Monday, May 02, 2005

Thoughts started and then interrupted

This weekend was quite a busy one for me and the husband. I started to type up a long post about it, but it sounded boring . . . Well, no – rather, so much happened that I can’t seem to gather my thoughts into a reasonable, rational stream that normal people can understand. Maybe that will be the purpose of this blog – to help me order my thoughts better than the random bursts that make up my brain.

Today has been kind of a useless day here at the office, a day that started off sunny and bright and ended up cloudy and cold and gray. I am restless and tired. Not much is going on here at work, we are just waiting . . . waiting for a shoe to drop, I guess.

So I’ve been reading different blogs on and off today. I seem to have found a plethora of blogs by professors and other academically-minded folks, lots of people talking about administrative politics at their colleges, whatever bizarre questions, statements, expectations their students have bombarded them with, and just general life questions and topics. I am fascinated and jealous – I would love to go back to school again, and I may in the Fall, just to be able to learn with structure and discuss weighty subjects with other folks, bouncing theories and ideas off of each other. Just learning . . .

See, I love learning. And I love applying what I learn. I love teaching. I love helping people . . . and being helpful. I like trying to write my opinion about things – I like having opinions. I like hearing others’ opinions. I like figuring out the logic of what is going on, what is being said . . . and these days, I don’t get to do much of that. Not that no one cares – but no one cares. Everyone has an opinion. But there is very little discussion. And I want discussion. Real reasoned discussion. But most places, it is not discussion, it is “I am right and you are wrong.” And I hate that. Because there are degrees and shades of gray and middle ground. But not anymore it seems. I can get as passionate as the next person, but I try not to yell or call people names or anything, and public discourse – well, it’s hitting bottom. And so I feel lonely in a way.

I do talk to K, but you know, we think alike. And even when we don’t, I know him well enough to figure out where he is coming from. Everyone else is busy with their lives. I was part of a book group once, and we all would read magazine articles (because they were shorter) and discuss them, but then people got too busy to read the articles. (Slackers! We only met once a month! The articles were, like, 4 pages tops. Jeez . . .) But while it lasted it was fun to actually discuss and debate stuff.

Ooops! I have to run. I’ve got to run to an evening appointment, but promise to try to finish my thought later tonight or tomorrow morning. If anyone is still listening . . . I’ll talk to you later.

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