Treading Water

. . . It's been a hard week. Juggling the work of two departments is driving me bats. If I had quit to take a job somewhere else, I don't think they would have dumped so much on me - I would have had time to finish up my projcts and been fresh for the new position. But no - because the person I am replacing is leaving next week, I am trying to cram learning everything she knows into my head two days a week and work on things for the new department, while still dealing with the dippiness of the old department . . . Arrrggh!

. . . What's a blog for, if not for venting? . . .

. . . Yesterday, the person they hired as my new boss came to town - she's not officially starting for another month - and we went to lunch and we were talking about all the cool stuff we want to do, and about her philosophy of fostering an environment of learning and excellence in the staff, and is big on professional development. Yay! But she is also very high energy and very chatty, which could make things very interesting in our dour little Non-Profit . . .

. . . Went to my first set of meetings yesterday, and even had a dinner meeting last night, and I felt so . . . overwhelmed. Actually, that doesn't begin to describe how I felt. I felt dowdy and clueless and short and tackily dressed and very insecure about myself in these new situations. There is just so much to know and absorb, and I feel very much out of my comfort zone - which is good! - but I am totally starting to have serious doubts whether I can pull this off well enough. Everyone is really happy that I have taken this position and thinks that I am a great fit, but it brings a lot of pressure, you know? If I do badly, I fell like I'll let everyone down, myself included, and it is freaking me out to no end . . .

I know I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself, and I blame that on the fact that I haven't had a true moment's peace all week. I hope that in a month or so, things will have evened out a bit and I can actually enjoy what I am doing . . . for now, I am totally NOT . .

. . . I was going to try to do absolutely nothing this weekend, but the old department wants me to finish up some funder reports and get out a newsletter by Tuesday, so I guess I'll be working a bit . . .

. . . However, Mr. Random's birthday dinner is Saturday night and that should be fun. And I hope to go shopping at some point and get some new clothes . . . maybe a suit or two, which should make me feel a bit more professional . . . if I look professional, I tend to feel better about myself since then I can at least tell myself that I look like I can do the job . . . and sometimes appearance is the reality . . .

. . . I have finished the book, Ways of Seeing, but I have to read it again to make sure I interpreted it correctly. It is a short book and a quick read - and I did get something out of it - but it was such a quick read that I want to make sure I didn't miss anything . . .

. . . Have a great weekend everyone! I wish you all well . . .