The Autumn Leaves Are Starting to Fall

Hello, everyone.

It’s been a busy week and many things have been preying upon my mind lately.

Today is gorgeous and sunny here in Northern Virginia, as I sit in my bedroom and look out on the piles of dirt that the construction in back has turned the lush woods into. It lets more light into the condo, that’s for sure, but I really miss the trees. It was always so beautiful to see them turn the different colors this time of year . . .

I am in a sad mood. I finally heard from my friend, L, after about a month, and she has said that she has moved back to her hometown. I had been so looking forward to her moving back to DC, but then she needed a place to stay right away, and Mr. Random and I could not accommodate because of our frenzied schedules at that time, and now I feel responsible in some way for driving her away. It is probably not true, but I am feeling that way . . .

I only found out because I sent an e-mail to her on her birthday, and she responded with a terse “thanks!” Not leaving well enough alone, I invited her out to dinner with me and Mr. Random so that we could all catch up, and then she wrote back that she had moved back home and was too busy to write more. Maybe I’m just overly sensitive, but I’m thinking not . . .

My other friend, L, is expecting her child any day now – we’re just waiting on word. Another friend came into the office on Thursday to say hello and show off her new baby girl . . .

I am still trying to figure out what I want to do, and I am getting anxious. I feel like I am being pulled into all different directions and that I don’t have many people to share this with. It makes me feel very lonely . . .

What does it mean to be a good person? What is it that I am meant to do? I just don’t know anymore . . . and yet each day the treadmill keeps running and I keep going, trying to do the best I can, trying to add a little bit to the world in my own way, hoping that something I do is making a difference to someone . . .

Mr. Random got a perfect score on his first exam yesterday. We went out to dinner to celebrate. He’s really enjoying his class, and I am so happy for him. He also finished the Army Ten Miler today, and is not out running to get a few more miles in to finish training for the Marine Corps Marathon at the end of the month. He is also overwhelmed at work, and is going into the office tomorrow, despite it being the Columbus Day holiday. Me? I’m taking it off no matter what – I need the day off, I’m just so deep-down tired . . .

I’m at a loss for what to say next, so I’ll stop for now . . . I’m just hoping this is just the end of a bad week, and my optimism will come back really soon . . .