Scribbling: Wings

(Today I felt like trying another Scribbling Challenge. I’ll only get better at writing if I keep practicing . . .)

Moving out of my parents’ house was the best risk that I have ever taken.

Yes, I was a hopelessly naïve 23 year old, renting an attic room in a city I was unfamiliar with and with very few friends nearby.

Yes, I spent many evenings crying from loneliness.

Yes, I was horrible at managing my meager salary, often scraping together rent money at the last possible moment, eating ramen for dinner and vending machine food for lunch.

Moving forced me to learn how to live on my own, to put myself out there and make new friends, to go out on the town by myself and explore the world outside my door.

My parents loved me very much, but as their oldest daughter I was eager to please them. I never dated, never went out, was always at home trying to be helpful whenever I wasn’t spending long hours at work. My father is a very controlling sort of fellow, so I never wanted to test the boundaries at home. I mean, I was staying there rent free . . . and they were my parents . . .

But I was stifling there. I HAD to move out. There was a world out there I wanted to see . . . and besides, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to date anyone under the watch eyes of my dad – as protective of his “little” daughters as he was . . .

So one October weekend, I packed up my stuff into a small van and threw myself out on my own, jumping out of the warm, cozy nest, hoping that I could one day spread my wings and fly.

Fast forward almost fourteen years, and here I am. I’ve still got a lot of work to do in the confidence department, but somehow I managed to eventually get my own apartment, go through a few jobs, meet some amazing people, do some fun and fascinating things, get married to a very cool person, and have a pretty easy-going, interesting life.

Having wings means being open to risk – to put yourself out there high in the air with nothing but hard ground below and just see what happens. To thrust yourself out in the world with an idea of where you are going, but depending on which way the wind blows, you could end up anywhere. Sometimes you fall – and that really hurts! A wing breaks and you have to put yourself through the hard work of healing . . . and then somehow work up the nerve try to fly again.

It may be easier to stay in the nest, but in the long run it is always better to use those wings and try to fly.

Attention: Book Lovers!

Hello, everyone:

I just read Scott McLemee's article in Inside Higher Ed about the National Book Critic Circle's campaign to save the Book Review sections in newspapers around the country.

As someone who reads both the Washington Post's and New York Times' sections religiously every week and always finds at least a book or two to add to my growing list of "must reads," I know that I would be rather lost without them. I cannot imagine a paper getting rid of them, but many are . . .

I know many of you are huge readers (and some of you are actually writing books too!) - So please do what you can to spread the word and keep this community asset in your papers.

Some simple things that us little folks can do are:

**Go to the Critical Mass blog and get the lovely beige sticker to put on your blog.

**Write to your local newspaper’s publisher to express support for its book coverage. (It lets the paper know that people do read it and care about it.) And if your paper doesn’t have such a section, ask why not.

**Spread the word to other folks who would also care.

Thanks so much for your time and attention. We will soon go back to my usual random mutterings . . .

Oh, Yeah . . . It's Poetry Month Again!

Noting that my blog is over two years old now, I realized that I forgot to mention that this was National Poetry Month. Two years ago, Justrose over at the Anonymous Rowhouse had been sharing her thoughts on the month which, in turn, served as the nudge to start my own blog. That year, I think I showcased other people’s poems that I thought were interesting . . .

Last year, I inflicted my own horrible attempts at poetry on you all. I promise to NEVER, EVER do that again . . . because good grief, those certainly sucked a lemon . . .

This year, I was going to be more low key. I bought a book, Stephen Fry’s The Ode Less Travelled, as a way to learn more about the structures of poetry so I can begin to more intelligently appreciate poems and the ways in which good ones work.

I also bought The Collected Poems of Langston Hughes, because he is a Harlem Renaissance poet that I really wanted to learn more about. In school, I only learned about a few of his poems, but those were only the tip of the iceberg of his body of work . . .

As you know, my month has been crazy busy (as usual) but I am still committed to this little project of mine. However, I’ve just started reading the Fry book and it will take me a bit to work through it. (I highly recommend the Fry book – it is very witty and readable . . . and you’ll learn a lot! It also helps if you can imagine Fry’s British accent as you read it – He is best known here in the States for playing Jeeves next to Hugh Laurie’s Bertie Wooster.)

