my brain is free to go down the thought processes of the teacher without having to first parse through what the heck are they are talking about.

***After class is over, I’m usually a little hyper. This is usually the best time for me to read over that day’s materials and start getting mentally ready for the next assignment. Then I usually have to do something mindless (like read a magazine or watch TV) to shut my mind down or I’ll just keep thinking about class stuff for the rest of the night and not get much sleep.

Well, it’s going to be a hot and humid weekend here in the swamps of Northern Virginia. Do you all have any fun weekend plans? Any Random bits you want to share?

Looking for a Clean Slate

By the way, I’ve reached the point where I’d like to throw out everything currently in the Random Condo and start over from scratch. At this point I would keep all of the bookcases, most of our books and our clothes, but everything else would go into the bin. Maybe I’d keep a few plates and glasses and some silverware too.

I think I’m holding on to too much stuff, I think. Unfortunately, I don’t have time to dig through everything and Mr. Random is as big of a packrat as I am. It is also a pain to have to go through and make sure that some stuff doesn’t need to be shredded instead.

I’m really in the mood for a clean slate. A new start. I’m carrying much too much baggage at this point to transition very well. It’s hard to start fresh when you are still mired in your old stuff – whether a job you don’t like, a house you aren’t happy with, etc.

I’ve always loved the Fall because of those qualities – the year starts anew! During the summer you rest up and then the Fall comes with a lots of possibilities to start over. This summer was not very restful at all. Not as much reading was done as I had hoped. Not as much fun was had. I don’t know what that means . . . maybe this is just going to be a hard year for me and next year will be so much better. That thought does give me some cheer . . .

Waiting Around the Starting Line

It was an interesting weekend. Saturday was incredibly busy and Sunday was very lazy and uneventful.

We were supposed to go visit my Grandmother on Sunday, but we’ve moved that to next week. We’ve been able to do that because Mr. Random decided not to go to California for a week, which while it will save us money, kind of denies us a much needed break in a number of ways. I had been looking forward to padding around the house by myself, reveling in TV-less, person-less quiet in the evenings. Mr. Random is excited to spend two weeks sitting around the house doing absolutely nothing that he doesn’t have to, which will be great for him since it will allow him to totally relax for once . . . but maybe not so great for me.

Class starts this week – I am excited and nervous and ready to get the show on the road. Saturday afternoon I went to campus and bought my books and got my school ID. I actually liked the picture they took! I felt really old being on campus though – I related more to the parents I saw than to the students.

This will be very interesting. I hope I am not too jaded to be receptive to new information – I’ve certainly developed a lot of opinions based out of my own readings and experience. I hope this will allow me to ask more nuanced questions, although I don’t want to people to think I like to hear myself talk. I do want to be an active participant in my learning this time and have a true engagement with the material. I don’t know though, I may revert to my usual passivity . . . although probably not to the extent I did when I was sixteen years old . . .

Saturday, we also went to the Farmers’ Market and to the Arlington County Fair. We arrived at the Market too late to see a good selection of baked goods, but we were able to snag a few ears of sweet corn and some new potatoes. Yum! Dinner tonight should be tasty! The County Fair was a bit disappointing, and I did not get my usual corn dog and funnel cake. It was also much too bright out and too crowded to take any good pictures, since I only had the point and shoot digital with me. I was also not feeling well and a little demoralized by not seeing too many people I used to know, which was usually the best part of the Fair for me. Things change and life goes on . . .

I hope everyone had wonderful weekends. I send many happy vibes out to my faithful readers in hopes that you all have wonderful weeks!

Friday Random Song in My Head

Today’s Random Song in My Head is Suzanne Vega’s Marlene on the Wall.

I never really paid attention to the words of the song until now, seeing them written down. The song seems to be discussing an abusive relationship, which I hadn't noticed before. However, I think the song does end on an upbeat note, in that the woman is alone but she is realizing that she doesn't have to be a victim anymore . . .

