Saturday, February 17, 2007

Saturday Scribbling: Crush

From the 2002 edition of the Oxford Pocket American Thesaurus of Current English:

Crush (noun) crush on, crush on the teacher

infatuation with, fancy for, liking of/for, love of/for, passion for.

Yes, I am such a literal person – I had to look up the word somewhere in order to be able to talk about it . . .

I don’t like the word “crush.” It sounds so cheesy and middle school and immature.

Yes, crushes are ultimately those things when you get down to it, but when you have a crush I believe there is something a bit more sinister going on . . .

To me, having a crush means that you think yourself unworthy in some way. You have feeling for a person – you are infatuated with them, you fancy their ways, you like the way they speak, you love their sense of humor, you adore them because you have a passion for the same things, but deep down you intuit that on some level you are unworthy of their attention. They are so darn awesome - why would they want to talk to me? They are so cool - I’m not even in their league!

A crush is a statement of low self-esteem. A statement of being unsure of yourself. A way of having feelings about someone, but not taking a risk of either getting hurt . . . or finding out something wonderful. A crush puts another person high on a pedestal, instead of having to deal with the messiness of another human being.

Having a crush is a safe choice, a way to have a bit of fantasy in your life without enduring any heartache or pain.

I really don’t mean to be so negative. I’ve had crushes in my past too. But as I get older, I feel like crushes are a big waste of time and energy . . . Life is too short for middle-of-the-road, waiting, dreaming, holding on to a cloud-type feelings.

Either go for it or don’t go for it. Do or do not. Put your heart out there. Feel the sharp, tearing pain of rejection. Feel the euphoria of acceptance and reciprocation and love. Feel something.

By feeling, there is growth. By risking, lessons are learned and absorbed. Have the confidence in yourself not to have crushes. Have the confidence in others to accept that they too are human like you.

Let’s move beyond the middle school feelings and reactions that seem to govern so much of adult discourse these days . . .

That’s one idea that I’m infatuated with at the moment anyway . . .


Virginia Gal said...

I use the word Crush all the time and I think you're right, its probably because I feel unworthy - I have such low self-estimate. I like your sentiment, I must do away with this negative word!

gautami tripathy said...

It is not really a negative word. I don't think like that. It is what awakens us to those unfamiliar feelings and emotions when we are yet to know what they are. first step

Painfully yours..

Rachel said...

I hear you. I suppose most crushes begin from a place of low self-esteem. But I also wonder if a crush is so intense that, at times, it brings out this feeling or fear in the person that this "true love" they've found is just *too* good for them. So... they are SO smitten, that they can't imagine the other person feeling even a tiny drop worth of the same towards them.



Elspeth said...

I like your down to earth approach to this post. I don't think it was negative. I like what you said about 'either go for it or don't go for it'. Maybe a 'crush' is something where the 'crusher' doesn't really want to 'go for it'. It may be somewhat of a fantasy, something to feel and think about but rarely act upon.