Many thanks to everyone who commented on my last post, with a special shout out to Eric from Theme Park Experience – Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your advice . . .
I’m still in the thick of things, so forgive me if I’m not updating that much this week. This past holiday weekend brought its own set of challenges to be dealt with, and the amount of angst I’m dealing with on all of these different fronts has been quite tiring . . .
Had a wonderful day yesterday, though – a lovely lunch with friends, a jaunt to the National Gallery to see a couple of the drawing exhibits, a toddle to Old Town for ice cream and a wander through Olssen’s bookstore. Once I got home, I was so exhausted that I fell right to sleep at 8 PM . . . or rather nodded off on the couch and had to be roused at 11 to actually go to bed . . .
I have more to update about, but will have to wait until I’m not as tired . . .
How was everyone’s Holiday? Anyone catch a movie or do anything cool?
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Dancing Through a Minefield
I am not a person who seeks the limelight . . . except when I am.
I never want to be the center of attention . . . except when I do.
I want to be the maestro orchestrating everything behind the scenes, laboring in obscurity, the woman behind the curtain – the one far enough away to not have to take the actual slugs from the crowd, but still have enough power and control to get things done they way they should. I want to be recognized for all my hard work . . . but not too much.
What IS that? WHY is that? Is it another from of passive aggressiveness? A martyr complex of some sort? “Oh, watch her toil back there in obscurity, oh isn’t she wonderful to work so hard for a pittance?”
Is it because I am ultimately afraid of confrontation? To be out in front means that eventually you have to deal with people who are most unpleasant. I’m into making people happy – I’m a "go along to get along" type gal. You have to take a stand and defend it to people who may not be all that great to responding to reason. That’s why I would never run for office, you have to suffer too many fools – especially when they are standing there yelling at you for things that are so totally not in your power. When I worked on a local County Board race, people would come up to the candidate arguing about the death penalty and abortion and a bunch of other national topics. Um, hello? County Board? Nothing to do with those topics, nowhere NEAR those topics.
Anyway, my new position at work is a bit more political than any I’ve had in the past. Have to deal with people’s personalities, know the history of how we’ve interacted with them in the past, have to try to mend fences for things that were (or weren’t done) years ago, where a lot of residual anger has built up because of it.
Every day I have to tell myself, “They aren’t mad at ME, they are mad at the organization, they are mad at the situation – I can’t undo the baggage of several years of neglect in one interaction.” But it hurts. It is hard. My boss and I are here now and we are trying to do our best to serve our clients. But our clients aren’t having any of it, “We’ve heard this before and it didn’t happen, we give up.” “No. No! We are going to do it! We ARE doing it! See?”
It is very discouraging and I am getting very discouraged. I know that if I get through the next six months it will be fine, I will have reached the next level of my career, I’ll be able to handle so much more, I’ll have some real SKILLS. But I’m not sure if I can handle it in the short term, it is so overwhelming, so scary, so hurtful to think about . . .
We are having a conference in a few weeks which could turn out to be very ugly because there is so much pent up frustration and anger at our organization’s neglect of certain things – and I totally understand it, I’d be ticked off too if I were them – but we’re the ones who have to deal with it and I am . . . scared. I mean this is a situation where certain strong personalities in our field may actually stand up in the middle of meetings and cause a major ruckus because their agendas aren’t being addressed . . .
I’m getting ulcers just thinking about it. Adding insult to injury, my boss and I are the only ones who are taking this threat of ugliness seriously – no one else sees a problem . . . which is part of the larger problem in itself . . .
So, this is going to be a huge confrontation. And a huge opportunity. Will I meet the challenge? Will I be able to finesse the political minefield and start affecting positive change? Or will I end up in a fetal position in a corner and demote myself back to being just a scribe, researcher and jack-of-all-trades? . . .
Has anyone else been through something like this professionally? How did you get through the doubts and the fear? Any advice?
I never want to be the center of attention . . . except when I do.
I want to be the maestro orchestrating everything behind the scenes, laboring in obscurity, the woman behind the curtain – the one far enough away to not have to take the actual slugs from the crowd, but still have enough power and control to get things done they way they should. I want to be recognized for all my hard work . . . but not too much.
What IS that? WHY is that? Is it another from of passive aggressiveness? A martyr complex of some sort? “Oh, watch her toil back there in obscurity, oh isn’t she wonderful to work so hard for a pittance?”
Is it because I am ultimately afraid of confrontation? To be out in front means that eventually you have to deal with people who are most unpleasant. I’m into making people happy – I’m a "go along to get along" type gal. You have to take a stand and defend it to people who may not be all that great to responding to reason. That’s why I would never run for office, you have to suffer too many fools – especially when they are standing there yelling at you for things that are so totally not in your power. When I worked on a local County Board race, people would come up to the candidate arguing about the death penalty and abortion and a bunch of other national topics. Um, hello? County Board? Nothing to do with those topics, nowhere NEAR those topics.
Anyway, my new position at work is a bit more political than any I’ve had in the past. Have to deal with people’s personalities, know the history of how we’ve interacted with them in the past, have to try to mend fences for things that were (or weren’t done) years ago, where a lot of residual anger has built up because of it.
Every day I have to tell myself, “They aren’t mad at ME, they are mad at the organization, they are mad at the situation – I can’t undo the baggage of several years of neglect in one interaction.” But it hurts. It is hard. My boss and I are here now and we are trying to do our best to serve our clients. But our clients aren’t having any of it, “We’ve heard this before and it didn’t happen, we give up.” “No. No! We are going to do it! We ARE doing it! See?”
It is very discouraging and I am getting very discouraged. I know that if I get through the next six months it will be fine, I will have reached the next level of my career, I’ll be able to handle so much more, I’ll have some real SKILLS. But I’m not sure if I can handle it in the short term, it is so overwhelming, so scary, so hurtful to think about . . .
We are having a conference in a few weeks which could turn out to be very ugly because there is so much pent up frustration and anger at our organization’s neglect of certain things – and I totally understand it, I’d be ticked off too if I were them – but we’re the ones who have to deal with it and I am . . . scared. I mean this is a situation where certain strong personalities in our field may actually stand up in the middle of meetings and cause a major ruckus because their agendas aren’t being addressed . . .
