Snapshots from an Ordinary Life

Another Year Older . . .

2009-11-06T17:49:00.001-05:00

During the time I was out dealing with planning the memorial service for Mr. Random's mom, I turned 39 years old. One year closer to the big 4-0.

I guess my feeling is encapsulated by the incident below . . .

After the memorial service was over, Mr. Random, his sister, his cousin and I were all cleaning up the hall and gathering everything together to go home. All of the guests had left at this point, and it was just the four of us - all around the same age: late 30's-early 40's. I looked around and thought to myself, "Aren't there any grown-ups around here to help?"

Then came the realization. Wow. We're the grown-ups now.

I guess this is one of the experiences that marks one's true entry into adulthood - when you look around and you find yourself having to be the one to answer the questions and do the hard work. No longer can you look up to "an adult" because . . . well . . . you're it.

It is very scary and very sad and very empowering at the same time. Mr. Random no longer has parents around to help him. And while my parents are still alive (and have been awesome at offering Mr. Random advice and support, and are truly taking him under their wing), they are getting older and one day I'm going to have to go through all of this wrenching, emotional turmoil again.

I am not looking forward to it at all. I hope the day is very far away. Mr. Random said that he is certain that his parents raised him to be prepared for this day - and I think that is what most parents want for their children. But this experience has taught me that my awesome parents have given me the tools to handle it too.

And I am very thankful for that.

Wearing Black

2009-10-20T23:39:00.001-04:00

Yesterday morning, Mr. Random's mother died.

While she had been in the hospital for a week, by all accounts she had been improving, so this was quite a shock to us all . . . and is still quite a shock.

She was a lovely, lovely woman - quite brilliant, very kind, very loving, very proud of her son . . . and she was rather fond of me and was quite encouraging of my returning to school.

Mr. Random's father died rather young about 15 years ago.

Please send good thoughts our way. This is going to be very hard.

It is very hard.

A Fall Day

2009-09-28T16:48:00.001-04:00

I am standing in front of my office window, leaning with my head pressed against the glass, looking out of the tops of the swaying trees - far in the distance are more office buildings and construction.

It's a cool, cloudy day and the wind whips up every now and then, blowing the treetops back and forth like blades of grass. I look down, down several floors to the ground, where the lawn is dark and littered with dead leaves and broken acorns.

My eyes look up to the clouds. Big gray clouds with shafts of light shining through, here and there.

I close my eyes. And pretend for a moment that I am not where I am. Now I am outside feeling the strong breezes, walking on the grass with acorns crunching under my shoes. I am not inside the dark, quiet office with the oppressive negative energy.

The day after Labor Day, everyone at the Random Non-profit returned from the holiday - rested, ready to work, having dropped little ones off on their first day of school or having made a committment to have a positive attitude this Fall. We'd gotten used to the furlough and the loss in income, and while not happy, at least a normalness was starting to settle in . . .

By the end of the day, seven people were no longer working here: Told behind closed doors their services were no longer required. Only one day to pack up and leave. Some people had celebrated their eighth anniversary with the organization and were moving towards nine. Some people's spouses were unemployed too. One was the admin person in our department of three. Many tears were shed. People packed and went away.

On the third day, those people were gone. The halls were quieter. Those who were left felt hollow and dead and fragile. Then - so quickly - that morning three more people were let go - some of the supervisors of the other folks, people who had just caught their breath and were beginning to try to figure out what to do next, how to get on with fewer people.

Ten people were let go in total. Plus two others who left shortly after - lucky people! They had found other jobs! - now we are down by twelve. One third of the staff - gone. Same work though. Just get it done, we are told. Figure out what needs to stay and what needs to go. Double up. Be glad you still have a job.

Scary stressful. Heartbreakingly sad. Mission? What's the new goal? Is there any? Why are we here? Head down, keep going. Think positive! New opportunities!

I am too tired to do this anymore. I cannot keep a happy face. I have tried for almost a month. Not happening. My schoolwork suffers. I cannot concentrate. Walking though the door is hurtful. Trying to pick up where other left off - trying to figure out *what* was left off - overwhelming. Difficult. Draining.

I am at the window, looking out into the gray skies. Looking down at the trees and the ground. It's so far down to the ground, to the acorns, to the grass. A black squirrel scampers up the branches in front of me and grabs an acorn off the very top of one of the limbs. He cracks it open, gobbles it down, and then races back down to the ground. Life is out there. Life is not in here. I do well to remember that.

