Frailty, Thy Name is Woman

My grandmother has moved to a new independent senior living complex. The good news is that she is no longer in the outer boonies –she is now in the “inner” boonies. It’s still a schlep, but the drive is a half-hour shorter for me and Mr. Random.

This place has better security, it has more activities for the residents and the apartment my grandmother is much larger, more spacious and more light-filled than her old one. In fact, I would argue that it is too large because her furniture now seems tiny and sparse in the big open space of her combo living room/dining area/kitchen and the expanse also gives the illusion that she is smaller and frailer than she truly is.

And seeing that makes me sad. Each time I see her, it’s like she moves a little slower and she’s shrunken a little more. She now walks slowly and gingerly with a cane – this being a woman who used to walk for miles back and forth across Philadelphia dragging her two little granddaughters behind her. I remember her standing strong (not tall, she’s always been kind of short) and being fearless, and now . . . while she still has a lot of spunk in her and her mind is still very sharp, something about her is a bit more tentative and she has to depend on more people to help her do many things that she used to just charge ahead and do herself.

Seeing my grandmother, helping her out when I can, brings me face-to-face with what it means to age and what it means to watch someone you love slowly decline. I am very lucky – my grandmother will turn 90 this year and I will have spent most of my life with her living within a 50 mile radius of me. She has always been in my life, one way or another, and I can’t imagine her not being here - being cranky and crotchety and hating people, while having a heart of gold.

At least I know that we have a good relationship. That I am still close to her. That I am one of the few family members that she relies on and talks to on a regular basis. It means a lot to me and I think it means a lot to her. My only regret is that I don’t have any children of my own yet for her to put her blessing.

When my grandpa died 21 years ago, it hurt. A lot. And it still hurts in some ways, but I’ve moved on and try to do the best I can to honor his memory. But my grandma? Oy! The dread I have! There are some situations where you won’t know how you’ll react until it happens but this is something . . . I don’t want to know right now. Yes, I am trying to be rational and I know that she has lived a full, exciting life and she is tired and has ailments and has already told us that when she goes she doesn’t want any fuss but to just put her “in a Hefty bag by the curb.” (No, seriously! She’s said that several times. She has a wicked sense of humor . . .) I know a lot of things intellectually. I get it. But still . . .

So a cloud hovers heavily on my brain, even though it shouldn’t. Every time I see her I hug her tight and tell her I’m so glad I could be there. What more could we do in this life that would be more important than taking the time to appreciate the moments we have remaining and making the most of those?

Coming in Like a Lion

It’s March – woo hoo! Mr. Random’s birthday is this month and I have no idea what to get him that would be special. I have some things in mind but because he’s going to be graduating in May, I want to save really nice gifts for then. We may just go have a nice dinner somewhere and call it a day for now . . .

I have a Georgia O’Keefe calendar by my desk. The month of March has a beautiful picture of two bright yellow flowers on a gray/white background, which is very cheery and uplifting to me. I need all the cheer I can get!

The next few days are going to be in the 60s here in Northern Virginia, which is kind of a waste when you think about it since I am going to be stuck at work and in meetings all day. I’m going to try to sneak outside to get some lunch and hope I can get enough healing sunshine from that . . .

I had a very enjoyable weekend: On Saturday I saw the movie, Chicago Ten, and on Sunday I saw the Ibsen play, Hedda Gabler. A bit of running around, but it always makes me so happy to have activities to go to and new things to experience on the weekends. The play was rather cheap, since it is a small local acting company who will soon have to find new digs other than the abandoned warehouse that is currently its home.

When I was out yesterday, I was sitting in a coffee shop where they had local artists’ work on the wall for display and sale. Looking at the works made me want to start taking photos again and think of ways maybe I could sell a few of them at an art show or two. I have a photo printer now and there are a few pictures that are interesting enough that people might want to buy. I have a feeling that it would be an expensive project to undertake, so I’ll just keep mulling it over for the time being . . .

OK, to change gears for a moment, my newest thing is for the month of March to cut out a lot of dairy, soy and grains in my diet. Now I’m usually not one of those diet freaks who follows whatever trend is going around – I’m more of the “eat less, eat healthier, exercise more” school of living. However, I’ve notices that in the past several months, whenever I eat or drink certain things I feel horrible and sluggish afterwards. I’ve been trying to reduce the amount of starches that I eat, but after reading an article in Health magazine I thought I would try this for a month and see what happens, and then start adding them back into my diet sparingly. This also will help my goal of eating more fruits and veggies and not get as filled up on rices and pastas, as can easily happen with a lot of stuff that Mr. Random and I usually eat. I’m also learning to size portions a bit better and not try to eat mounds of nut and berry mix as a snack – a handful should suffice at a time.

This is the week before Spring Break - for both college and the ESL program – but I’m not going to get much rest or time off at this point because of work. It would be a great opportunity to take a week and get caught up on all sorts of reading and get a bit ahead in some other things, but alas, that is not going to happen. Bummer.

Well, this has been a crappy blog post, but I wanted to pop in and say hi, I’m alive and kicking around, just not visiting very much. Sending much love to all . . .

