Oh, No . . . Guadalajara Won't Do

Yesterday, I had a wonderful visit to one of the Random Non-profit’s sites in Philadelphia. There I was able to shadow one of the employees for a day, attend a meeting at the Philadelphia School District building where parent advocates were able to voice their concerns about some of the District’s policies, and otherwise learn what it’s like to actually work at one of the sites for a day. I got a lot from the trip that I hope to pass on to other employees here at the main office.

But do you know what the best part of the day was?

I got to ride the subway back and forth from 30th Street Station – and use an actual subway token!

You have no idea how exciting that was – I hadn’t ridden the subway or used a token since the end of tenth grade. They have newer trains now, but it still seemed the same. I took both the bus and subway to school for 5 years and I very much missed that sense of autonomy that that 10-14 year old girl had in traveling the city all by herself. It took me a long time to get that feeling back – and in many ways I still don’t have it.

Last night on Justrose’s blog, I saw her mention something about helping plan her Doogie Howser High 20th reunion. (In case you didn’t know, Justrose and I were in the same class together from 5th grade through 10th grade.) I had to leave Doogie Howser right before 11th grade because my family moved to Virginia.

As you may know if you’ve been reading this blog for a long time, I hated moving down here and I hated going to a big suburban high school. I felt very out of place, and I didn’t make any really good friends or anything. On my graduation day, I cried buckets because everything felt so unfinished, I felt so lost.

So my 20th high school reunion is coming up next year. Mr. Random’s is also. Mr. Random actually wants to go back to California for his – he lived in the same house his whole childhood and knew the same bunch of folks the whole time. He’s dying to see what happened to a bunch of people. I will have to go with him, since he also wants to show that he has a cool wife and a decent life going on out here on the East Coast. I won’t know anyone, but I’m sure I’ll be entertained by the strangeness of it all . . .

I will not be attending my 20th reunion. Why should I? I was only at the school for 2 years, I didn’t make any real friends, I have no ties, nothing or no one is there that I would want to see or talk to. It just bring back a very painful time for me and I’d rather not . . .

The really sucky thing is that I won’t be able to go to Doogie Howser’s 20th reunion. Well, I mean, I was gone the last two years and everything, so I missed a ton. I would love to see everyone, but I doubt that most would remember me. I’d be very out of place. It’s very depressing – not being a part of anything . . .

I guess that’s why being back in Philly yesterday was so bittersweet: it’s my hometown and yet, not really anymore . . . it’s a part of me, but I’m not a part of it. What is really “home” anyway? . . .

Well, at least I can gladly claim that the DC/Northern Virginia area is my true home now. It’s where a wonky-geeky-dysfunctional chick like me could find friends, get married and make her way in the world and not feel TOO out of place. I just wish there was more of a connect to the girl I used to be and the woman that I am now . . .

Twice in One Day!

I'm going to Philadelphia on a business trip tomorrow - in and out all in one day, so sadly I can't try and hook up with any local folks that I would love to see - I won't even be able to stop at the ever amazing Reading Terminal Market and get some of that fabulous Amish egg nog that I adore.

The weekend is over and I'm still a bit of a funk. I have a TON to do this week - classes on Tuesday and Thursday, Choir practice Wednesday, Mr. Random's Grad school reception on Friday night. I feel a bit overwhelmed and not rested enough.

I have a major desire to go to a fancy dress party - you know one of those holiday parties where you wear a little black dress and there is a good, jazzy band and dancing and a cash bar. I'm getting tired of potlucks and jeans and sweaters. I want to get all dolled up and have that feeling of excitement and anticipation . . .

OK, so most of the time I always felt left out and like a wallflower when I was at those things, but the last few I went to I actually had a blast. The trick is to bring your own group of friends and not care about who else is there . . . for some reason you tend to meet more people that way, go figure . . .

I had a couple of friends over for dinner on Friday night - dinner didn't quite turn out they way I'd hoped, but the guys still seemed to really enjoy the food - especially the leftover cheesecake. The only troubling thing is that they left rather early - one friend declared that 10:15 was past his bedtime - and the rest of us were rather eager to go one playing our games. Mr. Random and I are still puzzling over that one, but I hope everything is OK . . .

The holiday season has started and I have not been able to order presents yet, which makes me very unhappy. The money has to go towards other, more important things at the moment. I am one of those people who LOVES buying presents for people and the funding problem is just killing me. I am hoping things aren't impossible to get in a few weeks, but I am afraid they will be . . .

Trying to keep my chin up . . . hopefully the week will get better!

Rearranging the Deck Chairs

. . . Actually, not really.

