Today’s my wedding anniversary – I’ve been married for *8* whole years today.
Many kudos to Mr. Random for putting up with me every single day for 10 years now. I can’t believe it’s been that long . . .
He is one of the sweetest, kindest, smartest, most adorable individuals I have ever known. Why he picked neurotic little me will always be a huge mystery . . .
No celebrating tonight, though – It is the first night of class for ESL and I couldn’t miss the first day with the students. We will have to postpone the nice dinner until later on in the week . . .
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
Merlot, Pinot Grigio, Chardonnay
Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker.
Expose your ideas to the dangers of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less
the label of 'crackpot' than the stigma of conformity. And on issues that seem
important to you, stand up and be counted at any cost.
--Thomas J. Watson
I know that I probably shouldn’t apologize for not updating the blog as frequently as I wish to – I am sure that it is implicit in blogging that life will get in the way, and what I’m writing isn’t exactly breaking news/must-read material – but I still feel compelled to do so . . .
I had the day off on Friday, and yet it wasn’t really a day off, so any benefits that might have accrued in having a Friday off did not occur. The weekend was packed with fun things, but sometimes I think I try to pack too many fun things in to counteract all of the lousy things I have to do during the week.
The Random Non-profit is still going through a bit of turmoil and my current position puts me right in the middle of it and I am starting to think that I don’t quite have the fortitude to deal with this stuff. Or maybe I do . . . but the main problem is that ever since I have come back from my trip, I have been running on a deficit of sleep. When I get stressed out, I can’t really sleep, and when I can’t really sleep, everything else goes down the tubes. I hate being stuck in the middle of office politics – I really do . . .
Today’s quote should give me strength and comfort, but it sounds easier to do in theory than it is in practice . . .
I believe in our mission. I believe in the wonderful work that the people in the field do to further our mission. I feel that things I do here can and do help create positive outcomes in local communities. However, I feel that at this moment the internal stupidity is in danger of jeopardizing all of the good work that we are trying to do, and has the potential of driving away a lot of our grassroots activists – which would irreparably hobble what we are trying to achieve together. We are acting in haste, when restraint is in order – especially for changes of this magnitude . . .
Clear as mud, huh?
I hate whining about this, but each new wrinkle makes me want to crawl into the fetal position or just hop in the car and go far, far away and not have to deal with anything. Part of being an adult is learning how to deal with situations like this – toughening up and not taking things so personally. But this affects too many people for me to want to just sit by and watch things implode. I actually DO care about my job and I take what I do very seriously, so seeing people veer from the paths of logic . . . just hurts.
Thanks for being such a patient ear, folks . . .
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Assessing the situation
It’s been a long, tiring day – today was the first day of registration for the ESL classes I teach and I was at a site for 3 hours this evening, testing all of the registrants to see what levels they should go into.
This year, we are using new assessment tests and they are rather annoying to deal with. We are supposed to ask a student a list of questions and while they are answering give them scores in three different areas: Language Comprehension, language complexity, and . . . what’s the last “c”? . . . well, it’s whether we can clearly understand what they are trying to say. (I’m tired, can you tell?) It kind of ruins the flow of the questioning and also is a bit nerve wracking for the student to sit through. For example, we ask a student “Do you work?” The student answers, “Yes.” This is followed by three minutes of circling scores for their answer. Then we ask the next question – they usually give a one word answer, and then lots of scoring. You can also tell how well a student is doing by how many questions they have to answer. If a student isn’t doing well, the test stops much earlier than for a more fluent person. In those cases, I just ask them random questions that they do understand in order to put them at ease and not freak them out too much. I usually ask how many children they have, how old the children are, how they like living in Northern Virginia – stuff that most folks can easily answer a bit. Then the can leave the testing situation not feeling like a failure . . .
I can’t believe that I start teaching again next week . . . I will have to look at my old lesson plans and revise them to make the class flow a little better and encourage more talking amongst themselves. Also, I can’t forget to bring my usual bag of candy to class with me . . . it helps keep folks coming back each week.
I was rather touched this evening when several separate occasions, people that I tested asked me if I was going to be their teacher. I had to explain that I teach at another site in another part of town. One person said that I seemed like I would be a very good teacher have . . . wasn’t that sweet?
Once in a while I think that I should go back to school to become a real, full time teacher, but then I think that I’m having a lot of fun with it now because I’m just a volunteer and I don’t have any major pressure – we just do the best we can with the time that we have. If I had to teach all day, five days a week, I would get pretty sick of it really fast . . .
I have to do more testing at another site on Thursday night for three hours. I don’t know whether to hope it was as busy as it was tonight, or to hope that hardly anyone comes in – I could kind of use the rest . . .
I started reading Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking last night because I thought that the themes of the book felt appropriate for this week. It is a fast read, but I probably won’t get to it tonight. I’m still up for suggestions as to what to read next . . .
Hope to write something more interesting tomorrow . . .
This year, we are using new assessment tests and they are rather annoying to deal with. We are supposed to ask a student a list of questions and while they are answering give them scores in three different areas: Language Comprehension, language complexity, and . . . what’s the last “c”? . . . well, it’s whether we can clearly understand what they are trying to say. (I’m tired, can you tell?) It kind of ruins the flow of the questioning and also is a bit nerve wracking for the student to sit through. For example, we ask a student “Do you work?” The student answers, “Yes.” This is followed by three minutes of circling scores for their answer. Then we ask the next question – they usually give a one word answer, and then lots of scoring. You can also tell how well a student is doing by how many questions they have to answer. If a student isn’t doing well, the test stops much earlier than for a more fluent person. In those cases, I just ask them random questions that they do understand in order to put them at ease and not freak them out too much. I usually ask how many children they have, how old the children are, how they like living in Northern Virginia – stuff that most folks can easily answer a bit. Then the can leave the testing situation not feeling like a failure . . .
I can’t believe that I start teaching again next week . . . I will have to look at my old lesson plans and revise them to make the class flow a little better and encourage more talking amongst themselves. Also, I can’t forget to bring my usual bag of candy to class with me . . . it helps keep folks coming back each week.
I was rather touched this evening when several separate occasions, people that I tested asked me if I was going to be their teacher. I had to explain that I teach at another site in another part of town. One person said that I seemed like I would be a very good teacher have . . . wasn’t that sweet?
Once in a while I think that I should go back to school to become a real, full time teacher, but then I think that I’m having a lot of fun with it now because I’m just a volunteer and I don’t have any major pressure – we just do the best we can with the time that we have. If I had to teach all day, five days a week, I would get pretty sick of it really fast . . .
I have to do more testing at another site on Thursday night for three hours. I don’t know whether to hope it was as busy as it was tonight, or to hope that hardly anyone comes in – I could kind of use the rest . . .
I started reading Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking last night because I thought that the themes of the book felt appropriate for this week. It is a fast read, but I probably won’t get to it tonight. I’m still up for suggestions as to what to read next . . .
Hope to write something more interesting tomorrow . . .
Monday, September 11, 2006
Petitioning the Empty Sky**
Many thanks to Eric and Dean Dad for responding to my meme while I was gone. (I had to look up who Converge was, and I haven’t had a chance to sample a song or two, but I’m thinking that Eric is right about me in that regard – plus, I have all of the songs in Tapestry memorized . . .)
If you haven’t commented on that post yet, I highly encourage you to do so when you get a chance . . .
I’m always curious as to how I come off in my writing – what is the persona I am presenting to the world? My goal is to be as close to whom I am in “real life” as possible, without blowing the thin veneer of anonymity that I have here. The problem is that I am never sure who I actually am in real life – which, I have realized, has turned out to be the real purpose of this blog: providing a snapshot into the daily (somewhat) musings of a random person trying to make sense of herself and the world around her circa the early 21st century . . .
*My business trip went as well as could be expected. The hotel room I had was HUGE – it was one of those suite hotels, which normally I love to stay in when I’m traveling around with Mr. Random – but when you are sitting all by yourself in a strange town, in a suite larger than your first apartment, you tend to think it’s a bit of overkill. I also hate having to be social in the evenings, especially after running around conference sessions all day. I’m only a people person up to a certain time limit . . . On the first evening there, I went out to dinner with a group of folks, but with such a large party (12) we had to wait an hour for a table, then it took forever for everyone to order, and then get the food, and by the time we were done it was 10 PM – going home just in time to get ready for bed. The next evening I begged off from going out to dinner and went back to my hotel room and accidentally watched the entire HBO/Spike Lee documentary on Hurricane Katrina. (Yes, accidentally – I was only flipping around to find some local news for a moment, and I got sucked into all FOUR HOURS of the show. Uplifting! Needless to say, I didn’t get much reading done that night either . . .)
*I did finish reading The Emperor of Ocean Park on the train ride home on Friday. I had started reading it on the train ride down on Wednesday night and tried to get in a few reading sessions in the evenings at the hotel. It was hard for me to put the book down, with is why I had a marathon reading session of Friday night – I just HAD to finish. The book is kind of a mystery as a man tries to find out exactly what kind of man his father before he died. The main character had a lot of “self-loathing-ness” going on, and I think if I met him in real life I probably wouldn’t want to hang out with him much, but the story itself and all of his discoveries kept me riveted. It also helped that large parts of the story took place in DC and Oak Bluffs, MA – two places I know very, very well. I give the book three stars!
OK, right now, I have on queue to read the following: Zadie Smith’s White Teeth, William Thackeray’s Vanity Fair, Stephen Fry’s The Ode Less Traveled, Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking, and A.S. Byatt’s A Whistling Woman . . . among many, many more. Anyone have any recommendations on which one I should pick up next? . . .
*National Novel Writing Month (http://www.nanowrimo.org/) is coming upon us quickly – November 1 – 30, 2006. As you can see by the icon at the side of this page, I started to do it last year but failed to get enough momentum going to sustain my productivity through the entire month. I’m going to try it again this year. Fifty thousand words in 30 days is still quite a daunting task, so I won’t promise that I will finish it but I will definitely make sure that it is higher on the priority list than last year . . .
*I am avoiding all TV today – I really don’t need to be reminded of what happened 5 years ago – working in Downtown DC, just a few steps from the White House, I was in the thick of everything – no one needs to tell me what the day was like or how I should feel about it. Myself and all of my friends, we each have a harrowing bit of story to tell and we all have processed it however we needed to in order to move on in our lives and not live in fear and sadness and hatred. I hate all of the publicity, the overwrought memorials, the gestures that I feel are empty and just for show, just to make us all feel angry and scared all over again, to justify whatever it is that’s going on these days. That’s all I’m saying for now – I’m much too tired to go into a rant . . .
Hope to be back to semi-deep thoughts tomorrow . . .
** Title of a Converge song
If you haven’t commented on that post yet, I highly encourage you to do so when you get a chance . . .