Opening and Closing Doors

I’m taking a personal day today. The Random Home Improvement Store is going to come by today to install a new bathroom door for us. We’re quite excited about it because our bathroom door is just about to fall apart – it only closes after trying to slam it a few times and if while you are closing the door you slightly shift it to the left, but not TOO far to the left. There are door shavings everywhere, the front and back panels are flapping in the breeze, and there is now a huge hole torn in the front of the door from the time Mr. Random got impatient when the door was sticking shut and it was irritating the heck out of him.

Home repair is not our forte, by any stretch of the imagination. It doesn’t help that the previous owner of the Random Condo either used the cheapest materials ever to refurbish the place or just left a lot of the original fixtures from the 1970s. Oy!

Also just realized (or rather RE-realized) that we really need to get a new bed for the guest room. The current frame is broken and leaning, and the mattress is just a nightmare to sleep on for any length of time. I’m hoping for a daybed which will take up a lot less room and will also allow me to get a nice wooden filing cabinet in there for my ESL and college stuff. I generate a lot of random papers and files and piles, all of which I usually end up using again in some form during different semesters. I especially want to save all of the flash cards I make up for my students and some of the vocabulary sheets and dialogues that I write. It would help so much to get rid of some of the clutter around my desk . . .

So today I am home and working on stuff, but trying not to work on “Work” related things because that would just annoy me. I’m just really tired and cranky and I think I just need some time to get my head straight a bit since I’ve been a lot overwhelmed lately. I also have to submit my financial aid forms for the Fall – which I’m sure the government is going to say “HA! Don’t think so!” but I will try anyway. I’m very anxious to have to take out loans for school, especially since Mr. Random is just finishing up his program, but I need to do this – I am SO close to finishing in about a year or two if I just keep plugging away.

I wave and send love to you all . . .

Random Muddled Day After Thoughts about the Oscars

I’m exhausted and babbling, but just wanted to share . . .

***I saw There Will Be Blood on Saturday. And wow. I think I really liked that movie. Yes, it is very dark. And there are a lot of people who are very mean and nasty to each other, but I really don’t think that the main character was the pinnacle of evil as everyone thinks he is.(a) because a lot of the other people around him are pretty sneaky and selfish and (b) I could kind of see where the main character was coming from in some of his actions. You may not like him, but you can see the thought processes there and they are pretty rational. There is a scene that is shown in commercials for the movie that comes off totally quite differently in the context of the film – the scene is actually slightly funny and scary.

***Daniel Day Lewis totally deserved that Oscar for Best Actor. (Just as Javier Bardem totally deserved Best Supporting Actor for No Country.)

***This year I actually saw 3 of the 5 Best Picture Nominees. (Michael Clayton, No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood.) I felt so proud about that – I very rarely get to see so many films in a year.

***And yes, I watched the entire Oscars ceremony and I thought that Jon Stewart did a great job as host. And yes, I remember the Billy Crystal years but I’m more of a Stewart-humor type of gal.

***Tilda Swinton was way too pale for that sack of a dress she was wearing. I could think of a lot more styles and colors that would have been more flattering.

***Why don’t people write down who they want to thank anymore? I know the nominees don’t want to see presumptuous, but there were way too many people who stood up there and their minds went blank from absolute shock and amazement.

***The couple from Once was quite adorable and I thought it was wonderful that Jon Stewart brought back the woman to be able to say her piece. I thought that they were hustled off the stage rather quickly and unfairly compared to other winners.

***I also was kind of sad that the song from August Rush didn’t win. That little 11 year old girl could SING! But I also think it’s awesome that she got an extra 3 minutes on stage to do some bit with Jon. I’m sure she’ll remember that night for the rest of her life.

***As much as I hate the idea of giving out awards to people just because they are now really old, instead of for the particular work, I do think that Ruby Dee should have got something . . . just because . . .

***Jennifer Hudson’s dress was rather unfortunate too, in my opinion.

For better, hardcore Oscar blogging, do check out TWP’s post today.

The Smell of Jasmine Flowers

My friend J and I saw the movie, Persepolis, on Saturday – If you haven’t seen it: RUN, don’t walk to your nearest theater, it is so awesome! I read Marjane Satrapi’s graphic novel first and while the plot of the movie is slightly different it still effectively captures both the main plot and the tone of the graphic novel. If you aren’t moved by this film, check your pulse! I have read that they are coming out with an English dubbed version (the movie was made in French), but the version with English subtitles worked just fine for me, and I really can’t imagine it in English now. Also read the book if you can – it is definitely a work that makes you rethink your concept of what a graphic novel can be.

For the Oscars, Persepolis is nominated for Best Animated Film, but probably won’t win because it is up against Ratatouille and Surf’s Up, and it is just a travesty that it is being put against those “lighter entertainment” movies.

I have my Econ mid-term tomorrow, so I’m a bit tired and a bit numb. I met with my professor on Tuesday and while he is still on the extreme leftist side, he genuinely seemed very nice and accommodating and was quite a dear in spending time in answering my questions and working through problems. I was incredibly anxious beforehand, but I do feel a bit better about the class and where I am in it now. I’m still glad I got in another discussion section, I’m certain it will prove helpful in the long term.

I’ve been feeling kind of restless and down in the evenings, not being able to concentrate very well, doing lots of sleeping, having trouble being fully awake in the morning - even after an hour of reading the paper, showering and getting ready. I get to work very early now, since Mr. Random drops me off on his way in to his office, and I end up staying late waiting for Mr. Random to come pick me up. Like I said in an earlier post, I would gladly walk home, but it isn’t the safest neighborhood to be walking in alone at night. I feel slightly better on days when I go to school, and on weekends, since I’m usually out and about doing things I like doing.