Just In Hibernation, Not in Hiding

2009-08-19T11:00:00.001-04:00

Hi, everyone!

I know that I've been scarce for several months and you all have wondered what the heck's been going on with me.

Short answer: A lot.

Longer answer: So many things have been going on that it has been overwhleming to write about AND process. Good things have happened, but also worrisome things.

Good things: Finished my summer class, saw King Lear with Stacy Keach, saw 6 plays at the DC Fringe Festival, been to Shenandoah National Park, found an awesome new used book store, will be taking two classes starting next week.

Worrisome things: At the Random Nonprofit, we all received 20% salary cuts and are furloughed one day a week. May be facing layoffs in the next month. Did not get enough money in student loans to go full time this year. Money is a huge concern.

So that's what's been going on with me . . . I will try to write more (I have been dying to write a review of this year's Fringe experience!) and maybe even try to freshen up the blog a little.

I do hope you all are doing well and that you are looking forward to the Fall! Until I type again . . .

Waving madly :-)

The Smell of Charcoal

2009-05-25T18:22:00.001-04:00

Today is Memorial Day. In my family, it was always a weekend of family reunions, of groups of people coming down to Virginia and hanging out at my family's house for three days. The barbecue grills (my dad has two) seemed to be perpetually cooking *something* from Friday night through Monday afternoon. Hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken, hot sausages, spareribs: all of these things went on the grill and came off of the grill, heaped on platters, placed on the dining room table as various family members waited in anticipation with paper plates ready, buns open. Around the platters sat bags of chips, containers of condiments, various bags of buns, piles of paper plates, napkins, and plastic forks. In the kitchen on the stove, pots of baked beans, collard greens, corn-on-the-cob in buttery water, sat simmering on the stove. In the refrigerator, there were large bowls of homemade potato salad, macaroni salad and the usual iceberg-lettuce-with-tomatoes-and cucumbers. For dessert, in the freezer sat boxes of popsicles – both the creamy kind and the colored sugar-water kind – and on the counters sat cupcakes and pies and the occasional sheet cake, usually to commemorate one of my many cousins' graduations from high school or college.

People filled the house. People were everywhere. You could barely find a quiet corner, people were in almost every room – a crowd of six older women in the hot kitchen, huddled around the kitchen table gossiping. A group of six to eight younger women sit and stand in the living room doing the same, but on different topics. A group of uncles in the basement – some watching some sort of sports or movies on TV, four sitting at a card table by the sliding glass doors leading into the yard, playing numerous games of pinochle, occasionally arguing and yelling. My dad would flit in and out of the yard, checking on the contents of the grills and conversing with the folks at the table. My mom would be wandering back and forth, making sure everyone was taken care of, and that no one needed anything else. My sisters would either be hanging out with one of the groups or outside, with still yet another group of young cousins, running around in the front yard. Older relatives would be in our bedrooms taking naps, leaving yet another part of the house off limits to hide from the noise and the hustle and bustle.

I was not fond of the groups and the noise, you see. It was always so overwhelming being around so many family members at once, all asking the same questions of me all the time – about school, about what I was doing – and me hating to answer because most of the time I really had nothing to say. Especially when I was younger, what could one say? Yes, school is fine. I'm doing OK. Until it wasn't, and then I didn't want to talk about it, or my job which was not very interesting and I hated to explain about. I would much rather have been in the corner with a book, using the few totally free holiday days that I had to not have to do something that I didn't want to do. It seemed every day I was doing things I didn't want to do, in places I didn't want to be, with people who didn't seem to understand why I didn't like any of the above. People may have thought that I thought I was too good to speak to anyone, but the real reason is that I didn't have anything to talk about. It was painful for me to talk about me. And talking to everyone else, hearing their tales of midnight bowling in the city, or trips to the mall for shopping, or hanging out at their houses with other cousins and friends . . . I couldn't relate to any of it. I was always broke and hated shopping. By the time I did start taking myself to museums, no one seemed interested and no one wanted to come along.

So the family cookouts became times where my feelings of alienation and misery were amplified. I dreaded them with a passion.

Fast forward 20 years to today. This Memorial Day I spent remembering the fallen soldiers of wars past and present and being thankful that my Army sister is back in the States, safe and sound. So much loss. So many young men and women who aren't here today and should be. That is the most important thing about today and all other problems are secondary.