I’m always curious as to how I come off in my writing – what is the persona I am presenting to the world? My goal is to be as close to whom I am in “real life” as possible, without blowing the thin veneer of anonymity that I have here. The problem is that I am never sure who I actually am in real life – which, I have realized, has turned out to be the real purpose of this blog: providing a snapshot into the daily (somewhat) musings of a random person trying to make sense of herself and the world around her circa the early 21st century . . .
*My business trip went as well as could be expected. The hotel room I had was HUGE – it was one of those suite hotels, which normally I love to stay in when I’m traveling around with Mr. Random – but when you are sitting all by yourself in a strange town, in a suite larger than your first apartment, you tend to think it’s a bit of overkill. I also hate having to be social in the evenings, especially after running around conference sessions all day. I’m only a people person up to a certain time limit . . . On the first evening there, I went out to dinner with a group of folks, but with such a large party (12) we had to wait an hour for a table, then it took forever for everyone to order, and then get the food, and by the time we were done it was 10 PM – going home just in time to get ready for bed. The next evening I begged off from going out to dinner and went back to my hotel room and accidentally watched the entire HBO/Spike Lee documentary on Hurricane Katrina. (Yes, accidentally – I was only flipping around to find some local news for a moment, and I got sucked into all FOUR HOURS of the show. Uplifting! Needless to say, I didn’t get much reading done that night either . . .)
*I did finish reading The Emperor of Ocean Park on the train ride home on Friday. I had started reading it on the train ride down on Wednesday night and tried to get in a few reading sessions in the evenings at the hotel. It was hard for me to put the book down, with is why I had a marathon reading session of Friday night – I just HAD to finish. The book is kind of a mystery as a man tries to find out exactly what kind of man his father before he died. The main character had a lot of “self-loathing-ness” going on, and I think if I met him in real life I probably wouldn’t want to hang out with him much, but the story itself and all of his discoveries kept me riveted. It also helped that large parts of the story took place in DC and Oak Bluffs, MA – two places I know very, very well. I give the book three stars!
OK, right now, I have on queue to read the following: Zadie Smith’s White Teeth, William Thackeray’s Vanity Fair, Stephen Fry’s The Ode Less Traveled, Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking, and A.S. Byatt’s A Whistling Woman . . . among many, many more. Anyone have any recommendations on which one I should pick up next? . . .
*National Novel Writing Month (http://www.nanowrimo.org/) is coming upon us quickly – November 1 – 30, 2006. As you can see by the icon at the side of this page, I started to do it last year but failed to get enough momentum going to sustain my productivity through the entire month. I’m going to try it again this year. Fifty thousand words in 30 days is still quite a daunting task, so I won’t promise that I will finish it but I will definitely make sure that it is higher on the priority list than last year . . .
*I am avoiding all TV today – I really don’t need to be reminded of what happened 5 years ago – working in Downtown DC, just a few steps from the White House, I was in the thick of everything – no one needs to tell me what the day was like or how I should feel about it. Myself and all of my friends, we each have a harrowing bit of story to tell and we all have processed it however we needed to in order to move on in our lives and not live in fear and sadness and hatred. I hate all of the publicity, the overwrought memorials, the gestures that I feel are empty and just for show, just to make us all feel angry and scared all over again, to justify whatever it is that’s going on these days. That’s all I’m saying for now – I’m much too tired to go into a rant . . .
Hope to be back to semi-deep thoughts tomorrow . . .
** Title of a Converge song
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Assignment for While I'm Gone . . .
Folks,
I came upon this meme on another blog and I'm kind of curious how this will turn out. Please answer the following question in the comments, if you wish:
Based on this blog, what kind of person do you think I am? If you’ve met me, what has surprised you about me?
I always think that I give off the aura of always being on the edge of a nervous breakdown, with all the depth of a kiddie pool left out in the sun for a week.
Be totally honest - I don't mind!
I came upon this meme on another blog and I'm kind of curious how this will turn out. Please answer the following question in the comments, if you wish:
Based on this blog, what kind of person do you think I am? If you’ve met me, what has surprised you about me?
I always think that I give off the aura of always being on the edge of a nervous breakdown, with all the depth of a kiddie pool left out in the sun for a week.
Be totally honest - I don't mind!
Heading South
Of course, as soon as I start building up some decent posts, it’s time for me to go on a business trip for a couple of days. I will be sans my laptop for this trip, so new posting probably won’t happen again until Saturday. Thanks for your comments – I’ll be thinking about things quite a bit while I am away . . .
Mr. Random’s grad school did not let us know until Friday that he will need a laptop with him on the first day of class – they want to load a bunch of software on that he will be using throughout the 18 months of the program. Since there isn’t time to get a new laptop (and we also don’t have the money to get a new one), my laptop will become his. Oh, well – I am extremely bummed, but at least I had it for 9 months! I used it to do a lot of research and writing on it for work, besides just plain old joyous screwing around on the internet, but I lived without it before, so I’ll deal with it now . . .
By the way, dealing with the University has been quite a chore for Mr. Random – it takes them days to actually answer whatever question that anyone e-mails them or calls them with, and this had been seconded by some other folks in Mr. Ransom’s program. They theorize that because they are in the Weekend Program that they are placed at the bottom of the priority pool, but a friend of ours that attended the same school for a different grad program said that service for him was pretty lousy too. I guess you don’t really notice the lousy service much when you are in school the first time, but once you are out in the “real world” you start to expect things to happen in a much more timely manner . . .
I’m not looking that forward to this trip because there is so much going on here at home and I am upset that I’m going to miss sending off Mr. Random on his first day of school. I have low expectations for this trip, since on previous trips I’ve worked myself into almost exhaustion, and this one will be no exception. I won’t even have a buffer evening to wind down – once my last committee meeting is finished, I’m off to the train station to make my way home . . .
On a positive note, I am bringing two books with me and I’m hoping to be able to read most of one of them, if not finish. I’m bringing both White Teeth and The Emperor of Ocean Park – which one I read will depend on what I’m in the mood for once I get on the train . . .
I am also bringing my Holga camera with me, in case I get an opportunity to take some street shots while I’m there. However, the Holga doesn’t have a flash and I may not be able to be out and about until after dark, so it may be a waste of space . . .
I’m only taking one smallish rolling suitcase and a backpack. All the clothes/shoes/toiletries are stuffed into the suitcase – I’m so happy that I’m taking the train so that I can see where my bag is at all times . . . and I can bring a couple of bottles of water and some trail mix with me, so I don’t have to buy anything.
I’m trying to get better at packing, but on these business trips you never really know what’s going to happen on any given day. Am I going to end up spilling a whole Coke down my white shirt? Are the rooms going to be too hot? Too cold? If one night a whole bunch of people want to go out to dinner should the dress be casual? Semi-casual? Keep on the business clothes I had on all day? Will I want to go to the gym in the hotel and walk on the treadmill or do the elliptical? Should I bring my sneakers? It’s so hard to be a female sometimes . . .
Time for the Fall grind to start! I hope everyone had a great Labor day. See you all when I get back . . .
Mr. Random’s grad school did not let us know until Friday that he will need a laptop with him on the first day of class – they want to load a bunch of software on that he will be using throughout the 18 months of the program. Since there isn’t time to get a new laptop (and we also don’t have the money to get a new one), my laptop will become his. Oh, well – I am extremely bummed, but at least I had it for 9 months! I used it to do a lot of research and writing on it for work, besides just plain old joyous screwing around on the internet, but I lived without it before, so I’ll deal with it now . . .
By the way, dealing with the University has been quite a chore for Mr. Random – it takes them days to actually answer whatever question that anyone e-mails them or calls them with, and this had been seconded by some other folks in Mr. Ransom’s program. They theorize that because they are in the Weekend Program that they are placed at the bottom of the priority pool, but a friend of ours that attended the same school for a different grad program said that service for him was pretty lousy too. I guess you don’t really notice the lousy service much when you are in school the first time, but once you are out in the “real world” you start to expect things to happen in a much more timely manner . . .
I’m not looking that forward to this trip because there is so much going on here at home and I am upset that I’m going to miss sending off Mr. Random on his first day of school. I have low expectations for this trip, since on previous trips I’ve worked myself into almost exhaustion, and this one will be no exception. I won’t even have a buffer evening to wind down – once my last committee meeting is finished, I’m off to the train station to make my way home . . .
On a positive note, I am bringing two books with me and I’m hoping to be able to read most of one of them, if not finish. I’m bringing both White Teeth and The Emperor of Ocean Park – which one I read will depend on what I’m in the mood for once I get on the train . . .
I am also bringing my Holga camera with me, in case I get an opportunity to take some street shots while I’m there. However, the Holga doesn’t have a flash and I may not be able to be out and about until after dark, so it may be a waste of space . . .
I’m only taking one smallish rolling suitcase and a backpack. All the clothes/shoes/toiletries are stuffed into the suitcase – I’m so happy that I’m taking the train so that I can see where my bag is at all times . . . and I can bring a couple of bottles of water and some trail mix with me, so I don’t have to buy anything.
I’m trying to get better at packing, but on these business trips you never really know what’s going to happen on any given day. Am I going to end up spilling a whole Coke down my white shirt? Are the rooms going to be too hot? Too cold? If one night a whole bunch of people want to go out to dinner should the dress be casual? Semi-casual? Keep on the business clothes I had on all day? Will I want to go to the gym in the hotel and walk on the treadmill or do the elliptical? Should I bring my sneakers? It’s so hard to be a female sometimes . . .
Time for the Fall grind to start! I hope everyone had a great Labor day. See you all when I get back . . .
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us. -- Joseph Campbell
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
-- Mark Twain
One should as a rule respect public opinion in so far as is necessary to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny, and is likely to interfere with happiness in all kinds of ways.
-- Bertrand Russell
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Water Flowing Underground
I finished Until I Find You last night – the last fourth of the book was just torture to me, I could barely make myself read the last 20 pages. It was going so well, and I was getting so much out of it, but the ending just seemed so lame and predictable and disappointing. I do recommend the book for most of it, just skip the last section – trust me, you’ll feel better for it . . . unless you really need to see everything resolved, then you probably will finish it, but be forewarned . . .
Eric wrote an interesting comment to my post on Wednesday, which I’ve been mulling over a bit
It’s interesting, I’m not sure what I imagined my future would be like when I was younger. I just had a vague feeling that things would be much better than there were at that moment. All I knew was that being an adult, living on my own, had to feel better than being under the regime of my parents. Setting goals for yourself requires a bit of imagination though – you have to be confident that you have the fortitude to stick things through and the wisdom required to complete whatever it is that you start. You see other people who have done the same thing, or are doing the same thing that you want to do, and they don’t seem to be having any problems with it . . . so why should you?