Here are a couple of Hughes poems that struck me the first time I glanced through his book . . .

The Dream Keeper

Bring me all of your dreams,
You dreamers,
Bring me all of your
Heart melodies
That I may wrap them
In a blue cloud-cloth
Away from the too-rough fingers
Of the world.

Silence

I catch the pattern
Of your silence
Before you speak.

I do not need
To hear a word.

In your silence
Every tone I seek
Is heard.

Sleep

When the lips
And the body
Are done
She seeks your hand,
Touches it,
And sleep comes,
Without wonder
And without dreams,
When the lips
And the body
Are done.

I Dream a World

I dream a world where man
No other man will scorn,
Where love will bless the earth
And peace its paths adorn.
I dream a world where all
Will know sweet freedom’s way,
Where greed no longer saps the soul
Nor avarice blights our day.
A world I dream where black and white,
Whatever race you be,
Will share the bounties of the earth
And every man is free,
Where wretchedness will hang its head
And joy, like a pearl,
Attends the needs of all mankind –
Of such I dream, my world!

Flower Pictures

Over Easter, I took some pictures of the flowers that I had in the house.

I just feel like I need to add a bit of color to the blog today . . .

Contains Live Culture

On Sunday, my friend J and I went to see the Washington Shakespeare Company’s performance of “Edward III.” The WSC, for now, stages its performances in an old warehouse on the edge of town, next to a seedy looking motel (Bring your own Lysol, Raid and sheets!). Very bare bones setting – makes you feel like you are going to have some sort of an avant-garde, guerilla theater experience.

The bathrooms were kind of scary though – at least the ladies’ room was – the sort of ancient fixtures, stains and visual decay that I haven’t seen since being part of the Philadelphia public school system.

I thoroughly enjoyed the play, but the actor who played the French king, John, was much better than the one who played Edward III, so towards the end we were rooting for the French to win rather than the English. The actor had sort of a James Earl Jones heft to the role, and his lines were spoken with a believability and a fluidness that just made him a more accessible character. In the newspaper review of the play, he was not mentioned at all, which I thought was a great shame . . .

In a few weeks, Mr. Random, J and I are going to see “Coriolanus” at the Kennedy Center, which should be a really cool time. Mr. Random and I haven’t been to the Kennedy Center in years, while J never has been. I’m probably going to feel like dressing up a bit for such a fancy place, but not too fancy, because neither J nor Mr. Random are dress up people . . .

I still owe you guys pictures – the problem is that sometimes when I feel like writing these posts, I am no where near my photo files . . .

My allergies are wreaking havoc with my throat and my voice is now a low rasp. It’s such a shame because I love spring, but I seem to be feeling it more this year . . .

By the way, yesterday was the TWO year anniversary for this blog! Woo hoo!

I have more to write, but not much time to write it. How is everyone doing? I know Eric is pretty much finished with his book, and Virginia Gal is going to try to place herself in the sights of the newly single Prince William, and CS did EarthFest on Sunday . . . what else is going on?

Out of Breath

It has been a long, hard week. My Random Mom-in-law is still here, and we have spent every day since Friday out and about, trying to get in lots of sightseeing. It has not been very successful . . .

If you remember the last time she was here in town, it was that week in August that was the hottest, most humid week of the year. Random Mom-in-law was having a lot of trouble walking around and we all blamed it on the stifling heat and humidity (coupled with her non-stop smoking, but you know . . .)

Ever since then, she vowed to come back when the weather was a bit nicer. In the interim, she told us that she was starting to walk around a bit more at home and get more exercise . . .

Well, it seems that that was not entirely the case. She still smokes a great deal, about once every 50 minutes or so and whenever we leave a building or step out of a car. And she is not able to walk more than 20 feet without getting winded, even less if there is a slight incline. Since DC is a very walking oriented place, it rather limited our options on what we could see and how long we could stay. For example, yesterday we went to the National Cathedral and she looked like she was about to have a heart attack just walking the block towards the building. She was heavily breathing the whole 45 minutes we were there, and we were only able to visit the main floor and the gift shop – she was so worn out that we could not tour the rest of the building – before trudging back to the car to go to an early dinner. We had planned to visit another favorite haunt of ours, but she simply could not take much more walking and we had to go home.

