Sitting Down on Saturday Afternoon

It’s Fall. It’s truly Fall here in the mid-sized city . . . the weather is cool enough that you need a sweater or jacket, and the various nurseries have their pumpkin patches set up with different types of Halloween displays.

When it’s Fall, you realize that the year is almost over. You start to take stock of all the things you haven’t done and all of the things you have. You decide what you need to jettison and what you need to keep. You see if you should start something new or wait to see what the new year brings . . .

I always seem to be living inside my head . . . and not in a good way. I mean, if it was in a good way, I would hope that my writing would be better. But a lot of the time there is some work that needs to go on inside before you can even start to vocalize what it is you want.

I still don’t know what I want, but I think I’m getting closer to it than I have in the past. That’s a good thing, but now there is still more work I need to do before I even get close to verbalizing what that is . . .

Today I had lunch with a good friend of mine, who knows what he wants to do and is willing to take the time and make the sacrifices necessary to get there. He’s single, which in a way makes it easier to do than if you have another person who is relying on you . . .

Towards the end of October, I am going to turn 36 years old. I would like to say that I am happy with who I am and where I am, and I probably should. However, I still haven’t quite mastered the feat of shaking off what others might think . . .

You know, I don’t really go back and read what I have written on this blog once I have posted it. I do check for comments, but otherwise I just let my thoughts hang out there – a testament to the moment in which I feel moved to write. A lot of times I think it means that I have repeated myself a lot . . . because I do think of the same things over and over again, come up with the same arguments in my head and try to work things out. Certain situations act as triggers for certain feelings, and being the insecure gal that I am I revisit those feelings a lot . . .

I just wanted to put that out there today. Repeating myself for the umpteenth time, hoping to find a nugget of revelation in the words I keep typing. Nothing very noteworthy happened today, and my brain can’t quite handle trying to make the events of my past week coherent enough for others’ consumption . . .

Just remember that Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in your soul . . .

That line always gives me great comfort. May it carry you through this weekend too . . .