Sitting Down on Saturday Afternoon

It’s Fall. It’s truly Fall here in the mid-sized city . . . the weather is cool enough that you need a sweater or jacket, and the various nurseries have their pumpkin patches set up with different types of Halloween displays.

When it’s Fall, you realize that the year is almost over. You start to take stock of all the things you haven’t done and all of the things you have. You decide what you need to jettison and what you need to keep. You see if you should start something new or wait to see what the new year brings . . .

I always seem to be living inside my head . . . and not in a good way. I mean, if it was in a good way, I would hope that my writing would be better. But a lot of the time there is some work that needs to go on inside before you can even start to vocalize what it is you want.

I still don’t know what I want, but I think I’m getting closer to it than I have in the past. That’s a good thing, but now there is still more work I need to do before I even get close to verbalizing what that is . . .

Today I had lunch with a good friend of mine, who knows what he wants to do and is willing to take the time and make the sacrifices necessary to get there. He’s single, which in a way makes it easier to do than if you have another person who is relying on you . . .

Towards the end of October, I am going to turn 36 years old. I would like to say that I am happy with who I am and where I am, and I probably should. However, I still haven’t quite mastered the feat of shaking off what others might think . . .

You know, I don’t really go back and read what I have written on this blog once I have posted it. I do check for comments, but otherwise I just let my thoughts hang out there – a testament to the moment in which I feel moved to write. A lot of times I think it means that I have repeated myself a lot . . . because I do think of the same things over and over again, come up with the same arguments in my head and try to work things out. Certain situations act as triggers for certain feelings, and being the insecure gal that I am I revisit those feelings a lot . . .

I just wanted to put that out there today. Repeating myself for the umpteenth time, hoping to find a nugget of revelation in the words I keep typing. Nothing very noteworthy happened today, and my brain can’t quite handle trying to make the events of my past week coherent enough for others’ consumption . . .

Just remember that Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in your soul . . .

That line always gives me great comfort. May it carry you through this weekend too . . .

Arrested Professional Development

See, my brain can’t focus on anything too long, so after a decent night’s sleep the anxieties from the day before have disappeared and only the anxiety for the week ahead remains . . .

I’m putting a couple of business trips on my calendar for the end of October and beginning of November – for one, I’m going to be out of town for two nights (one of which is my birthday) and for the other I will be going up and back on the train on a Saturday for a day-long conference. I was told to go ahead and make the arrangements, so I just hope the Random Non-profit is going to pay for all of it. Yes, I know that it should be a given, but the Random Non-profit always seems to be teetering on the brink – so one must take nothing for granted . . .

There is a professional development organization that I want to join – it is a fairly well known organization in the non-profit field, and it has excellent networking opportunities and continuing education programs which would benefit both myself and the Random Non-profit in allowing me to learn how I should do my job, much less learn to do my job better. Most organizations pay for their employees’ memberships – a membership costs around $300 – but the Random Non-profit never pays for anything like that. They don’t even have tuition reimbursement anymore . . .

So I guess if I actually want to do well in my field I am going to have to cough up the bucks for the membership myself – which is just as well – I’m only hoping to stay at this place long enough to get enough experience to move on to a better paying organization, so it is an investment in my own growth, but I do wish the Random Non-profit wasn’t so stingy . . . it actually hurts them, in a way, since people have to look outside the organization to be able to learn and grow, which leads to a lot of talented people leaving . . .

I really need a lot of help – the longer that I am in my new-ish position, the more I realize what I don’t know and what skills I need to get – such as in how to supervise people without seeming passive-aggressive, and how to facilitate meetings better, how to do strategic planning, how to do board development, etc., etc. . . .

I guess it is a good thing that I want to improve – I could easily coast along and muddle through what I’m doing and it would past muster at this place. I just wish that it would seem helpful for the place I’m in right now – rather than in the place I want to be in 5 years . . .

Wait, did that make sense? I’m not sure . . .

Baby Shower Blues

You know it’s bad when you come home from a baby shower and go directly to your room and curl up into the fetal position . . .

It was one of those events, and it doesn’t have to be a baby shower, it could be a party or picnic or any outing that you are invited to that you aren’t quite sure who the other people there are going to be, but you go because you like the host and would show up to anything they asked . . .

I stood out like a sore thumb. I felt so self-conscious, and not for the obvious reason of being the usual raisin in the rice pudding . . .

