I’m Sooooo Confused . . .

I’ve been feeling rather vulnerable and needy lately. Well, I usually AM very vulnerable and needy, if you’ve read my blog for a while, but really . . . these days I’ve felt even more keenly so.

There seems to be a perfect storm of things going on around me and with me – time for me to “fish or cut bait” in a number of areas at the same time, and it is all so overwhelming.

Mr. Random was in a car accident on Saturday – no one was injured, but it was scary just the same. The Random car is banged up a bit, but luckily it is built like a tank despite its comparatively smallish size.

I finally heard about something I had applied for a few months ago, and the answer I received was not what something I expected. It is an answer that leaves me in limbo, scrambling to figure out what to do and how this decision affects my plans for the fall. I cannot make any other plans until this is sorted out, however, the uncertainty at the Random Non-profit makes another part of my life quite iffy too.

There is too, too much going on right now – too much change . . . too many decisions that have too many possible consequences. I’m scared and confused and tired . . .

I thank both Mr. Random and my friend J for putting up with me and listening to my angst, even when they’d like to strangle me. I have not been easy to live with the past few days, and I realize that. I am trying to not dump all my problems on others, but at the same time it is really difficult to try to figure these things out on one’s own. I want to make sure I’m doing the right thing, you know? I want to know that I’m not going completely bonkers.

Sometimes I get really depressed, I’m so overwhelmed with the choices before me. I do realize that I am lucky to even HAVE choices, but it is still hard to deal with. I am hoping that this is just a rough stage in my life, and once I push through it, everything will be OK for while . . .

Or, I may just be delusional. That’s an option too . . .

OK, this is a post that probably made no sense, but I did feel compelled to write it. It does help to put all of this stuff out in the ether sometimes. Tomorrow, I will be back to my normal randomness and kvetching, I promise.