And then real life sets in and throws all sorts of monkey wrenches into your plans. “Why is this going wrong?” you think. “How come I’m the one having problems?”
Now, everyone else may have had problems reaching their goals too, but they just don’t tell you about them and/or you don’t see them so you don’t know that they had to struggle with things too. We always assume that everyone else has an easy time, unless we are told otherwise. So when the normal bumps and setbacks happen, we feel really offended and hurt and alone. We feel like the freak in the crowd who can’t get their stuff together.
Changes and challenges are a part of life, but I wonder if our individualistic attitudes sort of resign us to feeling so disgruntled. (wait, did that statement make sense?)
We don’t lean on each other too much, so there is no sense of a shared struggle going on through life. Unless we have really great friends and/or significant others to share our feelings and outrages with, of course we are going to feel extremely frustrated at what life throws our way. Family may not be much of a help either, unless we have a really close, open relationship with them and can tell them about all of the stupid stuff that populates our daily lives.
Being connected to others – I think – helps us get over the disappointment of things not happening the way we think they should, because other people add the perspective that we may be sorely lacking.
Wait! I think I got off track somewhere – did I?
“I never imagined that things would turn out the way they did.”
For most of us, it is to be hoped that this is a positive statement – we have looked at the challenges we’ve had with an eye to the opportunities they’ve created and which have led us even closer to figuring out who we are and what we want. Sometimes those outcomes that we couldn’t imagine turn out to be better than the things that we actually thought we wanted. Sometimes it is hard for us to stomach some of the course changes, but if we have learned anything in this life, it is that if you plug on long enough, things can’t get too much worse.
OK, at this point I have no idea if I’m making sense so I’ll stop. I probably should start over, but then I probably wouldn’t have a post at all . . .
It’s been a long busy week, and I’m hoping to get a bit of rest this weekend – I hope everyone else has a great holiday too . . .
Eric wrote an interesting comment to my post on Wednesday, which I’ve been mulling over a bit
You know that line, "I never imagined things would turn
out the way they did"? Well, I'm now wondering why we imagine so much. I don't
mean that in a defeatist way, but life changes so quickly with unforeseen
matters that this is something totally off our self radar.
It’s interesting, I’m not sure what I imagined my future would be like when I was younger. I just had a vague feeling that things would be much better than there were at that moment. All I knew was that being an adult, living on my own, had to feel better than being under the regime of my parents. Setting goals for yourself requires a bit of imagination though – you have to be confident that you have the fortitude to stick things through and the wisdom required to complete whatever it is that you start. You see other people who have done the same thing, or are doing the same thing that you want to do, and they don’t seem to be having any problems with it . . . so why should you?
And then real life sets in and throws all sorts of monkey wrenches into your plans. “Why is this going wrong?” you think. “How come I’m the one having problems?”
Now, everyone else may have had problems reaching their goals too, but they just don’t tell you about them and/or you don’t see them so you don’t know that they had to struggle with things too. We always assume that everyone else has an easy time, unless we are told otherwise. So when the normal bumps and setbacks happen, we feel really offended and hurt and alone. We feel like the freak in the crowd who can’t get their stuff together.
Changes and challenges are a part of life, but I wonder if our individualistic attitudes sort of resign us to feeling so disgruntled. (wait, did that statement make sense?)
We don’t lean on each other too much, so there is no sense of a shared struggle going on through life. Unless we have really great friends and/or significant others to share our feelings and outrages with, of course we are going to feel extremely frustrated at what life throws our way. Family may not be much of a help either, unless we have a really close, open relationship with them and can tell them about all of the stupid stuff that populates our daily lives.
Being connected to others – I think – helps us get over the disappointment of things not happening the way we think they should, because other people add the perspective that we may be sorely lacking.
Wait! I think I got off track somewhere – did I?
“I never imagined that things would turn out the way they did.”
For most of us, it is to be hoped that this is a positive statement – we have looked at the challenges we’ve had with an eye to the opportunities they’ve created and which have led us even closer to figuring out who we are and what we want. Sometimes those outcomes that we couldn’t imagine turn out to be better than the things that we actually thought we wanted. Sometimes it is hard for us to stomach some of the course changes, but if we have learned anything in this life, it is that if you plug on long enough, things can’t get too much worse.
OK, at this point I have no idea if I’m making sense so I’ll stop. I probably should start over, but then I probably wouldn’t have a post at all . . .
Whatever you think, be sure it is what you think; whatever you want, be sure that is what you want; whatever you feel, be sure that is what you feel.
-- T.S. Eliot
It’s been a long busy week, and I’m hoping to get a bit of rest this weekend – I hope everyone else has a great holiday too . . .
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Staring at the Clay
I’m in a bit of a mood today, but I’m going to go with it for the purposes of writing.
I am almost finished reading Until I Find You. John Irving is the sort of author that is not everyone’s cup of tea. Most of the people who populate his novels are usually wounded in freakishly major ways – whether physically or emotionally – and they are all trying to make their way to “normal.” But one thing you realize very early is that there is no real “normal.” Everyone – each and every one of us – is wounded in some way, carrying around some baggage that makes us feel odd and different and freakish when compared to others around us. Or at least, that’s how I feel . . .
We create our own lives and our own memories, but they are very much shaped by what happens to us when we are younger – our whole sense of self is formed by what our families and others around us choose to tell us and to withhold from us. We lose our innocence when we start to realize that everything that we were told was not necessarily the truth but what they wanted us to believe was true, and we spend the rest of our lives trying to establish what our own truths are. It is a long and hard process, sometimes shaking us down to the foundation of who we have thought we were and who we think we should be.
The positive thing about this process is that we each get to reinvent ourselves however we wish. The negative thing about this process is that our baggage, our ingrained histories, our false truths can be the things that keep us from moving forward – because they are comfortable, because they are safe, because they are easy.
Being in the process right now has been quite depressing and yet quite exhilarating. Does that make sense? I have no idea of who I am and who I’m supposed to be. I think I’m one type, but then I notice some things that make me the opposite. I try to be a good person, but I know I’m not. What does being a good person mean? Does one bad thing negate all of the good? Can a person try to be selfless, but still end up being supremely selfish? Be motherly, but not necessarily be a mother? Can you love people, but ultimately not love anyone?
I’ll be darned if I know. And it is killing me. I am starting to think I need to see the answers spray-painted on a wall somewhere for me to get it – but even if the answers did miraculously appear, would I understand them? Would I pay attention? Or would I think that they were wrong and misguided and keep on seeking?
if i write, i am not scared.
I guess I am not as scared as I thought anymore. Something must be going on in this brain of mine that is leading to something . . . it is just a bit of a mess on paper, that’s all . . .
I am almost finished reading Until I Find You. John Irving is the sort of author that is not everyone’s cup of tea. Most of the people who populate his novels are usually wounded in freakishly major ways – whether physically or emotionally – and they are all trying to make their way to “normal.” But one thing you realize very early is that there is no real “normal.” Everyone – each and every one of us – is wounded in some way, carrying around some baggage that makes us feel odd and different and freakish when compared to others around us. Or at least, that’s how I feel . . .
We create our own lives and our own memories, but they are very much shaped by what happens to us when we are younger – our whole sense of self is formed by what our families and others around us choose to tell us and to withhold from us. We lose our innocence when we start to realize that everything that we were told was not necessarily the truth but what they wanted us to believe was true, and we spend the rest of our lives trying to establish what our own truths are. It is a long and hard process, sometimes shaking us down to the foundation of who we have thought we were and who we think we should be.
The positive thing about this process is that we each get to reinvent ourselves however we wish. The negative thing about this process is that our baggage, our ingrained histories, our false truths can be the things that keep us from moving forward – because they are comfortable, because they are safe, because they are easy.
Being in the process right now has been quite depressing and yet quite exhilarating. Does that make sense? I have no idea of who I am and who I’m supposed to be. I think I’m one type, but then I notice some things that make me the opposite. I try to be a good person, but I know I’m not. What does being a good person mean? Does one bad thing negate all of the good? Can a person try to be selfless, but still end up being supremely selfish? Be motherly, but not necessarily be a mother? Can you love people, but ultimately not love anyone?
I’ll be darned if I know. And it is killing me. I am starting to think I need to see the answers spray-painted on a wall somewhere for me to get it – but even if the answers did miraculously appear, would I understand them? Would I pay attention? Or would I think that they were wrong and misguided and keep on seeking?
if i write, i am not scared.
I guess I am not as scared as I thought anymore. Something must be going on in this brain of mine that is leading to something . . . it is just a bit of a mess on paper, that’s all . . .
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Still Passing the Open Windows
(The title of this post refers to the book, The Hotel New Hampshire . . . no worries, it's a good thing.)
I did not realize that it has been almost a week since I last wrote . . .
There is much to write about, but I don’t seem to have the words or the energy at the moment. There are many things going on though – life just keeps plugging away at the Random household as we gear up for a season of increased activity.
A few weeks ago, Justrose had this in her blog:
I am scared. I am not sure what the fall is going to bring.
Right now there are many opportunities that I could start to work on, but the implications of a few of those projects are frightening to me – they may mean a whole change in focus and more time out and about. Mr. Random will be very busy with grad school and running and soccer – and I am psyched and encouraging for him. My choir practices are starting up again, along with my ESL teaching, and I will be running around very busy too.
There is a project that I want to start to work on – my photo project – which could be quite fun and hone my skills while helping to document a “scene” that is going on in the DC area. Almost every ounce of my being wants to do this, but I hesitate. It is scary. It will take more time away. I don’t know if I will be good at it. People may just think I am a weirdo, and the pictures may turn out to totally suck. But I HAVE to try . . .
Gee, I seem to be talking myself into it, huh?
Anyway, it seems like the next year is going be a huge determining factor in how the rest of my life is going to go. It feels like the decisions I’m making now are “make or break.” So, I’m scared for that reason, too. I’m at the bottom of a hill, looking at three different paths going up a mountain, but I cannot see where they lead – I cannot see where they end because there’s some sort of fog or smog at the top obscuring the view. I really don’t want to end up in a place where it turns out I don’t want to be . . . but there is no way to be sure . . .
I’ll end here because I’m not sure if I’m making any sense. It is still a jumble in my head. Thanks for being a receptacle for my indecision . . . it does help a bit . . .
By the way . . . more random quotes today:
The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.
--Denis Watley
It is better wither to be silent, or to say things of more value than silence. Sooner throw a pearl at hazard than an idle or useless word; and do not say a little in many words, but a great deal in a few.
--Pythagoras (582 BC - 507 BC)
Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot.
--D. H. Lawrence (1885 - 1930)
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
--Anais Nin (1903 - 1977)
I did not realize that it has been almost a week since I last wrote . . .
