Today is one of those days. One of those days you have at the beginning of the week, when you start out optimistic and looking forward to everything and then . . . things just devolve into a pile of poo rather quickly.
And it's not even the annoying work project that was dumped on me first thing this morning - it is something else that happened later, and not even to me directly. But it laid bare an elephant that has been sitting in the room for a long time. A short discussion was had between Mr. Random and I that had both of us feeling very sad and hurt. It is not an argument, or something that is either of us' fault, but a problem that sits and burdens the soul in trying to figure out how to resolve it.
Gee, isn't that vague enough? It's hard to write one's true feelings and experiences on a Blog - there is too much room for misinterpretation. And you can't have a cup of tea and a chat right away, since most of you don't know me in "real life." But do send some happy vibes and virtual hugs our way, if you can . . .
Monday, February 27, 2006
Friday, February 24, 2006
It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
What a beautiful day today in Northern Virginia! The sun is shining, it is not freezing cold, it’s Friday, there are happy 1989 tunes playing on the radio, and I am finally getting a promotion out of this horrible department that I have been dwelling for almost four years . . .
It is finally semi-official (in that most people know that it is happening) and I am starting to learn the new duties for my new position. It is both very overwhelming and extremely exciting. The new department is a great fit for me, taking a lot of what I love about what I do now and expanding it a bit. And since the department is ramping up after sitting fallow for almost two years, the other new staff and I will be able to try out some new ideas along with bringing new energy and renewed focus to what we do. I have a lot to learn about the new topic, but I am so eager to just start . . .
I am a bit sad to leave what I’m doing now, but I won’t be working for the crap-tacular uber-boss anymore, which means it will be a relief that things will get done on time and without much fuss. Part of my frustration was that we should have done much more than we were actually doing, and the things we did do should not have taken as long to accomplish as they did. There was a definite major bottleneck holding us back . . .
Besides, I was the last original member of our department from when I started four years ago – we’ve gone through so many good people, it is really sad – all driven out by the uber-boss’ management style, or lack thereof. I have a lot of transitional stuff to do and projects to wrap up, so it will be a while before I can throw myself into my new work, but now I can do the old stuff without the burden on my shoulders that this was all I was ever going to be stuck doing . . .
I am going into the weekend with a happy heart, actually looking forward to next week. Wow, what a difference a week makes . . .
It is finally semi-official (in that most people know that it is happening) and I am starting to learn the new duties for my new position. It is both very overwhelming and extremely exciting. The new department is a great fit for me, taking a lot of what I love about what I do now and expanding it a bit. And since the department is ramping up after sitting fallow for almost two years, the other new staff and I will be able to try out some new ideas along with bringing new energy and renewed focus to what we do. I have a lot to learn about the new topic, but I am so eager to just start . . .
I am a bit sad to leave what I’m doing now, but I won’t be working for the crap-tacular uber-boss anymore, which means it will be a relief that things will get done on time and without much fuss. Part of my frustration was that we should have done much more than we were actually doing, and the things we did do should not have taken as long to accomplish as they did. There was a definite major bottleneck holding us back . . .
Besides, I was the last original member of our department from when I started four years ago – we’ve gone through so many good people, it is really sad – all driven out by the uber-boss’ management style, or lack thereof. I have a lot of transitional stuff to do and projects to wrap up, so it will be a while before I can throw myself into my new work, but now I can do the old stuff without the burden on my shoulders that this was all I was ever going to be stuck doing . . .
I am going into the weekend with a happy heart, actually looking forward to next week. Wow, what a difference a week makes . . .
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Hoping for Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
As you may have noticed, my posting has been rather spotty lately. Many things going on at the Random household and at the Random Non-Profit that require attention. I can divulge a bit more in a few days, but there may be a few changes going on that will hopefully be for the better . . .