I am married now and have don't have to go to those cookouts anymore. The long weekend is still a rare time when I can catch my breath and take a moment to not have to do the long lists of things that need always need to be done during the week. But today I also got nostalgic to have a grill of my own to throw some burgers and chicken on, to invite my friends over and have them fill my house with noise and conversation while I fill them with meats and potato salad and baked beans. But at this point in my life I still have no yard, no room for a grill, no room to have mobs of people in the small condo. I always dreamed of having my own people over, on my own terms, and yet it still feels like a dream . . . so close and yet so far away.

It seems so petty to write . . . but it is a part of me and where I am today and I need to be open to it, I guess.

I hope your weekends were happy ones . . .

Random Rumination on the Concept of Worth

2009-05-12T11:23:00.001-04:00

OK, this is one of the more annoying things I have read today. It's a blog post from a supposed marketing guru who has sold tons of books and has loads of devoted followers who hang on his every utterance. I think he's full of soup, as my grandma would say, definitely chunky-style, but whatever. (I'm not big on business-type books because they all pretty much say the same obvious things or tout some business fad that five years later will seem ridiculous.)

Yes, I do understand the idea of sunk costs , but there are also cases where the "rational" decision isn't necessarily the "right" decision for a person. For some decisions, it isn't about the money . . . and, you know, that should be OK.

In his Springsteen tickets example, you've bought the perfect tickets for a pretty decent price. Someone comes up to you and offers you a ton of money for them. Do you sell? Well, that depends on how big a fan you are and if you want to go through all the trouble of trying to find another pair of perfect tickets. Do I want the money over having the experience? If I took the money, what if I wasn't able to find another pair of "perfect tickets" because even with the extra dollars the remaining "good" tickets are going for $1200? Would I really benefit? What if I then miss the concert but have the money and then (heaven forbid!) something happened to Bruce and there were no more concerts? (Which is fairly likely: all of these guys are getting older, the road is hard, and they sometimes don't take the best care of themselves . . .)

And no, the tickets are not now worth $500, in so much as my condo is not worth $300K. Just because people were dumb enough to pay that much for similar ones at one point, doesn't mean that that's what it is really worth. I mean my condo will be worth whatever people what to pay for it *when I decide to sell it*. That's partly the cause of the economic collapse – people basing assumptions on assets gaining ever-increasing value and procuring loans and selling securities on what people *thought* things should be worth and not what they*actually* were. (They also weren't taking into consideration that values can and do go down. So. Freaking. Stupid.)

OK, that's been my economic rant for the day. There do seem to be larger questions that tease themselves out of this scenario, such as "What is something's true worth?" and "Are experiences worth more than money?" and "Is the most efficient thing to do necessarily to right thing to do, depending on the person?" And now we're getting in the realm of philosophy, which I think I need to study a lot more of . . .

Ugh. There's so much that I don't know! It gets frustrating sometimes . . .

Let the Sunshine In!

2009-05-08T15:35:00.002-04:00

(I watched the movie The 40 Year Old Virgin on Saturday, so this song has been stuck in my head . . .)

I took this week off from work, trying to decompress after my final exam. It turns out I ended up with an A- in the class, which I consider a miracle. I was not unhappy with the way the final went, which is always a good sign, and I think I figured out what the professor wanted for the final paper. For my previous paper, I gave too much background and explanation for his taste, which upon further thought made sense, but at the time greatly upset me because I tend to be a very bare bones kind of writer. I’m used to writing and thinking in Economics terms and not in Psychology terms – and they are definitely two different ways of thinking. Which is rather funny, because the whole field of Behavioral Economics is reinventing the wheel in terms of studying how people act and react to specific situations, while Social Psychology already has studied a lot of these same topics? I guess the Econ people don’t want anything to do with the Psych people, which makes *no* sense at all to me . . .

Anyway, this was my week off. The goal was to give my brain a rest. Of course, it has poured down rain the entire week, except for today. We had a leak in our bathroom ceiling, so we had to be home for the roofers to investigate. I checked my work e-mail each morning, just to make sure nothing funky happened that might have fallen under my purview. We had trouble with our car, which was another irritant. I could not wind down properly until . . . well, today. I feel like the whole week was just a warm up to an actual vacation, but one that won’t happen. I’m rested enough to get some rest, if you know what I mean. I have stacks of books to read, but have had no sense of concentration until now.