Everyone else there was from my friend’s church, so immediately I didn’t know all of these people very well. They are all Episcopalians, so there was kind of a twin-set-and-pearls vibe going on that I am never quite comfortable with, but that I can usually shake off and have an interesting time with anyway. (for the record, I was wearing ironed khaki pants, a crisp white collared shirt, and a tasteful jean jacket, with pearl stud earrings – I thought I was being very, comfy-dressy-casual.) But these were mostly women who either were grandmothers or who had kids, save for one woman who went to law school with L, but she fit in a bit better than I seemed to . . .

Several of the women brought their children with them – one woman brought her 10 year old daughter (dressed in a smart, colorful Lily Pulitzer outfit), another woman brought her 4 year old daughter (who was also dressed in a Pulitzer-type dress), and another woman brought her little boy, who was huge for only being 6 months old (and NOT wearing anything Pulitzer.) Another woman stopped by for a little bit, and was asked how her au pair was doing . . .

There also was L’s mom, who set up the whole shower, but she was flitting around and I couldn’t get to talk to her much. She is really a cool lady – a feng shui specialist, also sells real estate, had very interesting life experiences – I usually love talking to “out there’ people like that, but today was not the day . . .

There was talk of pre-school and strollers and car seats and you-must-gets and nurseries and babysitters . . .

I was asked if I had any kids, and I gave the usual “not yet!” said in sing-songy, hopeful tones, but that wasn’t quite interesting enough. I was asked where I live, and I told them – it’s a part of the area that is both well-known but kind of hidden, because there is nothing really “cool” in that part of town. That wasn’t interesting enough. I didn’t have much to contribute in the way of baby experiences. I asked about a drawing that someone gave L at a shower on her job, it had a rather interesting story behind it, but that only lasted about 5 minutes . . .

L’s husband, C, same downstairs for just a minute to get a soda and then swiftly went back upstairs to the attic, where his office is. I really wished I could go up there and watch TV with him too – at least have a normal conversation about normal stuff and not feel so much like a freak . . .

There were little quiches and veggie trays and bread and dip and apples and cheese and cream puffs and cake and punch . . .

I don’t know what I expect at these things. I mean, I was quite honored to be invited – I mean, given the rest of the invitees, it was awesome that L wanted to include me too. I really wanted to play nice and be a most charming guest, and I’m sure that I did at the time, but after you leave something like that, it is just so draining and disappointing and you feel just need to go back under your rock . . .

So now I have all the griping out of my system and can go on with my life. L really liked the presents that Mr. Random and I came up with – a really soft, stuffed doggie, a couple of children’s books that Mr. Random and I loved when we were little, a baby blanket that I knitted for her and have been saving, and a “Coupon” for one free day of babysitting. L’s mom was just beamy from ear to ear with excitement (this will be her first grandchild.) Everyone else seemed to have a lovely time, and L was happy with how everything turned out. That’s really all that matters in the grand scheme of things . . .

However, I do believe I need to go interrupt Mr. Random’s homework for a moment, and ask for this biggest hug in the world . . .

Meaning-free, Content-free

I’m sitting here trying to write a meaningful post and I’m coming up empty. It isn’t for lack of topics to write about – many meaty things have been said on several blogs that I’d love to respond to (Theme Park Experience and Dean Dad’s, to name two) but the synapses are not firing and the words are not forthcoming. I also finished reading The Year of Magical Thinking and would love to go into a discussion about loss and coping and what it means to no longer have beside you someone that you have loved and counted on day after day for years, but I can’t seem to do it justice at the moment . . . but I do encourage people to read it, so much of it felt so true . . .

I’m in a holding pattern of sorts this week, due to my exhaustion and the major, raging headache that I had yesterday and which lingers into today. Construction has started on luxury townhomes behind the Random condo, which means they are tearing down many of the lovely trees that I would wake up to every morning, and they are being replaced by the sounds of earth-movers and saws. It is very depressing hearing trees being ripped from the ground – a horrible, guttural tearing sound that wrenches the heart . . .