There is much to write about, but I don’t seem to have the words or the energy at the moment. There are many things going on though – life just keeps plugging away at the Random household as we gear up for a season of increased activity.
A few weeks ago, Justrose had this in her blog:
“there was an interview in this month's national geographic with egyptian writer
alaa al aswany, author of the yacoubian building. it is famous in the arab
world, i know nothing about it, i probably won't read it. but he said this about
writing, which i loved:”
if i get scared, i cannot write, and if i write, i am not scared.
I am scared. I am not sure what the fall is going to bring.
Right now there are many opportunities that I could start to work on, but the implications of a few of those projects are frightening to me – they may mean a whole change in focus and more time out and about. Mr. Random will be very busy with grad school and running and soccer – and I am psyched and encouraging for him. My choir practices are starting up again, along with my ESL teaching, and I will be running around very busy too.
There is a project that I want to start to work on – my photo project – which could be quite fun and hone my skills while helping to document a “scene” that is going on in the DC area. Almost every ounce of my being wants to do this, but I hesitate. It is scary. It will take more time away. I don’t know if I will be good at it. People may just think I am a weirdo, and the pictures may turn out to totally suck. But I HAVE to try . . .
Gee, I seem to be talking myself into it, huh?
Anyway, it seems like the next year is going be a huge determining factor in how the rest of my life is going to go. It feels like the decisions I’m making now are “make or break.” So, I’m scared for that reason, too. I’m at the bottom of a hill, looking at three different paths going up a mountain, but I cannot see where they lead – I cannot see where they end because there’s some sort of fog or smog at the top obscuring the view. I really don’t want to end up in a place where it turns out I don’t want to be . . . but there is no way to be sure . . .
I’ll end here because I’m not sure if I’m making any sense. It is still a jumble in my head. Thanks for being a receptacle for my indecision . . . it does help a bit . . .
By the way . . . more random quotes today:
The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.
--Denis Watley
It is better wither to be silent, or to say things of more value than silence. Sooner throw a pearl at hazard than an idle or useless word; and do not say a little in many words, but a great deal in a few.
--Pythagoras (582 BC - 507 BC)
Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot.
--D. H. Lawrence (1885 - 1930)
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
--Anais Nin (1903 - 1977)
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Back to Randomness
Another meme going around is to go to this page: (http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3) and pick 5 random quotes that seem to fit you today.
Here are mine . . . and they are pretty awesome and fitting for my state of mind these days. How funky is that?
Other Random Updates:
*My friend, L, is going to be staying with her friend, J, until she makes enough money to find a place. Whew! That is quite the burden off of my mind. Thanks so much, Virginia Gal, for the offer of a lead on a place in Manassas!
*Oh, and to answer Virginia Gal’s comment – yes, NPR gets on my nerves sometimes too. Sometimes it seems like a parody of itself in all of its earnestness . . .
*I am still terribly out of sorts, but am muddling along each day. I’m not going to be able to go to Alabama to visit my grandmother until the end of September now, because of a lack of funds. I am terribly disappointed and but hope that late September will be a nice time to have a visit.
*Today I ended up having the exact same conversation with someone that I’ve been having with them for the past 6 months. It always gets resolved the same way, and yet, not. It is so hard to figure out how to resolve this in a satisfactory way for everyone, but until then I guess it will keep coming back again and again until someone gives in.
*Over the weekend, I read Isabel Allende’s Zorro. I started it Saturday night and finished it by 10 PM Sunday night. I love, love, love her novels – I love the music of her words, the tone she sets . . . her writing is what makes me want to write, to get better at writing, to tell a story in a way that makes someone want to keep the story going on forever. I have read mostly all of her books and at an event in 2002 at the National Museum of Women in the Arts, I actually got to hear her speak about her life and her writing. (Mr. Random actually got to speak interact with her a bit: When Mr. Random was walking to the museum after parking the car, he noticed a woman who looked lost to where the entrance was. He took her to the correct entrance and opened the door for her – surprise! It turned out to Ms. Allende.)
*I am now reading John Irving’s Until I Find You. It is an encouraging sign that my brain is clearing out enough clutter to be able to read whole books again, not just magazine articles. I just wish my brain would declutter enough to actually WRITE something decent . . .
*Which reminds me that I really need to renew a whole slew of magazines. I’m probably going to give up Bon Appetit, and keep: Metropolis, InStyle, The New Yorker, Cooking Light and Sunset. Ugh, my Wall Street Journal is coming due soon too . . .
Until I blog again . . . hope all is going well for everyone!
Here are mine . . . and they are pretty awesome and fitting for my state of mind these days. How funky is that?
Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with our own
private opinion. What a man thinks of himself, that is which determines, or
rather indicates, his fate.
Henry David Thoreau (1817 -
1862)
Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a
form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and
the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and
aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and
vagaries of the crowd.
Edith Sitwell (1887 - 1964), Taken Care Of
,1965
There's no correlation between creativity and equipment
ownership. None. Zilch. Nada. Actually, as the artist gets more into his thing,
and as he gets more successful, his number of tools tends to go down. He knows
what works for him. Expending mental energy on stuff wastes time.
Hugh
Macleod, How To Be Creative: 10. The more talented somebody is, the less they
need the props., 08-22-04
Perfection is a road, not a destination.
Every time I live, I get an education.
Burk Hudson
She had an
unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities.
Henry James (1843 - 1916)
Other Random Updates:
*My friend, L, is going to be staying with her friend, J, until she makes enough money to find a place. Whew! That is quite the burden off of my mind. Thanks so much, Virginia Gal, for the offer of a lead on a place in Manassas!
*Oh, and to answer Virginia Gal’s comment – yes, NPR gets on my nerves sometimes too. Sometimes it seems like a parody of itself in all of its earnestness . . .
*I am still terribly out of sorts, but am muddling along each day. I’m not going to be able to go to Alabama to visit my grandmother until the end of September now, because of a lack of funds. I am terribly disappointed and but hope that late September will be a nice time to have a visit.
*Today I ended up having the exact same conversation with someone that I’ve been having with them for the past 6 months. It always gets resolved the same way, and yet, not. It is so hard to figure out how to resolve this in a satisfactory way for everyone, but until then I guess it will keep coming back again and again until someone gives in.
*Over the weekend, I read Isabel Allende’s Zorro. I started it Saturday night and finished it by 10 PM Sunday night. I love, love, love her novels – I love the music of her words, the tone she sets . . . her writing is what makes me want to write, to get better at writing, to tell a story in a way that makes someone want to keep the story going on forever. I have read mostly all of her books and at an event in 2002 at the National Museum of Women in the Arts, I actually got to hear her speak about her life and her writing. (Mr. Random actually got to speak interact with her a bit: When Mr. Random was walking to the museum after parking the car, he noticed a woman who looked lost to where the entrance was. He took her to the correct entrance and opened the door for her – surprise! It turned out to Ms. Allende.)
*I am now reading John Irving’s Until I Find You. It is an encouraging sign that my brain is clearing out enough clutter to be able to read whole books again, not just magazine articles. I just wish my brain would declutter enough to actually WRITE something decent . . .
*Which reminds me that I really need to renew a whole slew of magazines. I’m probably going to give up Bon Appetit, and keep: Metropolis, InStyle, The New Yorker, Cooking Light and Sunset. Ugh, my Wall Street Journal is coming due soon too . . .
Until I blog again . . . hope all is going well for everyone!
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Trinity Meme
Hey folks, let's lighten things up a bit! (Meme is courtesy of Justrose)
3 things that scare me:
Flying. Actually being stuck in a metal tube traveling many miles per hour, many thousands of feet up in the sky, with the possibility of crashing down. That may hurt a little, I think . . .
Losing people I care about forever
Being stuck in a rut – not growing or learning or being able to do new things or go new places
3 people that make me laugh:
My dad
Mr. Random
My friend, J.
3 things that I hate most:
Waiting in lines
Crowds
Being overlooked
3 things I don't understand:
Why religions that are supposed to stand for love and justice can engender so much hate and intolerance
Why TV news shows are so incredibly crappy
Why putting everything on the internet is supposed to be the schwartz.
3 things I am doing right now:
Watching the Random Cat sleeping curled up beside me on the couch
Nibbling on some of the tasty fig/date/nut bread that I made on Thursday night.
Trying to figure out what the next steps in my life should be
3 things I want to do before I die:
Travel to Europe and Latin America
Study Philosophy, Urban Planning and Architecture
Learn to play the violin and the piano
3 things I can do
Make a killer cheesecake
Be a friendly ear and a helping hand to those I care about
Edit other people’s writing (I’m lousy at doing my own)
3 ways to describe my personality:
Open, but guarded
Giving, but selfish
Optimistic, but moody
3 things I can't do:
Whistle
Swim
Tell a funny joke without totally ruining it.
3 things I think you should listen to:
The sounds of little children playing – one of the most comforting things in the world.
The ocean outside your window at the beach
Cicadas and birds in the woods as you are sitting or walking.
3 things you should never listen to:
Talk radio
People who don’t have your best interest at heart or are incredibly negative all the time
Someone telling you that you CAN”T do something because of some dumb stereotype.
3 absolute favorite foods:
Anything potato related – chips, fries, mashed potatoes, potatoes au gratin, baked, roasted, anything!
Anything Asian related: Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Indian
Anything Southern, but chitlins.
3 things I'd like to learn:
Flamenco dancing – it just looks cool
How to perform well on stage or in groups – I am really afraid of looking stupid or doing the wrong things
How to be a better artist – a better observer and better at expressing myself whether in my photographs or on paper.
3 beverages I drink regularly:
Diet Dr. Pepper
Ginger Ale (to settle my stomach – also goes well with Asian food)
Tea – I LOVE Teas!
3 shows I watched as a kid:
Little House on the Prairie
Anything on PBS during the day
Any music variety shows – Solid Gold, Soul Train, American Bandstand, Hee Haw, Laurence Welk – you name it, I watched it. I pretty much liked any type of music
3 things that scare me:
Flying. Actually being stuck in a metal tube traveling many miles per hour, many thousands of feet up in the sky, with the possibility of crashing down. That may hurt a little, I think . . .
Losing people I care about forever
Being stuck in a rut – not growing or learning or being able to do new things or go new places
3 people that make me laugh:
My dad
Mr. Random
My friend, J.
3 things that I hate most:
Waiting in lines
Crowds
Being overlooked
3 things I don't understand:
Why religions that are supposed to stand for love and justice can engender so much hate and intolerance
Why TV news shows are so incredibly crappy
Why putting everything on the internet is supposed to be the schwartz.
3 things I am doing right now:
Watching the Random Cat sleeping curled up beside me on the couch
Nibbling on some of the tasty fig/date/nut bread that I made on Thursday night.