I supposedly made some modifications to the template, but as you can tell not much has changed. It's just more of a pain to add links in the order you want them in, and for my particular template you can't move things around too much.

I added some new links and took out some I didn't use very often.

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Over the River and Through the Woods

Hey! Supposedly this is de-lurking week in the Blogosphere, so if you’re a reader of my blog, do give a shout out and say hi. I don’t have counters or anything, so I have no idea how many people read this thing besides my faithful 4 or 5. I don’t do this for the traffic, as you can probably tell by my craptastic postings, but I do try . . .

I’ve been seeing a lot of folks posting some extremely wonderful looking recipes, and I’m thinking about giving a few a try. I am in awe of Mac at Pesky Apostrophe for keeping to the “Eat Local” sentiment as much as possible. If I lived close to the super-awesome Reading Terminal Market in Philly, I would just be in heaven! (The super horrid Eastern Market in DC just does NOT compare. If you have never visited The Reading Market, you MUST visit Philly and go, then go back to the Eastern Market and tell me what you think . . .)

Over the weekend, when I was planning my menus for this week, I put Brownie Mix on the shopping list for Mr. Random. Of course, when he came back from shopping I noticed no Brownie mix whatsoever. Hey! Mr. Random had decided that we could very well make the brownies from scratch at home, and offered to make them himself. He did so as a trial run last night, and might I say that they were just as tasty and moist – if not more – than the box kind. He said that it didn’t take any longer than using a mix, except for melting the butter. OK, we’ll see how it goes tomorrow . . .

I really do want to be the sort of person who buys wonderful fresh ingredients all of the time and makes wonderful tasty meals, but reality interferes and I get home and just want to crawl into bed with a cup of soup, if that. The holiday season is the time when my cooking muse comes out and I have the time and presence of mind to experiment and make lots of tasty treats . . .

I need to go shopping at Target this afternoon. Actually, it would be more convenient to go on the weekend, but I really don’t want to deal with the throngs of holiday shoppers that will be out. I’m probably going to do most of my shopping online – I already know what I want to get Mr. Random, it’s just a matter of pruning down the list. Now what I’m getting various family members is another story. That will take a bit of creative thinking to get nice things, but cheaply . . .

The novel is still dormant, but I hope to make progress over the weekend . . .

My ESL class is almost over and I am so, so happy about that. My students are getting fatigued and I am getting fatigued. They were a really good bunch this semester, they gelled together very quickly and helped each other out a great deal. Discussions got a lot smoother as the classes went on, and people were not afraid to try their hand at contributing their $.02 in English. Dealing with the autistic gentleman was challenging but I do think he got a lot out of the class. He needed a much more one on one interaction from me than I could give, and I do regret that. There was one student who was a bit of a pill towards the end, but as I said, there’s only two more classes left . . .

Question to anyone who is doing the Blogger Beta: Have you played around with moving stuff in the layout templates? Was it relatively simple? Did you have to start from scratch and then have to add back in all of your links? Inquiring minds want to know – I may work on the look of the blog if I have time. If I do go ahead and make changes, I’ll let you all know how it goes . . .

I haven’t had a poem in a while, and I don’t think I’ve put this one up here – even if so, I still like it . . .

What I Did to Time
By Kate Light

What I did to time was ball it up, and
throw it out, when I was unhappy,
years ago; chucked it, sprained my hand
wadding it tight, waiting for an end,
the end of a long season, haul
too long to tolerate, questions
I couldn't answer, changes I couldn't make, tall
orders hovering. Couldn't take suggestions
(stubborn pride); couldn't find solutions
(ignorance, fear); but I could hold my breath
and squeeze away a year—nuisance
years fell into faints and met their death.
Now I'd give anything to have that plethora, that stack;
to feel its truth and call its slow pace back.

Until I post again . . .

Fever for the Flavor

What’s going on with me?

From Wednesday night on, I got a nasty cold, which was not helped by standing in the rain for two hours on Thursday at an event for the Random Non-Profit.

Why were we standing in the rain? No contingency plans! Why didn’t we cancel? Because people only want to see what they want to see when they want to see it.

When I got back to the office on Thursday, I closed my door and put my head on my desk until Mr. Random could come to take me home – I felt that bad.

Stayed in bed pretty much Thursday afternoon through Saturday evening. Watched lots of Food Network, since that is pretty innocuous and I didn’t feel like I missed anything if I fell asleep for an hour during a show. I had no concentration for anything else besides staring at the TV and sleeping.