There was a meeting at the Random Non-profit yesterday in which the guy in charge said he didn’t know why everyone was walking around so traumatized. Aren’t we starting to do some great things? You shouldn’t complain unless it is to someone who can do something about it, like him. Oh, by the way, he knows that we are down a lot of staff members and we are overburdened with work, but we should figure out on our own what we can stop doing. Oh, another by the way, another staff member is resigning as of the end of this month . . .

Gee, why would I feel so down?

On the happy side, next week starts the play-going season again in earnest. Yay! Going to see Hedda Gabler and Macbeth and maybe even Major Barbara .

What else is going on? I finished reading Michael Pollan’s In Defense of Food , which is something else I highly recommend folks check out. It doesn’t say anything really that we don’t all know deep down in our hearts, but it does make you want to internalize it a bit more. It has managed to do for me what reading Fast Food Nation didn’t, and I think that’s a good thing. It’s so simple: Eat food. Not much. Mostly plants. Then you realize how easy it is to NOT eat real food, how much of what we eat in the name of eating healthier and low fat/low cal isn’t real food at all but stuff full of all sorts of chemicals and syrups that mimic real food . . . and how we really aren’t that sure how good that stuff really is for your body.

I know that COTW at A Little Off Kilter already has this way of eating down pat. If you read her blog for any length of time and look at the pictures of some of the meals she’s had – yum! She makes eating healthy look sooo easy and sooo tasty. That’s definitely what I aspire to . . .

I’m sorry I haven’t been “blog traveling” that much lately, but know that I read your comments and they bring me great joy! I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still kicking around and thinking of you. I hope everything is going well for everyone . . .

Because All I Have Time for Are Random Memes

You Are Ginger

Like ginger, you are a total shape shifter. You can be sweet, spicy, mellow, or overpowering. You are both soothing and unique. You are popular... yet you are often overlooked.

What Spice Are You?

What Time of Day Am I?

You are 10:02 a.m.

You are breakfasty, like a pile of pancakes on a Sunday morning that have just the right amount of syrup, so every bite is sweet perfection and not a soppy mess. You are a glass of orange juice that's cool, refreshing, and not overly pulpy. You are the time of day that's just right for turning the pages of a newspaper, flipping through channels, or clicking around online to get a sense of how the world changed during the night. You don't want to stumble sleepily through life, so you make a real effort to wake your brain up and get it thinking. You feel inspired to accomplish things (whether it's checking something off your to-do list or changing the world), but there's plenty of time for making things happen later in the day. First, pancakes.

Friday Random Observations

OK, what’s the deal with all these people randomly shooting up places? I know it’s a stressful chaotic time now, but . . . wow? Some guy shoots up a city council meeting in Missouri, someone else shoots some girls at a college, and that’s just in the last 12 hours or so.

Also in the area where I live, there seems to be a guy (or a bunch of copycat guys) going around attacking women who are walking home alone – and not necessarily late at night, but in the morning and early evenings too. This is why I can’t walk home from work anymore, even though my condo is only 2 miles away and I could use the exercise. In the paper today, I read that they may have caught someone who was responsible – the cops saw him dragging a woman into the woods yesterday and caught him right away. Creepy, but from the way they described it I don’t think this is THE guy, but someone who saw an opportunity. Oy! They joys of living in an urban area . . .

Bad news and good news: Bad news is that I am totally fed up with my Econ professor – in class he is STILL going over how to graph a demand curve, while lots of the other classes have already moved on three or four chapters ahead. I am beyond frustrated and am trying really hard to keep up with this man’s thought processes, but it is really difficult. Good news – I was finally able to get into the discussion section for another class, and I start going on Monday night. The TA sent me the syllabus for the class the section is for and I just about wanted to cry. They are already starting on Chapter 6 and have completed the first exam and wrote first reaction papers. The textbook that is being used is awesome (I had to buy it to keep up with the section) and has a lot of practice problems. The professor is doing a lot of interactive discussions and there is a lot of group-work connected to current events. Well, at least I know that when I take my next Econ class, what professor I should try to get . . .

I am also very excited because even though now I am in effect taking two classes and am going to have to do a LOT more work, I think I will have the good foundation that I will need to continue on in Economics – if I survive this semester, that is . . .

Ok, as I’m typing this (in the school library yet!) there is a girl sitting next to me who is coughing up a phlegmy storm. Ewww! Sweetie, do you want a cough drop? Some Lysol? I’m quite surprised that I’m not sick more often, given how I seem to end up next to the coughers and sneezers . . .

OK, I have to actually run to my class now, but I hope that everyone is going to have a great weekend. Sending many happy vibes your way . . .

A Random Moment of Clarity

There are many days that I do write something for the blog, but don’t post because my thoughts are usually half-finished – for example, I think about something and start writing and then I get sucked into something that takes me away from writing and when I come back my entire train of thought is gone. And once that “train has left the station,” it’s really difficult for me to finish. Then I say “Oh, well” and delete what I’ve written. Usually, later in the evening, I’ve regretted doing that because at least at some point I had SOMETHING on paper – a half-formed thought that I could have probably taken up again at some later date. But even when I do save it, the day never comes that I do revisit the writing and so the file just sits there, taunting me because I can’t quite build up the full head of steam that drove me to start barfing my words onto the page in the first place. (Gee, isn’t *that* a lovely image . . .)