Trying to figure out what the next steps in my life should be
3 things I want to do before I die:
Travel to Europe and Latin America
Study Philosophy, Urban Planning and Architecture
Learn to play the violin and the piano
3 things I can do
Make a killer cheesecake
Be a friendly ear and a helping hand to those I care about
Edit other people’s writing (I’m lousy at doing my own)
3 ways to describe my personality:
Open, but guarded
Giving, but selfish
Optimistic, but moody
3 things I can't do:
Whistle
Swim
Tell a funny joke without totally ruining it.
3 things I think you should listen to:
The sounds of little children playing – one of the most comforting things in the world.
The ocean outside your window at the beach
Cicadas and birds in the woods as you are sitting or walking.
3 things you should never listen to:
Talk radio
People who don’t have your best interest at heart or are incredibly negative all the time
Someone telling you that you CAN”T do something because of some dumb stereotype.
3 absolute favorite foods:
Anything potato related – chips, fries, mashed potatoes, potatoes au gratin, baked, roasted, anything!
Anything Asian related: Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Indian
Anything Southern, but chitlins.
3 things I'd like to learn:
Flamenco dancing – it just looks cool
How to perform well on stage or in groups – I am really afraid of looking stupid or doing the wrong things
How to be a better artist – a better observer and better at expressing myself whether in my photographs or on paper.
3 beverages I drink regularly:
Diet Dr. Pepper
Ginger Ale (to settle my stomach – also goes well with Asian food)
Tea – I LOVE Teas!
3 shows I watched as a kid:
Little House on the Prairie
Anything on PBS during the day
Any music variety shows – Solid Gold, Soul Train, American Bandstand, Hee Haw, Laurence Welk – you name it, I watched it. I pretty much liked any type of music
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Positively Positive
. . . That’s what I’m trying to be this week. Don’t know if it is working, but that’s the mantra I’m using.
My friend, L, called last night. She asked if she could stay with Mr. Random and I through the end of September until she can get her own apartment. Her sister, who she is staying with now, is moving in a few weeks to another part of Virginia. She said that she knew that Mr. Random and I are just getting over having Random Mum-in-law stay with us, but she really needs a place to stay.
I told her that we would think about it. When Mr. Random got home from running, I told him what happened. We were both incredibly conflicted about what our answer should be. Our first impulse was to say no, but we both felt like that was a selfish thing to think. We want to be good people and do the right thing, so shouldn’t we want to help out a friend?
We talked about how we were both going to be super busy next month – what with Mr. Random starting grad school, having weekend soccer games and training for the marathon, and me starting to teach ESL again, having choir practices and traveling for the early part of the month – plus working our normal jobs..
Mr. Random also would not feel right with a semi-stranger living with him in the condo while I was gone. Also, our condo is not very big and 5 weeks is a long time to share a small space with a non-relative. Now, if my sister wanted to come live with us for a month, that’s another story because, well . . .she’s my sister! And if our unemployed friend, C, had asked to stay with us, it would have been an easy no to say.
L is a sweet woman who has worked pretty hard to get through law school and was kind enough to let me visit her in New York (even though that turned out pretty lousy). We have talked for countless hours and I have given her tons of encouragement and advice over the years. I have tried to be as supportive a friend as I possibly could be.
But there was a layer of uneasiness about L that we couldn’t quite verbalize.
So Mr. Random and I had been agonizing over this decision all last night and all day today. As we were taking our usual lunchtime walk, we came to a decision.
We are going to say no. And try to do what we can to find her a good roommate situation that she can be in for about 6 months or so. Because if she can’t afford an apartment right now, she probably won’t be able to comfortably do so by October, and then we really wouldn’t be able to tell her to leave once she was living with us. It would be a huge strain on an already stressful period, and we wouldn’t feel real comfortable with her there during this transitional time.
Am I horrible for not wanting to help out a friend in need? It’s OK if you think so – I already feel really bad . . .
Now to see what her reaction will be . . .
My friend, L, called last night. She asked if she could stay with Mr. Random and I through the end of September until she can get her own apartment. Her sister, who she is staying with now, is moving in a few weeks to another part of Virginia. She said that she knew that Mr. Random and I are just getting over having Random Mum-in-law stay with us, but she really needs a place to stay.
I told her that we would think about it. When Mr. Random got home from running, I told him what happened. We were both incredibly conflicted about what our answer should be. Our first impulse was to say no, but we both felt like that was a selfish thing to think. We want to be good people and do the right thing, so shouldn’t we want to help out a friend?
We talked about how we were both going to be super busy next month – what with Mr. Random starting grad school, having weekend soccer games and training for the marathon, and me starting to teach ESL again, having choir practices and traveling for the early part of the month – plus working our normal jobs..
Mr. Random also would not feel right with a semi-stranger living with him in the condo while I was gone. Also, our condo is not very big and 5 weeks is a long time to share a small space with a non-relative. Now, if my sister wanted to come live with us for a month, that’s another story because, well . . .she’s my sister! And if our unemployed friend, C, had asked to stay with us, it would have been an easy no to say.
L is a sweet woman who has worked pretty hard to get through law school and was kind enough to let me visit her in New York (even though that turned out pretty lousy). We have talked for countless hours and I have given her tons of encouragement and advice over the years. I have tried to be as supportive a friend as I possibly could be.
But there was a layer of uneasiness about L that we couldn’t quite verbalize.
So Mr. Random and I had been agonizing over this decision all last night and all day today. As we were taking our usual lunchtime walk, we came to a decision.
We are going to say no. And try to do what we can to find her a good roommate situation that she can be in for about 6 months or so. Because if she can’t afford an apartment right now, she probably won’t be able to comfortably do so by October, and then we really wouldn’t be able to tell her to leave once she was living with us. It would be a huge strain on an already stressful period, and we wouldn’t feel real comfortable with her there during this transitional time.
Am I horrible for not wanting to help out a friend in need? It’s OK if you think so – I already feel really bad . . .
Now to see what her reaction will be . . .
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Nibbling Away at Sanity
I have just been in a “mood-most-foul” all week. I am trying to work on it, really I am! This morning I was reading through Justrose’s Blog and this statement leapt out at me:
Or as my friend, J, so succinctly said:
I just wish I could turn off the ol’ brain and not have to deal with anything for a while. I’m getting tired of dealing with other people’s baggage. I am weary of dealing with situations at work that were caused (or neglected) by my predecessors. I hate having to be aware of all the petty political machinations going on inside and outside the organization. I am sick of being in the loop, but not in the loop enough to actually be able to do anything. Middle management sucks . . .
And when I get cranky, I tend to either eat or starve. This time around I’m eating, I guess, which will undo all the good work I did the first 6 months of the year.
Semi-good news: I’m going to be teaching ESL on Tuesday nights again in the Fall. This time the semester will only be 10 weeks long – hallelujah! However, I’m hoping they are changing the curriculum slightly, since otherwise we won’t be able to finish everything in time.
I talked to my friend, L, last night. I hadn’t talked to her all summer since she had been busy studying intently for the Virginia Bar exam. She is just now starting to look for jobs, to tide her over until she gets the results of the Bar. Unlike all of my other lawyer friends, she did not work at law firms over the summers while she was in law school, and now she is having trouble finding work right away. I had offered to hook her up with some of my friends who could probably help her out a bit, or at least point her in the right directon, but she always declines. The way she described her encounters at various temp agencies did not seem encouraging either, since by what she said about her meetings with various folks, she seems to have a bit of a chip on her shoulder about interviewing for administrative positions – although that is what she is looking for at this point.
Talking to her made me want to go beat my head against a wall. Listening to her, I felt sad and angry, because I always thought she had more sense that that, but I then tried to remember what she was like to work with (L and I met while working at a ubiquitous DC trade association) and I guess I had glossed over that her attitude there was not exactly the best either . . .
. . . my, I still seem to have a lot of hostility . . . I’ll try to be a bit peppier later, I promise . . .
the bottom line: i have a good life, and i just have to stop machinating
over it and live it, for whatever happens. i worry too goddamn much.
Or as my friend, J, so succinctly said:
I don't think there's a nice way to put it, but life sucks sometimes.
I just wish I could turn off the ol’ brain and not have to deal with anything for a while. I’m getting tired of dealing with other people’s baggage. I am weary of dealing with situations at work that were caused (or neglected) by my predecessors. I hate having to be aware of all the petty political machinations going on inside and outside the organization. I am sick of being in the loop, but not in the loop enough to actually be able to do anything. Middle management sucks . . .
And when I get cranky, I tend to either eat or starve. This time around I’m eating, I guess, which will undo all the good work I did the first 6 months of the year.
Semi-good news: I’m going to be teaching ESL on Tuesday nights again in the Fall. This time the semester will only be 10 weeks long – hallelujah! However, I’m hoping they are changing the curriculum slightly, since otherwise we won’t be able to finish everything in time.
I talked to my friend, L, last night. I hadn’t talked to her all summer since she had been busy studying intently for the Virginia Bar exam. She is just now starting to look for jobs, to tide her over until she gets the results of the Bar. Unlike all of my other lawyer friends, she did not work at law firms over the summers while she was in law school, and now she is having trouble finding work right away. I had offered to hook her up with some of my friends who could probably help her out a bit, or at least point her in the right directon, but she always declines. The way she described her encounters at various temp agencies did not seem encouraging either, since by what she said about her meetings with various folks, she seems to have a bit of a chip on her shoulder about interviewing for administrative positions – although that is what she is looking for at this point.
Talking to her made me want to go beat my head against a wall. Listening to her, I felt sad and angry, because I always thought she had more sense that that, but I then tried to remember what she was like to work with (L and I met while working at a ubiquitous DC trade association) and I guess I had glossed over that her attitude there was not exactly the best either . . .
. . . my, I still seem to have a lot of hostility . . . I’ll try to be a bit peppier later, I promise . . .
Friday, August 04, 2006
Not Seeing The Baby Panda
The heat has broken a little bit, so today Random Mum-in-law, Mr. Random and I decided to venture out to the National Zoo, to see the baby panda and to get a few souvenirs to take back with her for family and friends.
We started out a bit after 12 and went to the Café Deluxe for lunch on Wisconsin Ave, a bit past the National Cathedral. It was crowded, as it would be on a Friday afternoon, and it took us about 20 minutes to get a table. We had some lovely sandwiches for lunch – I had a grilled cheese with bacon and tomato, Mr. Random and his mom both had chicken with avocado spread. The restaurant was noisy, so I couldn’t hear much of what Mr. Random and his mom were talking about, but I made sure to smile and nod appreciable in between bites of my yummy sandwich and slender, crispy French fries. I was STARVING, and I had woken up with a most horrible headache, so I wasn’t really in the mood for walking around and making small talk, although I tried to be a sport as best I could.
