Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Still Passing the Open Windows

(The title of this post refers to the book, The Hotel New Hampshire . . . no worries, it's a good thing.)

I did not realize that it has been almost a week since I last wrote . . .

There is much to write about, but I don’t seem to have the words or the energy at the moment. There are many things going on though – life just keeps plugging away at the Random household as we gear up for a season of increased activity.

A few weeks ago, Justrose had this in her blog:

“there was an interview in this month's national geographic with egyptian writer
alaa al aswany, author of the yacoubian building. it is famous in the arab
world, i know nothing about it, i probably won't read it. but he said this about
writing, which i loved:”

if i get scared, i cannot write, and if i write, i am not scared.

I am scared. I am not sure what the fall is going to bring.

Right now there are many opportunities that I could start to work on, but the implications of a few of those projects are frightening to me – they may mean a whole change in focus and more time out and about. Mr. Random will be very busy with grad school and running and soccer – and I am psyched and encouraging for him. My choir practices are starting up again, along with my ESL teaching, and I will be running around very busy too.

There is a project that I want to start to work on – my photo project – which could be quite fun and hone my skills while helping to document a “scene” that is going on in the DC area. Almost every ounce of my being wants to do this, but I hesitate. It is scary. It will take more time away. I don’t know if I will be good at it. People may just think I am a weirdo, and the pictures may turn out to totally suck. But I HAVE to try . . .

Gee, I seem to be talking myself into it, huh?

Anyway, it seems like the next year is going be a huge determining factor in how the rest of my life is going to go. It feels like the decisions I’m making now are “make or break.” So, I’m scared for that reason, too. I’m at the bottom of a hill, looking at three different paths going up a mountain, but I cannot see where they lead – I cannot see where they end because there’s some sort of fog or smog at the top obscuring the view. I really don’t want to end up in a place where it turns out I don’t want to be . . . but there is no way to be sure . . .

I’ll end here because I’m not sure if I’m making any sense. It is still a jumble in my head. Thanks for being a receptacle for my indecision . . . it does help a bit . . .

By the way . . . more random quotes today:

The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.
--Denis Watley

It is better wither to be silent, or to say things of more value than silence. Sooner throw a pearl at hazard than an idle or useless word; and do not say a little in many words, but a great deal in a few.
--Pythagoras (582 BC - 507 BC)

Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot.
--D. H. Lawrence (1885 - 1930)

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
--Anais Nin (1903 - 1977)

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