A post on Writer’s Block on the EconLog made me think of this.

This one comment struck me:

It's been a long time since I had that kind of problem. I stopped having writer's block when I learned that writer's block comes about because you're afraid of finishing the work, meaning you have to stand behind what you've written.

Sometimes you have to mull things over, though. You will note on my blog that I write something every day. Sometimes it's very short, though. Other times it's quite long. And that's on top of the other work I do off the blog every day. The habit of writing every day can keep the words flowing. Sometimes you have to accept that you are just going to write a bunch of garbage today. That's fine. Sometimes you have to write a bunch of garbage to get the one gem, the one line that you can use. Sometimes you have to write very long bridges between ideas and then go back and get rid of all the garbage. The important thing is that you don't think that everything you write is a wonderful gem (it's not, and you know deep down that it's not, and the fear that it's not will also cause the problem you described).

In other words, when you let fear drop away and recognize that much of what you write is scaffolding that you need to tear down when you're done, your writer's block will end.

I just realized – right now I’m suffering not just from writer’s block, but *life block*. There is a lot of fear here coupled with displeasure with my current job situation that forms a bit of paralysis on my part. I hate being a whiner and a complainer. I am a fairly optimistic person at heart; otherwise I wouldn’t throw myself into my community and my new studies with such abandon. But now, in the process of making a change, I have to wade through a lot of garbage and create a lot of garbage as I try to figure out who I am and what I want to be.

So I have to accept the garbage and realize that it isn’t ALL garbage. There are some real truths to be found in what I’m doing and I have to be open to the full range of experiences – good and bad – that I’m dealing with. And if I have a half-thought or a half-feeling, I need to put it down and keep it filed away in my brain, because by returning to it again and again and trying to make sense of it, one day a fully-formed thought might actually come through. And – Surprise! Surprise! – It might just be the gem I’m looking for . . .

Rare Persuasive Argument to Get a Camera Phone

I was skimming Crooked Timber today and saw this post on using a camera phone as a memory aid:

http://crookedtimber.org/2008/02/03/photos-as-notes/

It is so obvious, so simple and so useful, that NOW I finally see the point and want one.

I may be a Luddite, but I can be seduced by certain features . . .

It Was Only a Little Packet of Nuts and Berries

My goodness, it’s February already!

Let’s see. What’s been going on this past week?

Mr. Random has been super busy at the Random Publication and had to work most of the day yesterday and was in the office until 10:30 PM on Friday. Saturday was an off week for his grad school class, but he still spent a big chunk of the day working on interviews and filming for a class project. Poor dear is just being run ragged and all I can do is stay out of the way at this point.

The Microeconomics class is ramping up homework-wise, and I’m kind of glad about that. I just want this class to be over, and I’m trying to go with this Professor’s flow as best I can. I am excited about future classes though – I am certain that there will continue to be enough going on in the economy, both in the U.S. and internationally, to keep me hyper-interested for several more years.

I was really bummed about Edwards dropping out of the race last week and it means fewer choices for us come February 12, when Virginia finally gets around to having its primary. I’m super annoyed at the e-mails that Clinton supporters are sending out basically saying that if you don’t vote for Hillary, you are a sexist pig who doesn’t realize what double standards she’s being held to in this race because she is a woman. Because, gee, you can’t possibly not like her just because of some of her actual POSITIONS. No, we’re all just sheep . . .

I do think the press focus in this election season has just been absolute crap on a cracker, which is why I try to stay away from the “manufactured dramas of the day” reporting that’s been going on.

The Random Non-profit gets worse and worse. Oh, boy. Does it ever.

Talking to my friend J over the weekend, I said that if I ever won a million dollars, I would automatically quit my job, but otherwise I’d just keep on doing what I’m doing in all the other parts of my life. I’m basically very happy with who I am and all of the outside things I’m involved with – which is so awesome to get to this point! Now I just have to find something that I can do for 8-10 hours a weekday that actually does not kill my soul . . .

Went to visit my grandma yesterday, and she seemed a little bit slower to me and little bit more depressed. I am a bit concerned, but Mr. Random didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, so maybe I’m just being overly sensitive. She is going to move to a new retirement community at the end of the month which will have a lot more activities and sounds much better for her in general. She is looking forward to the new location and I do being there will make her happier.

I’m signing up for a couple of 5K walks in March and April, just to keep the healthier living ball rolling. I found out this weekend that the little packets of nuts I’ve been downing as “health snacks” have been 210 calories a pop! If I’ve been eating two or three packs a day as things to munch on, that means I’ve been adding more than 600 calories to my day without even realizing it. Eeeek!

I hope everyone is doing well! I’ll try to post more when I can . . .

Looking Out My Window

I just wanted to share a picture of what Mr. Random and I have been seeing outside of our windows these days. The construction of townhouses on the empty lot behind us is proceeding apace, and in a few months we will have the joy of being to look directly into someone else’s kitchen and bedrooms.

For a while, we actually had a pretty good view of the horizon, but that is gone now. I am trying not to get depressed about it, but it is hard – especially when I am working at home, listening to the sounds of construction. For three years we were very lucky to be able to look out at a forest of old growth trees, where lots of birds would congregate during the day.