Two interesting incidents happened during lunch. First, I sighted a low-level celebrity, Mark Plotkin – a DC political radio host – walking on the door. I alerted Mr. Random as discretely as I could (“Isn’t that Mark Plotkin over there?” I whispered . . .) and of course, Mr. Random craned his head back as subtle as a Mack truck to get a good look at him.
The other incident happened when I was left alone at the table when both Mr. Random and his mom went to the bathroom. I was casually looking out of the window, when I spied a small, white-haired, elderly lady curled up in a wheelchair coming out of the apartments next door. She seemed to be moving rather fast, and before I knew it (because I guess the sidewalk had a bit of an incline) she had crashed into the side of the silver SUV parked at the curb. Two seconds later, a woman came running out to grab the woman and her chair and push her away from the SUV and make sure she was OK. Meanwhile, I started laughing – but I felt bad about it, REALLY! – because I could not believe what I just happened to see . . . this poor little old lady, careening down the path right into a parked car, unable to stop – I guess she didn’t have the energy to put on the brakes – just like something out of a cartoon or Monty Python sketch. She seemed OK, but I guess her nurse wasn’t watching her too carefully, or things happened to fast to stop it. I am certainly going straight to Hell for laughing at that . . .
After lunch we drove over to the Zoo, which was not too far away. Mr. Random actually found a great parking spot on Connecticut Ave, a half block from the Zoo entrance, which was amazing, since we hardly ever find great spots like that.
Once in the park, we walked over to the Cheetahs, where we found one huddled in a far corner, under a tree, trying to bask in the shade. Then we strolled over to where the Pandas were.
There was a major line. A major line on the sun. A major line in the sun that wasn’t moving. A major line in the sun that wasn’t moving and that the Zoo person said that the wait would be about 40 minutes. Random Mum-in-law was already starting to wilt anyway, so we decided to come back later. So we went another couple of yards and then decided to go into the air conditioned gift shop. There, Random Mum-in-law bought a few souvenirs and then decided that we should probably go home. She really couldn’t take the walking or the heat. We had only been there about a half hour at this point, and she was quite disappointed that she didn’t get to see the pandas. We were more concerned about her health at this point and didn’t mind leaving quickly.
On the way out of the park, we had to stop several times for Random Mum-in-law to catch her breath and rest a bit. Luckily we had parked so close to the Zoo that Mr. Random didn’t have to go and get the car for us. We tried to put a happy face on the day, saying that at least she got to eat at a nice DC restaurant, see some neighborhoods that she normally wouldn’t see, and got to get some stuff to take back to the West Coast with her . . .
Now she is resting in the living room, still going outside every hour or so to smoke. Mr. Random and I don’t quite know what to do or say, but are very concerned about her health. She can only seem to walk a few yards before getting very fatigued. Even taking the humidity into account, we can tell that something isn’t quite right.
Has anyone had to confront a family member about their health? Should we just worry in silence? She seems to pooh pooh that anything major might be wrong with her – she just says that she is out of shape . . .
Tomorrow we are going to spend the day with my parents at their house . . . I hope that goes much better than today did . . .
We started out a bit after 12 and went to the Café Deluxe for lunch on Wisconsin Ave, a bit past the National Cathedral. It was crowded, as it would be on a Friday afternoon, and it took us about 20 minutes to get a table. We had some lovely sandwiches for lunch – I had a grilled cheese with bacon and tomato, Mr. Random and his mom both had chicken with avocado spread. The restaurant was noisy, so I couldn’t hear much of what Mr. Random and his mom were talking about, but I made sure to smile and nod appreciable in between bites of my yummy sandwich and slender, crispy French fries. I was STARVING, and I had woken up with a most horrible headache, so I wasn’t really in the mood for walking around and making small talk, although I tried to be a sport as best I could.
Two interesting incidents happened during lunch. First, I sighted a low-level celebrity, Mark Plotkin – a DC political radio host – walking on the door. I alerted Mr. Random as discretely as I could (“Isn’t that Mark Plotkin over there?” I whispered . . .) and of course, Mr. Random craned his head back as subtle as a Mack truck to get a good look at him.
The other incident happened when I was left alone at the table when both Mr. Random and his mom went to the bathroom. I was casually looking out of the window, when I spied a small, white-haired, elderly lady curled up in a wheelchair coming out of the apartments next door. She seemed to be moving rather fast, and before I knew it (because I guess the sidewalk had a bit of an incline) she had crashed into the side of the silver SUV parked at the curb. Two seconds later, a woman came running out to grab the woman and her chair and push her away from the SUV and make sure she was OK. Meanwhile, I started laughing – but I felt bad about it, REALLY! – because I could not believe what I just happened to see . . . this poor little old lady, careening down the path right into a parked car, unable to stop – I guess she didn’t have the energy to put on the brakes – just like something out of a cartoon or Monty Python sketch. She seemed OK, but I guess her nurse wasn’t watching her too carefully, or things happened to fast to stop it. I am certainly going straight to Hell for laughing at that . . .
After lunch we drove over to the Zoo, which was not too far away. Mr. Random actually found a great parking spot on Connecticut Ave, a half block from the Zoo entrance, which was amazing, since we hardly ever find great spots like that.
Once in the park, we walked over to the Cheetahs, where we found one huddled in a far corner, under a tree, trying to bask in the shade. Then we strolled over to where the Pandas were.
There was a major line. A major line on the sun. A major line in the sun that wasn’t moving. A major line in the sun that wasn’t moving and that the Zoo person said that the wait would be about 40 minutes. Random Mum-in-law was already starting to wilt anyway, so we decided to come back later. So we went another couple of yards and then decided to go into the air conditioned gift shop. There, Random Mum-in-law bought a few souvenirs and then decided that we should probably go home. She really couldn’t take the walking or the heat. We had only been there about a half hour at this point, and she was quite disappointed that she didn’t get to see the pandas. We were more concerned about her health at this point and didn’t mind leaving quickly.
On the way out of the park, we had to stop several times for Random Mum-in-law to catch her breath and rest a bit. Luckily we had parked so close to the Zoo that Mr. Random didn’t have to go and get the car for us. We tried to put a happy face on the day, saying that at least she got to eat at a nice DC restaurant, see some neighborhoods that she normally wouldn’t see, and got to get some stuff to take back to the West Coast with her . . .
Now she is resting in the living room, still going outside every hour or so to smoke. Mr. Random and I don’t quite know what to do or say, but are very concerned about her health. She can only seem to walk a few yards before getting very fatigued. Even taking the humidity into account, we can tell that something isn’t quite right.
Has anyone had to confront a family member about their health? Should we just worry in silence? She seems to pooh pooh that anything major might be wrong with her – she just says that she is out of shape . . .
Tomorrow we are going to spend the day with my parents at their house . . . I hope that goes much better than today did . . .
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Feeling Like a Caged Animal
Random Mum-in-law has been here for three days now, and it has been so hot and humid that we have not been able to do any of the sightseeing that we had hoped.
Last night we did go to the Ethiopian Restaurant, which was quite yummy and filling – eating meat and vegetables with handfuls of flatbread will fill you up rather quickly. Since I felt so full, and because I just needed to do a bit of movement after sitting around the condo all day and then eating a huge meal, the three of us decided to walk a little around Georgetown.
We did not make it more than a block and a half before Random Mum-in-law said that we needed to go back. She was having a hard time walking and the humidity was getting to her. It was very worrying to both Mr. Random and I since (a) we didn’t go walk very far and (b) at that point it wasn’t as humid as it had been earlier in the day when she kept going out on the balcony to go smoke every hour, almost on the hour . . .
Random Mum-in-law’s health is of great concern to us. She seems much more frail this time, her coughs sound just horrible, and she can’t do very much without getting very tired. Supposedly her doctor says she is fine, but we aren’t believing it.
I am trying to be a good Daughter-in-law and a good sport, but being cooped up with someone for three days is always very trying. Mr. Random and I are trying to be on our best behavior and trying to accommodate Mum-in-law’s needs as best we can. Normally, if we were home by ourselves, we would just brave the heat and go places or curl up in our respective places and read, write, watch TV, or surf the internet. We make full meals rather than just making ourselves a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when we are hungry. That, coupled with the lack of walking, makes me feel like I am going to gain 20 pounds by the time the week is over.
Now, I utterly adore Random Mum-in-law to death – but sometimes absence does make the heart grow fonder . . .
[Guilty rant over . . .]
Last night we did go to the Ethiopian Restaurant, which was quite yummy and filling – eating meat and vegetables with handfuls of flatbread will fill you up rather quickly. Since I felt so full, and because I just needed to do a bit of movement after sitting around the condo all day and then eating a huge meal, the three of us decided to walk a little around Georgetown.
We did not make it more than a block and a half before Random Mum-in-law said that we needed to go back. She was having a hard time walking and the humidity was getting to her. It was very worrying to both Mr. Random and I since (a) we didn’t go walk very far and (b) at that point it wasn’t as humid as it had been earlier in the day when she kept going out on the balcony to go smoke every hour, almost on the hour . . .
Random Mum-in-law’s health is of great concern to us. She seems much more frail this time, her coughs sound just horrible, and she can’t do very much without getting very tired. Supposedly her doctor says she is fine, but we aren’t believing it.
I am trying to be a good Daughter-in-law and a good sport, but being cooped up with someone for three days is always very trying. Mr. Random and I are trying to be on our best behavior and trying to accommodate Mum-in-law’s needs as best we can. Normally, if we were home by ourselves, we would just brave the heat and go places or curl up in our respective places and read, write, watch TV, or surf the internet. We make full meals rather than just making ourselves a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when we are hungry. That, coupled with the lack of walking, makes me feel like I am going to gain 20 pounds by the time the week is over.
Now, I utterly adore Random Mum-in-law to death – but sometimes absence does make the heart grow fonder . . .
[Guilty rant over . . .]
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
A Visitor from the West
The Random Mother-in-law is in residence this week.
The Random Household is tidier than it has been in . . . well, years. The new paint in the bathroom has been touched up, new shower curtains purchased, matching towels adorning the towel racks, and my sea of random lotions and sprays has been taken off of the counters and put neatly into shelves and cabinets.
The kitchen, while still resplendent with the fugly wallpaper and counters, has everything neatly put away and actually looks functional. It isn’t though – Yesterday, while Mr. Random took his mother out to lunch, I stayed at home and actually made gazpacho, marinated some herb-crusted pork chops for dinner, and baked a fig-date-walnut bread from a recipe I found in Cooking Light. In making all these things I realized that our cabinets are just horrible – all of the baking-ware and mixing bowls are shoved into a tiny space, making it almost impossible to find what I needed without taking out half of the contents of the cabinet. And I need new measuring spoons and cups in the worst way – I haven’t bought any new stuff in about 8 years and a lot of my utensils have sort of disappeared through attrition.