Sunday I felt a little bit better, and started planning the menus of stuff I am making for Thanksgiving and for a get together the day afterwards. For Thursday, I am taking to my parents’ house:

Green Bean Casserole (because it’s not a holiday without it . . .)

Green Onion-Cheese Popovers

Sweet Potato Cheesecake

For Friday’s get together, I am going to try to make:

Ham

Cranberry Sauce

Roasted Sweet Potatoes

Green Beans

Asparagus

Autumn Succotash

Green Onion-Cheese Popovers

Double Fudge Brownies with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce

. . . I do hope it turns out well!

Wrote 1300 words for the novel. Now up to 3300 words. Unless there’s a miracle this weekend, I will probably only get 10,000 MAX – but that will be about 9000 more words than I have written before, so that’s progress.

I am so glad this is a short week! I really need some more rest. I hope everyone else is going to have a great holiday!

What are YOU having to eat this week?

Modern Art Field Trip

I went to see this fantastic exhibit at the Phillips Collection (http://www.phillipscollection.org/html/exhibits.html) with a friend of mine on Saturday. If you are in the DC area before the end of January, and you love modern art, I highly recommend that you go – both my friend and I were blown away by the works shown, and the exhibit really deserves as second (and even third!) viewing. Mr. Random is really eager to see it, so I am hoping we can go during the Christmas break when his class is over. It will probably be much more crowded then, but at least I will have seen it in relative peace and quiet first . . .

Much more information about the exhibit (and some really cool pictures) can be found here: (http://artgallery.yale.edu/socanon/)

As for NaNoWriMo, I’m still on 2000 words . . . but they are 2000 different words, which I think is progress! I didn’t like the way my story was going, or the way it started, or even the voice, so I just decided to start all over again. I still have a few weeks. All is need is a couple of weekends and a lot of caffeine, and I should be good to go. I’m also going to try to actually donate a little bit to the program – an event like this definitely needs to be supported . . .

I am starting to plan a menu for Thanksgiving. Well, not exactly for that day, but for the day after. Mr. Random and I always go to my parents’ house for dinner on Thanksgiving, so they day after we try to do a dinner at home and invite some friends over to play games – kind of a de-stress day from the whole family thing . . .

I actually DO like to cook, especially when I have time to think things out and do it properly – however, I very rarely have time to do so, except around the holidays when I generally have more time off and more time to play in the kitchen . . .

You see, I have to be in a good mood and rather relaxed to feel like cooking, which is a state that only happens after a few days of being home and away from all sorts of work stressors. So weekends aren’t usually quite enough rest for that – long weekends usually are . . .

There was a recipe for homemade bread in last week’s New York Times’ Food section – Mark Bittman has this incredibly simple/no kneading required recipe that I am dying to try. The only catch is that the whole process takes 18-20 hours, to let the dough rise slowly – but the bread looks heavenly, and it seems that baking bread should be a full on weekend project anyway . . .

Today was a very stressful day at the Random Non-profit, and the week does not look much better. Both Mr. Random and I are deluged with work, with Mr. Random’s grad school homework added on top of it. Things are awfully tense both at the Random Non-profit and at the Random Household. I try to stay out of the way, while trying to be very encouraging, but sometimes it is hard. After being at work all day and talking about work things, I do want to come home and just be a cuddly veggie, but Mr. Random is always still working on some project for work or school. This is only temporary, I know . . . and I certainly have plenty to work on after hours, too . . . so no more complaining from me . . .

I guess I should add a few hundred more words to the “Novel” now . . . I hope everyone is doing well!

Slow Progress

I only have 2000 words written at this point, but I have a good excuse – I had to go to a conference all day Saturday and then was totally exhausted on Sunday – so much so that I never got out of my pajamas or exerted much energy beyond moving from the bed to the couch in the living room.

Also, I had to work on my homework for my online class – had been a bit behind, but I believe I am all caught up now. The last lesson was on theories of adult learning, and so I had to read about the four different theories and then analyze my own teaching style and state which theories I subscribe to, and how I apply those theories in the classroom . . . so that took a little while to do . . .

I am very glad that this semester is going to be over in a couple of weeks because I really need a break. I am also going to have to take a few more trips before the middle of December, and traveling seems to take a lot out of me. Maybe if it was more fun travel, I would not mind as much, but trying to be up and engaged all of the time can really wear a person out . . .

Anyway . . . I hope the rest of you had a restful weekend . . .

The Icon for This Year is Unveiled . . .

Here we go . . . now it's official . . . I HAVE to do this, since I have this shiny picture up here . . .

To Those About To Write, We Salute You

Ladies and gentlemen,

It’s that time of year again! National Novel Writing Month begins today.

