Nibbling Away at Sanity

I have just been in a “mood-most-foul” all week. I am trying to work on it, really I am! This morning I was reading through Justrose’s Blog and this statement leapt out at me:

the bottom line: i have a good life, and i just have to stop machinating
over it and live it, for whatever happens. i worry too goddamn much.

Or as my friend, J, so succinctly said:

I don't think there's a nice way to put it, but life sucks sometimes.

I just wish I could turn off the ol’ brain and not have to deal with anything for a while. I’m getting tired of dealing with other people’s baggage. I am weary of dealing with situations at work that were caused (or neglected) by my predecessors. I hate having to be aware of all the petty political machinations going on inside and outside the organization. I am sick of being in the loop, but not in the loop enough to actually be able to do anything. Middle management sucks . . .

And when I get cranky, I tend to either eat or starve. This time around I’m eating, I guess, which will undo all the good work I did the first 6 months of the year.

Semi-good news: I’m going to be teaching ESL on Tuesday nights again in the Fall. This time the semester will only be 10 weeks long – hallelujah! However, I’m hoping they are changing the curriculum slightly, since otherwise we won’t be able to finish everything in time.

I talked to my friend, L, last night. I hadn’t talked to her all summer since she had been busy studying intently for the Virginia Bar exam. She is just now starting to look for jobs, to tide her over until she gets the results of the Bar. Unlike all of my other lawyer friends, she did not work at law firms over the summers while she was in law school, and now she is having trouble finding work right away. I had offered to hook her up with some of my friends who could probably help her out a bit, or at least point her in the right directon, but she always declines. The way she described her encounters at various temp agencies did not seem encouraging either, since by what she said about her meetings with various folks, she seems to have a bit of a chip on her shoulder about interviewing for administrative positions – although that is what she is looking for at this point.

Talking to her made me want to go beat my head against a wall. Listening to her, I felt sad and angry, because I always thought she had more sense that that, but I then tried to remember what she was like to work with (L and I met while working at a ubiquitous DC trade association) and I guess I had glossed over that her attitude there was not exactly the best either . . .

. . . my, I still seem to have a lot of hostility . . . I’ll try to be a bit peppier later, I promise . . .