In the background, there is major drama going on in the life of one of my friends and Mr. Random and I are getting sucked back into it all again. This time I am setting major limits on what I will and will not help with, since most of this drama is the result of some pretty lousy choices on my friend’s part and I refuse to be an enabler to her anymore . . . it ultimately will not help either her or us in the long term . . .
ESL class this semester is still not going the way I had hoped. There is still a lot of confusion going on as we finish up the 3rd week of classes. I do like teaching, but I keep getting interrupted and distracted by all of the chaos going on around me – new teachers not knowing what to do, rosters that are never finalized, computers in the computer lab that seem to stop working all the time . . . it is making volunteer teaching more stressful that I would like, and I already have a great deal of stress in my life . . .
Earlier in the week, a news item came out that gave me great pause:
Now the classic rock station is playing the Proclaimers’ “500 Miles.” (It's 1988 day . . .)
. . . I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who’d walk a thousand miles
Just to fall down at your door . . .
Was that from "Benny and Joon"? With that tune firmly planted in my head, I think I’ll close up for the day. I hope all is going well with everyone!
In the background, there is major drama going on in the life of one of my friends and Mr. Random and I are getting sucked back into it all again. This time I am setting major limits on what I will and will not help with, since most of this drama is the result of some pretty lousy choices on my friend’s part and I refuse to be an enabler to her anymore . . . it ultimately will not help either her or us in the long term . . .
ESL class this semester is still not going the way I had hoped. There is still a lot of confusion going on as we finish up the 3rd week of classes. I do like teaching, but I keep getting interrupted and distracted by all of the chaos going on around me – new teachers not knowing what to do, rosters that are never finalized, computers in the computer lab that seem to stop working all the time . . . it is making volunteer teaching more stressful that I would like, and I already have a great deal of stress in my life . . .
Earlier in the week, a news item came out that gave me great pause:
Stress Linked to Miscarriages: Pregnant women who undergo stress in the firstI’m going to have to either make some big adjustments in my life soon or go straight to bed rest if I ever do get pregnant. It is a rather sobering thought, since I know that the time I was pregnant before, I had been very unhappy at my job and was stressed out all of the time . . . sigh . . . well, that’s all water under the bridge now . . .
three weeks after conception are three times more likely to have miscarriages
than women who have less stress, a study in the Proceedings of the National
Academy of Sciences indicates. The study authors speculate that a woman’s body
may interpret increased levels of a stress hormone, cortisol, as an indication
of “deteriorating conditions,” which may prompt the miscarriage. The authors
recommend that women try to reduce stress in their lives as much as possible. At
least 15 percent of recognized pregnancies and up to one-half of all pregnancies
end in miscarriage. (Health
Day, 2/20/06)
Now the classic rock station is playing the Proclaimers’ “500 Miles.” (It's 1988 day . . .)
. . . I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who’d walk a thousand miles
Just to fall down at your door . . .
Was that from "Benny and Joon"? With that tune firmly planted in my head, I think I’ll close up for the day. I hope all is going well with everyone!
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Rock On With Your Bad Self
The local classic rock station is doing “30 years in 30 days,” and today's theme is 1986. The station is playing a lot of songs from REM’s “Life's Rich Pageant,” which is one of my all time favorite albums – I think I wore out my original cassette tape playing it so much. Earlier they played “Begin the Begin” and it took all the willpower I had to not start rocking out to it at work.
I remember seeing REM in concert during the “Green” Tour around 1989/1990 at the Hampton Coliseum. It was one of the best concerts I’d been to up to that point. I’m not a big fan of their newer work . . . I guess because I associate such happy feelings with their earlier works, their later works leave me a bit cold . . . I’ll have to revisit them again I think . . .
Are there any albums that you just love, love, love and give you very happy memories? What was the best concert that you have ever attended?
I remember seeing REM in concert during the “Green” Tour around 1989/1990 at the Hampton Coliseum. It was one of the best concerts I’d been to up to that point. I’m not a big fan of their newer work . . . I guess because I associate such happy feelings with their earlier works, their later works leave me a bit cold . . . I’ll have to revisit them again I think . . .