Mr. Random and I went to a open house of one of the model homes for this project and they are truly beautiful inside, just the right size townhome if Mr. Random and I were so inclined, but the costs – oh, it was WAY too expensive, even with the market downturn and all.

Today has been rather overcast and drizzly, which isn’t helping my mood. I am going to teach tonight, which is always a joy, and I am well prepared for tonight’s class. Preparing lesson plans are always such fun – it’s like a puzzle, trying to figure out what activities and exercises will reinforce the evenings lessons, figuring out how much of class should be interactions between groups of students rather than just me leading them in exercises, trying to figure out how to keep the evening interesting for both the class and for me. Sometimes I am successful and sometimes I fall short, but I love the process of it all and wish I could hurry up and figure out a way to make a living at something like this sooner rather than later. Although, I think part of the fun of it is that there isn’t any pressure as a volunteer, so I just need to keep on keeping on and get what joy I can out of it for as long as I can.

The weekend was very laid back, which was good. Next weekend, we will spend Super Bowl Sunday visiting my grandma, which is fine by me since I’m not a huge football fan. Saturday will be my usual forays into creating art and hanging out with friends, which I always heartily enjoy.

Hope your days are going well . . .

Mid-Week Random Mind Dump

I have been trying and trying to write a proper blog post about what I’ve been up to over the past week. As I am dutifully accomplishing other tasks, beautiful paragraphs flow from my brain, all wanting desperately to be put down on paper.

Now that I actually have the time to do so? Nope, nuttin’ coming out. My brain is clogged – clogged I say! How very disappointing, since there are very cool things that went on last week. I shall try my best to impart to you some of what happened as best I can . . .

Item One: Back in the Saddle! I started teaching my ESL class last night and I am very pleased with the lively group that is in my level. I had 7 students in my class last night, all very advanced for our program, but still eager to learn and hone their English skills. I will definitely have to do more interactive conversation activities with this group and get in a lot more reading and writing practice than in other levels. I will have to get myself to a library to see if there are some DVDs that I can show in class to help supplement discussion – make the class more lively. The students I have are from all different backgrounds – from South Korea and Japan, from Venezuela, Columbia, Chile and Nicaragua, and one from Ghana. This is great because no one language really dominates and everyone is fairly comfortable trying to converse with each other in English. Yay!

Item Two: A Random Shakespeare Experience. Last Friday night, Mr. Random, J and I went to see a friend of ours in a play that had been enigmatically titled “The Christmas Show.” All we knew about the play is that the audience was restricted to 15 people and that we would have to dress warmly. Dress warmly? Huh? So we get there and everyone is sitting around the lobby (which was decorated like a living room at Christmastime, complete with lights and tree and Christmas records playing), and actors are passing out cups of hot chocolate to members of the audience as they arrive. (yes, the cocoa WAS tasty.) After everyone arrived, the play, just sort of began in the middle of the room. And shortly thereafter we realized that “The Christmas Play” really was . . . Hamlet! A very innovative portrayal of Hamlet yet, with us following the actors all around the theater building - through storage rooms, to the back alley, and even in the men’s room – to follow the action of the play. It was very cool and interactive and made the play come alive a bit more than usual. As J said, “It’s something to have Hamlet emoting while standing right next to you.”

Item Three: Super Bowl Hopes Dashed. My friend J almost got to go to the Super Bowl, but unfortunately the Packers lost. Big bummer! It was going to be ridiculously expensive though, so J is slightly relieved not to have to spend the money. So now I have no idea who to root for . . . I just go to the parties for the food and the hanging-out anyway.

Item Four: More Theater on the Horizon. In February, planning on going to see Hedda Gabler, then Macbeth in April (this version directed by Teller, of the magicians Penn and Teller). Yay! Things to look forward to!

Item Five: Mr. Random Rules! Mr. Random had his first performance review at the Random Publication and it seems that he is doing smashingly well. They didn’t know what to expect when they hired him, so mostly anything he does is considered an improvement on what they had before. This is also Mr. Random’s last semester in Grad school before he graduates in May. He wants a party of some sort, so I have to figure out what to do for that.

Item Six. Econ Class Countdown. Our final Econ paper will be due on May 2. There will be no final exam. Yay! I just have to get through the semester. The professor is waaaaaaaay left of even being a Marxist. I’m pretty liberal but even I have to cringe at some of his ideas. At least the class discussions are going to be lively . . .

So right now, that’s me in a nutshell. Hope you all are doing well – I’ve been lousy about blog visiting, but know I’m thinking of you.

Waving and smiling . . .

Two Quick Notes

(1) My Microeconomics class this semester, at first glance, is going to kick. my. butt. Seriously. But it will be in a good way, and if I complete it successfully I will be well set up for future economic study - I am quite sure of it. At least I'm being optimistic to start out . . .

(2) I've fixed the e-mail address attached to this blog so it will be much easier to check that mailbox daily. My old e-mail was a pain to check, so I would only check it, oh, once every month or two . . . or three. Ooops! Especially oops when people would ask me questions, so if I've taken forever to get back to you, I promise that I will never do that again, to the best of my ability. Mea culpa!

There might be more changes to the blog this year, but it will be dependent on how much time I can spare and whether I feel like learning WordPress . . .

I'm waving a cheery hello to you all!

