Winding Down / Gearing Up

We can close the books on 2007, and I am so glad that it is finally over. It seems that most folks are using this as a time of introspection, to recount all that has happened in the past year and to try to make sense of what has happened. On reflection, though, I believe that a lot of what happened in the past year has made no sense at all.

Oh, wait – let me rephrase that:

What happened this past year has made sense to all of those who set the wheels in motion for the larger events, and as a person affected by those events I can muster an appreciation for the thought processes in other people’s minds that went into their decisions. I also know that I can choose how I react to these events and in doing so help set the stage for positive or negative personal outcomes. I am the captain of my fate and the master of my soul, you know . . .

Dealing with these events caused me a lot of stress and worrying. I have to learn how to not let things get to me so much, while at the same time acknowledging that my propensity for wanting to take care of the world is part of what makes me the unique individual that I am. I love volunteer teaching, I love doing things for other people, I love trying to affect change in my little corner of the world. So I know that on some level, I will always be a bit stressed out and emotional.

On one of the other blogs I read, the writer said that for the next year she should remember to be mindful:

“Instead, my goal for the coming year is mindfulness - to be mindful of what I'm doing when I'm doing it, and to ask myself if it's really what I want or need to be doing right then. . . . I'm thinking that right now, my biggest problem is not doing or failing to do any specific things, but just not thinking about what I'm doing at all.”

I think that it is a pretty admirable goal. I do think that my problem is that I tend to OVERTHINK things, but in being mindful I should think about how what I am about to do relates to what *I* ACTUALLY want as opposed to what I think other people would think I should want. There IS a difference and only in the last few months have I started to really think about what I am doing and who I am trying to make happy and why . . .

My main goals this year are to get farther in my schooling, see more plays, take more pictures, have more excursions, be a better teacher, and generally try to enjoy myself. If I feel happier in general, everything else should follow. If I am enjoying myself, I will feel better about myself. If I feel better about myself, I will feel more confident in other areas and hopefully some other successes will come from that. I will be less of a miserable, moody person and be able to have more positive interactions with family, friends and co-workers.

As regards to my work situation, I will take it one day at a time. I will try to maintain my current schedule and keep my eye out for other interesting opportunities to get involved in that may be a better fit for me at this time of my life. This year has proved that working my tail off for the Random Non-profit will not net me any professional gains or martyr points, so I only need to do what is needed to be done each day in the time allotted and then let the rest go.

As for the blog . . . well, I’m always lamenting my crappy posting and writing here . . . and so I resolve to do much more of it in 2008! I will no longer beat myself up about it because – Hey! – the title of my blog says it’s OK . . .

“A snapshot is popularly defined as a photograph that is "shot" spontaneously and quickly, most often without artistic or journalistic intent. Snapshots are commonly considered to be technically "imperfect" or amateurish--out of focus or poorly framed or composed. Common snapshot subjects include the events of everyday life, such as birthday parties and other celebrations, sunsets, children playing, and the like.”

My blog is a snapshot of what I am thinking or feeling at a given point. It is usually dashed off in an odd moment, usually with some forethought but little time. But the cool thing about snapshots is that they document moments in time that existed and will never again. Some are gems and some are not, but they are all out there. And what one person may consider “amateurish,” another person may consider art . . . so I’ll keep going, doing as best I can to document the randomness which is my life and share it with you all . . .

******

OK, now I am a bit more optimistic and excited about the New Year. I really wasn’t when I started writing this morning, but putting words on the page has helped me focus and realize that continuing to look forward is the best course of action for me. Whatever happens, happens.

Happy New Year, Everyone! May your 2008 be full of adventure and discovery and happiness!

Isn't It Romantic? . . .

As seen on Scrivener's blog today . . .

I am rather pleased . . .

You Are Romanticism

You are likely to see the world as it should be, not as it is. You prefer to celebrate the great things people do... not the horrors they're capable of. For you, there is nothing more inspiring than a great hero. You believe that great art reflects the artist's imagination and true ideals.

What Art Movement Are You?

Seasons Greetings . . .

. . . from the Random Family! (and dig those funky Winnie-the-Pooh PJs of mine . . .)

Random Blog Post of Note

This post at Scrivener’s talks about one of the most beautiful and meaningful Solstice observances that I’d ever heard about. Like many of us, he and his family are going through a rough time of transitions and I think this ceremony would give many of us meaningful space for thought and reflection. Also, his Unitarian Church sounds like it is just awesome . . . the Random Church could probably learn a lot from it . . .

. . . Anyway, December is a month of observances for a number of reasons and I hope that whatever you celebrate, you know I wish everyone a healthy and happy New Year. I will continue to cling to the hope that 2008 is going to be a wonderful year for ALL of us!