Mr. Random and I went out to dinner last night to celebrate our anniversary, and while the food was delicious and the company divine, my aching head just would not play along. Also, it all seemed to go so fast – it seems that sometimes restaurants try to get you in and out so quickly that lingering over coffee seems more uncomfortable than it is worth. We went to a local restaurant that is fairly popular and rather upscale – which is why we only go on our anniversary – but they’ve changed the menu a bit, so my usual favorite dish, grilled pork chops with garlic mashed potatoes, was nowhere to be found. I ordered a large salad instead, which was tasty and much healthier, but not quite the same . . .

My ESL class this Fall is going to be quite challenging. I have an autistic gentleman in my class this time, and it is going to be a bit of a challenge working with him in the context of the whole group. He is very bright and has already learned some English in his native Costa Rica, but it is hard to gauge how patient I should be with him while still giving attention to the other 8 people in the class. I don’t know how to describe it and I don’t know what questions to even ask in what I should know or do to be more helpful to him . . .

I have a new laptop now – hooray! – it just came yesterday. It’s kind of an anniversary present, to replace the laptop that Mr. Random appropriated to use for school. I should be fawning and happy and grateful, but it’s not the same as my old one. It’s a different configuration and it doesn’t have the database on it that I needed or the same amount of gigs on the hard drive, so it kind of rankles. I know, I’m an ungrateful little cuss . . . I mean, it’s so awesome! . . . but the little things just annoy me to no end. I just need to go out and buy Access and an external drive to supplement, and I’ll be good to go . . .

I’m going to a baby shower on Sunday for a very good friend of mine. Now that two women that I am good friends with are starting their families, I’m starting to catch a little of the bug. Before, I’ve had friends have babies, but we weren’t that close and I didn’t hang out with them a lot anyway so our relationships didn’t change all that much. However, this time these are couples that I would hang out with fairly frequently so it will make a huge difference in lifestyle – no more just calling people up and seeing if they want to go out that night. It will be interesting to see how much they change and how much they stay the same . . .

My brain is totally fried so I will stop now. I’m so happy the weekend is here – I need much, much sleep . . .

Random Happy Anniversary

Today’s my wedding anniversary – I’ve been married for *8* whole years today.

Many kudos to Mr. Random for putting up with me every single day for 10 years now. I can’t believe it’s been that long . . .

He is one of the sweetest, kindest, smartest, most adorable individuals I have ever known. Why he picked neurotic little me will always be a huge mystery . . .

No celebrating tonight, though – It is the first night of class for ESL and I couldn’t miss the first day with the students. We will have to postpone the nice dinner until later on in the week . . .

Merlot, Pinot Grigio, Chardonnay

Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker.
Expose your ideas to the dangers of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less
the label of 'crackpot' than the stigma of conformity. And on issues that seem
important to you, stand up and be counted at any cost.
--Thomas J. Watson

I know that I probably shouldn’t apologize for not updating the blog as frequently as I wish to – I am sure that it is implicit in blogging that life will get in the way, and what I’m writing isn’t exactly breaking news/must-read material – but I still feel compelled to do so . . .

I had the day off on Friday, and yet it wasn’t really a day off, so any benefits that might have accrued in having a Friday off did not occur. The weekend was packed with fun things, but sometimes I think I try to pack too many fun things in to counteract all of the lousy things I have to do during the week.

The Random Non-profit is still going through a bit of turmoil and my current position puts me right in the middle of it and I am starting to think that I don’t quite have the fortitude to deal with this stuff. Or maybe I do . . . but the main problem is that ever since I have come back from my trip, I have been running on a deficit of sleep. When I get stressed out, I can’t really sleep, and when I can’t really sleep, everything else goes down the tubes. I hate being stuck in the middle of office politics – I really do . . .

Today’s quote should give me strength and comfort, but it sounds easier to do in theory than it is in practice . . .

I believe in our mission. I believe in the wonderful work that the people in the field do to further our mission. I feel that things I do here can and do help create positive outcomes in local communities. However, I feel that at this moment the internal stupidity is in danger of jeopardizing all of the good work that we are trying to do, and has the potential of driving away a lot of our grassroots activists – which would irreparably hobble what we are trying to achieve together. We are acting in haste, when restraint is in order – especially for changes of this magnitude . . .

Clear as mud, huh?

I hate whining about this, but each new wrinkle makes me want to crawl into the fetal position or just hop in the car and go far, far away and not have to deal with anything. Part of being an adult is learning how to deal with situations like this – toughening up and not taking things so personally. But this affects too many people for me to want to just sit by and watch things implode. I actually DO care about my job and I take what I do very seriously, so seeing people veer from the paths of logic . . . just hurts.