It pains both Mr. Random and I to see this. We are both very concerned about her health. She is quite overweight, drinks a lot of white wine in the evenings and has a very nasty cough. It was quite a contrast when we went to visit my parents over the weekend – they are only a few years younger than she is – and seeing how vigorous and active they are compared to what she could do. Since she retired last spring, she stays mostly at home and is not interested in doing very much. She has very few friends outside of her old job . . .

We have tried to hint that she might like to move out here, where there is so much to do and a large social scene of people her age and with her background. There are many research opportunities here . . . and she would be a lot closer to her son and daughter-in-law. We are so afraid that she is not taking care of herself at all. Mr. Random’s sister still lives at home with their mom, but she does not seem to help the situation – for reasons I can’t go into right now . . .

I feel horrible because I want to be a good daughter-in-law and make sure she is happy, but I just get so . . . annoyed and impatient . . . with her in the condo, her presence looming and inert. I’m kind of an active girl, so not being able to go out and see very much drives me bats. Hanging out at the condo drives me bats too, because I can’t just hang out in my pajamas and read in a corner somewhere – I have to entertain, or at least not seem like I’m ignoring our guest. I was incredibly sick yesterday and wanted to stay home and sleep, but Mr. Random didn’t want to be on his own with his mom. I’m still not feeling well today, so he owes me big time when this is over . . .

I’m at work today and the weather seems nice, so things should be looking up for the rest of this week. I am resolved to try to salvage what I can out of this visit and try to make it a bit more positive, now that I have gotten my unhappiness off of my chest. Random Mom-in-law really is a cool person and I should try to focus more on what she can do, than what she can’t. Wish me luck for the rest of the week, and I’ll try to post more upbeat things later . . .

“I thought I’d stay home today and accept the things I can’t change.”

(Yes, yet another New Yorker cartoon tagline . . .)

No, I’m not at home today, but I really wish I was. Still have TONS of cleaning up to do before the Random Mom-in-law comes tomorrow, but I have a seminar to go to this evening which means I’ll be up incredibly late tonight – de-cluttering rooms, moping floors, changing sheets, and generally just freaking out big time . . .

We FINALLY had the new sink and vanity installed in our bathroom. Woo hoo! I can brush my teeth in the bathroom again! I will put up a picture of the bathroom once the new mirror is up and the new towels are in place . . . Um, yes, we did a little shopping this week for new stuff, in fact a little too much shopping . . . but with such a nice new thing in the bathroom, it just makes me want to spruce up everything. Last night we bought a new bathroom mirror (to match the dark wood of the new vanity), a colorful new comforter and sheets for the guest room (which can transition nicely into a kid’s room, if need be), new slipcovers for our sofa (which has seen better days), a new throw blanket for the living room chair (because a nice slipcover for the chair was WAY too expensive), and a new silverware tray for the kitchen (nice enough that I can gladly put my grandma’s silverware in it). The “new” towels aren’t really new – my grandmother bought all new towels for her new apartment so she gave us her old ones, which just happen to be close to the color of the bathroom . . .

Oh! The Good Friday service! This year's was not as exciting as last year – no real drama, just lots of readings. The choir sounded horrible because a few people showed up late who hadn’t practiced the songs very much beforehand. Since the choir was smaller than normal, the clunker notes stood out more. Also, we had one song cut at the last minute that we had practiced a lot on, and we were all rather miffed about that. The only moment of drama was at the end. At the front of the church, someone had built a little “cave” or “tomb” out of cardboard and fabric (which looked a lot better than I am making it sound), with a “stone” off to the side. At the end of the service, the pastor put a huge lit candle inside of the little cave, and placed the stone over the opening. At that moment all of the lights were turned off, and everyone was supposed to leave the church in silence. However, when Mr. Random saw that, he came over to me and (whispering, of course) began freaking out to me: “Isn’t that an open flame? Isn’t that thing flammable?” I was kind of annoyed at that point, since the choir stuff had gone kind of crappy, so I just kind of shrugged and said “they must know what they’re doing.” Although, it would be kind of funny in a sick way if the place had burned down because of it – with all of the weird theatrical stuff we try to do, it would just seem fitting that we’d be having Easter services in the ashes of our church . . . I’m just warped that way . . .