I’m getting ulcers just thinking about it. Adding insult to injury, my boss and I are the only ones who are taking this threat of ugliness seriously – no one else sees a problem . . . which is part of the larger problem in itself . . .
So, this is going to be a huge confrontation. And a huge opportunity. Will I meet the challenge? Will I be able to finesse the political minefield and start affecting positive change? Or will I end up in a fetal position in a corner and demote myself back to being just a scribe, researcher and jack-of-all-trades? . . .
Has anyone else been through something like this professionally? How did you get through the doubts and the fear? Any advice?
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Queens for a Weekend
My trip to New York went . . . eh. My friend, L, was exhausted after her Law School finals and really did not feel like doing very much of anything.
The night before I came, I called and asked to make sure it was OK to come up. I knew she was tired, but she insisted that once I got there she’d be ready to paint the town . . .
So Friday night, after arriving at Penn Station and making our way to Queens by way of the ever lovely NYC Subway system, we just stayed home and ordered in Chinese food. One of her friends called and invited us to go out later that night – and I was totally up for it! Visions of Random Kath stylishly hitting the NYC clubs at 11:30 and having a few mojitos danced in my head! – but she told them she was way too tired. So we watched a lot of “What Not to Wear” and went to bed.
Saturday morning, my eyes flew open at 7 AM, raring to go. I’m so used to having Random Cat meowing in my face at that time that now I just wake up naturally. L was still fast asleep, so I got up and got showered and dressed and waited for L to wake up. I brought a book of Sudoku puzzles with me, so I polished off about 10 of them before getting bored and turning on the TV at 10:30 to watch "Paula's Home Cooking" on the Food Network. L finally got up at 11. We didn’t leave the house until 2, but part of that was getting locked INTO the apartment and having to get the super to let us out. The door was so old that the latch had worn down and wasn’t working properly. Excitement!
We took the long subway ride to SoHo. L made me bring along a bottle of water and a book, since she said the ride would take a while. The subway isn’t as clean as DC’s Metro, but it sure goes more places . . . and there was quite a diverse crowd on there. To get down to the subway is all stairs – no escalators – and I was amazed how many people were able to drag full double-strollers and shopping/laundry carts down all those stairs. The subway also uses something almost exactly like Metrocards and using the machines were pretty cool. Did you know that you pay $2 and can go anywhere in the system for that amount at any time, even if you transfer among trains? That seems like a so much better deal to me than DC, where you have to figure out how much the fare costs depending on where you’re going or if it’s rush hour. There were even stations that had places selling newspapers and snacks on the platform, and I immediately thought of the Seinfeld where Kramer would jump off the train, buy a Gyro really quick and jump back on before the doors closed. I always thought that was pretty cool . . .
Walking down the streets of Queens and riding on the subway brought me back to being 14 years old and living in Philly and riding the subway to school. Reminded me how much I missed being in the city and getting around so independently. Having lots of mom and pop stores and restaurants up and down the streets. The grime, the tell-tale urine-y laced smell, the crappy sidewalks, the diversity of people walking around – older people walking out in front of the synagogue in packs, group of kids on the subway train horsing around like my friends used to, people honking their horns in front of apartment buildings at all hours . . . it felt like . . . being home again. Being little again – the future stretched out before me and knowing that I could hold my own all by myself . . . My eyes grew wide, I had a spring in my step, I felt like “Yes! Let’s go!”
So we got to SoHo, where we were met with a teeming mass of people and tall buildings and stores everywhere. This is the New York I imagined! We walked around for a little bit, but we both were starving at this point – she didn’t have any actual food in the apartment since she was trying to lose weight. We found a cool little restaurant, with a kind of diner bar downstairs and a main dining room surrounded by windows upstairs, whose name escapes me (but the back of the card said “lofts 520”). There I ate the best turkey burger I have ever tasted, honest-to-goodness, the patty being thick and moist and so, so flavorful. The fries were thin and crispy, but not too thin and not too salty. I would go back in a heartbeat . . .
After lunch, we walked around a little bit more and I was dazzled by all of the stores, and even more dazzled by the street vendors. I was able to pick up some interesting souvenirs for my family, the best being a framed set of pictures – one of John Lennon wearing a New York City T-shirt, next to it a picture of near his gravesite (I’m guessing) with “Imagine” written in mosaics. Mr. Random loved it and now has it hanging on his office wall . . .
After only an hour or so, L was getting tired of walking around, although I could have gone for the rest of the day. So we took the subway all the way back to Queens, where we had a message that some friends wanted to catch the 9:30 showing of "The DaVinci Code" somewhere on the Upper East Side. I got really psyched about that, even though I had no desire to see the movie, because – hey! It’s the Upper East Side! I’ve only heard about that place . . .
However, we later got another call that there was a mix up and they could only get tickets for the 10:45 show. L didn’t want to be out late, so she declined. She spent the evening researching bar exam-related stuff, while I sat in the living room and watched Sabado Gigante. I went to bed at 11 for lack of anything else better to do . . .
You see, I was trying to be the good guest, just rolling with the punches and trying not to seem bored or way disappointed. I stayed as upbeat as I could and tried to stay out of her way and let her do what she needed to do . . .
Sunday morning, L slept in again, but at 11 she asked if I still wanted to go to the Algonquin for brunch. Since my train was leaving at 2, and it would take a while to go into Manhattan and then wait to get a table, I declined that idea. So we went to the train station and had lunch at the TGIFriday’s. She apologized for being a lousy host and said she felt real bad about how the weekend turned out. She promised that once she passed the bar she’d bring me back to NY and we’d go all sorts of places then. I told her that I had a good time anyway and not to worry . . . I knew she was a bit exhausted and I was just really glad to see her . . .
On the way home, I tried to put a happy face on the weekend, but I still kind of wish I had stayed home . . . I felt totally in the way there, and there was an arts festival going on here in VA that I was sad that I missed. At least now I can say that I spent a weekend in New York . . .