It also doesn’t help that I only feel culinary when I have a lot of time off. Around the winter holidays, between Christmas and New Years, I become a baking queen. During the rest of the year, I avoid the kitchen like the plague – who has time after working all day, plus volunteering and doing whatever?
It really sucks that it is so hot – it rather limits our choices of what we can do. Usually I love walking around the museums of the Mall, or wandering around Old Town Alexandria, but neither of these is an option in this heat. It does not help that Mr. Random’s mom smokes like a chimney and doesn’t quite have the stamina to do much walking, even on cool days. We are going to an Ethiopian restaurant tonight – she’s willing to try it – which should be an interesting experience. My Dad is coming along with us, since my mom is out of town, so this should be super-interesting.
I am much more relaxed this week and am trying really hard not to think of all the work I have to do next week – when I do, it just gets me stressed out and upset. So I am trying to go with the flow as much as possible. I may even get off this computer and try to read a book . . . imagine that!
The Random Household is tidier than it has been in . . . well, years. The new paint in the bathroom has been touched up, new shower curtains purchased, matching towels adorning the towel racks, and my sea of random lotions and sprays has been taken off of the counters and put neatly into shelves and cabinets.
The kitchen, while still resplendent with the fugly wallpaper and counters, has everything neatly put away and actually looks functional. It isn’t though – Yesterday, while Mr. Random took his mother out to lunch, I stayed at home and actually made gazpacho, marinated some herb-crusted pork chops for dinner, and baked a fig-date-walnut bread from a recipe I found in Cooking Light. In making all these things I realized that our cabinets are just horrible – all of the baking-ware and mixing bowls are shoved into a tiny space, making it almost impossible to find what I needed without taking out half of the contents of the cabinet. And I need new measuring spoons and cups in the worst way – I haven’t bought any new stuff in about 8 years and a lot of my utensils have sort of disappeared through attrition.
It also doesn’t help that I only feel culinary when I have a lot of time off. Around the winter holidays, between Christmas and New Years, I become a baking queen. During the rest of the year, I avoid the kitchen like the plague – who has time after working all day, plus volunteering and doing whatever?
It really sucks that it is so hot – it rather limits our choices of what we can do. Usually I love walking around the museums of the Mall, or wandering around Old Town Alexandria, but neither of these is an option in this heat. It does not help that Mr. Random’s mom smokes like a chimney and doesn’t quite have the stamina to do much walking, even on cool days. We are going to an Ethiopian restaurant tonight – she’s willing to try it – which should be an interesting experience. My Dad is coming along with us, since my mom is out of town, so this should be super-interesting.
I am much more relaxed this week and am trying really hard not to think of all the work I have to do next week – when I do, it just gets me stressed out and upset. So I am trying to go with the flow as much as possible. I may even get off this computer and try to read a book . . . imagine that!
Friday, July 28, 2006
Fringe Benefits
The DC Fringe Festival is almost over, and my volunteering time is done. For each time that you volunteer you get a chip that you can turn in to get a free ticket to a show. Two of my chips I used last night to see a play that someone I work with was acting in – Thinking Under the Influence. The room that the play was held in was seriously no larger than a small master bedroom, and they managed to shove in there about 50 folding chairs for an audience and leave about 3 feet for the actors to work with. I mean we were really crammed into that room – it was about as edgy and small-time as you could get, as if someone decided to put on a show in her efficiency apartment, with no air conditioner, and fifty people showed up. And then add the 11 or so actors in the play . . .
The play was only an hour long and was pretty good – my only complaint was that the ending was rather abrupt. No one was quite sure that it was actually over when it ended and people just sort of sat puzzled for a few minutes. My workmate did a fine job, although it wasn’t a very good showcase of his acting – his role, while not small, was sort of cancelled out by the other ten actors.
Tonight we are going to see another short play, using up the other two volunteer chips that I had. This one is a comedy about how male friendships change over the course of the college years through the twenties. I gave Mr. Random several options and this was the play he picked. I actually was somewhat interested in seeing the Sahara Dance Company’s Belly Dancing performance, since I haven’t seen belly dancing live before, outside of a Moroccan restaurant, and I thought it would be fun and might inspire me to take some belly dancing classes or something. But, when I broached the idea by Mr. Random, he seemed less than enthused. I’ll just have to seek them out another time . . .
I’m so glad I got involved in the festival this year and I hope that I’ll get to help out again next year if it happens again. The response seemed to be quite favorable to the whole event, and many of the shows were sold out, or close to it.
The only problem that will have to be worked out next year is the whole issue of late seating. Even though it says quite clearly that we won’t seat anyone once a performance starts, I’ve had to deal with too many irate people demanding to be let into a performance late, because they ran into traffic or whatever and they already paid for the tickets. While I understand that traffic sucks around here, it is not fair to either the performers or to the audience who actually arrived early or on time to have to disrupt a performance just to find latecomers seats. Especially in the smaller venues, where latecomers can break a performer’s concentration and basically ruin the show. Just because you bought a ticket doesn’t mean that you can be nasty to people just because you came late. People just feel so entitled! And the shows are less than and hour long, so if you’ve missed 15 to 20 minutes, you’ve pretty much missed most of it anyway. Can you tell I’m way upset about this?
On a random side note, my hair is just a constant big ball of frizz and it is driving me just batty. I can’t complain though – DC in the summer means H-U-M-I-D-I-T-Y to go along with the 90 degree days. Southern California may not have this horrible humidity, but it doesn’t have the pretty greens either . . .
Another random side note: I think the Today Show is much better with the rotating hosts. I was never a real Katie fan. I especially love Campbell Brown and David Gregory together . . . I guess I have an affection for them because they were White House Correspondents and I have actually been lucky enough to meet them and hear them speak.
Yet another random side note: I guessed right on which famous boy band member was gay . . . I called that one a long time ago . . .
The play was only an hour long and was pretty good – my only complaint was that the ending was rather abrupt. No one was quite sure that it was actually over when it ended and people just sort of sat puzzled for a few minutes. My workmate did a fine job, although it wasn’t a very good showcase of his acting – his role, while not small, was sort of cancelled out by the other ten actors.
Tonight we are going to see another short play, using up the other two volunteer chips that I had. This one is a comedy about how male friendships change over the course of the college years through the twenties. I gave Mr. Random several options and this was the play he picked. I actually was somewhat interested in seeing the Sahara Dance Company’s Belly Dancing performance, since I haven’t seen belly dancing live before, outside of a Moroccan restaurant, and I thought it would be fun and might inspire me to take some belly dancing classes or something. But, when I broached the idea by Mr. Random, he seemed less than enthused. I’ll just have to seek them out another time . . .
I’m so glad I got involved in the festival this year and I hope that I’ll get to help out again next year if it happens again. The response seemed to be quite favorable to the whole event, and many of the shows were sold out, or close to it.
The only problem that will have to be worked out next year is the whole issue of late seating. Even though it says quite clearly that we won’t seat anyone once a performance starts, I’ve had to deal with too many irate people demanding to be let into a performance late, because they ran into traffic or whatever and they already paid for the tickets. While I understand that traffic sucks around here, it is not fair to either the performers or to the audience who actually arrived early or on time to have to disrupt a performance just to find latecomers seats. Especially in the smaller venues, where latecomers can break a performer’s concentration and basically ruin the show. Just because you bought a ticket doesn’t mean that you can be nasty to people just because you came late. People just feel so entitled! And the shows are less than and hour long, so if you’ve missed 15 to 20 minutes, you’ve pretty much missed most of it anyway. Can you tell I’m way upset about this?
On a random side note, my hair is just a constant big ball of frizz and it is driving me just batty. I can’t complain though – DC in the summer means H-U-M-I-D-I-T-Y to go along with the 90 degree days. Southern California may not have this horrible humidity, but it doesn’t have the pretty greens either . . .
Another random side note: I think the Today Show is much better with the rotating hosts. I was never a real Katie fan. I especially love Campbell Brown and David Gregory together . . . I guess I have an affection for them because they were White House Correspondents and I have actually been lucky enough to meet them and hear them speak.
Yet another random side note: I guessed right on which famous boy band member was gay . . . I called that one a long time ago . . .
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
What Should I Write About Today
The week is officially half over – and yes, this was supposed to be the first week of my two week vacation. [Note: I originally typed “two year vacation.” I wish!]
I don’t know exactly what I was looking for during this time period, what exactly I wanted to happen. I had originally planned to go down to Birmingham, AL to visit my Grandma, but schedules and finances necessitated that the trip be moved to Labor Day weekend. Then I thought that I would take the two weeks off anyway – one week to have with myself and Mr. Random, and the other to spend entertaining Mr. Random’s Mom while she is here. It would also allow me some time to take stock of what’s been going on in my life thus far, and allow my brain some much needed rest – maybe even read a book or three.
The week started out hectic but promisingly. Sunday, I helped put on a baby shower for a co-worker at a local restaurant. We had over 20 people show up and a great time was had by all, except for the tallying up the bill part, but that always goes horribly when you have a big group. Monday, I spent the day with my friend, J, and actually got to see a play. We had Mongolian Barbeque for lunch, which was a new experience for me, although J said that out in L.A. they usually have noodles available too, and that it usually isn’t so expensive.
Yesterday was not as much fun. I felt really sore, achy and tired, so I pretty much slept on-and-off all day, and then I had a horrible experience volunteering at the festival last night. Nothing major, but I felt really bad about it and went to bed with a feeling of absolute dread for today.
It also didn’t help that Mr. Random had to go into work today. He was supposed to take today through the end of next week off – the rest of this week so we could spend some time together and also help get the condo ready for his mom to come. However, he is as driven as I am, and had to finish some things up that couldn’t wait until he got back. I have a feeling that he might have to work tomorrow too, but I’m hoping to be proved wrong.
So in the absence of Mr. Random, I decided to check my work e-mail and immediately regretted it, since I found out that a project which we thought was going to be put off until 1st quarter 2007, is now again on track for this November – which means more aggravation when I get back. It is frustrating and disappointing, and it continues to make me wonder if taking the new position was the right thing to do. I mean, I wasn’t going to advance in the old position, but at the moment I am not getting much enjoyment out of the new . . .
I feel so down and whiny today. I need to shut off this computer and do something else. If Mr. Random didn’t have the car today, I would drive somewhere and just walk around a bit, window shopping and people-watching – that usually perks me up a bit. I also do a lot of good thinking when I am walking - it is hard to do when stuck inside, with everything competing for attention. I would do some puzzles, but I am definitely not in the mood. I’d call someone up for a chat, but everyone is at work and busy . . .
Mr. Random is very excited that he’s going to be starting school soon, and wishes he could start right now. I envy the new experiences he’s going to have and all of the wonderful learning he is going to do. I don’t know why I’m so decidedly unoptimistic when it comes to me lately – I guess I just need to get through this sloggy summer and wait for things to pick up in the Fall.