Easter service was not quite as annoying. The music we sang was peppy and uplifting, and our Music Director was really rocking out on the piano so I was having a good time. After the service, the church held an Easter Egg hunt for the little kids. Our the Kids in our Sunday School classes range in age from 2 to 12, with most kids being in the 2 to 4 year old range. Mr. Random and I went out to watch and we helped a little by pointing out where random eggs where to the little ones. They were so cute to see! Each child was only supposed to collect 7 eggs, so when each kid had reached their limit, they came up to every adult they could find and yelled, “Miss Kath, I found SEVEN eggs!” “That’s WONDERFUL!” I said with a huge smile. Many of them also wanted to show off the little toys that were in the eggs, so we were being dragged from one basket to another to see the little erasers and balls and toy watches . . .

After the service, we went home and I made a banana pudding to take to my parents’ house for dessert. At my parents’ house we had lots and lots of food. My other sister, J, came home from college and hung out with us a while. I took lots of pictures that I later uploaded and sent on to my other sister, who is now “safely” in Baghdad. I took lots of candid shots around the dinner table so that she would almost feel like she was with us . . .

Monday, I did the cycling class again. I had a lot of trouble adjusting the bike, so the teacher had to stop class to help me. I felt a bit embarrassed for a while, but eventually got into what we were doing. I think I’m getting used to the bicycle seat a bit more, which is a good thing. I’m still a bit sore today, and with the Random Mom-in-law here, I don’t know when I’ll be able to work out again, but I hope soon. We’ll probably be eating out a lot and I can already see myself expanding a bit unless we do some serious walking or something . . .

I hope everyone is doing well . . . just wanted to update you on what’s going on in the Random World. I’ll try to get some pictures up when I can, but the next few days are going to be super hectic. I’m thinking of you all and sending happy vibes out to everyone. Talk to you soon . . .

“It’s Bring Your Personal Demons to Work Day”

Isn’t that every day? (I do love my little New Yorker calendar – it reflects my sad brand of humor so well!)

For some reason I’ve been in a very annoyed mood at the Random Non-profit lately. I can’t tell if it’s because I’m tired and need a long vacation (which is true), if it’s because we are still rehashing the same discussions that we’ve been having for the 5 years I’ve been here (which is true), or if it’s because our workload keeps increasing with no end in sight or with acknowledgement that we are all having a hard time . . .

Layoffs suck. They suck for those laid off and they suck for those left behind. It doesn’t matter how hard you work, how loyal you are or how well you do your job – all that means nothing to the managers when it comes down to dollars and cents. That’s the reality of being in the workforce today and I’m not sure how well all of us are adapting to that reality. I’m trying to, but it is not very easy . . .

I am taking Monday off, but I’ll have to run a few errands and start getting ready for Thursday – that’s when Mr. Random’s Mom will come into town. We have a few things tentatively planned to do while she is here and the weather should be much better than when she was here in August. We will probably take her to the National Cathedral, the Folger Shakespeare Library, and the campus of Mr. Random’s grad school. We are also going to try to find her a few events to go to – luckily DC is a mecca for free lectures and discussions . . .

I just got an e-mail from my sister, who is about to leave Kuwait and head on over to Baghdad. She said she was a bit nervous about the flight into Iraq because of what they’ve been hearing – and they have to fly in wearing all of their armor. Please send as many happy vibes my sister’s way as you can! There is nothing I can do to help besides be encouraging and supportive, I know, but I am not going to be able to sleep well until she is back home – hopefully, just a year from now . . .

Tonight Mr. Random and I are going to the Good Friday service at our church. There won’t be many other choir members there, which petrifies me – I hate being the only person singing my part. I don’t want my voice to stand out, I just want it to blend in with everyone else. I do hope this service is not a repeat of last year’s service when they made everyone walk up, one-by-one, and hammer big long nails into a symbolic log cross. Can you say creepy and sick-sounding? Yes, I get the symbolism, but you know it makes me yearn for the relatively reserved nature of a Catholic mass . . .