Sometimes I think that my expectations are much too high for things like this. I mean, all I wanted to do was 3 things: see Times Square at night, go hang out in SoHo for a day, and have brunch at the Algonquin and pretend I was Dorothy Parker for a while. If I wanted to sit around and watch TV, I can stay home . . . in fact, I don’t even do that at home very much – I’m always finding stuff to do and places to go. I do feel for my friend, she had had a rough semester and was really, really exhausted, but when I begging off from coming, she insisted that once I came we’d definitely do stuff. I feel like such a horrible friend, but I also feel bad because the weekend really did suck . . .
I do hope to go back again sometime soon and get to explore a bit more and look at things more closely. Maybe stay in a bed and breakfast closer to the action and try to see one of the infamous Off-Off Broadway shows and catch a comedy night somewhere. Hit the MoMA for a day. Explore the Village. I better start saving my money now . . .
The night before I came, I called and asked to make sure it was OK to come up. I knew she was tired, but she insisted that once I got there she’d be ready to paint the town . . .
So Friday night, after arriving at Penn Station and making our way to Queens by way of the ever lovely NYC Subway system, we just stayed home and ordered in Chinese food. One of her friends called and invited us to go out later that night – and I was totally up for it! Visions of Random Kath stylishly hitting the NYC clubs at 11:30 and having a few mojitos danced in my head! – but she told them she was way too tired. So we watched a lot of “What Not to Wear” and went to bed.
Saturday morning, my eyes flew open at 7 AM, raring to go. I’m so used to having Random Cat meowing in my face at that time that now I just wake up naturally. L was still fast asleep, so I got up and got showered and dressed and waited for L to wake up. I brought a book of Sudoku puzzles with me, so I polished off about 10 of them before getting bored and turning on the TV at 10:30 to watch "Paula's Home Cooking" on the Food Network. L finally got up at 11. We didn’t leave the house until 2, but part of that was getting locked INTO the apartment and having to get the super to let us out. The door was so old that the latch had worn down and wasn’t working properly. Excitement!
We took the long subway ride to SoHo. L made me bring along a bottle of water and a book, since she said the ride would take a while. The subway isn’t as clean as DC’s Metro, but it sure goes more places . . . and there was quite a diverse crowd on there. To get down to the subway is all stairs – no escalators – and I was amazed how many people were able to drag full double-strollers and shopping/laundry carts down all those stairs. The subway also uses something almost exactly like Metrocards and using the machines were pretty cool. Did you know that you pay $2 and can go anywhere in the system for that amount at any time, even if you transfer among trains? That seems like a so much better deal to me than DC, where you have to figure out how much the fare costs depending on where you’re going or if it’s rush hour. There were even stations that had places selling newspapers and snacks on the platform, and I immediately thought of the Seinfeld where Kramer would jump off the train, buy a Gyro really quick and jump back on before the doors closed. I always thought that was pretty cool . . .
Walking down the streets of Queens and riding on the subway brought me back to being 14 years old and living in Philly and riding the subway to school. Reminded me how much I missed being in the city and getting around so independently. Having lots of mom and pop stores and restaurants up and down the streets. The grime, the tell-tale urine-y laced smell, the crappy sidewalks, the diversity of people walking around – older people walking out in front of the synagogue in packs, group of kids on the subway train horsing around like my friends used to, people honking their horns in front of apartment buildings at all hours . . . it felt like . . . being home again. Being little again – the future stretched out before me and knowing that I could hold my own all by myself . . . My eyes grew wide, I had a spring in my step, I felt like “Yes! Let’s go!”
So we got to SoHo, where we were met with a teeming mass of people and tall buildings and stores everywhere. This is the New York I imagined! We walked around for a little bit, but we both were starving at this point – she didn’t have any actual food in the apartment since she was trying to lose weight. We found a cool little restaurant, with a kind of diner bar downstairs and a main dining room surrounded by windows upstairs, whose name escapes me (but the back of the card said “lofts 520”). There I ate the best turkey burger I have ever tasted, honest-to-goodness, the patty being thick and moist and so, so flavorful. The fries were thin and crispy, but not too thin and not too salty. I would go back in a heartbeat . . .
After lunch, we walked around a little bit more and I was dazzled by all of the stores, and even more dazzled by the street vendors. I was able to pick up some interesting souvenirs for my family, the best being a framed set of pictures – one of John Lennon wearing a New York City T-shirt, next to it a picture of near his gravesite (I’m guessing) with “Imagine” written in mosaics. Mr. Random loved it and now has it hanging on his office wall . . .
After only an hour or so, L was getting tired of walking around, although I could have gone for the rest of the day. So we took the subway all the way back to Queens, where we had a message that some friends wanted to catch the 9:30 showing of "The DaVinci Code" somewhere on the Upper East Side. I got really psyched about that, even though I had no desire to see the movie, because – hey! It’s the Upper East Side! I’ve only heard about that place . . .
However, we later got another call that there was a mix up and they could only get tickets for the 10:45 show. L didn’t want to be out late, so she declined. She spent the evening researching bar exam-related stuff, while I sat in the living room and watched Sabado Gigante. I went to bed at 11 for lack of anything else better to do . . .
You see, I was trying to be the good guest, just rolling with the punches and trying not to seem bored or way disappointed. I stayed as upbeat as I could and tried to stay out of her way and let her do what she needed to do . . .
Sunday morning, L slept in again, but at 11 she asked if I still wanted to go to the Algonquin for brunch. Since my train was leaving at 2, and it would take a while to go into Manhattan and then wait to get a table, I declined that idea. So we went to the train station and had lunch at the TGIFriday’s. She apologized for being a lousy host and said she felt real bad about how the weekend turned out. She promised that once she passed the bar she’d bring me back to NY and we’d go all sorts of places then. I told her that I had a good time anyway and not to worry . . . I knew she was a bit exhausted and I was just really glad to see her . . .
On the way home, I tried to put a happy face on the weekend, but I still kind of wish I had stayed home . . . I felt totally in the way there, and there was an arts festival going on here in VA that I was sad that I missed. At least now I can say that I spent a weekend in New York . . .
Sometimes I think that my expectations are much too high for things like this. I mean, all I wanted to do was 3 things: see Times Square at night, go hang out in SoHo for a day, and have brunch at the Algonquin and pretend I was Dorothy Parker for a while. If I wanted to sit around and watch TV, I can stay home . . . in fact, I don’t even do that at home very much – I’m always finding stuff to do and places to go. I do feel for my friend, she had had a rough semester and was really, really exhausted, but when I begging off from coming, she insisted that once I came we’d definitely do stuff. I feel like such a horrible friend, but I also feel bad because the weekend really did suck . . .