Sorry to vent here . . . but if I can’t vent on my own blog, where can I vent.? . . .
I don’t know exactly what I was looking for during this time period, what exactly I wanted to happen. I had originally planned to go down to Birmingham, AL to visit my Grandma, but schedules and finances necessitated that the trip be moved to Labor Day weekend. Then I thought that I would take the two weeks off anyway – one week to have with myself and Mr. Random, and the other to spend entertaining Mr. Random’s Mom while she is here. It would also allow me some time to take stock of what’s been going on in my life thus far, and allow my brain some much needed rest – maybe even read a book or three.
The week started out hectic but promisingly. Sunday, I helped put on a baby shower for a co-worker at a local restaurant. We had over 20 people show up and a great time was had by all, except for the tallying up the bill part, but that always goes horribly when you have a big group. Monday, I spent the day with my friend, J, and actually got to see a play. We had Mongolian Barbeque for lunch, which was a new experience for me, although J said that out in L.A. they usually have noodles available too, and that it usually isn’t so expensive.
Yesterday was not as much fun. I felt really sore, achy and tired, so I pretty much slept on-and-off all day, and then I had a horrible experience volunteering at the festival last night. Nothing major, but I felt really bad about it and went to bed with a feeling of absolute dread for today.
It also didn’t help that Mr. Random had to go into work today. He was supposed to take today through the end of next week off – the rest of this week so we could spend some time together and also help get the condo ready for his mom to come. However, he is as driven as I am, and had to finish some things up that couldn’t wait until he got back. I have a feeling that he might have to work tomorrow too, but I’m hoping to be proved wrong.
So in the absence of Mr. Random, I decided to check my work e-mail and immediately regretted it, since I found out that a project which we thought was going to be put off until 1st quarter 2007, is now again on track for this November – which means more aggravation when I get back. It is frustrating and disappointing, and it continues to make me wonder if taking the new position was the right thing to do. I mean, I wasn’t going to advance in the old position, but at the moment I am not getting much enjoyment out of the new . . .
I feel so down and whiny today. I need to shut off this computer and do something else. If Mr. Random didn’t have the car today, I would drive somewhere and just walk around a bit, window shopping and people-watching – that usually perks me up a bit. I also do a lot of good thinking when I am walking - it is hard to do when stuck inside, with everything competing for attention. I would do some puzzles, but I am definitely not in the mood. I’d call someone up for a chat, but everyone is at work and busy . . .
Mr. Random is very excited that he’s going to be starting school soon, and wishes he could start right now. I envy the new experiences he’s going to have and all of the wonderful learning he is going to do. I don’t know why I’m so decidedly unoptimistic when it comes to me lately – I guess I just need to get through this sloggy summer and wait for things to pick up in the Fall.
Sorry to vent here . . . but if I can’t vent on my own blog, where can I vent.? . . .
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Stating a Preference
Last night as part of the DC Fringe Festival, my friend, J, and I saw Bartleby at the Historic Synagogue at 6th & I. This modern adaptation of Herman Melville’s short story, “Bartleby the Scrivener” was performed by the small-but-mighty Journeymen Theater Ensemble.
It was one of the more accessible-sounding works offered at the festival, and I’ve always loved that story (Moby Dick, not so much . . .) so I really wanted to see it. Also, I would have felt horrible volunteering for all of these performances and not being able to actually see a production.
The setting was small and intimate – the room was basically the social hall of the synagogue and was about the size of your normal house-of-worship’s basement, with a good chunk taken up by the stage area, the “back of stage” and the lighting and sound boards. There were about 50-60 folding chairs arranged around the stage area. When you walked into the spade, in the middle of the stage were about a dozen wooden chairs, stacked up in a rather jumbled and top heavy way, balancing precariously.
I really enjoyed the show – I have not seen a lot of live theater lately, and especially not in such an intimate setting. It was so fun and immediate. The play was rather well written, not too many dead/incomprehensible spots, and the acting was well done. It takes place in a modern office, and while very funny in spots, a lot of the situations echoed common office happenings . . . and the way the play was written, you noticed that it wasn’t just about Bartleby, but how people in office environments act and interact.
Going to the play last night has made me want to see even more events like this. I know that there are a lot of cheap/free theater offerings in this area, so lack of funds really shouldn’t be an excuse . . . although it is. *sigh* It also doesn’t help that there are only so many hours in the day to do all the things I want to do . . . and there is always so much going on!
I have to volunteer tonight at the Festival and I’m hoping that I keep on having positive experiences this week . . . I could really use a positive break . . .
It was one of the more accessible-sounding works offered at the festival, and I’ve always loved that story (Moby Dick, not so much . . .) so I really wanted to see it. Also, I would have felt horrible volunteering for all of these performances and not being able to actually see a production.
The setting was small and intimate – the room was basically the social hall of the synagogue and was about the size of your normal house-of-worship’s basement, with a good chunk taken up by the stage area, the “back of stage” and the lighting and sound boards. There were about 50-60 folding chairs arranged around the stage area. When you walked into the spade, in the middle of the stage were about a dozen wooden chairs, stacked up in a rather jumbled and top heavy way, balancing precariously.
I really enjoyed the show – I have not seen a lot of live theater lately, and especially not in such an intimate setting. It was so fun and immediate. The play was rather well written, not too many dead/incomprehensible spots, and the acting was well done. It takes place in a modern office, and while very funny in spots, a lot of the situations echoed common office happenings . . . and the way the play was written, you noticed that it wasn’t just about Bartleby, but how people in office environments act and interact.
Going to the play last night has made me want to see even more events like this. I know that there are a lot of cheap/free theater offerings in this area, so lack of funds really shouldn’t be an excuse . . . although it is. *sigh* It also doesn’t help that there are only so many hours in the day to do all the things I want to do . . . and there is always so much going on!
I have to volunteer tonight at the Festival and I’m hoping that I keep on having positive experiences this week . . . I could really use a positive break . . .
Saturday, July 22, 2006
On the Fringe
You know, I’ve been intending to post all week on what a slacker I’ve been, but I was much too busy to write it . . . yes, seriously!
Life at the Random Non-profit is still a crazy mess – everything is still in flux, senior staff members are jockeying for power, and there is much uneasiness amongst the rest of the staff . . . besides there still being much, too much to do all of the time . . .
But now I am on vacation! I have the next two weeks off, although they are not really “off-off” since Mr. Random’s Mom is coming to town the first week in August and we still have much cleaning and many small improvements to do around the condo.
But this week shall still be fun anyway, because this week I am volunteering at the 1st annual DC Fringe Festival. To see what it is, go here: (www.capfringe.org). Most people don’t think of DC as an arts town, but there is quite the active visual and performing arts community here, and I am quite excited to be able to help out in the first year of what I hope will be many more Fringe Festivals. If anyone is in the area and is going to attend, leave a comment and let me know – I may be volunteering at the venue where you’re going to be!
One thing to know, if you are going to attend any Fringe Festival events, is that you have to get to your preferred performance early. Don’t show up 5 minutes late, wanting to get into the show, because the productions start promptly at the listed time, and we are not allowed to let anyone else into the room – this is at the request of the performers and directors. This makes sense because a lot of the rooms are rather small, and letting more people in to find seating is very disruptive to both the audience and the performers. Today I had a large family show up 15 minutes late to a performance, driving into DC all the way from Centerville, but we could not let them in to see the show. It may have seemed harsh, but this particular show was only 35 minutes long, so they missed half the show already anyway. Besides, if you were going to drive in from Centerville, wouldn’t you try to get into town super early anyway? Traffic is usually a bear, and you should always overestimate the time needed just so you get somewhere on time . . .
Also, if there is a particular show you want to see, try to reserve the tickets online first. At this point, a lot of the more popular shows are sold out already for the week and next weekend . . . especially if the production is in a small room in a venue. Someone I work with is in a show, and this afternoon I saw that his shows this weekend were sold out, so I was going to buy tickets online when I got home and – surprise! – it turns out that the shows scheduled for the rest of the week and on Saturday are sold out too. That sucks! I really wanted to see it, especially since this person hardly ever mentions what other productions he is in . . . and rumor is that he is a pretty excellent actor.
. . . I’m hoping that with the week off, I’ll have much more time to post and respond on other people’s blogs. I’m sure there will be more interesting happenings at the Festival as the week goes on and I hope to get to tell you about then . . .
Life at the Random Non-profit is still a crazy mess – everything is still in flux, senior staff members are jockeying for power, and there is much uneasiness amongst the rest of the staff . . . besides there still being much, too much to do all of the time . . .
But now I am on vacation! I have the next two weeks off, although they are not really “off-off” since Mr. Random’s Mom is coming to town the first week in August and we still have much cleaning and many small improvements to do around the condo.
But this week shall still be fun anyway, because this week I am volunteering at the 1st annual DC Fringe Festival. To see what it is, go here: (www.capfringe.org). Most people don’t think of DC as an arts town, but there is quite the active visual and performing arts community here, and I am quite excited to be able to help out in the first year of what I hope will be many more Fringe Festivals. If anyone is in the area and is going to attend, leave a comment and let me know – I may be volunteering at the venue where you’re going to be!
One thing to know, if you are going to attend any Fringe Festival events, is that you have to get to your preferred performance early. Don’t show up 5 minutes late, wanting to get into the show, because the productions start promptly at the listed time, and we are not allowed to let anyone else into the room – this is at the request of the performers and directors. This makes sense because a lot of the rooms are rather small, and letting more people in to find seating is very disruptive to both the audience and the performers. Today I had a large family show up 15 minutes late to a performance, driving into DC all the way from Centerville, but we could not let them in to see the show. It may have seemed harsh, but this particular show was only 35 minutes long, so they missed half the show already anyway. Besides, if you were going to drive in from Centerville, wouldn’t you try to get into town super early anyway? Traffic is usually a bear, and you should always overestimate the time needed just so you get somewhere on time . . .
Also, if there is a particular show you want to see, try to reserve the tickets online first. At this point, a lot of the more popular shows are sold out already for the week and next weekend . . . especially if the production is in a small room in a venue. Someone I work with is in a show, and this afternoon I saw that his shows this weekend were sold out, so I was going to buy tickets online when I got home and – surprise! – it turns out that the shows scheduled for the rest of the week and on Saturday are sold out too. That sucks! I really wanted to see it, especially since this person hardly ever mentions what other productions he is in . . . and rumor is that he is a pretty excellent actor.
. . . I’m hoping that with the week off, I’ll have much more time to post and respond on other people’s blogs. I’m sure there will be more interesting happenings at the Festival as the week goes on and I hope to get to tell you about then . . .
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