Are there any albums that you just love, love, love and give you very happy memories? What was the best concert that you have ever attended?
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Another Random Meme . . .
I’ve been tagged by Virginia Gal, so here goes . . .
1. First blog you ever read? The Anonymous Rowhouse, of course!
2. What inspired you to start your own? Justrose’s writing. Thought that it might improve my writing and provide a great outlet for my thoughts. HA!
3. The best and worst about blogging? BEST – finding out that others are going through the same stuff you are, not feeling alone, learning about other folks and what they do and how they live. WORST – showing off my really lousy writing and disjointed thoughts. Not having anything to say sometimes, or being too busy to write.
4. Who was the first person to comment on your blog? Justrose
5. What has been your most popular blog entry? I think it was my “A Writer is One Who Writes” one . . . I’m actually very proud of that bit of writing . . . it just came pouring out of me one day and needed to be put down on paper. However, if I wait to write in my blog for times that I am similarly inspired, the blog would have two entries in it.
6. If I re-named my blog I would call it…... I kind of like “Candle in the Window”
7. If my blog had a theme song it would be… At this point, Talking Heads “Once in a Lifetime”
8. If my blog was a room it would look like…..I guess like my living room, but with more comfortable furniture. Lots of newpapers and magazines lying around. Much clutter. Radio playing. Me at my laptop sprawled on the couch, looking at random stuff and working on 3 different projects at the same time.
9. Five bloggers I would like to have over for dinner – Merci, Virginia Gal, Justrose, Danielle & Pax . . . in another grouping, I’d like Dean Dad, Jo(e), New Kid, Scrivener, Profgrrl, & Dr. Crazy and just be a fly on the wall and listen to them talk for a while.
10. Two bloggers you would like to set up on a blind date – I don’t know a lot of single bloggers, but there a few friends that I wish I could set Virginia Gal up with . . . .
11. Somebody I wish had a blog? My friend, J, just because I love his writing and wish he’d share more of it with the world, not just on the stage . . .
12. If you were only allowed to read one blog ever again. Which blog would it be? Anonymous Rowhouse, of course!
13. Is there a fellow blogger you would like to snog/shag/do rude things to? Nope, he doesn’t blog . . .
14. Discover a blog. Link to a blog that you have recently found, or a blog you have been reading for a while and haven’t blogrolled. Scott McLemee’s blog (http://www.mclemee.com/id4.html) – he writes a column for Inside Higher Ed now, formerly of Lingua Franca, and honest to goodness I believe I went to a book group meeting at his house once years ago . . . I love his writing too . . . the way he writes, he reminds me of a friend of mine very much.
I’m supposed to tag more people, but I think I’ll just leave it open . . .
1. First blog you ever read? The Anonymous Rowhouse, of course!
2. What inspired you to start your own? Justrose’s writing. Thought that it might improve my writing and provide a great outlet for my thoughts. HA!
3. The best and worst about blogging? BEST – finding out that others are going through the same stuff you are, not feeling alone, learning about other folks and what they do and how they live. WORST – showing off my really lousy writing and disjointed thoughts. Not having anything to say sometimes, or being too busy to write.
4. Who was the first person to comment on your blog? Justrose
5. What has been your most popular blog entry? I think it was my “A Writer is One Who Writes” one . . . I’m actually very proud of that bit of writing . . . it just came pouring out of me one day and needed to be put down on paper. However, if I wait to write in my blog for times that I am similarly inspired, the blog would have two entries in it.
6. If I re-named my blog I would call it…... I kind of like “Candle in the Window”
7. If my blog had a theme song it would be… At this point, Talking Heads “Once in a Lifetime”
8. If my blog was a room it would look like…..I guess like my living room, but with more comfortable furniture. Lots of newpapers and magazines lying around. Much clutter. Radio playing. Me at my laptop sprawled on the couch, looking at random stuff and working on 3 different projects at the same time.