I am loving that the weather is back to being cooler – I’m not quite ready to get rid of my sweaters and layers just yet . . .

OK, now that I have shared my personal demons for the day, I hope that everyone has a great weekend. Enjoy some jelly beans, marshmallow chicks, crème eggs and chocolate bunnies on me!

Just Like Riding a Bike

I went to the Y yesterday and took my first cycling/spinning class.

I have always wanted to try biking, but have never been motivated to buy a bike. I’m a coward, you see. I’m afraid of falling and hurting myself. It is not an unnatural fear, since I have no coordination whatsoever – I can trip over my own two feet. I really don’t need to add speed to that equation . . .

I was one of the first people to sign up for that day’s class. When I walked in I told the teacher that I was very new to this. She was tall, really skinny, kind of ex-hippie aged with long stringy brown hair, wearing faded bike shorts and a baggy t-shirt. “Oh, it’s easy!” she says, “Do you ride often?”

“Um, no . . . I haven’t ridden in years.” Actually, I haven’t ridden since I was 13, but why should that stop me? They’re stationary bikes – in theory, I should not fall off and break a body part. Notice I say “in theory” . . .

So she goes about showing me how to adjust all of the little knobs on the bike: one to make the seat go up, one to make the handlebars go up, and one to move the seat forward. Oh, and then there’s the most important knob – the one to change the tension on the wheel to make it easier or harder to pedal.

All of the other people started trickling into the room. It’s a good mix of folks – men and women of all body types. Some look like they’ve been biking forever, some are a bit heavy but are ready to get into it and are pedaling slowly to warm up. This is a good sign of a good class, I think. People aren’t intimidated and all shaped and sizes seem comfortable. Yay!

The class begins. We start pedaling on low resistance. Well, this isn’t too bad. Then we start doing “hills.” Again, not too bad. I am keeping up. The small seat is bothering me, but that’s because I am not used to it. Also, part of the reason that I’m taking the class is that I think my own “seat” is getting a bit big, so I can deal . . .

The class is 45 minutes long. I am sweating up a storm and starting to get very tired. I am still keeping up the pedaling, but not as quickly and with as much resistance. That’s OK – it’s supposed to be at your own pace anyway. My legs almost want to stop working and my feet start slipping out of the little pedal harness things. I start to not be able to tell if the cool air I feel is from the fan or if I am about to pass out. Wait . . . yay! We can stop!

When the class is over, we do a little stretching and I wobble out of the classroom. I’m glad I took the class and I hope to do so again next week. There is another class on Wednesday nights, but I still have commitments for the next few Wednesdays.

I’m so glad I tried this! I’m not as sore as I thought I would be – except in the seat area, which feels like . . . well, this is a family blog, so I won’t burden you with too much information . . .

Having this sense of accomplishment is such a great way to start the week . . . I do hope the rest of the week turns out OK . . .

It's Not an Addiction, I Swear!

As promised, here are all of the books that are stacked up by my bed at the moment. Mind you, these are just the books sitting BY MY BED and not in the living room, den, guest room, and elsewhere in the bedroom that are also begging to be read - such as Mr. Random's major stacks.

When I was younger, I could tear through books in a few days - some in only an evening! - but these days with work and everything going on, my reading output has dwindled to a trickle. I blame the multitudes of interesting blogs for that . . .

Do you all have some interesting books waiting to be read? (and I hope your stacks aren't as big as mine . . .)

“If you’re bored with yourself, imagine how I feel”

On my desk sits a New Yorker daily cartoon calendar and a cartoon showed up this week with the tagline above. You know the one, the husband and wife walking down the city street, the wife turning to the husband with a smug look on her face . . .

It seems to fit – I can imagine Mr. Random grouching that to me (although he wouldn’t, because he’s an awesome guy – but he COULD, there is cause . . .)

I’m not bored with myself, per se, but I am hankering to get out of my rut. Spring is usually the time when I try something new, throw something different into the mix – take a class of some sort, start some new projects . . .