If you’ve never heard it before, I definitely think you should seek it out and give it a listen. Also, when I think of the picture in the song, this is the image that comes to mind - Marlene Dietrich looking so self-confident . . .

Marlene on the Wall
Words and Music by Suzanne Vega

Even if I am in love with you
All this to say, what's it to you
Observe the blood, the rose tattoo
Of the fingerprints on me from you

Other evidence has shown
That you and I are still alone
We skirt around the danger zone
And don't talk about it later

{Refrain}
Marlene watches from the wall
Her mocking smile says it all
As she records the rise and fall
Of every soldier passing
But the only soldier now is me
I'm fighting things I cannot see
I think it's called my destiny
That I am changing
Marlene on the wall

Well, I walk to your house in the afternoon
By the butcher shop with the sawdust strewn
"Don't give away the goods too soon"
Is what she might have told me

And I tried so hard to resist
When you held me in your handsome fist
And reminded me of the night we kissed
And of why I should be leaving

{Refrain}

{Repeat first, second and fourth verses}

{As refrain}
Marlene watches from the wall
Her mocking smile says it all
As she records the rise and fall
Of every man who's been here
But the only one here now is me
I'm fighting things I cannot see
I think it's called my destiny
That I am changing, changing, changing, changing, changing

{Refrain}

Chomping at the Bit

I’ve had a lot of caffeine today, so I’m pretty hyper. I’ve been trying to wean myself from caffeine entirely, but over the last couple of months I’ve been so stressed out and tired that it’s been “Bring on the Diet Cokes and Diet Dr. Peppers!”

Thanks everyone for the kind words for my announcement – I has helped a bit to put words to paper of what I want to do. And as I told Mommanator in the comments, whenever I AM finally pregnant, I will clearly mark the post as such!

The whole “having a baby” thought was one of the topics holding up my decision. I’m not getting any younger – I’ll be 37 in two months – and if I’m going to do either, I felt like I really couldn’t wait any longer. So if I do get pregnant while I’m in school – and it is a serious possibility – Mr. Random and I decided that we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Given how important Mr. Random and I think that education is, it behooves me to practice what I preach. I know that whatever child we have will always be surrounded by people who love reading and learning and being involved in the world, and I would hope that that rubs off on them in some way. I know it certainly did with my parents . . .

Both my parents went to college in the evenings while I was a little girl. I remember spending lots of evenings at my grandma’s house while both of them attended class. I remember always seeing big textbooks lying around and I would try to read them (and sometimes draw in them . . . oops!) I remember a few times, if my Grandma couldn’t watch me, my mom would bring me to class with her and have me sitting in a seat next to her, coloring and reading while the professor lectured. I made sure to stay very quiet and stay in my seat (in which my little legs were usually much too short to reach the floor!)

I remember when each of my parents graduated and seeing them wearing black robes and “flat hats.” They worked incredibly hard to get where they are and as I get older I appreciate even more the sacrifices they made to finish their educations. I guess it is partially for them that I try to finish – for them and for my future children.

Most of all, however, I have to finish for ME . . . so I know that I can . . . That’s the part that finally got my fanny in gear after all of these years . . .

Now that thought has to sustain me through the next several years. Do I have the true will to do so? I really hope I do . . .

Random Important Life Announcement

As you may or may not know, all spring and summer I have been agonizing over a decision that I had to make. I have been agonizing over this decision for years, but finally this year it came to a head, where I felt like if I was going to do this now would be the time . . . because there would never really be a good time for it . . .

So ladies and gentlemen, beginning next week, I will be returning to school on a part time basis to finish my undergraduate degree. I hope to study Economics and eventually set myself up to get a Master’s degree in Public Policy.

I have always felt bad about not finishing college 17 years ago. I started college when I was 16 (because like Justrose, I attended Doogie Howser High School) and once I got there, I SO did not fit in. Being the true introvert I am, I always tried to be well read and very conscientious - academics were not as much a problem as my absolute lack of social and coping skills. I left after my junior year at Ye Old Colonial College and lived at home for a while, working part-time at first, and then a year later getting a job at what was then one of the Big Six accounting/consulting firms.