I do hope to go back again sometime soon and get to explore a bit more and look at things more closely. Maybe stay in a bed and breakfast closer to the action and try to see one of the infamous Off-Off Broadway shows and catch a comedy night somewhere. Hit the MoMA for a day. Explore the Village. I better start saving my money now . . .
Friday, May 19, 2006
Heading Out
Sorry, everyone! It's just been an exhausting week, but now I'm almost on my way to NYC for the weekend.
I'm hoping to get to the Algonquin Hotel on Sunday, at least, and pretend I'm Dorothy Parker for a while . . .
The friend I'm staying with called me last night after she finished up her last take home exam, and she is totally exhausted, and wanted to know if I might be up for exploring the town a little on my own at some point . . .
So I have no idea how this weekend is going to go. All I know is that I'm getting out of town for a few days, and that is good.
I'll share the highlights of my trip with you all when I return!
I'm hoping to get to the Algonquin Hotel on Sunday, at least, and pretend I'm Dorothy Parker for a while . . .
The friend I'm staying with called me last night after she finished up her last take home exam, and she is totally exhausted, and wanted to know if I might be up for exploring the town a little on my own at some point . . .
So I have no idea how this weekend is going to go. All I know is that I'm getting out of town for a few days, and that is good.
I'll share the highlights of my trip with you all when I return!
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
The Loo in the Basement
I actually started to write a decently thoughtful post last night, but of course, it was the first time that our internet was doing fluky things, so no posting last night . . .
As usual, our weekend was busy. Saturday I went to the movies and saw “Art School Confidential.” I wasn’t very fond of the ending and I thought that the story could have followed a different thread and had a much more satisfying ending. However, any day that ends with eating at iHop is a great day . . .
Sunday, Mr. Random and I went to a bunch of open houses in the Del Ray area of Alexandria. There was one house which always looked really cool on the outside, but the inside was incredibly cramped and poorly laid out. And the basement . . . if you could call it that . . . a flight of steep steps leading to a very low basement – so low that even my very short self had to stoop to walk down there. Besides being way too low, the basement had a toilet sitting in the middle of the room, sitting next to the washer and dryer. Just sitting. Out in the open. Not even a screen in front of it. Not even a sink down there. Just a lonely, grimy toilet sitting in the middle of this dark, low, cluttered basement. There was only one other bathroom in the house, on the second floor, and it was tiny. The owners had redone the small kitchen rather nicely, but if it were me, I would wall off the basement and find a way to bring the washer and dryer upstairs. Of course, it was the most expensive house we saw, listed at that time at $749K . . . yes, you heard me right. For three tiny bedrooms, one and “one-quarter” bath, and a death trap basement, almost 750 thousand dollars . . .
We then walked to what looked like a rather small and unassuming bungalow down the street. A friend of mine said that we should really come out and look, since he thought it would be perfect for us, just from how it looked from the outside. When we walked in, my expectations were really low, but I was so, so surprised! The owner had ripped the house down to the studs and started each room from scratch and added on in the back a family room/master bedroom suite w/huge walk-in closet/screened porch and deck. There were wonderful hardwood floors, and gorgeously updated kitchen, a mudroom, two other nice sized bedrooms and a bath, all the rooms on one floor. It was as much my dream house as it could possibly be. It was full of light and shiny new. AND it was 30K less than the first house! If that house isn’t snapped up in the next week, I don’t know what’s wrong with people.
Now I can’t afford any of these houses, and I don’t believe that Mr. Random and I will ever be able to. After leaving that bungalow, I felt really depressed. I do love looking at open houses though. I love seeing how they are designed, how they are decorated, how people LIVE in them. So daydreaming is going to have to hold me over for quite a few years more.
. . . gee, that writing didn’t end the way I though it would, but I’m much too tired to fix it. I hope everyone’s week is going well. I’ll try to do better later . . .
As usual, our weekend was busy. Saturday I went to the movies and saw “Art School Confidential.” I wasn’t very fond of the ending and I thought that the story could have followed a different thread and had a much more satisfying ending. However, any day that ends with eating at iHop is a great day . . .
Sunday, Mr. Random and I went to a bunch of open houses in the Del Ray area of Alexandria. There was one house which always looked really cool on the outside, but the inside was incredibly cramped and poorly laid out. And the basement . . . if you could call it that . . . a flight of steep steps leading to a very low basement – so low that even my very short self had to stoop to walk down there. Besides being way too low, the basement had a toilet sitting in the middle of the room, sitting next to the washer and dryer. Just sitting. Out in the open. Not even a screen in front of it. Not even a sink down there. Just a lonely, grimy toilet sitting in the middle of this dark, low, cluttered basement. There was only one other bathroom in the house, on the second floor, and it was tiny. The owners had redone the small kitchen rather nicely, but if it were me, I would wall off the basement and find a way to bring the washer and dryer upstairs. Of course, it was the most expensive house we saw, listed at that time at $749K . . . yes, you heard me right. For three tiny bedrooms, one and “one-quarter” bath, and a death trap basement, almost 750 thousand dollars . . .
We then walked to what looked like a rather small and unassuming bungalow down the street. A friend of mine said that we should really come out and look, since he thought it would be perfect for us, just from how it looked from the outside. When we walked in, my expectations were really low, but I was so, so surprised! The owner had ripped the house down to the studs and started each room from scratch and added on in the back a family room/master bedroom suite w/huge walk-in closet/screened porch and deck. There were wonderful hardwood floors, and gorgeously updated kitchen, a mudroom, two other nice sized bedrooms and a bath, all the rooms on one floor. It was as much my dream house as it could possibly be. It was full of light and shiny new. AND it was 30K less than the first house! If that house isn’t snapped up in the next week, I don’t know what’s wrong with people.
Now I can’t afford any of these houses, and I don’t believe that Mr. Random and I will ever be able to. After leaving that bungalow, I felt really depressed. I do love looking at open houses though. I love seeing how they are designed, how they are decorated, how people LIVE in them. So daydreaming is going to have to hold me over for quite a few years more.