I go back to work on Monday and dread it terribly. So much to do: much of it I’ve done before. Things happen in cycles and sometimes dealing with the same cycles over and over again gets tiring.

I hope to get new running shoes soon so I can get back into running. I feel like I’ve gained 10 pounds over the course of the winter. My clothes still fit, but I definitely could look better in them. Besides, I need to work off some of this stress that’s been building and I also need to stop making myself feel better with bags of chip-like substances.

Summer is a time to think positively. I probably won’t be able to go on vacation, but hopefully there will be a few day trips in the future. My Army sister is now firmly settled in the Boston area and I look forward to visiting her at some point. (LOVE Boston!)

I haven’t been to any plays lately and I’m getting antsy. There are a couple of contemporary playwrights being showcased this summer, so maybe I can see one of those. The Fringe Festival is coming up in July and that is usually the highlight of my year. I need to start making plans for the Fall and determine what my next steps are.

So much going on! So little time!

To end, I should probably share a little bit of what I’ve been reading lately. I’ve been horrible at keeping up with everyone’s blogs, but I have attempting to read blogs and websites that relate to my studies in some way, to keep up on what’s going on in the world and in my chosen field.

Baseline Scenario (http://baselinescenario.com/) – If you want to follow the financial crisis, this is the one blog you should be reading. Simon Johnson has been *everywhere* - even on The Daily Show – and he is one of the most straightforward, knowledgeable and personable economic communicators I’ve ever seen. My dream is to do what he does, albeit on a smaller scale. I’m totally a groupie for him!

Understanding Society (http://understandingsociety.blogspot.com/) – This is an amazing blog on the social sciences, and I must admit I don’t keep up with it as much as I should because each post has leaves one with so much to think about . . . it’s not something you can scan quickly. Very worth the time.

The Fluent Self (http://www.fluentself.com/blog/) – I love this blog. It makes me realize that I need to be gentler to myself, and what that actually means day-to-day. It is helping me work through a lot of my “stuck” issues, although I have a long way to go.

That’s me for today. I am cheerfully waving to you all!

Almost, but Not Quite

2009-04-30T08:52:00.001-04:00

My final exam is tomorrow, thus ending another overburdened semester. This spring seems to have brought to a head a host of issues that I though had been long buried - hit every button and insecurity and weak spot that I have had over the course of my life - and it hasn't been fun. That's partly why I haven't been writing because who wants to write to whine all the time?

I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to take another class this summer, how my work schedule is going to shake out, and if I'm going to have surgery done which would mean a month off work, but not for pleasant reasons . . .

Much to mull over. But tomorrow I have a final exam to worry about, so for today I will focus on that.

I am glad you all are still here, and I wave to you all . . .

Is This Going to Be on the Final Exam?

2009-04-28T17:12:00.001-04:00

This is a test post to see if the e-mail posting function still works on this thing.

If so . . . freakin' awesome! I might actually be able to post more frequently.

Hope everyone's doing well . . . have a lot of stuff to catch you all up on . . .

The Cranky Lady Speaks!

2009-03-27T12:11:00.004-04:00

Today I was working in my Random University library. They are now starting to box up shelves and shelves of reference materials – bound journals, archived magazines, technical dictionaries and the like – and send them to a central consortium storage place. You will still be able to access the materials by requesting them through the college library and there is an easy method to do so though the college computer system.

However, seeing all of the volumes being put onto carts and taken away makes me incredibly sad. One of my favorite pastimes in libraries is walking randomly through the stacks, pulling down books or topics that look interesting at the moment, and finding very surprising, fascinating bits of information. For example, one day in Ye Olde Colonial College’s stacks I found a series of bound women’s magazines from the 1940’s through the 1980’s. To look through all those volumes and see the ads and fashions of yesteryear, all of the articles of housewife-y information and advice, was quite a treat. Another time, I was wandering though and started reading old business magazines, marveling at the predictions and business practices from decades ago.

I know that in writing this I sound incredibly old fashioned, like someone nostalgic for the good old days, not sufficiently appreciative of the current technologies that allow people to access any information from anywhere. Well, I *am* appreciative – especially as a student and a researcher of sorts – but as someone who is always interested in a wide range of topics, and who sometimes depends on random connections to spark creativity, I think that the disappearance of the physical books from the scene can be considered tragic.