Thanks for being such a patient ear, folks . . .

Assessing the situation

It’s been a long, tiring day – today was the first day of registration for the ESL classes I teach and I was at a site for 3 hours this evening, testing all of the registrants to see what levels they should go into.

This year, we are using new assessment tests and they are rather annoying to deal with. We are supposed to ask a student a list of questions and while they are answering give them scores in three different areas: Language Comprehension, language complexity, and . . . what’s the last “c”? . . . well, it’s whether we can clearly understand what they are trying to say. (I’m tired, can you tell?) It kind of ruins the flow of the questioning and also is a bit nerve wracking for the student to sit through. For example, we ask a student “Do you work?” The student answers, “Yes.” This is followed by three minutes of circling scores for their answer. Then we ask the next question – they usually give a one word answer, and then lots of scoring. You can also tell how well a student is doing by how many questions they have to answer. If a student isn’t doing well, the test stops much earlier than for a more fluent person. In those cases, I just ask them random questions that they do understand in order to put them at ease and not freak them out too much. I usually ask how many children they have, how old the children are, how they like living in Northern Virginia – stuff that most folks can easily answer a bit. Then the can leave the testing situation not feeling like a failure . . .

I can’t believe that I start teaching again next week . . . I will have to look at my old lesson plans and revise them to make the class flow a little better and encourage more talking amongst themselves. Also, I can’t forget to bring my usual bag of candy to class with me . . . it helps keep folks coming back each week.

I was rather touched this evening when several separate occasions, people that I tested asked me if I was going to be their teacher. I had to explain that I teach at another site in another part of town. One person said that I seemed like I would be a very good teacher have . . . wasn’t that sweet?

Once in a while I think that I should go back to school to become a real, full time teacher, but then I think that I’m having a lot of fun with it now because I’m just a volunteer and I don’t have any major pressure – we just do the best we can with the time that we have. If I had to teach all day, five days a week, I would get pretty sick of it really fast . . .

I have to do more testing at another site on Thursday night for three hours. I don’t know whether to hope it was as busy as it was tonight, or to hope that hardly anyone comes in – I could kind of use the rest . . .

I started reading Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking last night because I thought that the themes of the book felt appropriate for this week. It is a fast read, but I probably won’t get to it tonight. I’m still up for suggestions as to what to read next . . .

Hope to write something more interesting tomorrow . . .

Petitioning the Empty Sky**

Many thanks to Eric and Dean Dad for responding to my meme while I was gone. (I had to look up who Converge was, and I haven’t had a chance to sample a song or two, but I’m thinking that Eric is right about me in that regard – plus, I have all of the songs in Tapestry memorized . . .)

If you haven’t commented on that post yet, I highly encourage you to do so when you get a chance . . .

I’m always curious as to how I come off in my writing – what is the persona I am presenting to the world? My goal is to be as close to whom I am in “real life” as possible, without blowing the thin veneer of anonymity that I have here. The problem is that I am never sure who I actually am in real life – which, I have realized, has turned out to be the real purpose of this blog: providing a snapshot into the daily (somewhat) musings of a random person trying to make sense of herself and the world around her circa the early 21st century . . .

*My business trip went as well as could be expected. The hotel room I had was HUGE – it was one of those suite hotels, which normally I love to stay in when I’m traveling around with Mr. Random – but when you are sitting all by yourself in a strange town, in a suite larger than your first apartment, you tend to think it’s a bit of overkill. I also hate having to be social in the evenings, especially after running around conference sessions all day. I’m only a people person up to a certain time limit . . . On the first evening there, I went out to dinner with a group of folks, but with such a large party (12) we had to wait an hour for a table, then it took forever for everyone to order, and then get the food, and by the time we were done it was 10 PM – going home just in time to get ready for bed. The next evening I begged off from going out to dinner and went back to my hotel room and accidentally watched the entire HBO/Spike Lee documentary on Hurricane Katrina. (Yes, accidentally – I was only flipping around to find some local news for a moment, and I got sucked into all FOUR HOURS of the show. Uplifting! Needless to say, I didn’t get much reading done that night either . . .)