. . . gee, that writing didn’t end the way I though it would, but I’m much too tired to fix it. I hope everyone’s week is going well. I’ll try to do better later . . .
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Just Another Day . . .
It’s been a day. Not a bad day or a good day, but a day.
I picked up a pair of glasses with my new prescription this afternoon and it took me a while to get used to actually seeing things correctly. I can’t wait to get my new sunglasses and my second set of frames . . . I picked some really daring styles – well, for me they are kind of daring . . . My workday glasses – the ones I picked up today – are thin, burgundy framed, with small, square/oval lenses which work well with my skin tone. For my second pair – my casual/at home/weekend pair, they are thin, blue framed with small oval lenses . . . these will be a little more “coke bottle” than the other ones, because I didn’t want to spend the money to thin out TWO sets of frames. The sunglasses will be thick, but dainty, tortoise shell with small, dark lenses. It’s been dreary and rainy the past two days, so I am not as antsy for the sunglasses, but I definitely want them by my trip to New York next week . . .
My boss has extended an offer to a really nice guy who is going to do a lot of our admin and database stuff. Yay! I’m hoping that he accepts – it will take so much off of my shoulders, and I can start working on other things . . .
No one came into my office today and said they were resigning . . . I should now consider it noteworthy each day that someone DOESN’T do that . . .
Consider this another Random placeholder post . . .
I picked up a pair of glasses with my new prescription this afternoon and it took me a while to get used to actually seeing things correctly. I can’t wait to get my new sunglasses and my second set of frames . . . I picked some really daring styles – well, for me they are kind of daring . . . My workday glasses – the ones I picked up today – are thin, burgundy framed, with small, square/oval lenses which work well with my skin tone. For my second pair – my casual/at home/weekend pair, they are thin, blue framed with small oval lenses . . . these will be a little more “coke bottle” than the other ones, because I didn’t want to spend the money to thin out TWO sets of frames. The sunglasses will be thick, but dainty, tortoise shell with small, dark lenses. It’s been dreary and rainy the past two days, so I am not as antsy for the sunglasses, but I definitely want them by my trip to New York next week . . .
My boss has extended an offer to a really nice guy who is going to do a lot of our admin and database stuff. Yay! I’m hoping that he accepts – it will take so much off of my shoulders, and I can start working on other things . . .
No one came into my office today and said they were resigning . . . I should now consider it noteworthy each day that someone DOESN’T do that . . .
Consider this another Random placeholder post . . .
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Rearranging the Deck Chairs . . .
Two people are leaving the Random Non-profit this week to go on to other jobs. I took one of them out to lunch today just to give him a proper goodbye – he had been rather fun to work with and I am very sad to see him go . . .
When I came back from lunch, my boss’s boss came into my office and said that she was resigning to start her own consulting firm. I’m way happy for her and I think it will be a great fit – she’s worked her for 9 years and wants some new challenges. It’s also a good time to leave before the new CEO gets on board, especially if you don’t feel like going through yet another transitional period . . .
However, I am now wary of anyone who walks into my office and shuts the door. She was the 4th person in 3 months to come in and tell me they were leaving. I just assume now that if someone comes in and closes the door, the next words out of their mouth will be “I just wanted to let you know before it gets out – I’m leaving to . . .”
Today was a bit of a discouraging day for the above reasons and one more. My new boss and I are committed to improving our organization’s relationship with our grassroots. However, they have been neglected for so long that they are no longer paying attention to what we want to do. They have complained for a number of years that we have not been meeting their needs, and no one seemed to be acting on their requests in a timely manner. Now that we finally have the resources and the drive to do what they want us to do, they don’t want to hear it. I understand how they feel – they have been burned before – but I do wish they would give us a chance to improve things . . . some of them do know me and know that I do follow through on what I say I will do. Now I just have to try to do that for the whole field, and somehow let them know that we DO care and we WILL help them . . . I must not take all of this personally . . .
Thanks on the comments on yesterday’s post. I will try to work on Mr. Random to get him to take some time off . . . we both really need it, and him most of all. I am going to NYC to visit a friend of mine next weekend – maybe having the condo to himself for a few days will allow him some breathing space . . .
Any recommendations on what I should see in NYC? I’m already going to Times Square, and hope to spend a day in SoHo. I will be there from next Friday night to Sunday afternoon – is there anything else I should try to get to in such a short time period?
When I came back from lunch, my boss’s boss came into my office and said that she was resigning to start her own consulting firm. I’m way happy for her and I think it will be a great fit – she’s worked her for 9 years and wants some new challenges. It’s also a good time to leave before the new CEO gets on board, especially if you don’t feel like going through yet another transitional period . . .
However, I am now wary of anyone who walks into my office and shuts the door. She was the 4th person in 3 months to come in and tell me they were leaving. I just assume now that if someone comes in and closes the door, the next words out of their mouth will be “I just wanted to let you know before it gets out – I’m leaving to . . .”
Today was a bit of a discouraging day for the above reasons and one more. My new boss and I are committed to improving our organization’s relationship with our grassroots. However, they have been neglected for so long that they are no longer paying attention to what we want to do. They have complained for a number of years that we have not been meeting their needs, and no one seemed to be acting on their requests in a timely manner. Now that we finally have the resources and the drive to do what they want us to do, they don’t want to hear it. I understand how they feel – they have been burned before – but I do wish they would give us a chance to improve things . . . some of them do know me and know that I do follow through on what I say I will do. Now I just have to try to do that for the whole field, and somehow let them know that we DO care and we WILL help them . . . I must not take all of this personally . . .
Thanks on the comments on yesterday’s post. I will try to work on Mr. Random to get him to take some time off . . . we both really need it, and him most of all. I am going to NYC to visit a friend of mine next weekend – maybe having the condo to himself for a few days will allow him some breathing space . . .
Any recommendations on what I should see in NYC? I’m already going to Times Square, and hope to spend a day in SoHo. I will be there from next Friday night to Sunday afternoon – is there anything else I should try to get to in such a short time period?
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Fork in the Road
Today I tried to access the blog from work and it just wasn’t happening. I’m thinking it was a sign of some sort – that I really need to lay off the blog surfing until I get home . . .