On another blog, someone was talking about how, as a kid, he would pull random books down from his parents’ shelves and read them as they struck his fancy. If we all have kindles or e-readers, will that moment of random discovery ever happen? Will everything in the future have to be purposefully sought out? What does this mean for future generations? I mean, I know that Wikipedia has a "random" function, but that supposes that you are constantly connected to a computer. I prefer not to spend huge amounts of time staring at a screen, and a tiny one at that! (And gee, can you tell that from my sucky posting these days?)

I also wonder why one technology has to push out another so quickly. I'd much rather continue to have choices of how I'd like my information, but it seems that especially in the newspaper realm those choices are being made for me, even though I'm willing to actually pay for the format I prefer.

These are some of the things that occupy my brain these days. Do you agree? Or do you think I need to adjust my tinfoil hat? Inquiring minds want to know . . .

Rumors of My Demise are Greatly Exaggerated

2009-03-03T13:00:00.002-05:00

Hi, all! Yes, it's been a while, but in the interim the hard drive died on my laptop right after Inauguration Day, thus my fabulous post on freezing the the cold with 2 million other people evaporated into the ether.

Also, my social psychology class is is full swing and, while it doesn't have as much reading as my Money and Banking Econ class, I still have a lot to keep up with since it is not very intuitive to me. Or rather, the subject matter is a little TOO intuitive and I need to work on differentiating between similar types of definitions and explanations. I'm both excited by the class and befuddled by it at the same time.

My ESOL class has started up again and this semester we are using a more useful new textbook and accompanying workbook with our students. I love the new format, but it does take some getting used to. I also have fewer students in my class this semester (8 instead of 17), so we're are able to do a lot more discussion exercises and dialogue work without it taking up most of the class time.

Work at the Random Non-Profit continues to be a source of stress, as we lose more people and our financial situation becomes more precarious. Recently they instituted salary freezes at Mr. Random's Random Publication, which is worrisome, but given the state of a lot of other publications, we'll be happy with that for now.

I've also been continuing to have medical issues, which takes up a lot of karmic energy trying to get things sorted out. I've had a few meltdowns recently, due to the extra stress of not feeling well on top of all the stuff I'm trying to do. I am developing a hatred for doctors and for tests and am losing the energy to keep seeking answers, although I know there must be some.

On the plus side, I have been able to fit in a few more plays with my friend J, who continues to be quite a help in keeping my spirits up. We saw The Winter's Tale and The Cherry Orchard - branching out from the pure Shakespeare and going into other writers. The Winter's Tale was especially interesting because we sat next to the lovely wife of one of the actors in the play, whose comments and explanations added another dimension to the performance.

Also on the plus side, I've been to the Campus Career Center and started to do some work to figure out what I really want to do and how I want to go about doing it. It is a slow process, but I am trying to stick with my plans and not to get too discouraged. I am getting a bit frustrated at the pace - taking one class a semester is driving me bats - but it's the best I can do for now, since having and keeping a decent paying job is kind of key these days . . .

So that's what I've been up to since January! I hope you all are doing well?

Waving hello to you all . . .

Opening Unlocked Doors

2009-01-12T14:05:00.001-05:00

One goal I have for this year is to post more. In order to do that, I have to get less hung up on writing full-fledged posts and, as often as I can, do more sharing of the random detritus that runs through my head. Thus the Allison Krauss song - which is still running through my head. Help! I need something to replace it!

My new favorite blog: Serious Eats – www.seriouseats.com . It’s torture when you are hungry, but has a multitude of great ideas and information. For example, I now know not to waste my money on a *$ Tea Latte. I’ve already slowly weaned myself off of their Chai, so this should be fairly simple. Currently, I stick to the peppermint teas. What? Yes, I know that I’m basically paying for hot water and two tea bags, which I can easily do cheaper and more efficiently for myself at home. But sometimes I’m out and about and want a warm liquid, but I don’t want any caffeine or sugar. Ta da! Also, scroll down the front of the web page for recipes for homemade Girl Scout Cookies. Yum!

On Saturday, J and I went to see Twelfth Night, maintaining our two year old streak of seeing every major production of a Shakespeare play rolling into the new year. Yay! We watched a movie version of this play a couple of years ago, featuring Ben Kingsley as Feste and (I think) Nigel Hawthorne as Malvolio. The production on Saturday was SO much better. I was able to understand intricacies of the plot more and thoroughly enjoyed the acting throughout. We now have been to enough of these plays that we can recognize the actors from other productions. We can knowledgeably compare the merits and the failings of different productions. Our sophisticated theatergoing continues to get more sophisticated!

