Winding Down / Gearing Up

We can close the books on 2007, and I am so glad that it is finally over. It seems that most folks are using this as a time of introspection, to recount all that has happened in the past year and to try to make sense of what has happened. On reflection, though, I believe that a lot of what happened in the past year has made no sense at all.

Oh, wait – let me rephrase that:

What happened this past year has made sense to all of those who set the wheels in motion for the larger events, and as a person affected by those events I can muster an appreciation for the thought processes in other people’s minds that went into their decisions. I also know that I can choose how I react to these events and in doing so help set the stage for positive or negative personal outcomes. I am the captain of my fate and the master of my soul, you know . . .

Dealing with these events caused me a lot of stress and worrying. I have to learn how to not let things get to me so much, while at the same time acknowledging that my propensity for wanting to take care of the world is part of what makes me the unique individual that I am. I love volunteer teaching, I love doing things for other people, I love trying to affect change in my little corner of the world. So I know that on some level, I will always be a bit stressed out and emotional.

On one of the other blogs I read, the writer said that for the next year she should remember to be mindful:

“Instead, my goal for the coming year is mindfulness - to be mindful of what I'm doing when I'm doing it, and to ask myself if it's really what I want or need to be doing right then. . . . I'm thinking that right now, my biggest problem is not doing or failing to do any specific things, but just not thinking about what I'm doing at all.”

I think that it is a pretty admirable goal. I do think that my problem is that I tend to OVERTHINK things, but in being mindful I should think about how what I am about to do relates to what *I* ACTUALLY want as opposed to what I think other people would think I should want. There IS a difference and only in the last few months have I started to really think about what I am doing and who I am trying to make happy and why . . .

My main goals this year are to get farther in my schooling, see more plays, take more pictures, have more excursions, be a better teacher, and generally try to enjoy myself. If I feel happier in general, everything else should follow. If I am enjoying myself, I will feel better about myself. If I feel better about myself, I will feel more confident in other areas and hopefully some other successes will come from that. I will be less of a miserable, moody person and be able to have more positive interactions with family, friends and co-workers.

As regards to my work situation, I will take it one day at a time. I will try to maintain my current schedule and keep my eye out for other interesting opportunities to get involved in that may be a better fit for me at this time of my life. This year has proved that working my tail off for the Random Non-profit will not net me any professional gains or martyr points, so I only need to do what is needed to be done each day in the time allotted and then let the rest go.

As for the blog . . . well, I’m always lamenting my crappy posting and writing here . . . and so I resolve to do much more of it in 2008! I will no longer beat myself up about it because – Hey! – the title of my blog says it’s OK . . .

“A snapshot is popularly defined as a photograph that is "shot" spontaneously and quickly, most often without artistic or journalistic intent. Snapshots are commonly considered to be technically "imperfect" or amateurish--out of focus or poorly framed or composed. Common snapshot subjects include the events of everyday life, such as birthday parties and other celebrations, sunsets, children playing, and the like.”

My blog is a snapshot of what I am thinking or feeling at a given point. It is usually dashed off in an odd moment, usually with some forethought but little time. But the cool thing about snapshots is that they document moments in time that existed and will never again. Some are gems and some are not, but they are all out there. And what one person may consider “amateurish,” another person may consider art . . . so I’ll keep going, doing as best I can to document the randomness which is my life and share it with you all . . .

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OK, now I am a bit more optimistic and excited about the New Year. I really wasn’t when I started writing this morning, but putting words on the page has helped me focus and realize that continuing to look forward is the best course of action for me. Whatever happens, happens.

Happy New Year, Everyone! May your 2008 be full of adventure and discovery and happiness!