Since we moved our offices, the office manager is making us all print to the same printer room, which happens to be at the other side of the building from where a number of us sit, a fact which really ticks a whole bunch of us off. I wish the Random Non-profit wouldn’t be so darn cheap! I almost want to run to Staples and but my own printer, just so I don’t have to wait for someone to get finished printing out the phone book to get my 2 page outline that I need for a meeting . . .
The days are so busy now – filled with many more meetings. Plus, my new boss is a major talker – there is no such thing as a one minute conversation with her – so meetings take a bit longer than before. I am still overwhelmed, but it is starting to settle into a routine. Hopefully, we will be able to hire an admin pretty soon and be able to apportion duties accordingly . . .
They still have not found anyone for my old position and many things have just been left hanging. I’m feeling kind of bad about that, but there’s nothing I can do since I have my new duties that keep me very busy. I do hope that they staff up that department again very soon . . .
Mr. Random is having a bit of a crisis . . . the type of crisis a lot of us are going through right now. He is trying to figure out what is in his future, what is he meant to do. He feels really demoralized because a lot of things that he has wanted to do, he doesn’t feel that he is good at, and he doesn’t know what to do now. As a child, he wanted to be an astronaut, but wasn’t very good at math or science . . . physics, same deal . . . design, it doesn’t come naturally to him . . . writing, same thing . . . I try to get him to try new things, network, get himself out there at bit more and expose himself to more things, but he just isn’t that interested. He enjoys his soccer games and his running but doesn’t have many other hobbies. I, on the other hand, try everything and love everything, and my problem is the opposite – which way should I go? I am at a loss on what advice to give to help him, other than being as supportive and encouraging as I can. If he doesn’t get into the school program that he is applying for, I have a feeling he is going to be utterly inconsolable . . .
This is something that I am worried about . . . at the moment I am very excited by many possibilities while Mr. Random isn’t. He is looking at all of our friends, with their houses and kids and decent jobs, and is not feeling like an “adult” in comparison. I, on the other hand, am making peace with where I am and don’t necessarily want what those folks have. I mean it’s nice, and I do want it someday, but right now there’s just so much to do and try and places to go. I have a feeling that at some point I am going to have to compromise what I want and put things on hold for a while to pop out a kid or two, but definitely not right now . . .
Mr. Random and I do talk about what we are thinking and feeling often and are trying to balance out each of our desires with those of the other . . . we don’t want either one of us to end up bitter, but it is hard sometimes . . . What do we want our future to be? I guess after buying this condo, and me not being happy with it but knowing that it was as good as it was going to get, has made me not want to have to make another decision that I know that I’m not going to be happy with . . .
Reading over what I just wrote, it sounds much worse than it is, but it has been upon my mind quite a bit and we are trying to puzzle it out and try to figure out how to make the situation better for the both of us . . .
There never seems to be a perfectly dull moment when nothing is going on, it seems . . .
Since we moved our offices, the office manager is making us all print to the same printer room, which happens to be at the other side of the building from where a number of us sit, a fact which really ticks a whole bunch of us off. I wish the Random Non-profit wouldn’t be so darn cheap! I almost want to run to Staples and but my own printer, just so I don’t have to wait for someone to get finished printing out the phone book to get my 2 page outline that I need for a meeting . . .
The days are so busy now – filled with many more meetings. Plus, my new boss is a major talker – there is no such thing as a one minute conversation with her – so meetings take a bit longer than before. I am still overwhelmed, but it is starting to settle into a routine. Hopefully, we will be able to hire an admin pretty soon and be able to apportion duties accordingly . . .
They still have not found anyone for my old position and many things have just been left hanging. I’m feeling kind of bad about that, but there’s nothing I can do since I have my new duties that keep me very busy. I do hope that they staff up that department again very soon . . .
Mr. Random is having a bit of a crisis . . . the type of crisis a lot of us are going through right now. He is trying to figure out what is in his future, what is he meant to do. He feels really demoralized because a lot of things that he has wanted to do, he doesn’t feel that he is good at, and he doesn’t know what to do now. As a child, he wanted to be an astronaut, but wasn’t very good at math or science . . . physics, same deal . . . design, it doesn’t come naturally to him . . . writing, same thing . . . I try to get him to try new things, network, get himself out there at bit more and expose himself to more things, but he just isn’t that interested. He enjoys his soccer games and his running but doesn’t have many other hobbies. I, on the other hand, try everything and love everything, and my problem is the opposite – which way should I go? I am at a loss on what advice to give to help him, other than being as supportive and encouraging as I can. If he doesn’t get into the school program that he is applying for, I have a feeling he is going to be utterly inconsolable . . .
This is something that I am worried about . . . at the moment I am very excited by many possibilities while Mr. Random isn’t. He is looking at all of our friends, with their houses and kids and decent jobs, and is not feeling like an “adult” in comparison. I, on the other hand, am making peace with where I am and don’t necessarily want what those folks have. I mean it’s nice, and I do want it someday, but right now there’s just so much to do and try and places to go. I have a feeling that at some point I am going to have to compromise what I want and put things on hold for a while to pop out a kid or two, but definitely not right now . . .
Mr. Random and I do talk about what we are thinking and feeling often and are trying to balance out each of our desires with those of the other . . . we don’t want either one of us to end up bitter, but it is hard sometimes . . . What do we want our future to be? I guess after buying this condo, and me not being happy with it but knowing that it was as good as it was going to get, has made me not want to have to make another decision that I know that I’m not going to be happy with . . .
Reading over what I just wrote, it sounds much worse than it is, but it has been upon my mind quite a bit and we are trying to puzzle it out and try to figure out how to make the situation better for the both of us . . .
There never seems to be a perfectly dull moment when nothing is going on, it seems . . .
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Hitting a Wrong Note
The weekend is almost over.
I just got finished looking over Mr. Random’s first draft of his personal statement for applying to Journalism school. It was a rambling mess that needs a lot of work, but there are kernels of good stuff in there. Personal statements are incredibly difficult things to write – so many influences go into what makes you want to do something that by narrowing it down to one or two items sometimes leaves out some important information that an admissions office may find compelling . . .