The goal: write 50,000 words by the end of November.

Will I actually do it this year? Well, I’m definitely going to try. I do hope to do more than a couple of thousand words, that’s for sure . . .

To those of you who are actually writing your own books (Shout out to Theme Park Experience!), I honestly say I am in awe of your dedication . . .

I am having a bit of troubly uploading this year's icon onto the blog, but I'll try to get it up by the weekend.

Wish me luck!

The Week That Was

Goodness, I’ve been gone for a week! Time certainly flies . . . except when it doesn’t . . .

I was at a conference in Baltimore from Thursday through Saturday – most of the time spent in the hotel, and any time not spent in the meeting rooms were spent in my room, exhausted. The hotel we were at was pretty cool – they had just renovated all of the bedrooms so they all had state-of-the-art bathrooms with the mosaic tiles, along with flat screen TVs in front of the bed. Unfortunately, the hotel didn’t have any decent cable channels so I was stuck falling asleep to CSI:Miami. May I say that that is one show that I do NOT need to see in high definition, super-sharp TV. Eeeeeeewwww!

Saturday night, a few hours after I came home, I went to see a friend of mine perform at a hotel comedy club in Bethesda, MD. The last time I saw him perform was in January, the first night that he had returned after a hiatus of many months. This time he did wonderfully well in his 7 minute set, and many people came up to him afterwards being very complementary. I thought he was one of the best ones on the bill that night, and I’m not being biased, I swear . . .

My birthday happened while I was stuck in Baltimore and it passed by quietly – I didn’t tell anyone which made my life easier, because I really didn’t want any fuss while I was at the conference . . .

A wonderful, wonderful friend gave me Annie Leibowitz’s new book, A Photographer’s Life, which is the best birthday present EVER! She is an amazing photographer, not just for her portraits, but for her shots of her family and other documentary moments, and all of the pictures moved me in some way – some to tears . . .

Yesterday was the Marine Corps Marathon and Mr. Random easily completed his 5th one! It was a bit more confusing to find him at the end this year since they changed the finish line area, so I spent an hour moving among the masses of people trying to find him, which was next to impossible since the cell phones were either (a) not picking up or (b) you couldn’t hear the ringing. Mr. Random is in a lot of pain and questioning why he does it, but I know that it is only temporary since the Marathon is the main reason that he tries to keep in shape every year – I just fear that without it, he won’t take as good care of himself or expend as many calories . . .

I’ll stop writing for now – I actually want to get this post up today, and if I don’t stop now it will languish for the rest of the day and then I’ll never post. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend . . .

Just Following Directions . . .

On Saturday, I spent the day with a really good friend of mine. It was one of those beautiful, cool but sunny, autumn days that you hope for this time of year. We went and did a bunch of touristy type-things, as we usually like to do, taking advantage of all of the wonderful free sights that D.C. has to offer . . .

We went to Ford’s Theater, since my friend had never been, and we also spent some time at the National Archives. Of course, since this is DC, we stood in line to go through the metal detectors at the Archives and then *both* of us managed to set off the alarms somehow and had to be frisked . . . yes, I always love that part . . .

I am always amazed that people want to take pictures inside of museums and places like the archives. I mean, why? If you take a flash picture, you are helping to disintegrate the original source documents, and if you don’t use flash then you can’t really tell what you are taking a picture of, since it’s so dark. Just keep the memories in your head, people! You don’t have to take pictures of everything! . . .

But it was a lovely day with lovely company – a day to just be and do and see. Those days can be few and far between sometimes . . . especially when the workweeks and weekends are filled with activities and projects that must-be-finished-yesterday. Mr. Random had his final project due for his first class on Saturday, along with a final exam to study for, and we both were laden down with work from the Random Non-profit. So being out and about on Saturday, thinking about those things not one bit, was rather nice . . .

While we were out, I bemoaned my writing on this blog as being way depressing. In a tone of utter obviousness, my friend said that I should just write about something that made me happy . . .

Well, my dear friend . . . consider it done . . .

The Other Side of the Story

I don’t know if this is big news in other areas, but right now there are huge protests going on at Gallaudet University, the premiere college for the deaf in the United States, over the appointment of a new president to replace the popular I. King Jordan – who himself was swept into office after protests from the deaf community to be represented by one of their own. In the media, all of the coverage has been a bit one sided, portraying the protesting students and faculty as quibbling that the prospective president “isn’t deaf enough,” which is not the case at all and distorts the real issues at hand.

A friend of mine who works at Gallaudet wrote on this issue much better than I could, and I wanted to share this with everyone so you too are informed about what’s actually going on.