Working there was actually one of the best things that ever happened to me. I learned so much about the business world and how things are supposed to be done – it was one of those firms that sort of beat good business practices into you and made you work a crazy amount of hours. The consultants I worked with were around my age and a little older, and while I was administrative, they accepted me as a peer and I had an opportunity to work on a lot of really interesting projects. That was another lucky thing – no matter what role I served, people treated me as a peer – I did witness many of my other admin friends being treated like crap and I did what I could to help the situation – try to coach folks as it were. I guess that’s when I started being an informal advice giver of sorts too . . .

I also started working in local politics and with community groups and made many lasting friendships that way. I worked at high levels on several local campaigns, with a lot of responsibility, and learned how to work with members of the public to disseminate information, solve problems, and answer questions in a way that a great number of people could understand. I learned the importance of tailoring information to an audience. I learned how to listen to figure out what the real problem was. I learned how to develop and manipulate databases and information in a way that was useful. I learned how a community works and where to go and who to talk to . . . oh, and I met Mr. Random through all of this too . . .

I was a busy beaver out in the world - learning, meeting people, trying to do good. I moved on to other jobs. I worked for a trade association for an industry that was/is in distress. There I learned about people who made actual THINGS, people who worked in factories in dangerous jobs, who worked hard for their 8 hours of pay: the type of people who are the backbone of this country but get little recognition, especially as their numbers dwindle and their jobs get sent elsewhere in the world. I loved working for those guys, and it was heartbreaking to watch what was happening to these people and their families and the factories they were so proud of. I could tell stories . . .

I had to move on from that organization because the industry was declining so much, the writing was on the wall that they would not be able to sustain the level of staffing that would allow me to stay. So I moved on to another association for 3 years, until I came to the Random Non-Profit.

As you can tell, the Random Non-Profit has been both a blessing and a curse. I was lucky enough to be able to work in the same place as my husband for five years, I have been able to work toward a social justice cause that I believe in, and I have been able to use and develop new talents while working with people that I care about and respect. The bad parts: I have never seen a place run so poorly, the workload is overwhelming for lousy-ish pay, and the morale here is beyond unhealthy.

So, for a while I have been taking stock in myself and wondering where to go from here. I am currently in a mid-level professional position, but on paper – without finishing my degree – I can’t really move much higher. A lot of places won’t even look at me, even though I have beyond enough experience in many areas. Some people have said that I should just lie about my degree, but I can’t do that . . . that would be SO wrong, and besides the truth would come out in the end . . .

For the past 17 years, I have had this inferiority complex. I don’t tell people that I don’t have a degree, but I also don’t say that I DO either. When people ask what school I went to, I tell them and say what major I was . . . but never say that I graduated . . . people just infer what they want. Mr. Random, the sweetheart that he is, says I’m one of the smartest people that he knows . . . but I know I’m not . . .

Now, I know that in the world having a degree does not necessarily mean that one is highly intelligent – I’ve met too many highly degreed idiots for that. But so many people place so much importance on credentials . . . and I always feel really stupid next to people . . . that’s why I try not to say very much . . . I feel very sensitive about people thinking I am kind of an airhead, that I have nothing to contribute . . .

So even though I’m doing pretty well in many areas of my life (and actually have advanced very well career-wise for someone who doesn’t have a degree . . . and even for some who do) I just have to do this for myself.

I feel kind of squirrelly admitting it though. . . almost ashamed, even though I have nothing to be ashamed of . . . but still . . .

But if I don’t do it, I will always feel bad . . . and not progress . . . and drive everyone bats because I feel so stuck . . .

This will be a long road to take, but I am happy that at least I will take a first step. The first steps can be the hardest though . . .

I’m so glad you guys are here and reading! I feel happy to get it off my chest . . . and also sad too . . . it is a very vulnerable thing to admit . . . please send happy vibes if you can . . . I’m going to very much need them!