A Foggy Day in a Virginia Town

This morning, I look outside my window and all I see is a white/gray cloud of fog. No trees, no buildings, just a white/gray cloud that seems to go on forever and ever. The whole day is gray. It could be quite a downer if I let it, but I’m trying not to let it.

Have I said how happy I am to be going back to teaching? On Tuesday night, I volunteered to help with registration and placement testing for the ESL classes and the whole thing was just so energizing to me. I had the opportunity to talk to amazing people from Chile, Venezuela, Ghana, Honduras. I love hearing their stories of where they grew up and what they did in their home country and why they are here. We get a lot of people who work for their home country’s embassies or military and are stationed here for a while and they want to improve their English while they are here. These are people who have been here 2 months, 6 months, speaking better English than I could ever speak Spanish after being in a strange country for 6 months. I also talk to others who are not so well off, people who left their children behind with relatives to come to this country and try to make some money so their kids can have a better life. I am humbled in their presence and I want to teach everyone as best I can.

It has been a long week, but next week classes begin again and my life will get much, much busier. I think I like being busier – I feel like I’m out in the world DOING things – and just being a home after a full day at work is just . . . depressing in a way. I’ve certainly got enough sleep these past few weeks, that’s for sure.

So tomorrow will be a day of art for me and of grad school class for Mr. Random, Sunday will be a day with my grandmother out in the Boonies, and then next week the fun begins in earnest.

I will take a deep breath . . . then dig in.

Trying Not to Carbo Load

I’m feeling rather needy today. More stupid stuff going down at the Random Non-profit – some other people are leaving, which will leave huge holes in the organization – and I am just getting tired of dealing with it all and having it infiltrate my brain. I’m just kind of numb. I’m trying to do my job, but it does seem that no matter how much a person does or how hard one works, it all comes for naught in the end. It is very, very discouraging.

I need a hug or three . . .

In happier news, I got a B+ in my Econ class for last semester, which I guess is pretty good, but I’m aiming for an A this semester, that’s for sure!

I start teaching ESL again next week. Yay! I’m teaching a different, more advanced level this time, so I’m a bit nervous about that. I’m hoping to get some of the materials ahead of time so I can start planning my lessons this weekend. I can’t wait to have students again – no matter how crappy my day is, at least by teaching I’m trying to make a little difference in the world. It can be frustrating, but it is still a wonderful feeling to have . . .

It also turns out that Mr. Random may be going to one of the political conventions this summer for the Random Publication. That’s such a great opportunity for Mr. Random! I won’t be going because I won’t have a press pass and I don’t want to just sit in a hotel room for umpteen hours a day . . .

My friend J and I are going to do a self-paced art course on Saturdays, which should be fun. I get to be an artist again! Also, it should keep my creative juices flowing and give me something else to look forward to during the week.

I am doing better with my eating so far this year, but the stress at work is really threatening my willpower. I’m trying to eat less starchy carbs and more veggies and proteins. If I eat a lot of bread, pasta or chips, I can feel my mood change quite a bit, so I’m trying to stay away from all that as best I can. However, if I’m stressed, I tend to go directly towards the salty chips, the quick bowl of pasta or the mound of mashed potatoes . . . and I need to watch that. For example, last night for dinner I had nachos – which are not at all healthy, but they were darn tasty after a crappy day. I have to minimize my stress eating a lot more . . . I’m not perfect, but I am trying . . .

I hope everyone is having a good week. Many happy vibes to you all!

My Theory of Primaries

OK, Mommanator just commented that she wished that all of the primaries would be held on one day, so all of the states have a say in who they want as the main candidates. It is a commendable goal, and I understand the sentiment, but I can see why that may not be the best idea for several reasons.

Let me again preface this by saying that I used be really involved in politics and am speaking purely from my own experience and observations, so my views may be different from someone else who worked on a campaign. I think everyone should work on a campaign once or twice in their lives, to (a) get the experience and (b) be able to tell the BS from the truth in how things are reported. If you know anything about how campaigns are run, half the stuff you read in the newspaper about presidential electoral politics is overblown crap. Things that don’t mean anything or are normal kinds of campaign blips and errors get blown up way out of proportion to their importance. Just my $.02 . . .

Money: If you think that there is a ton of money being spent on campaigns already, just imagine how much would have to be spent by EACH primary candidate to campaign in each state SIMULTANEOUSLY. Some candidates count on good showings in early races to be able to generate enough support to be able to run in other states. That’s why Biden and Dodd dropped out - these early losses, coupled with a projection that they might not do so well in the next few races – they were not going to be able to generate enough support and funding for their campaigns to continue. Television, radio and newspaper ads cost money. Disseminating information (brochures, posters, bumper stickers, etc.) costs money. Travel costs money. Having enough staff to cover the country, costs money, even taking into account large numbers of volunteers – you still need someone to give them marching orders and be able to control what’s going on. Which leads to . . .

Staffing: During the general election, you notice that candidates don’t campaign in all of the states, they only campaign in key, battleground states. Why? Because there is only so much of one candidate to go around and a campaign wants to expend its resources most efficiently. The state parties can help, but a lot of times having the candidate there can make or break a state’s turnout. For example, in past years many Democratic candidates did not bother too much with Virginia because we were pretty much a pretty reliable red state, so it would have been silly to waste too many national election resources here. However, with the recent change in demographics here (growth in urban/suburban areas) making us a bit more purple, I think that the Democratic nominee would spend a lot more time here meeting and greeting and cultivating supporters. Now, think what would happen if all of the primary candidates had to cover all of the states at the same time. There will still be Wyoming situations where places get ignored for whatever reason . . .

