It's Going to Be a Long Week

Just when you think things can't get any worse . . .

We just received an e-mail tonight from the Random Non-profit CEO, stating that there probably will be layoffs within the next few weeks - the scope to be determined after the Board meetings this weekend.

Both Mr. Random and I work at the same place. We have already been through the shock stage and are now on the speculation stage. I guess I can always temp somewhere or go back to school . . . Mr. Random is already sending a flare out to his grad school cohorts to see if anything comes back . . .

Did I tell you that I get the results of my tests finally on Thursday afternoon? Yah, I've got that to look forward to this week too . . .

I think I'm getting an ulcer.

I'll keep you all posted . . .

Snow Day!

It’s a snowy Sunday here in Northern Virginia, which means that the streets are filled with chaos. There were three car accidents within a mile of us, one just outside our bedroom window and one just on the corner of our street. Gotta love those Washington Metro area drivers!

Meanwhile, Mr. Random and I are enjoying a quiet Sunday afternoon at home. We ventured out for a moment to take out the trash and I took my camera with me and tried to get a few good shots. Take note that one picture is of Mr. Random . . . but it is from behind. Maybe one day I’ll put up a full face pic, but today I’m still too chicken . . .

Hope you’re having a great weekend!

Scribblings: Puzzled

I am puzzled

I am perplexed

I am flummoxed

I have no freaking idea how we found each other.

I am baffled

I am stumped

I am mystified

Why did you stay? How did I not drive you away?

I am dazed

I am bewildered

I am confounded

How you are still with me after all of these years.

I am grateful

I am thankful

I am beholden

You are my rock, my sounding board, my love, my friend.

I am flustered

I am thrilled

I am delighted

Being a constant in your life and you a constant in mine.

I am frightened

I am petrified

I am puzzled

Will this be able to last forever?

Another Night at the Phone Booth

It’s so weird – I’ve lived in the DC area for umpteen years and had never been to the Verizon Center, and this week I’ve been TWICE . . .

Observations from tonight’s Washington Wizards basketball game:

The basketball court was a LOT smaller than I thought it would be. It seemed so tiny compared to what you see on TV.

I was surprised how close the seats are to the court and all of the walking around and activities going on during the game. It’s like there was a circus going on and there happened to be a basketball game going on in the middle of it. People just kept walking back and forth to their courtside seats – I was surprised someone didn’t bump into the players or try to steal the ball from the court.

I’ve never seen so many promotional activities in my life, and I’ve gone to a lot of baseball games . . .

The Wizards were up by SIXTEEN at one point during the game – at the end, Sacramento threw up what looked like a 3 pointer to tie the game at the buzzer, but the refs had to look at the replay a few times to see if it was a two pointer or if it didn’t count at all. We stood there in shock for a few moments and then it was announced that the Wizards won. I didn’t really understand all that was going on, but the last five minutes were greatly unnerving . . .

In the end, a good time was had by both myself and Mr. Random . . . I love these little diversions!

Hanging Out in the Phone Booth

Mr. Random and I were at the Verizon Center tonight (a.k.a. “The Phone Booth”) to watch the Washington Capitals play the San Jose Sharks. The seats we had were wicked close to the ice and we were right by the Capitals goalie. We could see EVERYTHING and hear EVERYTHING – especially the guys crashing into the glass. Way cool!

I was a bit tired, so I wasn’t as into the game as I would have liked, but we were around a loud and lively bunch which made the experience quite memorable. The only annoying thing was that the family sitting next to us had to keep getting up every five minutes for some such reason – bathroom, food, souvenirs – so Mr. Random and I had to keep standing up and sitting down to let them out of the row. All in all, I had a rather good time for my first hockey game!

The game went into overtime and the Caps lost in shootouts (and I hate shootouts . . .) I didn’t bring Eddie the camera with me, but I did have our Sony point and shoot digital. The pictures aren’t that great but they do give a flavor of what went on. Hope you like them . . .

Buzzing Along

I've been busy as a bee the past few days - even with the holiday, the week still seems to last forever. For example, for some reason I felt like today was Thursday . . .

I still haven't heard if my doctor has received the results of the tests I had last Wednesday it's supposed to be in 3 to 5 business days, but with the snow and all I'm sure that schedule is out of whack. It is making me very anxious, but I am trying to focus on the many tasks I have at hand . . .

I've been able to come home early most days, and lose myself in mindless TV for a few hours. Hello, TRL! Sometimes watching MTV makes me feel so old though . . .

I've also started watching reruns of the Gilmore Girls and I am totally hooked. That IS a great show, although I've heard that this year's season isn't as great since the creators aren't writing for it anymore. Now I'll have to get all of the back seasons on DVD at some point . . .