I don't know if you have heard about what's happening here at Gallaudet University where I work, but the students, faculty, staff, alumni, and parents have been protesting the appointment of Jane Fernandes as the next president of the university. Since the president of Gallaudet is an ambassador to the hearing world, the president of Gallaudet is also viewed quite literally as the president of all Deaf Americans. Jane Fernandes is a person that the current president, I. King Jordan, appointed to the Clerc Center (the deaf elementary and high school where I work) as the director 11 years ago. She decimated the place and fired anyone who disagreed with her. King then promoted her to Provost without going through a normal search committee 6 years ago. The community is protesting her now election as the next president to take office in January 07. The protesters took over the university last week forcing the closure of the entire campus for 3 full days. 130 plus protesters were arrested late Friday night in the dark when they could not see interpreters to know what was happening. The university is open now with only gate allowing passage on and off campus.

Tent cities have sprung up all around the country in support of the protests.

Alumni and parents from all over the country have come to support the protest movement, especially when so many of the protesters were arrested last Friday night.

Websites have sprung up detailing the [grievances against] Jane Fernandes and listing advice from several prominent members of the academic and Deaf Communities.

Please share with people you know. The more people are aware of the real issues (not the red herrings put out there by Gallaudet Administration) the more momentum this will get. Encourage local news stations to investigate and cover the story. Right now the media is presenting the impression that the students are spoiled children avoiding schoolwork and that they don't think Jane Fernandes is "deaf enough." I can assure you that that is not the case. Please visit the following websites for more information:

www.fssa.org
www.deafdc.com

Random Prose and Poetry - Rainy Day Edition

What I Did to Time
By Kate Light

What I did to time was ball it up, and
throw it out, when I was unhappy,
years ago; chucked it, sprained my hand
wadding it tight, waiting for an end,
the end of a long season, haul
too long to tolerate, questions
I couldn't answer, changes I couldn't make, tall
orders hovering. Couldn't take suggestions
(stubborn pride); couldn't find solutions
(ignorance, fear); but I could hold my breath
and squeeze away a year—nuisance
years fell into faints and met their death.
Now I'd give anything to have that plethora, that stack;
to feel its truth and call its slow pace back.

Since the debacle of my attempts at poetry for National Poetry Writing Month, I haven’t posted a poem in a while. Poetry does not come easy to me – there are times when I can not write it or understand it. These tend to be times when I feel most out of sync with the rest of the world, when I am feeling disconnected and down, when I feel overwhelmed and beaten. It is hard to appreciate the beauty and rhythm of words when you aren’t that thrilled with the actual concepts conveyed . . .

Secret Poem
— after Seferis
By Scott Cairns

Yes. I have seen the end, and yes
I was disturbed by what I saw.
That I yet glimpse occasional
and frankly stirring satisfactions
in the way the paper draws the ink
may prove one mode of consolation.

That I continue to appreciate
a morning walk, an evening's
intercourse should also speak
encouragement, no? The end
appalls. Quite so. Though I wouldn't say
the end appalls more fully

than the interim. The present
situation—electoral
absurdity, real TV, unprovoked
slaughter thoroughly explained—such
assaults attain a state insisting
that the end arrive, and quickly.

The past is ever with us, but most
have pared it to a less demanding
heft, utilitarian. For me, the past
has become lately my own
articulation of that scene
I saw, just now, as very like the end.

But I do love poetry, when I can love poetry. Sometimes it is the only way to say close to what a feeling is, and said so much better than I could ever say . . .

As the Fall wears on, I feel like I need some assurances that everything is going to turn out OK. I mean, Mr. Random is doing wonderfully in grad school, my ESL class is going well so far, we still have jobs that still sort of pay us – but there is a tinge of uneasiness about everything on my part. I don’t know whether the state of the world gets me down or what. I think that I really need some major time off. I need something fun to look forward to. I need a little creativity, a little whimsy going on in my life right now. We are kind of in a rut at the moment . . .

A Strange Disorder
By Diane Ackerman

A strange disorder rules the house
where lately slender method scared
papers into files neat as hedgerows
and caution laid its dropcloth everywhere.
Now books lie slaughtered on the rug,
the telephone rings, old letters dune
among bills and maps and coffee spoons
in a room spontaneous as a compost heap
where you work the oracle of my thoughts
and haunt the prison of my sleep.

I don’t think I’m majorly depressed or anything – I’m just kind of in limbo, waiting for something to happen, wondering if I should be making something happen, but not knowing what that something is.