I have one project that I could work on, which I hope to write about more this weekend. There’s a Shakespeare Festival going on in DC until June and my friend, J, has made it a project to read all of Shakespeare’s plays. That’s a cool idea, though with everything else going on, I don’t think I will be able to keep up with my friend. It’s a noble goal, though, one that I’m going to try as best I can. I’ve already recently read Twelfth Night and Much Ado About Nothing, and to keep it low key I’m just going to read random plays whenever the mood strikes me: sometimes it may be a comedy, sometimes a tragedy, sometimes a history play . . .

I still have the nice new yarn to start knitting a baby blanket, and I guess I could start any time, but for this one I think I’ll only feel motivated when and if I myself am actually pregnant . . .

There are some cycling/spinning classes at the local Y that I have been looking into, and I hope to start those next week. Oh, and swimming lessons too . . . but let’s see how committed I can be to the cycling classes first before coughing up extra money for swim lessons.

I still have stacks of books to read and the piles keep growing. I’ll try to show you the stacks when I get a moment . . .

Anyway, the Spring and Summer are full of possibilities, I just have to get off my duff and do something – anything, really . . .

What do YOU want to do this Spring?

Randomly Back on Course

Can you tell my mood has brightened a bit? Maybe it’s the citrus or the nice weather? For some odd reason, having citrus at lunch gives me quite a pick me up for about an hour or two. I’ve been weaning myself off caffeine (except for the rare latte with a friend), so this is a positive development. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m having something non-carb-laden for lunch and my body is giving me positive reinforcement for that decision. Whatever it is, it is putting me in a good mood.

I’ve ordered some clothes online (retail therapy!) and it turns out that the two things I most looked forward to receiving are back-ordered until June. Bummer! I was really looking forward to trying on the new suit I ordered – it is a lighter brown, which is a color I don’t usually wear, and linen which should serve me well for the summer. I also am waiting for a mid-length khaki skirt which should prove very versatile. Now I just need to find some summery shoes to match . . .

I did receive the new swimsuit I ordered, which is a rather nice black one-piece with white piping. (I’m not a two piece gal – I’m certainly not a bikini shape . . .) Mr. Random and I are thinking about taking swim lessons and buying the suit was a nudge in that direction.

I need to get back into exercising, I feel myself turning into a mini-blob. The past month I’ve been eating horribly and been drawn to many potato-like substances which I normally try to avoid like the plague. Time to get back on track and do more walking and running. It should be easier now since the weather is getting nicer and after this week I won’t have any evening classes to teach until the fall.

At this moment my sister is on her way to Ireland, then Kuwait, then Baghdad. I talked to her on Saturday evening, as she was packing. She asked that I send her some fashion magazines to peruse when she gets over there. She’ll let me know if I need to send anything else over on a regular basis (like shampoo or candy.) She’s giving up her cell phone, so we’ll mostly be communicating by e-mail. I am trying not to think or worry about her too much or else I won’t be able to get anything done.

I’m trying to get back into a more regular posting schedule, so I hope this is a good beginning.

Sending many happy vibes to you all . . .

Looking for a Light in the Fog

Sorry for the blog silence . . . thanks so much for your comments this past week. I’m so glad you all are out there and hanging in . . .

Almost every part of my life is in some sort of state of flux right now.

Church – work – family: everything is in some state of conflict or upheaval or bundle of worries at the moment and there seem to be very few venues of just plain calmness and stability . . .

Now, Mr. Random has been quite a supportive dear, but he is also going through many of the same things on top of trying to do his grad school work. It’s a little hectic in the Random Household at the moment and I am so hoping that things settle down and become so much less stressful soon . . .

So I’ll send a shout out to my friend, J, who has been kind enough to listen to my babbling and receive emotionally wrought e-mails from me several times a week. You rock as a human being – thank you!

I hope that after this weekend I can go back to my regular posting and reading. I’m doing my best to stay level but it is getting harder. I wish I could take some serious time off and go somewhere and let my mind turn to mush, but that is not going to be possible – at least not until after the Random Non-profit’s Conference in June.