Random Weekend Notes

**New air conditioning unit was installed on Sunday morning. I am now back to wearing sweaters around the house because Mr. Random likes the temperature to be on “meat locker.” We are going to be so broke, but at least we will not be passed out from heat exhaustion . . .

***For Friday’s office potluck, I made rice pudding to go with the Asian food theme of the party. No, it was a Brazilian recipe, but at least I brought something. They had a karaoke machine – luckily I had work I had to get finished before the end of the day, or else I would have been drafted into the “We Are the World” sing-a-long. I could hear the singing from my office down the hall - it was horrible/hilarious . . . if forced, I guess I would have wanted to sing the Kim Carnes part – it was only two words solo . . .

***Saturday was a busy day, hanging out with good friends. First thing in the morning, I went to the Farmer’s Market and bought a lot of stuff – freshly baked Italian breadsticks, a Brazilian lemon pound cake, some tea cookies, a pint of cherry tomatoes, a dozen small, new potatoes, two ears of sweet corn, 4 red and green bell peppers and two cucumbers. All of the vegetables together cost about $10. I need to get to the Market more often! Later, we went to IHOP and had the stuffed french toast with hash browns and bacon. They serve huge amounts of food for ridiculously cheap, but you definitely have to be in the mood for it. Also went for a drive up and down the full GW Parkway, which always has a very lovely view. Mr. Random finished his final class of the summer and I picked him up and we went out to dinner and then I went to the local bookstore where I bought a new address book . . . very much needed . . .

***There is more but I’ve been kind of down on myself today – I had lunch with a group of coworkers and they started talking about some subjects that are relevant to the area in which we work. Someone asked my opinion about something. I gave my answer – which is an answer I’ve been thinking about quite a bit for a long while – and we were starting to discuss the deeper implications of the various viewpoints when this one woman, who admittedly loves to be the center of attention, totally and rudely started talking over me and tried to change to subject to something a bit more banal. I was beyond annoyed, but we kept talking. Then she was fairly shouting for attention and then the others sort of followed along with what she wanted. I know she was a wench, but that also feeds into my fears that what I have to say really isn’t that interesting to folks. I’m not a “small talker” at all, I don’t do a lot of the popular sorts of things, so when I do speak up it’s usually a subject I’m quite invested and interested in. I need to learn to shake these things off better and know how to diffuse those sorts of situations . . .

Anyway . . . did you all have good weekends?

Running Out Of Air

The air conditioning unit has died in the Random Condo.

Of course, this would be during the week of 90+ temperatures. And we live on the top floor. The Random Cat is sprawled on the bathroom floor, which I guess is the relatively coolest place in the house.

Last night, not much sleep was had by me – in fact, I spent a couple of hours watching a CSPAN rebroadcast of a panel on Telecommunication Policy. It was actually very interesting, even though several of the panelists irritated the heck out of me, and the two that I actually wanted to hear more from were stuck at the end and ran out of time. I would have stayed up to watch the second panel, but they all annoyed me even more in their discussion of what “privacy” means when related to the media.

The AC repairman came by this morning and tried his best to fix it, but our unit has outlived its usefulness. New unit will cost over $3100 and won’t be available for weeks . . . well, because the demand is rather high for them at the moment, see the temperatures above.

Many fans are being deployed in the Random Condo. No chocolate chip cheesecake will be made tonight in the Random kitchen. Have to think of some non-cook type dessert, which is eluding me right now.

I am still in decent spirits despite everything . . . I think my brain may just be oxygen deprived, though . . .

This summer has been a lot of fun, hasn’t it?

Capturing the Mike

This is one of the pictures I took the night my friend J did a comedy open mike. (Click on it to make bigger.) The picture is of the emcee for the evening, Mike, who is a very good comic in his own right.

I could not use a flash in the club, so I had to put the ISO on 1600 and just hope that a decent picture or two would come out of that night. As it happened, most of the 60 pictures I took came out very well – I love how the comics are lit in the center with an aura of darkness around them.