9. Five bloggers I would like to have over for dinner – Merci, Virginia Gal, Justrose, Danielle & Pax . . . in another grouping, I’d like Dean Dad, Jo(e), New Kid, Scrivener, Profgrrl, & Dr. Crazy and just be a fly on the wall and listen to them talk for a while.
10. Two bloggers you would like to set up on a blind date – I don’t know a lot of single bloggers, but there a few friends that I wish I could set Virginia Gal up with . . . .
11. Somebody I wish had a blog? My friend, J, just because I love his writing and wish he’d share more of it with the world, not just on the stage . . .
12. If you were only allowed to read one blog ever again. Which blog would it be? Anonymous Rowhouse, of course!
13. Is there a fellow blogger you would like to snog/shag/do rude things to? Nope, he doesn’t blog . . .
14. Discover a blog. Link to a blog that you have recently found, or a blog you have been reading for a while and haven’t blogrolled. Scott McLemee’s blog (http://www.mclemee.com/id4.html) – he writes a column for Inside Higher Ed now, formerly of Lingua Franca, and honest to goodness I believe I went to a book group meeting at his house once years ago . . . I love his writing too . . . the way he writes, he reminds me of a friend of mine very much.
I’m supposed to tag more people, but I think I’ll just leave it open . . .
Monday, February 13, 2006
Monday Random Batch O' Thoughts
Action packed week ahead – Meeting, ESL class, choir practice, class. That is how my evenings are going to be filled this week, but then on Friday I get a breather and we get out of work early for the three day weekend. Dinner at out house on Saturday with friends. Out on Sunday after church. Monday, scraping wallpaper off the bathroom walls. So much to do!
I have that stupid James Blunt song, “Beautiful,” in my head. Please make it stop!
Snow – I love snow. I love true winter. I love the beauty of the snow on the trees and on the cars and on the buildings and on the ground. I love the delicate ballet you have to go through to walk through the slush. I love weather! It’s February, so it is true and right and good and proper that it should be cold and snowy. When driving around yesterday, I saw kids and families sledding down the hill in front of the Masonic Temple in Alexandria. Kids making snowmen. Teens throwing snowballs. I wished I’d had a sled too, so I could pretend to be 10 years old again . . .
We let the Random Cat out onto the balcony to experience the snow . . . she did come outside and sniffed around a bit, but once she walked on it, that was enough. Back in the house! She wasn’t really fond of the wetness . . .
Number 1 Single – my new guilty pleasure show. I love Lisa Loeb anyway – if I was still single, I would aim for her quirky personality. I’m just glad I don’t ever have to date again – I hated it with a passion. I seemed to have the worst dates on the planet, and I fully expected to become a nun. Luckily, the universe sometimes puts the right people in your way at the right times . . . although, sometimes I seriously doubt the timing and the purpose, but I go with it . . .
My youngest sister is working at H&R Block as a secretary now. This is quite funny, because our mom worked there when my other sister and I were very little. I can remember her bringing us into the office once in a while and me playing with the big adding machines. We joke that since she missed the experience the first time, she subconsciously wanted to work there someday too . . .
Michelle Kwan – was it just me, or did it seem like last night they were talking about her like she was dead or something? I really respect her determination and body of work, but I was very disappointed when she petitioned to be on the Olympic team after having so many injuries the past year – I thought it was very unfair to all those young women who worked so hard in competition and actually won spots on the team. I am glad that Emily Hughes finally gets to go, glad that Sasha Cohen will get her chance to shine.
When you work so hard for so long, it is hard to give up on the dream you have, even when the chances for it happening fade away. If you are good enough for so long, people start to give you a pass on things – “oh, she’s stumbling now, but we know she can step it up in the clutch!” In the short term, it’s great to give people the benefit of the doubt, but after a while, you have to sit down and say, “Maybe this isn’t for you anymore . . .”