My birthday is next week, but I will be out of town at a conference. In some ways, hanging out in a hotel room at night reading does sound attractive, but I do wish that I was going to be home for it. The day I return is the day before the Marine Corps Marathon and Mr. Random will need to rest beforehand, so there won’t really be an opportunity to go out when I get back. I could plan something for later, but by then it will have passed and there will be other things that require more attention – the daily schedule fills up, the nights are spoken for with school and homework and work.

Birthdays are an odd lot, aren’t they? Some people like to pretend they don’t exist, some people dread their coming, others love to celebrate the day that they are born. I’m in the last category – I think that celebrating the accomplishment of another year is a wonderful thing. I could be bummed about turning 36, but I’m not. I am kind of happy with the way I am, the way I turned out. There are some things I wish I’d done in the past, but there is still plenty of time – I’m not 100, there are more years to go . . .

I just have to remember not to compare myself to other people . . . HA! HA! That’s a lot easier said than done, isn’t it? Especially around here . . .

I am looking forward to the weekend a great deal, it’s just the weeks that are getting harder to get through . . .

Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day. You’re bumming me out, man!

Carrying a Heavy Load

It’s funny – I’ve started to write and stopped, started to write and stopped, many times today.

I’m a bit distracted, I guess. My reading has fallen down a bit in the past two weeks – but I think it was what I was reading that was the problem. A Whistling Woman started out promisingly but then there were all these story threads that I really had no patience for, which made me either not want to continue or want to skip ahead to find the thread that I actually liked. It was all a big pain, so I just read the last couple of chapters and called it finished. Life is much too short to struggle through a fiction book that isn’t an important work of some sort. I’ve started reading White Teeth and I’m proceeding cautiously, since it seems to be starting out a little bumpy . . .

My writing is suffering a lot – not just here, but elsewhere. It pains me a great deal. Inspiration has not been easily found, which I think is mostly a function of the problems I’ve been having with reading.

I’ve also been quite tired lately. On both Saturday and Sunday I took naps for several hours. The drama going on at the Random Non-Profit is weighing my brain down. If this experience does not kill me, it will make me a stronger person. However, I have another 8 months of this stuff to go through and I don’t know if I can last that long . . .

Not much exciting going on – I’m hoping this is a quiet week. Tonight, I hope to work on my lesson plan for tomorrow’s class and do a little reading for my online class. Tomorrow night – teach class. Wednesday night – Choir practice. Thursday night – online class. On Saturday, do some Theater and museum-hopping with a friend and then dinner with Mr. Random.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Pet Peeve of the Day

Not to get all “Andy Rooney” on you all, but it really bugs me when people walk onto elevators already talking on their cell phones. Can’t you wait until you get outside, or at least finish the conversation in the hall? Why do you think that everyone else in the elevator has to hear your conversation, which is so totally NOT important, by the way . . .

For the past two weeks, the same woman has been getting on the elevator in my office building just a chattering away – whether there is one other person on the elevator already or six . . .

Ok, that is all . . . I’m glad I got that off of my chest . . .

Otherwise it is just another gorgeous Fall day here in Virginia . . .

Naps Do a World of Good

I am feeling a bit better today . . . having the day off and taking a nap does add a bit of perspective . . .

I’ve just signed up to take an online class in adult learning. I’ve never taken an online class before so this should be quite interesting. I rather prefer being face-to-face with teachers and other students, to get the full give and take in the classroom and to make new friends in “meat space,” but I feel compelled to try this out. Besides, it is free and is rather low key – it’s not for a grade, but for a certificate. I’ve always been curious about how adults learn and are eager to figure out how to apply this knowledge to communications and outreach, whether by a non-profit trying to get its message out or by a campaign trying to get factual information out about a candidate and the issues involved . . .

The Random Cat also has not been acting up today . . . I get the feeling that she only likes to act up when Mr. Random is here because she feels like he is not giving her enough attention or treats. She knows that I am not willing to put up with her hissy-fits and that I will quickly put her in “her room” and close the door for a time out. The Random Cat has lost quite a bit of weight on her “cat”kins diet, but as a consequence she likes to sniff around Mr. Random and me when we are eating and try to grab the food off of our plates . . .

Watched the first part of “Casanova” on PBS last night – I love Peter O’Toole, and utterly adore David Tennant. I just heard of the guy last week when watching Doctor Who, and now I’m willing to seek him out elsewhere. It’s a really well done story, with some surprises, and I’m looking forward to the next installment on Sunday . . .

I’m going to have to find a new co-teacher for January – I just found out the person I team teach with is expecting a baby in early December. We teach on different nights and I actually hadn’t seen her in person since the end of April, so I’m glad she let me know . . . I could only imagine being quite surprised to see her at the end of November . . .