My ESL class last night went OK. We had missed a week because of the snow and ice, so it was a bit of a time getting everyone up to speed, and quite a few people were absent. I really liked my lesson plan for this week - it was on food measurements and how to read recipes. I had a bunch of old recipe cards that my grandma collected from random mailings and it was a great activity to end the class with - have everyone take a card and talk about what recipe they had. What were the ingredients? The cooking times? How many people do they serve? Does in cook on the oven or on the stove?

Over the holiday, my friend, J, and I went to the Einstein Planetarium at the Air and Space Museum. I didn't even know they had a planetarium, the place is so big! We also went to the newly reopened National Portrait Gallery. I could have stayed there for hours, but it had been a long and tiring day, and quite a long hike back to the car which was parked near the Air and Space Museum.

Tonight, Mr. Random and I are going to our very first Hockey game - so exciting! I hope to give a full report tomorrow and if I am lucky I might be able to take a few pictures. Supposedly our seats are right behind the glass behind the goalie, so at least we won't have to worry about getting hit by a puck! However, I don't think Olie Kolzig, the Capitals goalie, will be back from injury yet which will be a bummer, but hopefully I'll get to see a lot of the other players. Yay! Go Caps!

Just wanted to give everyone an update - I hope you all are having a great week!

The Sound of Paper

I usually don’t go for mushy, self-help-y type books, but given what’s going on in my life at the moment, I felt like doing a bit of guided reflection. For a brief shining moment, I thought I had sorted things out in my head and had started making positive decisions about my future, but this little health scare is making me rethink everything I decided.

So while Mr. Random and I were rambling in the bookstore last Saturday (because you can’t keep me out of a bookstore!), I was unexplainably drawn towards the book, The Sound of Paper: Starting From Scratch, by Julia Cameron. It is a book on how to unlock your creativity as a writer, but in the way it is written it has amazing parallels in rejuvenating the way you think about how you look at life and how you are living in it. After each chapter, there is a suggested writing exercise. So far I have been faithfully doing each exercise and not continuing on reading until the writing is completed. The fact of actually having to think about things and write about them on a piece of paper (not a keyboard) seems to be very . . . reflective? Devotional? Ugh! I can’t think of the correct word right now . . .

Anyway, here was one of the exercises:

Each of us has a different idea of sophistication. Each of us has certain items that speak to us as tokens of success. Sometimes in all of our striving, we overlook treating ourselves symbolically in ways that match our accomplishments. Take a pen in hand and number 1 to 25. List twenty-five things that represent to you sophistication and success . . .

OK, so I’m not going to list 25 things here, but I will list five:

1. Having a room dedicated to being a library
2. Wearing a well-tailored dark suit, with a crisp white shirt
3. Having a cozy house that is comfortable, but good for entertaining family and friends
4. Being able to afford to go to as many plays and concerts as I want
5. Having very nice stationery and journals and a good pen to write with

Having a shiny, clean car that doesn’t have twenty empty water and juice bottles on the floor of the backseat, thus making it impossible not to be embarrassed to carpool with friends and coworkers (oops, that’s six . . .)

So, I ask my faithful readers, what things represent sophistication and success to you?

Saturday Scribbling: Crush

From the 2002 edition of the Oxford Pocket American Thesaurus of Current English:

Crush (noun) crush on, crush on the teacher

infatuation with, fancy for, liking of/for, love of/for, passion for.

Yes, I am such a literal person – I had to look up the word somewhere in order to be able to talk about it . . .

I don’t like the word “crush.” It sounds so cheesy and middle school and immature.

Yes, crushes are ultimately those things when you get down to it, but when you have a crush I believe there is something a bit more sinister going on . . .

To me, having a crush means that you think yourself unworthy in some way. You have feeling for a person – you are infatuated with them, you fancy their ways, you like the way they speak, you love their sense of humor, you adore them because you have a passion for the same things, but deep down you intuit that on some level you are unworthy of their attention. They are so darn awesome - why would they want to talk to me? They are so cool - I’m not even in their league!

A crush is a statement of low self-esteem. A statement of being unsure of yourself. A way of having feelings about someone, but not taking a risk of either getting hurt . . . or finding out something wonderful. A crush puts another person high on a pedestal, instead of having to deal with the messiness of another human being.

Having a crush is a safe choice, a way to have a bit of fantasy in your life without enduring any heartache or pain.

I really don’t mean to be so negative. I’ve had crushes in my past too. But as I get older, I feel like crushes are a big waste of time and energy . . . Life is too short for middle-of-the-road, waiting, dreaming, holding on to a cloud-type feelings.

Either go for it or don’t go for it. Do or do not. Put your heart out there. Feel the sharp, tearing pain of rejection. Feel the euphoria of acceptance and reciprocation and love. Feel something.