It is hard. It is heartbreaking. You want to be young forever, with boundless energy and being able to strive harder, faster, longer. But at some point you have to modify the dream and take the knowledge you’ve gained and pass it along to others, and make a name for yourself in another way. Michelle Kwan is learning this lesson the hard way right now . . . but the real tragedy is that some of us never quite get it . . .
I have that stupid James Blunt song, “Beautiful,” in my head. Please make it stop!
Snow – I love snow. I love true winter. I love the beauty of the snow on the trees and on the cars and on the buildings and on the ground. I love the delicate ballet you have to go through to walk through the slush. I love weather! It’s February, so it is true and right and good and proper that it should be cold and snowy. When driving around yesterday, I saw kids and families sledding down the hill in front of the Masonic Temple in Alexandria. Kids making snowmen. Teens throwing snowballs. I wished I’d had a sled too, so I could pretend to be 10 years old again . . .
We let the Random Cat out onto the balcony to experience the snow . . . she did come outside and sniffed around a bit, but once she walked on it, that was enough. Back in the house! She wasn’t really fond of the wetness . . .
Number 1 Single – my new guilty pleasure show. I love Lisa Loeb anyway – if I was still single, I would aim for her quirky personality. I’m just glad I don’t ever have to date again – I hated it with a passion. I seemed to have the worst dates on the planet, and I fully expected to become a nun. Luckily, the universe sometimes puts the right people in your way at the right times . . . although, sometimes I seriously doubt the timing and the purpose, but I go with it . . .
My youngest sister is working at H&R Block as a secretary now. This is quite funny, because our mom worked there when my other sister and I were very little. I can remember her bringing us into the office once in a while and me playing with the big adding machines. We joke that since she missed the experience the first time, she subconsciously wanted to work there someday too . . .
Michelle Kwan – was it just me, or did it seem like last night they were talking about her like she was dead or something? I really respect her determination and body of work, but I was very disappointed when she petitioned to be on the Olympic team after having so many injuries the past year – I thought it was very unfair to all those young women who worked so hard in competition and actually won spots on the team. I am glad that Emily Hughes finally gets to go, glad that Sasha Cohen will get her chance to shine.
When you work so hard for so long, it is hard to give up on the dream you have, even when the chances for it happening fade away. If you are good enough for so long, people start to give you a pass on things – “oh, she’s stumbling now, but we know she can step it up in the clutch!” In the short term, it’s great to give people the benefit of the doubt, but after a while, you have to sit down and say, “Maybe this isn’t for you anymore . . .”
It is hard. It is heartbreaking. You want to be young forever, with boundless energy and being able to strive harder, faster, longer. But at some point you have to modify the dream and take the knowledge you’ve gained and pass it along to others, and make a name for yourself in another way. Michelle Kwan is learning this lesson the hard way right now . . . but the real tragedy is that some of us never quite get it . . .
Monday, February 06, 2006
Can You Have Ennui Even If You Don't Know How to Spell It?
Ennui: a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction : BOREDOM
It’s been one of those days . . .
Big “all staff” meeting today at the Random Non-profit. It was one of those meetings where you sit so annoyed and bored that you just want to stab yourself repeatedly with a pen for the entertainment value. We are moving our offices again at the end of April . . . they just signed a new lease last week. If you know anything about office moves, you will understand how screwed up that little announcement is . . .
The new digs are going to be smaller, with even less storage space. We can’t afford to both paint the new offices AND get new carpet put in, so they are going for the fresh paint. Can you say “Ewwwwwww!”
There are some new organizational initiatives going on that echo older initiatives that went on a few years ago. More meetings! Woo hoo!
I am trying to be optimistic . . . I really am.