. . . And so another busy week begins . . .

The Autumn Leaves Are Starting to Fall

Hello, everyone.

It’s been a busy week and many things have been preying upon my mind lately.

Today is gorgeous and sunny here in Northern Virginia, as I sit in my bedroom and look out on the piles of dirt that the construction in back has turned the lush woods into. It lets more light into the condo, that’s for sure, but I really miss the trees. It was always so beautiful to see them turn the different colors this time of year . . .

I am in a sad mood. I finally heard from my friend, L, after about a month, and she has said that she has moved back to her hometown. I had been so looking forward to her moving back to DC, but then she needed a place to stay right away, and Mr. Random and I could not accommodate because of our frenzied schedules at that time, and now I feel responsible in some way for driving her away. It is probably not true, but I am feeling that way . . .

I only found out because I sent an e-mail to her on her birthday, and she responded with a terse “thanks!” Not leaving well enough alone, I invited her out to dinner with me and Mr. Random so that we could all catch up, and then she wrote back that she had moved back home and was too busy to write more. Maybe I’m just overly sensitive, but I’m thinking not . . .

My other friend, L, is expecting her child any day now – we’re just waiting on word. Another friend came into the office on Thursday to say hello and show off her new baby girl . . .

I am still trying to figure out what I want to do, and I am getting anxious. I feel like I am being pulled into all different directions and that I don’t have many people to share this with. It makes me feel very lonely . . .

What does it mean to be a good person? What is it that I am meant to do? I just don’t know anymore . . . and yet each day the treadmill keeps running and I keep going, trying to do the best I can, trying to add a little bit to the world in my own way, hoping that something I do is making a difference to someone . . .

Mr. Random got a perfect score on his first exam yesterday. We went out to dinner to celebrate. He’s really enjoying his class, and I am so happy for him. He also finished the Army Ten Miler today, and is not out running to get a few more miles in to finish training for the Marine Corps Marathon at the end of the month. He is also overwhelmed at work, and is going into the office tomorrow, despite it being the Columbus Day holiday. Me? I’m taking it off no matter what – I need the day off, I’m just so deep-down tired . . .

I’m at a loss for what to say next, so I’ll stop for now . . . I’m just hoping this is just the end of a bad week, and my optimism will come back really soon . . .

Farewell, Mr. Robinson . . .

Yesterday, Mr. Random and I went to the final Washington Nationals baseball game of the season. I love going to baseball games – they are so much fun to watch in person, especially when you have really involved fans around you. It was Frank Robinson’s last game managing the Nats, temporarily ending his 51st year in baseball – His farewell was quite moving and I was so happy to have been there to see it. I do hope he gets some sort of front office position, because who can imagine him just sitting at home when the new season starts . . .

The Nats really need to get some better pitchers - they gave up 6 runs in the 2nd inning - the second inning! It isn't just that one game - the pitchers seem to suck every time I see them. It isn't a Nats game unless they go through 3 or 4 pitching changes . . . and it's really bad if even *I* can tell they suck . . .

There was a shout out to Eric McClain’s Off Wing Opinion blog yesterday in the Washington Post, mentioned by Ted Leonsis in an article about the Capitals. Their season starts this week and I really want to go to one of their games this year. I have never even set foot in the Verizon Center yet, which is really sad . . .

I’m don’t really like football, so there will be no ‘Skins talk here; basically, baseball, hockey and soccer are all that I can get my head around . . . along with a little curling, once every 4 years . . .

I seem to be in a bit of a melancholy mood today (I know, you are probably asking “when are you not?”) but I am really not digging the stuff I have to do here at work this week. There is just too much to do and I keep being pulled in all of these different directions. My boss is not helpful, since she is being pulled around too, and isn’t one to sit down and prioritize and make deadlines. I know I should do so myself, but, um, she’s the boss . . .

Actually, that’s not true – there is stuff that I am psyched to do, but it is buried under all of the other junk. I may try to take a few days and work from home (if they aren’t using the earth movers behind my condo that day, that is . . .) and get some actual writing and analysis done . . .

Anther packed week ahead – Mr. Random is doing the Army Ten Miler on Sunday. They are banning the use of water bottles/backpacks and cell-phones. How am I supposed to know when to come get Mr. Random then? I don’t want to have to wait around the Pentagon parking lot until he finishes – I’ve been there, done that and almost caught pneumonia some years because it was cold and rainy. I’d hang out at the nearby coffee places, but they are usually packed with other non-running spouse waiting around.