Did I mention that I’m not on my church’s Pastoral Search Committee anymore? Oh, yes. I dumped that activity a couple of months ago. Luckily, it was right before the Committee started meeting regularly and decisions were still being made about who else would be on the committee and who would chair it. I had delusions of being the Chair, but at this point I was in the middle of papers and exams and teaching and other draining, busy tasks, so I wised up and said, “NO. I cannot handle ONE more thing!” Of course, I felt horrible about resigning, even though those involved understood. Now, I am so relieved to not have another slate of meetings on my plate for the next 6 months.

There’s some lingering drama about whether I’ll be able to afford to take another class this semester. Don’t classes start today? Yes. Didn’t I already buy the book for my Social Psychology class? Yes. I am hoping upon hope something works out . . . which probably means it won’t, but I have to hope.

What else? I had a very lovely holiday. It was odd because Mr. Random went out to California to visit his family, but I remained alone in the DC area. I was much too worn out to want to spend two weeks visiting in-laws – my brain was simply fried and I just wished to revel in peace and quiet for a while. (Oh, by the way, Random Cat is much slimmer now than when she started on the “cat-kins” diet. However, she now acts as if she is starving all of the time and will take any opportunity to steal food off of your plate or out of your hand.) I did get to spend a lot of time with my own family, since both of my sisters were home for the holidays. It was nice to just have the Maiden Name girls together for a while.

Activities are slowly starting to ramp up again. I miss the quiet and self-directed-ness of the holiday break. Now it’s back to school and teaching and work and figuring out what the heck I’m supposed to be doing in this world . . .

Just so you know, I got an “A-“ in my Money and Banking Econ class. I worked my fanny off, so I feel I truly earned that grade. I’m rather disappointed that class is over. I thoroughly enjoyed both the professor and the topic. I have to figure out how to do incorporate more of those subjects into my current state of being so I don’t lose the knowledge I gained . . .

To end for today:

On Saturday, my friend J told me a story - the kind of story that comes up when you’re taking about random stuff and usually contains some larger, obvious truth that when you hear it you think, “I need to remember that!” I am hoping I get the story correct – I think I have most of it.

Some time ago, J had watched a show where there was a hypnotist. One of the things the hypnotist did was hypnotize a guy who was led into a dressing room at the store. The whole thing was filmed. The hypnotists told the guy that the door to the dressing room would be locked and that he wouldn’t be able to get out. Now, in reality, the door was NOT locked at all, but the man THOUGHT it was. The camera filmed the guy trying to get out of the dressing room and thinking that he was locked in, just working himself into a frenzy trying to get out.

How many times do we put “locks” around things that aren’t there? How many times do we have doors open in front of us, but for one reason or another we psych ourselves out of moving forward due to some imagined boundary?

After J told me that, we both thought about opportunities we had in the past that might have turned out differently if we hadn’t thought “Well, I can’t do *that*!” How many opportunities do I have in front of me now that I’m not recognizing?

I believe this is a good question to constantly keep in the forefront of my mind as I move forward though the year. Who knows, it maybe a good question for you guys too?

Waving warmly . . .

Let's Go Down to the River

2009-01-11T19:07:00.004-05:00

Today, at the church I attend, the pastor discussed baptism as the theme of this week. As part of the service, he showed a scene from "O Brother, Where Art Thou" where the three guys come upon the scene of a mass baptism and one of the gentlemen runs down to the river to be saved.

That scene has one of the most beautiful songs that I know of, Down in the River to Pray, which is sung by one of my favorite performers, Allison Krauss.

Here is a BBC video overlaid with her singing. It is very peaceful . . .

There was a video of her singing the song live with Robert Plant, but that version seems to have been filmed by someone in the 30th row of the concert hall, with people walking back and forth in front of the lens and other people screaming "WOOOOO!" at very inconvenient points . . .

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekends!

Momentary Rumination

2009-01-02T22:34:00.000-05:00

Mr. Random was away for Christmas and New Year’s, visiting the Random family, and came back home yesterday afternoon. This meant that I had the whole Random condo to myself for almost two weeks.