J sent one of the pictures I took to the owner of the club, who really liked it and wants to use it in the future. I’ll even get credit and everything!

I hope to be able to take more of these kinds of pictures. I love capturing people as they are, showing the beauty of these everyday moments. I love gestures and facial expressions, and comedians definitely have them in spades . . .

A Moment with a Cup of Tea

I hope people don’t think I’m about to put my head in an oven or something. There’s just a lot of random stuff going on right now that is making me more angst-y than usual. I’m feeling content at the moment . . . although that usually happens right before another shoe drops, but I’m going with the flow . . .

Things are actually going well right now. Mr. Random is getting used to his job at the Random Publication and learning the personalities there. His graduate studies are zooming along and now he has the evening study thing down to a steady routine. He now has 9 months left in his program and is already talking about how he is going to miss having class on Saturdays and hanging out with his cohort every week. I’m so happy that he is having this experience and gaining so much out of it. The program has already yielded a new job and a bit more confidence in his abilities. Life’s good for Mr. Random!

Mommanator, I do have some more pictures that I could post. My friend J did an open mike a few weeks ago and I took a lot of pictures while I was there. I probably should start doing one of those “a picture a day” projects that are all the rage on Flickr, since I need the practice and it would also force me to see the beauty around me all of the time. The only problem is hauling the honking big camera around all of the time. I love my camera very much and I love the pictures I get, but the camera itself is bulky. I’ll have to think about it.

My brain is fried today. I’m taking a personal day tomorrow and then Friday is the Random Non-profit’s summer pot luck (which should be interesting . . .) The summer is good for easy weeks, and I need a few of those right now.

I am sending many happy vibes out to all of you . . . and you know who you are!

Adding to the List of Worries . . .

A little birdie just told me that there will be another set of layoffs at the Random Non-profit soon.

My brain just cannot process another random bit of crappy news today . . .

That is all . . .

Saturday Fun on the Cheap

Saturday was the first salvo in August being “not spend a lot of money” month. Instead of going out to lunch, as my friend J and I usually do, I made a large amount of tuna casserole with lettuce and crackers and J contributed some ice cream and chocolate chip cookies. The idea would have been a smashing success, coupled with an afternoon of watching DVDs in lovely air conditioned splendor, but J’s roommate/landlord had other ideas on what he wanted to spend the day in the apartment doing, so we had to decamp and go on the road to wander about Old Town for the rest of the afternoon. On the plus side, we only bought large sodas since we were hot from walking around – we also managed to walk out of a bookstore without any purchases! Woo hoo! On the negative side, we didn’t get to have the ice cream, which was quite a bummer.

So this upcoming Saturday, I will actually try to entertain at my house. Right now, the Random Condo is merely a depository for both Mr. Random and me, a place to study and sleep as the way station for more interesting pursuits. In other words, the place is a wreck with piles on piles and books, papers and clothes strewn about hither and yon. My project for this week is to tidy up and make it comfortable for other people to actually sit on the couch and use the bathrooms.

I’ll also have the car on Saturday (if it is back from the shop in time), so hopefully I can go to the Farmer’s Market in the early morning and see if there are any goodies there that I can bring home. The bummer part of having the car on Saturday is driving into town and back to drop off and pick up Mr. Random. He does it gladly for me, so I should not complain at all, but it does take time away from my Saturday roamings. Besides, for some reason there is always a ton of construction being done on the roads, which makes Saturdays almost as bad traffic-wise as rush hour on a weekday.

But it will be nice to just hang out for a day and just chat and watch movies and stuff. I have to make a dessert for a work event on Friday, so I’m hoping there will be some left over that we can have with lunch too. I’m also hoping that the Random Cat behaves herself, because she can be quite a pill if she’s in one of her moods . . .