*I did finish reading The Emperor of Ocean Park on the train ride home on Friday. I had started reading it on the train ride down on Wednesday night and tried to get in a few reading sessions in the evenings at the hotel. It was hard for me to put the book down, with is why I had a marathon reading session of Friday night – I just HAD to finish. The book is kind of a mystery as a man tries to find out exactly what kind of man his father before he died. The main character had a lot of “self-loathing-ness” going on, and I think if I met him in real life I probably wouldn’t want to hang out with him much, but the story itself and all of his discoveries kept me riveted. It also helped that large parts of the story took place in DC and Oak Bluffs, MA – two places I know very, very well. I give the book three stars!

OK, right now, I have on queue to read the following: Zadie Smith’s White Teeth, William Thackeray’s Vanity Fair, Stephen Fry’s The Ode Less Traveled, Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking, and A.S. Byatt’s A Whistling Woman . . . among many, many more. Anyone have any recommendations on which one I should pick up next? . . .

*National Novel Writing Month (http://www.nanowrimo.org/) is coming upon us quickly – November 1 – 30, 2006. As you can see by the icon at the side of this page, I started to do it last year but failed to get enough momentum going to sustain my productivity through the entire month. I’m going to try it again this year. Fifty thousand words in 30 days is still quite a daunting task, so I won’t promise that I will finish it but I will definitely make sure that it is higher on the priority list than last year . . .

*I am avoiding all TV today – I really don’t need to be reminded of what happened 5 years ago – working in Downtown DC, just a few steps from the White House, I was in the thick of everything – no one needs to tell me what the day was like or how I should feel about it. Myself and all of my friends, we each have a harrowing bit of story to tell and we all have processed it however we needed to in order to move on in our lives and not live in fear and sadness and hatred. I hate all of the publicity, the overwrought memorials, the gestures that I feel are empty and just for show, just to make us all feel angry and scared all over again, to justify whatever it is that’s going on these days. That’s all I’m saying for now – I’m much too tired to go into a rant . . .

Hope to be back to semi-deep thoughts tomorrow . . .

** Title of a Converge song

Assignment for While I'm Gone . . .

Folks,

I came upon this meme on another blog and I'm kind of curious how this will turn out. Please answer the following question in the comments, if you wish:

Based on this blog, what kind of person do you think I am? If you’ve met me, what has surprised you about me?

I always think that I give off the aura of always being on the edge of a nervous breakdown, with all the depth of a kiddie pool left out in the sun for a week.

Be totally honest - I don't mind!

Heading South

Of course, as soon as I start building up some decent posts, it’s time for me to go on a business trip for a couple of days. I will be sans my laptop for this trip, so new posting probably won’t happen again until Saturday. Thanks for your comments – I’ll be thinking about things quite a bit while I am away . . .

Mr. Random’s grad school did not let us know until Friday that he will need a laptop with him on the first day of class – they want to load a bunch of software on that he will be using throughout the 18 months of the program. Since there isn’t time to get a new laptop (and we also don’t have the money to get a new one), my laptop will become his. Oh, well – I am extremely bummed, but at least I had it for 9 months! I used it to do a lot of research and writing on it for work, besides just plain old joyous screwing around on the internet, but I lived without it before, so I’ll deal with it now . . .

By the way, dealing with the University has been quite a chore for Mr. Random – it takes them days to actually answer whatever question that anyone e-mails them or calls them with, and this had been seconded by some other folks in Mr. Ransom’s program. They theorize that because they are in the Weekend Program that they are placed at the bottom of the priority pool, but a friend of ours that attended the same school for a different grad program said that service for him was pretty lousy too. I guess you don’t really notice the lousy service much when you are in school the first time, but once you are out in the “real world” you start to expect things to happen in a much more timely manner . . .

I’m not looking that forward to this trip because there is so much going on here at home and I am upset that I’m going to miss sending off Mr. Random on his first day of school. I have low expectations for this trip, since on previous trips I’ve worked myself into almost exhaustion, and this one will be no exception. I won’t even have a buffer evening to wind down – once my last committee meeting is finished, I’m off to the train station to make my way home . . .

On a positive note, I am bringing two books with me and I’m hoping to be able to read most of one of them, if not finish. I’m bringing both White Teeth and The Emperor of Ocean Park – which one I read will depend on what I’m in the mood for once I get on the train . . .

I am also bringing my Holga camera with me, in case I get an opportunity to take some street shots while I’m there. However, the Holga doesn’t have a flash and I may not be able to be out and about until after dark, so it may be a waste of space . . .