Am I a horrible person for enjoying the quiet as much as I did? The Random Cat and I had a nice routine going each day – she woke me up in the morning, I fed her, I gathered the morning papers and read them while eating breakfast and monitoring the Today Show. Then I would either start cleaning or organizing something in the house until I either finished or got sick and tired of it, then I would take a shower and then run errands or read or watch TV or nap.

It was a very easy going existence which I am going to miss horribly next week when work and school and teaching start to fill up the schedule again . . .

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T23:24:00.005-05:00

Welcome to 2009, everyone! I know we are all thankful that 2008 is finally over and are looking forward to all of the opportunities that this new year will bring to us. I know that I certainly am . . .

I wasn’t going to have any resolutions for this year and just try to see how things unfold, but when I think about it further there are a few goals that I have for this year:

Continue to see plays
Continue to be adventurous
Use my passport at least once – whether it is for a quick weekend in a Canadian city or to finally make it to London
Continue to have a sense of humor about what life throws at me
Continue taking college classes
Continue to spend time with people I care about
Find ways to best use my talents and gifts to help others

In other words, I’d like to continue on the path I’ve started and see where it leads. Even though I’ve been super busy this year, there are many experiences that I can point to that I am very proud to have had. I do want to try to write more on the blog this year, and I will do my best, but I’m hoping that will become a natural function of things that are already going on in my life.

Notice that I didn’t say “lose weight” or “find a new job” or anything that specific. I’m just hoping that finding my own groove will make me improve in other areas.

I’m wishing that everyone finds their own “groove” this year! I’m looking forward to hearing more about your experiences and thoughts and also sharing my own with you all. Happy 2009!

Happy Holidays from Random Kath!

2008-12-24T22:27:00.005-05:00

{POOF!}

This picture is going to go poof in a while, but I just wanted to pop in while I have a moment and wish everyone a very wonderful holiday season. My classes are over for the semester - both for being a student and for being a teacher - and I am off of work until the Monday after New Year's. Yay!

Thanks so much for being patient and following along with me during this very rocky year. I'm hoping that the next year is full of more adventures and more interesting blog posts!

Waving and sending love to you all in this season of joy and peace,
your Random Kath

My Trip to the Fed, or Ben and Me

2008-12-02T17:36:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago, my Economics class took a field trip to the Federal Reserve. The trip was both awesome and a bit discouraging to me. Here goes . . .

We went to the big marble building on Constitution. Of course, we had to have our IDs checked and go through the x-ray machines and get frisked first. We all got big yellow name badges, which we sadly had to return when the tour was over. Once everyone had gone through security and assembled, we were led down a hall to an elevator which took us to the second floor. There we entered in the middle of a huge, marble columned atrium - a bit reminiscent of the Capitol and some of the Congressional office buildings. We were led around the railings to an anteroom where we could hang up our coats and then we were led across the marble floors, across the big gold seal of the Federal Reserve, to the Fed Board of Governors Board Room.

It was breathtaking. The room is huge and looks like what you would image the White House meeting rooms might look like. Huge oval table in the middle, with large, comfortable leather/cloth/wood fancy office chairs - you know, the kind executives get, not the crappy ones us worker bees usually have. The chairs that the Board Governors sit in have a brass plate engraved with the Board’s last names at the top. Mr. Bernanke (as his name was on his chair) sits not at the head of the table but in the middle of the side. Our professor said that when she worked there, Mr. Greenspan would definitely sit at the head of the table, which was much more intimidating. We were allowed to sit in any of the chairs at the main table that we wanted before the presentation started, which is how I got to sit in the Chairman's chair. Woo! Very cool!

Along the walls are frames with samples of the original Federal Reserve Notes ($1, $2, $100 bills, etc.) from various years (1917, 1922, etc.) Also, interestingly, the Board room was the site of some major diplomatic talks during WWII and there were several plaques in the room marking those occasions when FDR and Churchill met in the room, and also when FDR and the Joint Chiefs of Staff met. We weren't allowed to take pictures, otherwise I would have. (Remember this . . .)

We were not the only Random University class scheduled for this presentation - besides our Money and Banking class, there was also a class from the “Semester in the City” program. Their professor had actually scheduled the presentation first and our professor arranged it so our class was able to piggy-back onto theirs. The Fed is getting away from giving presentations to school groups since with all of the work going on with the current economic crisis; many Fed folks don't have time to take people around, so we were lucky that they didn't cancel our session. Like I said, my professor used to work there, so that helped a bit.