This weekend went OK . . . I mean, we got our errands done, we bought paint for the bathroom, I had my eyes checked, ordered new glasses, I went to lunch with my friend today . . . but it all seems so . . . off . . .
Today I had to sing a solo in church – it did not go well. I was so nervous – I should not have been nervous, but I was petrified to do it. Everyone kept saying not to worry, no one was going to stone me, but when the moment came – I mean I did it, but I was not happy with it. The reason I sing in the choir is because I love singing and have a great time doing it and people can tell that. Starting the day in sheer terror is never a good thing . . . I’m a supporting character, not a soloist – a background singer. I help make the whole group sound better, but I’m not ready to be out in front. I’m a Pip, not Gladys Knight . . .
However, I really need to get over my fear and try to do more things like this. I told the Music Director that next time maybe a duet would be best . . . I feel more confident if I’m not singing by myself. It may be a good way to ease me into solos . . .
Today would have been a good day for a good old-fashioned “hang-out and just chat” with my friend, but it didn’t seem in the cards today. We did have a lovely lunch, ice cream and bookstore haunt, so I can’t complain too much . . . any time out is a good time . . .
I thought I was going to write a bit more, but will have to wait until tomorrow. I still haven’t been sleeping too well, and now I think it is finally catching up with me. I’m really hoping this week isn’t too stressful . . .
I just got finished looking over Mr. Random’s first draft of his personal statement for applying to Journalism school. It was a rambling mess that needs a lot of work, but there are kernels of good stuff in there. Personal statements are incredibly difficult things to write – so many influences go into what makes you want to do something that by narrowing it down to one or two items sometimes leaves out some important information that an admissions office may find compelling . . .
This weekend went OK . . . I mean, we got our errands done, we bought paint for the bathroom, I had my eyes checked, ordered new glasses, I went to lunch with my friend today . . . but it all seems so . . . off . . .
Today I had to sing a solo in church – it did not go well. I was so nervous – I should not have been nervous, but I was petrified to do it. Everyone kept saying not to worry, no one was going to stone me, but when the moment came – I mean I did it, but I was not happy with it. The reason I sing in the choir is because I love singing and have a great time doing it and people can tell that. Starting the day in sheer terror is never a good thing . . . I’m a supporting character, not a soloist – a background singer. I help make the whole group sound better, but I’m not ready to be out in front. I’m a Pip, not Gladys Knight . . .
However, I really need to get over my fear and try to do more things like this. I told the Music Director that next time maybe a duet would be best . . . I feel more confident if I’m not singing by myself. It may be a good way to ease me into solos . . .
Today would have been a good day for a good old-fashioned “hang-out and just chat” with my friend, but it didn’t seem in the cards today. We did have a lovely lunch, ice cream and bookstore haunt, so I can’t complain too much . . . any time out is a good time . . .
I thought I was going to write a bit more, but will have to wait until tomorrow. I still haven’t been sleeping too well, and now I think it is finally catching up with me. I’m really hoping this week isn’t too stressful . . .
Friday, May 05, 2006
Random Happenings
Many things to catch you all up on today!
First of all, I’m at home today. I’ve had a massive headache for the past two days which I considered a sign that I needed a day off. Right now I’m watching Ellen, a show which I LOVE, but never actually get to see except on holidays. She’s doing a “Cinco de Mayo” show and showing scenes from Olvera Street, the oldest street in Los Angeles. I think Mr. Random and I ate at the Mexican restaurant she filmed from, and now I’m all excited at the recognition – I’m just cheesy that way. “Hey, WE ATE THERE! THAT’S SO COOL! I KNOW WHERE THAT IS!” It takes such little things to make me happy . . .
I remember that on that trip I bought a little black backpack purse off of one of the street carts for $10 and it was one of the best purses that I ever had. Not too big, but big enough to hold my essentials easily. Small enough that I could tote it around and not have my arm go numb. I told Mr. Random at the time that if it lasted more than a month, I would be happy – it lasted about a year. I have now devoted my life to finding another purse like that . . . I guess if we go back to the West Coast this summer, we have to go back to Olvera Street and I have to buy 5 of those exact purses from that cart . . .
Second of all, the office move is over. Mr. Random and I came in on Sunday afternoon and unpacked our offices to start getting ready for Monday. The new building, though smaller, is actually a lot nicer and we have office windows that ACTUALLY OPEN. Some of you must know how exciting that is, to actually have the ability to let fresh air into the room. I have a lot of trouble with recirculating air buildings – I get sick all of the time in those - so this is a happy relief. Since the offices are a lot smaller, I had to lose a bookcase, a guest chair and a filing cabinet, but otherwise I have my office set up exactly like I had it before – all of my Arts Festival posters up on the wall, along with my colorful Matisse and my Margaret Bourke-White picture. I have a big picture window with two smaller windows at the bottom that can be opened to get fresh air. There is a huge radiator/air conditioner unit right under the window which can be used to heat or cool the room to my desires, but also takes up a honking amount of room behind my desk, and I can’t put any anything on it, like plants or books, because it’s basically a heater. I used to have a small file hutch in my old office behind my desk there that I used to keep my plants on, but they all had to be relocated and I can’t get used to not having those files right behind me anymore. And now my office is right off the reception area, which means (a) a lot more noise and (b) I have to keep my office incredibly neat all of the time. Otherwise, my office is set up exactly the same as my old office – comfortable and colorful. Mr. Random’s office is across the building from me, which is great! – but he still wanders over to my office about 8 times a day to just say hi or to chat . . .
Third of all, now we have a wireless router, so I am now writing this from the comfort of my bedroom. This is so awesome, we should have done this sooner! . . .
Now for the most exciting thing . . .
Last night, one of my husband’s cousins from random South American country was in town and had dinner with us. He is the youngest son of my husband’s father’s younger brother, and I had never met anyone from that part of the family before. Mr. Random hadn’t seen M since M was 4 years old, and now he is a tall, dark-haired, very handsome 22 year old who is going to college in Canada and was in town to visit a friend from school before joining his family on a vacation in Russia. (They are the very well off part of the family . . .) We were both very nervous before meeting him that we would run out of things to say, but it was quite a lovely dinner and he is quite a sweet, earnest young man, speaking with a very heavy Spanish accent. We showed M our wedding pictures since he was unable to come, and he was glad to see the family that he has not yet met. He talked a lot about his two older brothers, his mom and dad, and how different it was going to college in Canada after growing up in random South American country. He is going to do a semester abroad next year, spending the spring studying in Paris (lucky dog!) . . .