Also, to effectively cover states, there has to be experienced, capable campaign staff stationed on the ground there. In a 50 state scenario, that staff would be spread pretty thin, whereas in the rolling primary scenario staff moves from state to state as a primary election is completed. You may not think it is a big deal, but you also have to think in terms of control – campaigns try to have as much control over information going in and out about a candidate as they can. You also notice that in general elections there lots of special interest groups sponsoring ads, hosting events, putting out negative information and otherwise running amok without the coordination or consent of the candidates or their campaigns. Just think if this was happening for 8 or 9 or 10 candidates, instead of just two! Oy!

Learning the ropes: Early primaries also serve as sort of “training wheels” for candidates. These allow the candidates to get their organizations up and running, get the volunteers and staff trained, and get the big mistakes out of the way early. It allows everyone to learn how to run an efficient and a responsive campaign, to learn how to interact with the public, and to learn which messages work and don’t work. Throwing all the candidates into a 50 state situation right off the bat would just be ugly and confusing.

OK, now that I’ve pooh-poohed the “one day – all states” primary idea, what would I be happy with?

I think that we should still have a few “warm up primaries,” with a mix of a few large and small states, and then maybe 4 regional “Super Tuesday” primaries, each held one week after another. This would allow campaigns time to ramp up and get their feet on the ground, allow candidates to cover a certain region prior to a primary, and allow most people to have their say. It may still suck to be one of the last primaries, but part of the race does have to do with viability, and if you can’t get people to vote for you when you’ve been practically living with them for months, staying in the race for an extended period of time is only going to hurt – both personally and financially.

That’s enough of my political ranting for today! See, that’s why I try not to discuss this stuff too much on this blog, since I get so overly passionate about it . . .

Please feel free to share your own ideas in the comments!

Watching Paint Dry in Iowa

Since Mr. Random now works for a Random Publication, watching the Iowa Caucuses is now kind of part of his job. Last night we settled in for a cozy evening of C-SPAN and C-SPAN2.

Thoughts about last night:

**I must preface this by stating that I was involved in local Democratic politics for a bunch of years, so watching the workings of one of the Des Moines precincts gave me flashbacks to too many long party meetings and caucuses. It’s funny that all the casts of characters for the local Dem parties look AND sound the same, no matter where you are in the country. Watching the Des Moines people gather and organize and persuade and count and go over resolutions, I was like, whoa! I knew exactly what types of resolutions would be offered and how people would respond pro and con. It was scary . . .

**I know that us Dems are all about inclusiveness and making sure that everyone gets a say, but you know, you can be inclusive AND efficient. Watching people try to count off once they were in their little interest groups was just painful. Couldn’t people take a number when they decided on a group, just like a deli, and the last number be the count? “23, 24, 24, 25, 26 . . . oops, wait, let’s start again! Count off one by one . . .” The hand-raising thing was only slightly better.

**I felt really bad for the Richardson people. At the precinct that was being filmed, the groups needed at least 57 to be considered “viable” and at one point the Richardson group had 47. The woman who was one of the organizers for the Richardson group was a master to behold in the art of persuasion, but some of her other helpers didn’t seem to be as committed as she, and their group started losing people as soon as it was obvious that Clinton, Obama and Edwards were going to be the more viable choices. At the end of the evening, C-SPAN interviewed her and she looked like she was about to burst into tears at any moment. My heart went out to her – I have been in her place SO often – it breaks your heart to work for so long for someone, giving up your life for months and months, staying up for hours on end, knocking on doors, talking to all sorts of people, doing all sorts of mindless grunt-work, all for a candidate you believe in . . . and then to lose at the very end, all of your work seemingly for naught, by a really close margin – they just needed 10 more people! – it hurts SO much, I can barely describe it. I was happy to see that she remained uncommitted at the end because she really didn’t want any other candidate. It takes a while to process what just happened and figure out what to do next – I wish I could have reached through the screen to give her a really big hug and some support. I do hope some family or friends were nearby . . .

**Good luck to the people who volunteered to be delegates to their county-level Democratic Convention. I’ve been to those before. That’s 8 hours of your life that you’ll never get back again . . .

**Its great that Iowa had much higher turnout of new people for their caucuses this year, even though the process is a big pain in the butt and isn’t even representative of all Iowa’s voters. What I hate about the caucus process as practiced in Iowa is that it isn’t a secret ballot. It can be intimidating to show your preferences in front of everyone you know, and maybe if it was a secret ballot and people weren’t so caught up in being seen with a winning group, there might have been a different outcome.

**Did you know that Wyoming is having its caucuses this Saturday? It wouldn’t surprise me if you didn’t because I didn’t know either and hardly anyone is campaigning there – all the energy is going towards the New Hampshire primary on Tuesday . . .

Oy, this is going to be a very long election year. I’m probably not going to watch all of these primaries and caucuses – I’m probably going to end up holed up at my desk with homework or a book or something, thank goodness . . .