Also, this week is packed with the usual teaching/choir/random meetings. I guess Friday night is my downtime, while Mr. Random finishes his homework and watches the season premiere of Battlestar Gallactica . . .

By the way, may I say that I love the new Doctor Who series? I didn’t watch it last time, but I saw the premiere Friday night and I guess I am hooked . . . the new Doctor is such a dashing fellow anyway . . . However, I refuse to watch anything else on that station, because I get tired of the same plots being recycled – especially the Stargates . . . you know, visit a random planet, poke, poke, oops! We got the aliens mad at us, how are we going to get out of it? Get out of the scrape just barely . . .

I want the leaves to start turning, darn it! I want to see pretty colored trees when I look out of my office window . . .

I hope everyone had wonderful weekends . . .

Sitting Down on Saturday Afternoon

It’s Fall. It’s truly Fall here in the mid-sized city . . . the weather is cool enough that you need a sweater or jacket, and the various nurseries have their pumpkin patches set up with different types of Halloween displays.

When it’s Fall, you realize that the year is almost over. You start to take stock of all the things you haven’t done and all of the things you have. You decide what you need to jettison and what you need to keep. You see if you should start something new or wait to see what the new year brings . . .

I always seem to be living inside my head . . . and not in a good way. I mean, if it was in a good way, I would hope that my writing would be better. But a lot of the time there is some work that needs to go on inside before you can even start to vocalize what it is you want.

I still don’t know what I want, but I think I’m getting closer to it than I have in the past. That’s a good thing, but now there is still more work I need to do before I even get close to verbalizing what that is . . .

Today I had lunch with a good friend of mine, who knows what he wants to do and is willing to take the time and make the sacrifices necessary to get there. He’s single, which in a way makes it easier to do than if you have another person who is relying on you . . .

Towards the end of October, I am going to turn 36 years old. I would like to say that I am happy with who I am and where I am, and I probably should. However, I still haven’t quite mastered the feat of shaking off what others might think . . .

You know, I don’t really go back and read what I have written on this blog once I have posted it. I do check for comments, but otherwise I just let my thoughts hang out there – a testament to the moment in which I feel moved to write. A lot of times I think it means that I have repeated myself a lot . . . because I do think of the same things over and over again, come up with the same arguments in my head and try to work things out. Certain situations act as triggers for certain feelings, and being the insecure gal that I am I revisit those feelings a lot . . .

I just wanted to put that out there today. Repeating myself for the umpteenth time, hoping to find a nugget of revelation in the words I keep typing. Nothing very noteworthy happened today, and my brain can’t quite handle trying to make the events of my past week coherent enough for others’ consumption . . .

Just remember that Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in your soul . . .

That line always gives me great comfort. May it carry you through this weekend too . . .

Arrested Professional Development

See, my brain can’t focus on anything too long, so after a decent night’s sleep the anxieties from the day before have disappeared and only the anxiety for the week ahead remains . . .

I’m putting a couple of business trips on my calendar for the end of October and beginning of November – for one, I’m going to be out of town for two nights (one of which is my birthday) and for the other I will be going up and back on the train on a Saturday for a day-long conference. I was told to go ahead and make the arrangements, so I just hope the Random Non-profit is going to pay for all of it. Yes, I know that it should be a given, but the Random Non-profit always seems to be teetering on the brink – so one must take nothing for granted . . .

There is a professional development organization that I want to join – it is a fairly well known organization in the non-profit field, and it has excellent networking opportunities and continuing education programs which would benefit both myself and the Random Non-profit in allowing me to learn how I should do my job, much less learn to do my job better. Most organizations pay for their employees’ memberships – a membership costs around $300 – but the Random Non-profit never pays for anything like that. They don’t even have tuition reimbursement anymore . . .

So I guess if I actually want to do well in my field I am going to have to cough up the bucks for the membership myself – which is just as well – I’m only hoping to stay at this place long enough to get enough experience to move on to a better paying organization, so it is an investment in my own growth, but I do wish the Random Non-profit wasn’t so stingy . . . it actually hurts them, in a way, since people have to look outside the organization to be able to learn and grow, which leads to a lot of talented people leaving . . .

I really need a lot of help – the longer that I am in my new-ish position, the more I realize what I don’t know and what skills I need to get – such as in how to supervise people without seeming passive-aggressive, and how to facilitate meetings better, how to do strategic planning, how to do board development, etc., etc. . . .

I guess it is a good thing that I want to improve – I could easily coast along and muddle through what I’m doing and it would past muster at this place. I just wish that it would seem helpful for the place I’m in right now – rather than in the place I want to be in 5 years . . .

Wait, did that make sense? I’m not sure . . .