I’m only taking one smallish rolling suitcase and a backpack. All the clothes/shoes/toiletries are stuffed into the suitcase – I’m so happy that I’m taking the train so that I can see where my bag is at all times . . . and I can bring a couple of bottles of water and some trail mix with me, so I don’t have to buy anything.

I’m trying to get better at packing, but on these business trips you never really know what’s going to happen on any given day. Am I going to end up spilling a whole Coke down my white shirt? Are the rooms going to be too hot? Too cold? If one night a whole bunch of people want to go out to dinner should the dress be casual? Semi-casual? Keep on the business clothes I had on all day? Will I want to go to the gym in the hotel and walk on the treadmill or do the elliptical? Should I bring my sneakers? It’s so hard to be a female sometimes . . .

Time for the Fall grind to start! I hope everyone had a great Labor day. See you all when I get back . . .

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us. -- Joseph Campbell

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
-- Mark Twain

One should as a rule respect public opinion in so far as is necessary to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny, and is likely to interfere with happiness in all kinds of ways.
-- Bertrand Russell

Water Flowing Underground

I finished Until I Find You last night – the last fourth of the book was just torture to me, I could barely make myself read the last 20 pages. It was going so well, and I was getting so much out of it, but the ending just seemed so lame and predictable and disappointing. I do recommend the book for most of it, just skip the last section – trust me, you’ll feel better for it . . . unless you really need to see everything resolved, then you probably will finish it, but be forewarned . . .

Eric wrote an interesting comment to my post on Wednesday, which I’ve been mulling over a bit

You know that line, "I never imagined things would turn
out the way they did"? Well, I'm now wondering why we imagine so much. I don't
mean that in a defeatist way, but life changes so quickly with unforeseen
matters that this is something totally off our self radar.

It’s interesting, I’m not sure what I imagined my future would be like when I was younger. I just had a vague feeling that things would be much better than there were at that moment. All I knew was that being an adult, living on my own, had to feel better than being under the regime of my parents. Setting goals for yourself requires a bit of imagination though – you have to be confident that you have the fortitude to stick things through and the wisdom required to complete whatever it is that you start. You see other people who have done the same thing, or are doing the same thing that you want to do, and they don’t seem to be having any problems with it . . . so why should you?

And then real life sets in and throws all sorts of monkey wrenches into your plans. “Why is this going wrong?” you think. “How come I’m the one having problems?”

Now, everyone else may have had problems reaching their goals too, but they just don’t tell you about them and/or you don’t see them so you don’t know that they had to struggle with things too. We always assume that everyone else has an easy time, unless we are told otherwise. So when the normal bumps and setbacks happen, we feel really offended and hurt and alone. We feel like the freak in the crowd who can’t get their stuff together.

Changes and challenges are a part of life, but I wonder if our individualistic attitudes sort of resign us to feeling so disgruntled. (wait, did that statement make sense?)

We don’t lean on each other too much, so there is no sense of a shared struggle going on through life. Unless we have really great friends and/or significant others to share our feelings and outrages with, of course we are going to feel extremely frustrated at what life throws our way. Family may not be much of a help either, unless we have a really close, open relationship with them and can tell them about all of the stupid stuff that populates our daily lives.

Being connected to others – I think – helps us get over the disappointment of things not happening the way we think they should, because other people add the perspective that we may be sorely lacking.

Wait! I think I got off track somewhere – did I?

“I never imagined that things would turn out the way they did.”

For most of us, it is to be hoped that this is a positive statement – we have looked at the challenges we’ve had with an eye to the opportunities they’ve created and which have led us even closer to figuring out who we are and what we want. Sometimes those outcomes that we couldn’t imagine turn out to be better than the things that we actually thought we wanted. Sometimes it is hard for us to stomach some of the course changes, but if we have learned anything in this life, it is that if you plug on long enough, things can’t get too much worse.

OK, at this point I have no idea if I’m making sense so I’ll stop. I probably should start over, but then I probably wouldn’t have a post at all . . .

Whatever you think, be sure it is what you think; whatever you want, be sure that is what you want; whatever you feel, be sure that is what you feel.
-- T.S. Eliot

It’s been a long busy week, and I’m hoping to get a bit of rest this weekend – I hope everyone else has a great holiday too . . .