Auld Lang Syne – A Random Look Back at the Blog in 2007

I couldn’t resist doing this meme and today I actually have time to do it. You know the rules – slap down the first paragraph of the first post of each month of last year:

January: There was a meme going around for a while where you posted the first sentence that you wrote on your blog each month for the past year. Today seemed a rather appropriate day to do so . . .

(side note: Yup, I did this last year. That month I also went to view Gerald Ford’s casket at the Capitol, played a bit with my new camera, went to the U.S. Holocaust Museum, and queried about using cell phones in restaurants.)

February: Well, actually, I’m not one of those people who bite their nails – mine usually just break off at inopportune times. My nails grow to be long pretty quickly, so unless I am hyper-vigilant about trimming them regularly, they start to get really annoying. I am at a loss to understand those folks who have the big press-on-nails – how can they type? Or rip open a box? They just seem so dainty . . . and I am so not dainty . . .

(side note: That was the month I started getting nervous about a medical problem, went to a Super Bowl party, did some Scribbling Challenges, continued to teach ESL, had my 300^th post, got hooked on Gilmore Girls reruns, saw the Capitals and the Wizards in the same week, played in the snow and first got wind of possible layoffs at the Random Non-profit.)

March: Finally got the results from the doctor yesterday. Mr. Random was right there by my side as the doctor said . . . that the tests showed about what he thought they would, and that I have no reason to worry – things should be OK.

(side note: Big sigh of relief, there were layoffs, did a book meme, found out my sister was going to Iraq, was feeling pretty low.)

April: As promised, here are all of the books that are stacked up by my bed at the moment. Mind you, these are just the books sitting BY MY BED and not in the living room, den, guest room, and elsewhere in the bedroom that are also begging to be read - such as Mr. Random's major stacks.

(side note: Also took my first spinning class, did the Easter thing, dealt with the fallout from the layoffs, had a visit from the Random Mom-in-Law, started on the Shakespeare Project and went to see Edward III, celebrated the 2 year anniversary of the blog, briefly celebrated Poetry Month.)

May: It’s May already! April went by so quickly . . . too quickly. There was a project that I meant to finish last month, which I had not yet started on. I definitely have to finish it this month or else I won’t have certain options available to me in the Fall . . . options that might be able to get me away from the Random Non-Profit sooner, rather than later . . .

(side note: Started visiting my Grandma at her new location in the Boonies of Virginia, saw more Shakespeare plays, got the new vanity for the bathroom, Mr. Random left the Random Non-profit for the Random Publication.)

June: Last Friday night, Mr. Random, my friend J, and I went to see Love’s Labors Lost at the Carter Barron Amphitheater in Northwest DC. The play is this year’s Shakespeare Theater’s “Free for All” performance.

(side note: Got a new iPod, had family issues, ESL subbing, had more angst.)

July: On Saturday, I went to see Tom Stoppard’s play, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead at DC’s Studio Theater. This play fit in very well with our ongoing Shakespeare project, since the main characters are two minor characters in Hamlet who aren’t mentioned often but do have something integral to do with the plot. They are old friends of Hamlet’s who are sent to keep him company and find out why he is behaving so oddly. They play delves quite a bit into the nature of life and death, while giving a backstory of the types of characters who are usually just afterthoughts in plays.

(side note: Also saw Hamlet and the nude Macbeth, Fringe Festival and lots of kvetching.)

August: That’s today’s New Yorker daily calendar cartoon caption and I feel like that’s what the last few days of this blog have been – The blogosphere is a big cocktail party, and the hostess has to pull people aside and say to them, “Would you be a dear and sit with Random Kath? She’s seems a bit cranky lately . . .”

(side note: August was “spend no money” month, took pictures at a comedy open-mike, AC died at the Random Condo, went back to college, very excited but very anxious.)

September: Yup, school has started and I am trying to get into the swing of things. I am still overwhelmed and freaked out, but at the moment it is the usual Random Kath level of overwhelmed and freaked out, so things are semi-normal.

(side note: More open mike pictures, did a 5K, Mr. Random and I had an anniversary.)

October: I have two exams this week so in theory I shouldn’t be writing anything at all until after they are over on Friday afternoon.

(side note: Got a 97 on both exams, did some touristy sightseeing, bought new shoes, saw Michael Clayton, more Random Non-profit angst, my sister came home for R&R, saw another Shakespeare play.)

November: I have a 4 page paper due for my International Relations class this evening and, of course, I put off writing anything until last night. I HAVE been doing research for the past week or so, so I’m not a total slacker, but for some reason I just could not get myself girded to write anything until last night.

(side note: More Shakespeare, Grandmama drama, crashing bookcases, slogging through school.)

December: My word! It’s December already. Here’s my update on stuff so far – I’m going to start with the happier stuff first.

(side note: More layoffs, more angst, letter for a Newborn Girl, memes, ended being optimistic.)

Whew! That one took a while to do. Glad that’s over for this year . . .

Happy New Year!

Today turned out to be a busy day, since the lunch I went to turned into a rather lengthy excursion to the Thrift Store and to the Mall, to help a friend pick out some stuff for a project they are working on . . .

When I got home, Mr. Random was watching the "Biggest Loser" marathon and then we watched tonight's Couples episode and got a bit inspired.

I took tomorrow as a vacation day to allow myself a little more breathing room before I get back to the work-a-day grind. It's just one way I'm trying to start off the year with a healthy, non-stressed perspective on things . . .

I hope your first day of 2008 went smashingly well!