To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

I had a dream last night/this morning that kind of disturbed me:

I was in what seemed like an old house or old building of some sort, and I was trying to take a shower, but for some reason I had to do it in the middle of the room where people where coming in and out and just sitting around. I was trying to find a closet to shower in, but there were no closets. So I was standing in the middle of the room, with all of my stuff around me but far enough away so that they didn’t get wet from the showerhead in the ceiling, trying to take a shower while wearing a bathing suit. Of course this was not working well, but I was really frustrated because all these people were walking in and out. I was trying to suds up while wearing the bathing suit, feeling stupid wearing a bathing suit, and feeling so embarrassed just for being there . . .

I woke up feeling very . . . unsettled . . .

So here I am. Lots of things going on in my life and I guess I am feeling kind of exposed (as my amateur dream analysis tells me) and embarrassed and naked . . .

Reflections from the past week:

The conference came off all right – a lot of things could have been done better, and there were two days straight when my entire food intake for breakfast and lunch was a bottle of water and a handful of cheddar cheese Combos. It was non-stop meetings and talking to people and being “on” and two days later, I am just SO exhausted . . .

It was not as weird as I thought without Mr. Random there, if only because I was so busy from the time I got there until the time I left. The only thing I missed was the ability to leave right away – Mr. Random had to come and pick me up each evening. I tried to get some rides home, but no one ever was able to go my way . . . even the woman who lives a few blocks over from me, usually had to go somewhere else after work. Luckily, I brought a book with me, but sitting in a hotel lobby is never fun when all you want to do is go home . . .

Next year, if they are going to cut back on anything, it definitely should not be the meals. The one meal a day thing was horrible, and most days it was just the “continental breakfast” – which is basically just some rolls and coffee. I don’t do well with just carbs in the morning – it makes me very cranky, and some folks have dietary restrictions in which they can’t eat that stuff. Restaurants are also really expensive in the area we were in, and we weren’t reimbursing folks – and a lot of our constituents come from struggling organizations and states and the cost of the hotel was about $250 a night alone. You would think that being in the field we are in we would know better, but nope, being cheap trumps all . . .

The high point of the conference was the last evening, which is our organization’s closing night dinner. Here we give out awards to several inspiring young people, ages 13-26, who are doing amazing things in our field. Listening to them tell their stories always energizes me for a little bit – they, and others like them, are exactly the reason I put up with all of the crap at the Random Non-profit. The fact that they things we do are helping to improve their lives, it makes it all worthwhile. If we could just get our acts together, stop the internal dysfunction and fulfill our movement’s TRUE potential, just think of the change we could make in the world!

Now after those four days of pure adrenaline, I need a long, long nap . . .