I had a massive headache over the weekend, so not much fun was had at the Random household. Did not get to go to the Super Bowl party that we were invited to . . . however, we did get to see the ads – all of them were posted on the Wall Street Journal website and you could vote for best and worst. I voted the Kermit the Frog ad as WORST because it is sacrilege to me to use Kermit to peddle cars. The Burger King ad was pretty lousy too, along with the CareerBuilder ones. Mr. Random and I did like the P. Diddy one . . . but I think we are the only ones, judging from the blogosphere’s reaction. (I guess you have to watch a lot of MTV to clue in on why we thought it was funny . . .) I also liked the MasterCard MacGuyver ad (if you are an ardent Stargate fan, you’ll notice that he dyed his hair from the gray), the Bud Light ad with the revolving fridge, the Dove ad (awesome!), the FedEx ad with the cavemen, and the phone one with the “crime deterrent” (that one caused a little spit-take on my part.) Really, with broadband, who needs to actually watch the game?
Got a lot of writing done for the work project I’m working on, but still have a ways to go. It was good to get the initial chapters done . . . a psychic hurdle has been cleared.
Things are looking up . . . I just need to get through the sludge of the next few weeks to see how my Spring is going to shape up. Send some happy vibes my way . . . I do need them!
It’s been one of those days . . .
Big “all staff” meeting today at the Random Non-profit. It was one of those meetings where you sit so annoyed and bored that you just want to stab yourself repeatedly with a pen for the entertainment value. We are moving our offices again at the end of April . . . they just signed a new lease last week. If you know anything about office moves, you will understand how screwed up that little announcement is . . .
The new digs are going to be smaller, with even less storage space. We can’t afford to both paint the new offices AND get new carpet put in, so they are going for the fresh paint. Can you say “Ewwwwwww!”
There are some new organizational initiatives going on that echo older initiatives that went on a few years ago. More meetings! Woo hoo!
I am trying to be optimistic . . . I really am.
I had a massive headache over the weekend, so not much fun was had at the Random household. Did not get to go to the Super Bowl party that we were invited to . . . however, we did get to see the ads – all of them were posted on the Wall Street Journal website and you could vote for best and worst. I voted the Kermit the Frog ad as WORST because it is sacrilege to me to use Kermit to peddle cars. The Burger King ad was pretty lousy too, along with the CareerBuilder ones. Mr. Random and I did like the P. Diddy one . . . but I think we are the only ones, judging from the blogosphere’s reaction. (I guess you have to watch a lot of MTV to clue in on why we thought it was funny . . .) I also liked the MasterCard MacGuyver ad (if you are an ardent Stargate fan, you’ll notice that he dyed his hair from the gray), the Bud Light ad with the revolving fridge, the Dove ad (awesome!), the FedEx ad with the cavemen, and the phone one with the “crime deterrent” (that one caused a little spit-take on my part.) Really, with broadband, who needs to actually watch the game?
Got a lot of writing done for the work project I’m working on, but still have a ways to go. It was good to get the initial chapters done . . . a psychic hurdle has been cleared.
Things are looking up . . . I just need to get through the sludge of the next few weeks to see how my Spring is going to shape up. Send some happy vibes my way . . . I do need them!
Friday, February 03, 2006
Busy Bee
I've been swamped with work and other stuff this week, so I haven't been able to post much. I have been thinking of you all, though . . .
My ESL class starts up on Tuesday and I'm getting nervous, but in a good way.
I'm rooting for the Steelers on Sunday, just so you know . . . Mr. Random is rooting for the Seahawks. Actually, we don't follow football at all, but we do play along some Super Bowl time.
Now, the World Cup (http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com/06/en/) starts up in June. Woo hoo! Now that I will be excited about . . .
I hope to be better about posting next week. Have a great weekend everyone!
My ESL class starts up on Tuesday and I'm getting nervous, but in a good way.
I'm rooting for the Steelers on Sunday, just so you know . . . Mr. Random is rooting for the Seahawks. Actually, we don't follow football at all, but we do play along some Super Bowl time.
Now, the World Cup (http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com/06/en/) starts up in June. Woo hoo! Now that I will be excited about . . .
I hope to be better about posting next week. Have a great weekend everyone!
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