I hope the rest of you are doing well . . . I send happy vibes out to you all!

The Sound of the Other Dropping Shoe

Sorry guys – I haven’t been very communicative the past few days and I haven’t been perusing that many blogs. I haven’t fallen off of the face of the earth entirely and I did want to let folks know what’s up so far . . .

Mr. Random and I are still employed at the Random Non-Profit. The layoffs did occur on Friday morning, with the CEO and the Board chair walking around the halls, stopping in the offices of those who were being laid off. There were 8 people let go in all, out of a staff of less than 50, one whole department let go along with several longtime employees – one person had been here for 19 years. It was horrible and soul sucking and afterwards there was a horrible staff meeting that reached the heights of Dilbert-esque-ness. It is a lot to process, and while I am happy not to have lost my job, I really hate the whole way this was handled and the whole new outlook of the place. That’s all I will say for now on that topic . . .

It turns out that my sister that is going to Iraq on Thursday is actually going to be stationed in Bagdad, not elsewhere in Iraq as we had hoped. My parents are going down to visit her tomorrow to watch the deployment ceremony and say good bye. I am going to call her tonight when I get back from teaching. I am going to be perpetually worried about her now, even more than before . . .

Saturday was Mr. Random’s birthday and we held a really nice dinner at the local barbeque place, where lots of our friends showed up, and then we went to see the movie, “300.” I spent most of the movie looking at my scarf – it’s kind of violent – but Mr. Random and the other guys we were with really enjoyed it . . .

I’m kind of in a holding pattern right now – a lot to think about in my personal and professional lives, lots of big questions in my head. Is there something wrong with me or with the system? Do I want to change myself and my outlook or do I want to make the world change? Do I like who I am and where I am headed?

I’m just tired and trying to get through each day right now. I can’t wait for spring to get here and for the summer to begin . . .

I promise to be peppier later . . . I’m just a little cranky right now . . .

Books I've Read Meme

BOOKS I’VE READ MEME (Taken from Thinking About . . .)

*Look at the list of books below.
*Bold the ones you’ve read.
*Italicize the ones you want to read.
*leave blank the ones that you aren’t interested in.
*If you are reading this, tag you’re it.

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie(Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

A lot of these books I read so long ago that I can barely remember any of the plot points, so many of them could definitely use a re-reading.

Some of them I started reading and then stopped because I just couldn't stand them and life is MUCH too short (I'm looking at YOU, Poisonwood Bible!)

Some of these are books I'd like to read, but I have so many other books waiting for me that are nowhere on this list - for example there isn't that much non-fiction on here at all . . . so if anyone can find a non-fiction list, that would be great . . .

Enjoy!

Random What's Up

Hi, Everyone. I haven’t forgotten about you! I’ve just had a TON of work to catch up on and many other real life things to do . . .

I really appreciate all of your wonderfully sweet thoughts and comments – they have really helped me out a lot. Knowing you guys are out there is quite an awesome feeling, especially when I am struggling a bit . . .

Still waiting for the other shoe to drop at work. I just want it over with. I already have 10 pounds of stuff to do and only a 5 pound bag – I will either end up with 30 pounds of stuff to do or I’ll get a lot of unexpected free time . . .

Over the weekend, went to Old Town Alexandria and hung out for an afternoon. I actually saw James Carville and Mary Matalin (along with a daughter) while sitting in an ice cream shop on Saturday. They do live in Old Town and occasionally can be seen amongst the normal folks. Woo! Celebrity sighting! Well, at least for a wonky girl like me, they are really cool people to see up close . . .

I bought 2 kinds of yarn on Saturday morning – one set of really soft, multicolored pastel yarn to knit a small blanket for future use, and one set of soft, woolen brown, black and gray yarn to make a long, skinny fashionable scarf. I’m kind of excited about those projects and can’t wait to have some time to start them . . .

Taxes are filled out and sent for this year and bills are all paid for this month. Mr. Random and I were especially inspired by watching MTV’s “True Life: I’m Having Financial Difficulties” show on Sunday night. We thought, “gee, it’s good that we aren’t that bad off . . . boy, we really should get started on these bills, huh?” . . .