By feeling, there is growth. By risking, lessons are learned and absorbed. Have the confidence in yourself not to have crushes. Have the confidence in others to accept that they too are human like you.

Let’s move beyond the middle school feelings and reactions that seem to govern so much of adult discourse these days . . .

That’s one idea that I’m infatuated with at the moment anyway . . .

The Big 3-0-0

This is my 300^th post. Three hundred posts in less than 2 years. Wow.

I never thought I would last this long – better people than me have given up their blogs in less time than this.

I wish this was going to be longer, but I have a lot going on and much weighing heavily on my mind right now. I hope to write more a little later . . .

Thanks so much for stopping by today!

Yummy

I’ve being trying to write something for this week’s Scribbling Challenge (“Yummy”) but I am having a heck of a time trying to put something coherent down on paper. Why is that? What does “Yummy” mean to me?

Yummy, for me, means that when you put something in your mouth, the taste overloads your senses. Something that tastes so darn good you hold it in your mouth for a little bit and let the flavor just sit there a while as you also appreciate the texture and the temperature. You stop there for a moment and try to etch the experience into your brain, eyes closed, smile on your face . . . ahhh, yes! A moment of sublime pleasure!

I’ve eaten food in very expensive restaurants that I’ve spit back into my napkin because it was just SO horrible. I’ve also eaten lovingly homemade food for which I have felt the same way. What makes something yummy is something so intangible that you can’t explain it. The people you are with. The way the food is prepared. The pleasant combination of ingredients. Your presence of mind at the time. A confluence of factors has to come together to make something “yummy.”

The most delicious Cinnamon Dolce Latte I have ever had was when I was sitting in a Starbucks with a good friend of mine. I’ve been to that store a number of times and had similar drinks, but that one . . . yum! Even going back a week later, the same drink did not taste as smooth and creamy and nurturing.

The most delicious Thai food I’ve ever had was eating with my sister at a restaurant in Old Town Alexandria. I’ve been back since and had the exact same thing – it was good, but not the same.

I’ve eaten a piece of cheap milk chocolate while sitting at my desk at work that tasted as if it were nectar to the gods at that exact moment.

It is so hard to pin down what “yummy” is, I am unwilling to do so. It is a feeling you know exactly what it is when it happens, but you can never fully describe. It cannot be sought after, only randomly found.

May you all experience a yummy moment this week – a moment of transcendence that snaps you out of the day-to-day drudgery and allows you for a second to experience a bit of metaphorical heaven on earth.

On the Up Beat

My posts have been a bit on the depressing side lately, and while I have a lot weighing on my brain, most of the time I try to be a really upbeat, optimistic person. You can’t be a teacher if you are not, if anything, optimistic. (OK, we know and have had a lot of teachers who WEREN’T like that, but in my mind you need to have a lot of enthusiasm to be good.)

I do love my ESL class. I consistently have 10 people every Tuesday night, which is awesome. It is still relatively early in the semester, but the retention rate is looking good, and I feel like people are getting at least a little something out of each class. People are starting to feel comfortable with each other and help out those who seem to be struggling – yay! In fact it is starting to get to the point when there’s a lot of extemporaneous talking going on, which I usually try to diffuse by doing something wacky like yelling out “Yoo hoo! Up front, please!” while using my hands as a megaphone.

I think I’m getting better at designing exercises that allow each person in the class to contribute something. I have several very quiet women in my class who will not say a word otherwise. In learning a language you have to practice speaking it often, and if I don’t structure the exercises correctly, all of the natural talkers (a.k.a. loudmouths) will just jump in with the answers all of the time.

My class also enjoys it when I read a short story aloud at the beginning of class, after which I ask them a series of questions related to the story to test their listening comprehension. I try to choose stories with some sort of simple, humorous twist at the end, to keep interest up. Afterwards, we go around the room and each person in the class reads a paragraph of the story aloud, and I try to minimally correct pronunciation.

Not every class I’ve had gets it, which is frustrating sometimes. Some classes are more receptive to reading aloud than others, depending on the mix of abilities in the class.

The more I do this, the more I am certain that I am destined to be a real teacher in some way, shape or form someday. I just need to figure out how to go about doing that. OK, I already know how to go about doing that, I just need to get my rear in gear and actually do it. That’s the scary part . . . which adds to the weighing on my brain stuff . . . but I will not dwell on that at the moment . . .

Today the sun is shining, there is snow on the ground, winter is here, and, for the moment, all is right with the world . . .

Monday Scribblings Challenge

I’m a day late on this (just found it on Thinking About . . .) – it was a Sunday Scribblings Challenge [ http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/ ]

Who have I had to say goodbye to? What kinds of goodbyes?