. . . And I send a special shout-out to Virginia Gal, Mommanator and CS for being such cool, faithful readers this past year. Just knowing you are all out there has been such a comfort for me and I really appreciate your support as we all work through our lives.

Much love to you all!

A Christmas Meme

(Found at Terminal Degree’s blog)

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper! Gift bags are expensive and often stuff doesn’t fit, especially if the box is big.

2. Real tree or artificial? Artificial. Which sucks because we live on the top floor of a walk-up condo and dragging a real tree up and down all those stairs would not be fun. I love the smell of real pine and I miss it . . .

3. When do you put up the tree? At least a week before Christmas, but usually don’t decorate it until a day or two before.

4. When do you take the tree down? Shortly after Epiphany – usually the next weekend.

5. Do you like eggnog? Yes, but not too thick – I hate thick egg nog, it just gets the gag reflex going . . . so if you make thick egg nog, warn me beforehand and I’ll try to cut it with some milk or rum or something . . .

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Books! Always books!

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, a teeny one. I’ve always meant to start collecting them and get some ones of diverse backgrounds, but I never get around to it until it’s right before Christmas and too late to get a decent one.

8. Hardest person to buy for? Me – because I hate asking for things, and I’m usually happy just to get stuff for other folks.

9. Easiest person to buy for? My mom. She loves any type of puzzles and loves old movies.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever got? I’ve received a lot of really unfortunate sweaters.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail . . . when I remember. I actually did send out cards this year, but usually I intend to send “New Year’s” cards and fail miserably . . .

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Scrooged. Oh, and there was once a Christmas movie on the Family Channel that starred Andy Dick (yes, seriously!) that I adored the couple of years that they played it . . . I should have taped it. I must find it, if I could ever remember the title . . .

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? November, online.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? To Goodwill? Oh, yes . . .

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Freshly baked cookies, with egg nog, on Christmas eve.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored! Must. Have. Colored. Lights. Non-negotiable.

17. Favorite Christmas song? Pretty much most of them. Especially all of the ones we sing in the choir for the Advent/Christmas season. Least favorite? Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. Christmas in Washington. Christmas Shoes. (I have a rant about this song which is several layers of sacrilegious, otherwise I would share . . . but darn, that song is SO schlocky, and I’m usually very forgiving of Christmas music.)

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Home. Mr. Random always threatens to want to travel across the country to visit his mom and sister, but then I remind him of how this time of year is travel hell. I’m not budging. Besides we have our own traditions now, after 10 years, and I’d hate to give them up.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Only if I say them as part "Night Before Christmas."

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? A big red bow. To match the smaller red bows sprinkled around the tree.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? One on Christmas Eve, and the rest on Christmas morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Shopping in crowds. But I hate that any time of the year.

23. What I love most about Christmas? Everything! The Music! The Food! The Time Off! What’s not to love?

Random Sunday Afternoon Tree Trimming Music

In the CD player right now, on “shuffle,” the following Christmas albums are on to try to get me into some sort of Holiday mood:

Charlotte Church – Dream a Dream

The Cambridge Singers directed by John Rutter – Christmas Star: Carols for the Christmas Season

Harry Connick, Jr. – Harry for the Holidays

Vince Guaraldi Trio – A Charlie Brown Christmas

Diana Krall – Christmas Songs

A Note to a Newborn Girl

A friend of mine is about to give birth to her first child. Her and her husband asked all of their friends to write little letters to the soon-to-be-arriving little girl on how to be a confident, well-rounded, young woman. These letters will be assembled into a scrapbook, which will be held until the girl is a bit older.

I was having a bit of trouble with the assignment, since I'm not exactly a poster-child for well-adjusted-ness, but I thought I would share what I wrote . . .

If anyone has any other advice to add, please feel free to do so in the comments!

****

Dear [Baby Girl]

First, I want to say that you are very lucky to have two of the most awesome parents in the world! They love you very, very much. You may not realize how much now, but you will when you get much older. There may be a lot of bad things going on in the world at the moment, but there are also a lot of amazingly wonderful things going on too, and your parents will help lead you on that journey.

Your parents asked many of us to write a little note to you before you were born on how to be a confident, well-rounded, young woman. At first, I did not know what to write because it took me a REALLY long time to figure that out myself . . . and in many ways I am still learning how, even after 37 years on this earth.

So my words may be a bit of a cliché, and have probably been written by many other people, but I learned them the hard way and sometimes the oldest words are the truest . . .

Be open.

Always be open to learning. Read EVERYTHING you can get your hands on. Travel. Learn about other cultures and religions. Be a sponge. Find out how things work. Know how to fix things by yourself (or know where to take them to be fixed.) Talk to cool people. Ask lots of questions. More information is always better than less. The world becomes a wonderful and interesting and fascinating place when you do that, you will very rarely be bored, and you will always have fascinating stories to tell.