In other news, I visited my grandma yesterday in Boonieville, Virginia. She has not gone to the doctor about her legs yet, which worries me, but was in good spirits otherwise. One of the women she used to go to Bingo with passed away last Monday – she was only 66 years old and it was rather sudden – and so my grandma and her friend went to the wake and the funeral last week. Then they took a trip to Bingo World in Maryland and had a jolly time. It’s good that my grandma is getting out more . . . I do worry about that too . . .

That was my weekend . . . how was yours?

Question of the Day: Who Do You Sound Like?

Taken from Unfogged’s discussion of yesterday’s NYT article on the small uproar that people who listen to audiobooks cause when they admit as much to their book clubs:

Pretend that the we had audio comments on our blogs – What famous person would you sound like, or would you want to sound like?

I think I’m a cross between Diane Keaton and Marilyn Monroe/Betty Boop. My voice is kind of weird and high, and yet kind of flat and low. Oddly enough, when I am talking, I hear my voice as lower in pitch than it actually is . . .

Friday Random Song(s) in My Head

Today’s songs in my head come from The Smithereens – one of my fave rock bands from New Jersey. They were really big in the late 80’s/early 90’s – I remember their videos from MTV’s 120 Minutes – but I lost track of them after the mid-90’s as other shiny bands came into my view. They actually sound kind of grunge-y, but not quite. They are still around and have an album coming out this summer, so if they come to your town, come out and show these Jersey boys some love!

Actually, the song in my head this week is “Behind the Wall of Sleep.” I’ve had a bit of insomnia, so it did seem appropriate that this song would run through my head at 3 AM.

I include “Only a Memory” because I believe that was the more famous song back in the day . . .

Looking at the lyrics, they weren't the cheeriest of songs . . . but if you ever get a chance to listen to them, they are rather moving . . .

Behind the Wall of Sleep

She had hair like Jeannie Shipton back in 1965
She had legs that never ended
I was halfway paralyzed.
She was tall and cool and pretty and she dressed as black as coal
If she asked me to I'd murder, I would gladly lose my soul.

Now I lie in bed and think of her
Sometimes I even weep,
Then I dream of her behind the wall of sleep.

Well she held a bass guitar and she was playing in a band
And she stood just like Bill Wyman
Now I am her biggest fan.
Now I know i'm one of many who would like to be your friend
And I've got to find a way to let you know I'm not like them.

Now I lie in bed and think of her
Sometimes I even weep,
Then I dream of her behind the wall of sleep.

Got your number from a friend of mine who lives in your home town.
Called you up to have a drink,
Your roommate said you weren't around.
Now I know I'm one of many who would like to be your friend
And I've just got to find a way to let you know I'm not like them.

Now I lie in bed and think of her
Sometimes I even weep,
Then I dream of her behind the wall of sleep.
Behind the wall of sleep.
Behind the wall of sleep.
Behind the wall of sleep.


Only a Memory

my mind is filled with thoughts of you
i think about the days up to
i search the room but you're not there
your perfume lingers everywhere
but it's

(chorus)
only a memory
of what our love was going to be
only a memory
broken bits of you and me
only a memory
only a memory

in a world of pain i have no fear
you'd fade away and disappear
and no i have to learn the game
where no one wins or takes the blame
but it's

only a memory
of what our love was going to be
only a memory
now that we are history
only a memory
only a memory
but it's

(chorus)

why should it matter if i cry
i sit around and wonder why
now i feel much too weak to live
i've got nothing left to give
but it's

(chorus)

only a memory
(fade)

“Would you be a doll and go be angry at the world with Henry?”

That’s today’s New Yorker daily calendar cartoon caption and I feel like that’s what the last few days of this blog have been – The blogosphere is a big cocktail party, and the hostess has to pull people aside and say to them, “Would you be a dear and sit with Random Kath? She’s seems a bit cranky lately . . .”

August is going to be a bit better, I hope. Some of my issues should be settled by the end of next week, and we should then be back to the usual Randomness of my life.

Besides, today is almost over and there are only a couple of more days before the weekend starts. Hurray for Saturdays!