When I was in second grade, I had to say goodbye to a classmate who was playing hooky from school one day and was found strangled with an extension cord - by guys who robbed his parents’ house. I had no real concept of what that meant at the time . . . but as the years went on, I gradually grasped the enormity of what happened. How horrible and scary and unfathomable . . . he was only 7 years old . . .

I had to say goodbye to the few girl friends I had in elementary school, when I left a year early to go to Doogie Howser.

I said goodbye to a neighbor family who had three little girls, two of whom were the same age as my sister and I, who moved to Eastern Maryland because of the father’s job. We had had many years of slumber parties and outings and trips and dinners at each others’ houses – all of which came to an abrupt end in 1983.

I said goodbye to all of my friends and classmates at Doogie Howser and everything I knew, when my family moved to Virginia right before my junior year of High School when my dad’s job transferred down here. It is a goodbye that, in some ways, I still struggle to deal with even today.

I said goodbye to my Grandpa in 1987. He was only 62 years old when he died. I miss him still.

I said goodbye to high school later that year. I was not ready. I was not happy. I did not feel closure, being in the strange land . . .

I said goodbye to my other grandfather and grandmother. We were not close, I was one of many, many grandchildren.

I said goodbye to many friends I met in the workplace – people who come into your life, hang out together, forming after-work bonds that sometimes last well past your time at that particular office, but always somehow growing apart and disappearing from the scene. I miss all of you.

I said goodbye to other friends who move away and lose contact, due to life changes or whatever. I miss you guys too.

In 2000, I had to say goodbye to a little person who hadn’t some into the world yet. It is amazing how that goodbye changes one’s world view . . . you learn that no matter how much you try, there are certain things in this life that you cannot stop from happening.

So many goodbyes I have said . . . so many more that I must say in the future . . .

In the Corner Pocket

Mr. Random and I went to a Super Bowl party at a friend’s house yesterday. I’m definitely NOT a football fan, but Super Bowl parties are not really about the game anyway – the event is just a convenient excuse to get a bunch of people together on a cold winter day and eat a lot of really fattening foods, and drink lots of different beverages and just hang out and chat. It’s a post-Christmas celebration of togetherness and debauchery.

The main draw of this particular Super Bowl party was that the host had a pool table. It’s a very nice pool table too, not one of the cheap kinds, but with real wood with nice carvings and good table felt. I don’t get to play pool very often, but when I do I love it . . . even though I get really frustrated.

When I was a little girl of 6 or 7, my mom’s brother taught me how to play pool. He had a large pool table in the family room of his house and he showed me how to hold the pool stick and hit the cue ball to knock into other little balls. Whenever my family would go to his house, I would always run down to the basement and occupy myself for an hour or two trying to play pool. It was one of the few things I could do by myself, with no one else bothering me, not having to be in the middle of a group of screaming banshee cousins – just me and the pool table.

My uncle now lives far away and I haven’t seen that table in over 20 years. I play pool very rarely now – maybe once a year if I am lucky. I’m not really that good at it, but I do get off some lucky shots once in a while, which makes people think I know what I’m doing. Playing pool is about knowing how to hit the cue ball with enough pressure and at the proper angle to be able to hit another ball to go into the desired pocket. It’s a lot harder than it sounds, though sometimes it seems like it should be supremely easy. A little too much pressure or a little too little pressure and great frustration ensues.

It’s just another one of those puzzles that I love to try to figure out . . . and keeps my mind in the moment and on the task at hand.

Foosball? Now that’s a game I was having problems with – good grief, how many arms are you supposed to have to play that thing?

So, how did your weekends go?

Biting My Nails

Well, actually, I’m not one of those people who bite their nails – mine usually just break off at inopportune times. My nails grow to be long pretty quickly, so unless I am hyper-vigilant about trimming them regularly, they start to get really annoying. I am at a loss to understand those folks who have the big press-on-nails – how can they type? Or rip open a box? They just seem so dainty . . . and I am so not dainty . . .

But no, this post is not about me not biting my nails. But at this point I can see the allure . . .

As you know, I haven’t been feeling all that up to snuff in the past few weeks. It was reaching a head on Tuesday, so I went to the doctor’s to see what it might be . . .

Long story short, and not to give everyone WAY too much information, it turned out that I’m not pregnant, like I had silently hoped it might be, but that I have uterine fibroids that are just now starting to cause me great discomfort. Now it is not life threatening at all, so no worries there . . . but it may affect other things, which has me highly concerned. Also it may require anything from just taking medication to having major surgery – I won’t find out for a couple of weeks, although I’m trying to move the date of this other test I have to take up a bit . . .

So until then, I’m only a little uncomfortable but very freaked out. And I’m starting to consider the fact that I may not be a mom anytime soon after all . . .

So much to think about . . .

But please send any happy vibes you can my way . . . I’m really in need of some happy vibes right now . . .