Be yourself.

You are a unique individual. You will grow up to like certain things that other people may not. You will not like other things that other people do. That’s OK. Don’t do something just to fit in if you don’t like it, even though it may seem easier at the time, because it will make you miserable. People will love you for just who you are, and if they don’t . . . that’s OK too. It is always better to have one or two REAL and TRUE friends, than have lots of people that you call friends who don’t care as much about the real you.

Be a friend.

Like people for who they are, not who you want them to be. Care about other people and their situations. Be generous with your smiles and your kindness – you never know when someone who is having a horrible day may take comfort in your small little act. Sometimes people are happy and want other people to share in their joy. Be happy with them. Sometimes people are scared and lonely and need someone to listen to them. Be a friendly ear (. . . but within reason. Your Mom and Dad can talk to you about that . . .) Know how to refer people to get more help when they need it. Be the kind of friend that you would want people to be for you, but also don’t expect people to always be a good friend back. Unfortunately, that happens sometimes, but most of the time people will surprise you with their generosity.

Be one with your common sense and intuition . . . Don’t take crap from anyone!

Sometimes a voice inside of you will tell you that something doesn’t seem right, that you should be wary of a situation. Listen to that voice. Don’t let anyone try to talk you out of it. You should always be able to walk away and take time to think about things if you are uncomfortable. Seriously! No one should pressure you into ANYTHING on the spot. Good intentioned people will always understand and let you have that space to decide on your own. Not very nice people often will try to rush you to do what they want. If you are uncertain, ask your parents or a trusted adult to help you decide. Even if they don’t have the answers, they can help you talk through things and think about things a bit better. Then, once you’ve thought about things and made a decision, people should respect that decision. They may not like it, but they should respect it.

That is my advice to you, my dear. It may not be the best advice, but it is what I have for now.

It is given with much love and affection from my heart and soul. Welcome to the world, young woman!

Sincerely,
Random Kath

Cloudy and Snowing Today

My word! It’s December already. Here’s my update on stuff so far – I’m going to start with the happier stuff first.

The Holidays: I’m trying to start purchasing presents now – which is a bit early for me. I have to get stuff together for my sister by the middle of next week to send a box over to her in Iraq. Also, the Random Non-profit partners with an elementary school to buy gifts for low-income families. Mr. Random and I are going to buy gifts for two kids, a 3 year old girl and an 11 year old boy, which now looks like a LOT, but I always get overly generous at this time of year. I mean, Even though Mr. Random aren’t doing great financially, we are very lucky in a lot of ways, and this is the least we can do.

Back in the Choir: I’ve started back up in the church choir for the Advent/Christmas season because this is the best time to be in a choir, you know? All of the hymns and carols, all of the lush harmonies – I couldn’t miss it for the world. The church also has a new interim minister who is very, very nice – very warm and engaging.

Layoffs at the Random Non-Profit: A higher up was let go in a shockingly crappy manner on Friday, which we found out in a staff meeting hastily put together early Monday morning. The news was greeted with eerie, angry silence. This person was one of the few people left here who actually had some institutional knowledge and cared about what was going on with the rest of the staff. A very drunken happy hour was held at the end of the day. I think this was a tipping point in a lot of our minds that we really need to get our fannies out of there. Person who was let go will be able to come out of this very well, and we aren’t worried about them, but we hate how it was handled and the screwed up rationale, which also leads to our absolute mistrust of anything that our CEO has to say from this moment forward. The CEO says there won’t be any more layoffs, but they have lied about that in the past and a number of things about our financial situation and organization don’t add up. Very unhappy at the moment . . . lots of people very unhappy at the moment . . .

Final Exams: Next week are both my final exams and I am in the crappiest mood ever to try to study for them, but study I must. I was going to do some studying last night, but I felt so disgruntled and horrible that I went to bed at 9:00 instead. I do that because otherwise I would just make everyone miserable and I can always use the sleep. There is a lot going on in my brain and I just can’t stand it anymore.

Home Front: I’m still highly annoyed about the bookcase collapse. Our condo looked decent for two whole days before everything came crashing down. I’m also not happy about a lot of other things, I really kind of need some sort of break, some peace and quiet, but none is really forthcoming. I'm not real fun to live with right now, and I know that and I'm trying not to be, even if that means going to bed at 8 PM. There is a play I’m going to on Friday night which I was hoping would lift my mood, but even that may not . . .

So I’m ending kind of grumpy and trying to not let it take over, but it is. I need a hug. I need a vacation. I need more sleep . . .