I wish that my youngest sister could have come up and joined us – they are both about the same age and I think they could have gotten along wonderfully. After seeing her picture, he actually asked about her and seemed a bit interested. She could certainly do a lot worse! . . .
I am so glad that meeting him worked out so well. When Mr. Random and I got married, we were both a bit miffed that none of that part of the family came up for the wedding – the wedding of their only Random cousin, the son of the dead brother. They sent a card, but I was furious with his Random uncle . . . especially since they have traveled to the states a few times since then and never once wanted to see us. I know I have to get over it, but I think it is sad that Mr. Random has an uncle who he does not really know and does not seem to want to know him. Luckily his Uncle T has been more than awesome and like a second father to him, but still . . .
. . . Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. We will spend ours trying to fix things up before Mr. Random’s mom comes to visit us in June. I will try to get a little more rest in, if I can . . .
First of all, I’m at home today. I’ve had a massive headache for the past two days which I considered a sign that I needed a day off. Right now I’m watching Ellen, a show which I LOVE, but never actually get to see except on holidays. She’s doing a “Cinco de Mayo” show and showing scenes from Olvera Street, the oldest street in Los Angeles. I think Mr. Random and I ate at the Mexican restaurant she filmed from, and now I’m all excited at the recognition – I’m just cheesy that way. “Hey, WE ATE THERE! THAT’S SO COOL! I KNOW WHERE THAT IS!” It takes such little things to make me happy . . .
I remember that on that trip I bought a little black backpack purse off of one of the street carts for $10 and it was one of the best purses that I ever had. Not too big, but big enough to hold my essentials easily. Small enough that I could tote it around and not have my arm go numb. I told Mr. Random at the time that if it lasted more than a month, I would be happy – it lasted about a year. I have now devoted my life to finding another purse like that . . . I guess if we go back to the West Coast this summer, we have to go back to Olvera Street and I have to buy 5 of those exact purses from that cart . . .
Second of all, the office move is over. Mr. Random and I came in on Sunday afternoon and unpacked our offices to start getting ready for Monday. The new building, though smaller, is actually a lot nicer and we have office windows that ACTUALLY OPEN. Some of you must know how exciting that is, to actually have the ability to let fresh air into the room. I have a lot of trouble with recirculating air buildings – I get sick all of the time in those - so this is a happy relief. Since the offices are a lot smaller, I had to lose a bookcase, a guest chair and a filing cabinet, but otherwise I have my office set up exactly like I had it before – all of my Arts Festival posters up on the wall, along with my colorful Matisse and my Margaret Bourke-White picture. I have a big picture window with two smaller windows at the bottom that can be opened to get fresh air. There is a huge radiator/air conditioner unit right under the window which can be used to heat or cool the room to my desires, but also takes up a honking amount of room behind my desk, and I can’t put any anything on it, like plants or books, because it’s basically a heater. I used to have a small file hutch in my old office behind my desk there that I used to keep my plants on, but they all had to be relocated and I can’t get used to not having those files right behind me anymore. And now my office is right off the reception area, which means (a) a lot more noise and (b) I have to keep my office incredibly neat all of the time. Otherwise, my office is set up exactly the same as my old office – comfortable and colorful. Mr. Random’s office is across the building from me, which is great! – but he still wanders over to my office about 8 times a day to just say hi or to chat . . .
Third of all, now we have a wireless router, so I am now writing this from the comfort of my bedroom. This is so awesome, we should have done this sooner! . . .
Now for the most exciting thing . . .
Last night, one of my husband’s cousins from random South American country was in town and had dinner with us. He is the youngest son of my husband’s father’s younger brother, and I had never met anyone from that part of the family before. Mr. Random hadn’t seen M since M was 4 years old, and now he is a tall, dark-haired, very handsome 22 year old who is going to college in Canada and was in town to visit a friend from school before joining his family on a vacation in Russia. (They are the very well off part of the family . . .) We were both very nervous before meeting him that we would run out of things to say, but it was quite a lovely dinner and he is quite a sweet, earnest young man, speaking with a very heavy Spanish accent. We showed M our wedding pictures since he was unable to come, and he was glad to see the family that he has not yet met. He talked a lot about his two older brothers, his mom and dad, and how different it was going to college in Canada after growing up in random South American country. He is going to do a semester abroad next year, spending the spring studying in Paris (lucky dog!) . . .
I wish that my youngest sister could have come up and joined us – they are both about the same age and I think they could have gotten along wonderfully. After seeing her picture, he actually asked about her and seemed a bit interested. She could certainly do a lot worse! . . .
I am so glad that meeting him worked out so well. When Mr. Random and I got married, we were both a bit miffed that none of that part of the family came up for the wedding – the wedding of their only Random cousin, the son of the dead brother. They sent a card, but I was furious with his Random uncle . . . especially since they have traveled to the states a few times since then and never once wanted to see us. I know I have to get over it, but I think it is sad that Mr. Random has an uncle who he does not really know and does not seem to want to know him. Luckily his Uncle T has been more than awesome and like a second father to him, but still . . .
. . . Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. We will spend ours trying to fix things up before Mr. Random’s mom comes to visit us in June. I will try to get a little more rest in, if I can . . .
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Placeholder
I have not forgotten about you all . . . It’s just been super busy these days and I have not much time to write. I’m glad to see that Virginia Gal is back, wanted to say “Hi” to Merci and Justrose, and give a shout out to Tree of Knowledge who wandered over from Cheese and Responsibility (which needs to go on the blogroll as soon as I have time.)
The weather has been just lovely. My evening schedule was supposed to ease up this week, but it didn’t and I don’t know when it will. However, I should have something pretty interesting to write about after this dinner I’m going to tonight . . .
The weather has been just lovely. My evening schedule was supposed to ease up this week, but it didn’t and I don’t know when it will. However, I should have something pretty interesting to write about after this dinner I’m going to tonight . . .
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