The Random Mother-in-Law is now coming in May instead of April, so we have an extra month to get a new sink for the bathroom and do some other improvements . . .

Last night we went to a comedy open mike where my friend, J, was performing. It was a brand new venue with a really cool, comfy vibe and I hope that location takes off. There were a few comics that were actually good, but quite a few clunkers . . . and it’s sometimes really painful to sit through the clunkers . . .

I’m teaching ESL two nights this week instead of one – my team teacher has to go out of town on Thursday, so I’m “subbing” for her class. I know I’ll be super tired when this week is over, with all of the nights I’ll be out and about . . .

Saturday is Mr. Random’s birthday and we will be going to dinner at a barbeque place with a group of friends and then going to see the movie, “300.” I was not really all that excited to see the movie, but Mr. Random and another good friend of mine really want to see it, so I’d probably end up seeing it one way or another anyway . . .

I hope everything is going well for everyone. I’m sending many happy vibes back out to you all!

The Verdict is In . . .

Finally got the results from the doctor yesterday.

Mr. Random was right there by my side as the doctor said . . . that the tests showed about what he thought they would, and that I have no reason to worry – things should be OK.

The pain and discomfort that I am feeling right now has to do with the problem actually shrinking – which is a good thing. There is more involved, but that would definitely cross into the “Way Too Much Information” category. But the bottom line is that Mr. Random and I should definitely be able to have kids in the future and we’ll keep monitoring the situation to make sure that there aren’t other hurdles.

It is SUCH a big relief to have that all over with!

However, I must admit that I was very disappointed when I heard the news at first, because I had been worrying about this for so long and parsing every bad scenario in my head that for nothing to be really wrong was a bit of a let down. That’s really sad, huh? I was fully looking forward to having to have some sort of operation and looking forward to taking time to recuperate.

Do you know how sad a state you have to be in that you look forward to major surgery as an opportunity for time off and rest?

With this reprieve of sorts, I really need to sit down and think of changes that I need to make in my life so that I’m not constantly on the treadmill trying to do a million things. I really need to think about, as my boss says, ways to bring more joy into my life.

So now that that big thing is no longer hanging over my head, now I can just focus on whether I’m going to be laid off or not and on my sister’s deployment to Iraq on March 15th. You know, just little stuff like that . . .

But for today, the sun is shining and the future is looking much, much better . . .

It's Going to Be a Long Week

Just when you think things can't get any worse . . .

We just received an e-mail tonight from the Random Non-profit CEO, stating that there probably will be layoffs within the next few weeks - the scope to be determined after the Board meetings this weekend.

Both Mr. Random and I work at the same place. We have already been through the shock stage and are now on the speculation stage. I guess I can always temp somewhere or go back to school . . . Mr. Random is already sending a flare out to his grad school cohorts to see if anything comes back . . .

Did I tell you that I get the results of my tests finally on Thursday afternoon? Yah, I've got that to look forward to this week too . . .

I think I'm getting an ulcer.

I'll keep you all posted . . .

Snow Day!

It’s a snowy Sunday here in Northern Virginia, which means that the streets are filled with chaos. There were three car accidents within a mile of us, one just outside our bedroom window and one just on the corner of our street. Gotta love those Washington Metro area drivers!

Meanwhile, Mr. Random and I are enjoying a quiet Sunday afternoon at home. We ventured out for a moment to take out the trash and I took my camera with me and tried to get a few good shots. Take note that one picture is of Mr. Random . . . but it is from behind. Maybe one day I’ll put up a full face pic, but today I’m still too chicken . . .

Hope you’re having a great weekend!

Scribblings: Puzzled

I am puzzled

I am perplexed

I am flummoxed

I have no freaking idea how we found each other.

I am baffled

I am stumped

I am mystified

Why did you stay? How did I not drive you away?

I am dazed

I am bewildered

I am confounded

How you are still with me after all of these years.

I am grateful

I am thankful

I am beholden

You are my rock, my sounding board, my love, my friend.

I am flustered

I am thrilled

I am delighted

Being a constant in your life and you a constant in mine.

I am frightened

I am petrified

I am puzzled

Will this be able to last forever?