Oh, No . . . Guadalajara Won't Do

Yesterday, I had a wonderful visit to one of the Random Non-profit’s sites in Philadelphia. There I was able to shadow one of the employees for a day, attend a meeting at the Philadelphia School District building where parent advocates were able to voice their concerns about some of the District’s policies, and otherwise learn what it’s like to actually work at one of the sites for a day. I got a lot from the trip that I hope to pass on to other employees here at the main office.

But do you know what the best part of the day was?

I got to ride the subway back and forth from 30th Street Station – and use an actual subway token!

You have no idea how exciting that was – I hadn’t ridden the subway or used a token since the end of tenth grade. They have newer trains now, but it still seemed the same. I took both the bus and subway to school for 5 years and I very much missed that sense of autonomy that that 10-14 year old girl had in traveling the city all by herself. It took me a long time to get that feeling back – and in many ways I still don’t have it.

Last night on Justrose’s blog, I saw her mention something about helping plan her Doogie Howser High 20th reunion. (In case you didn’t know, Justrose and I were in the same class together from 5th grade through 10th grade.) I had to leave Doogie Howser right before 11th grade because my family moved to Virginia.

As you may know if you’ve been reading this blog for a long time, I hated moving down here and I hated going to a big suburban high school. I felt very out of place, and I didn’t make any really good friends or anything. On my graduation day, I cried buckets because everything felt so unfinished, I felt so lost.

So my 20th high school reunion is coming up next year. Mr. Random’s is also. Mr. Random actually wants to go back to California for his – he lived in the same house his whole childhood and knew the same bunch of folks the whole time. He’s dying to see what happened to a bunch of people. I will have to go with him, since he also wants to show that he has a cool wife and a decent life going on out here on the East Coast. I won’t know anyone, but I’m sure I’ll be entertained by the strangeness of it all . . .

I will not be attending my 20th reunion. Why should I? I was only at the school for 2 years, I didn’t make any real friends, I have no ties, nothing or no one is there that I would want to see or talk to. It just bring back a very painful time for me and I’d rather not . . .

The really sucky thing is that I won’t be able to go to Doogie Howser’s 20th reunion. Well, I mean, I was gone the last two years and everything, so I missed a ton. I would love to see everyone, but I doubt that most would remember me. I’d be very out of place. It’s very depressing – not being a part of anything . . .

I guess that’s why being back in Philly yesterday was so bittersweet: it’s my hometown and yet, not really anymore . . . it’s a part of me, but I’m not a part of it. What is really “home” anyway? . . .

Well, at least I can gladly claim that the DC/Northern Virginia area is my true home now. It’s where a wonky-geeky-dysfunctional chick like me could find friends, get married and make her way in the world and not feel TOO out of place. I just wish there was more of a connect to the girl I used to be and the woman that I am now . . .