All of the students from my class were there on time – in fact, we made sure to arrive early for the aforementioned frisking and to get settled in. Beforehand, my professor told us not to bring cameras and she warned us that since this presentation would be "Fed 101" our class would already know a great deal about what was being discussed. On this day, we were lucky to have a Senior Advisor at the Fed briefing us, who had a very "money" name that almost would have come straight out of a Dickens novel. However, since we weren't the class that made the arrangements, we weren't allowed to sit at the big table during the presentation - the other class had dibs. Of course, the other class dribbled in 5 minutes late, after Mr. Moneyed-name had started speaking.

The presentation WAS a lot of the information that we had learned earlier in the semester, but Mr. Moneyed-name was able to add a bit of color to the Fed's rationale for its decisions. When he was finished (after an hour), we only had 15 minutes to ask questions. The first question was from the Semester in the City professor who asked about what the Fed could do about outrageous credit card rates. Now, as students of the Fed know (like me!), the Fed has no authority or oversight over credit card companies . . . and that pretty much was the answer. The Fed can suggest things, but it really isn't its place. Then someone from my class asked why the Fed doesn't do more coordinated efforts with the EU Central Bank and the Bank of England. This lent itself to a longer more thoughtful answer about how each country, thinking that the crisis really wasn't going to be that bad, preferred to do its own thing, but now we might see more coordination as the seriousness of the crisis becomes more and more evident. Then the other class asked a question, which I can't remember at this point, but I do remember it was kind of pointless so I didn't listen very hard. Some other people in our class wanted to ask questions, but by then our time was up and we had to leave.

As we were getting up to go and filing out of the room, the Semester in the City folks started taking pictures in the room. Our class was noticing this and getting really uncomfortable, but we didn't say anything because their professor (who was much older and bald with a bad comb-over) was *helping them* take pictures. But then the guard lady came in and yelled at them to stop, and we all were rushed out of the room. I hope they didn't ruin the experience for future classes . . .

Being in the room and listening to the Fed person was such a wonderful, exciting experience for me - I'm really glad I took the morning off and went. In a way, the experience was also a bit of a downer because to work at the Fed you either need (a) a Ph.D in Economics or (b) you can be a Research Assistant, but those jobs are mostly for kids straight out of college who want to spend 2 years figuring out if they want to grad school or law school. Either way, it didn't sound like I would have much of a chance . . .

Also, on the way to the Fed and on the way back, the professor took 6 of us in her large van. During the trip, the other students were talking with her about their studies abroad and their grad school plans - one woman had studied in Ghana for a year, one woman is from Nicaragua and is deciding whether to go to the University of Chicago for Econ grad school, another is leading a spring break study trip abroad to study poverty in Mexico, one person is interning at the Grameen Bank, one is interning at the IMF - and I just felt so . . . small and stupid. I just felt really bad and I really don't have any comparable experiences to talk about, so I just sat quietly in the back. I know that I shouldn't feel bad – that I have a ton of experience - but in the world I want to get into someday . . . I don't think I'll be able to, with so much competition who've actually been places and worked on these major things. I don't know what I should be aiming for anymore . . . I just want to do good in the world, and try to help people, and I don't know what that means or if I'll ever be able to do it on the scale I want to. I have a lot more thinking to do . . .

So on that downer note, I'll just say that being at the Fed made me want to really study Econ more, while at the same time I feel like I have these huge limitations on me that everyone else in my class doesn't have . . . and it kind of hurts . . . I have to be creative and figure out more non-conventional ways of making an impact in whatever I end up doing.

So that’s one thing I’ve been busy with during the past month – how about you?

Hope is the Thing with Feathers

2008-11-05T01:13:00.002-05:00

My heart is really full. I was not sure it would happen. I couldn't even allow myself to think it, but, yup, Obama did actually win the presidency.

My dad was certainly out at a party after a day of working the polls. My 90 year old grandmother was probably long asleep. But I feel so proud and so connected . . . it is so hard to describe . . .

I try hard not to be political on the blog but . . . YAY!

The Bronx is Up and the Battery's Down

2008-10-28T19:48:00.004-04:00

These are some of the pictures I took in New York City. Some of the *many* places we visited were Central Park, Times Square, Macy's in Herald Square, the Paley Center for Media and . . . a place no former English major could ever pass up . . . the Algonquin Hotel, home of the famed Round Table of Dorothy Parker, Robert Benchley and Alexander Woollcott.

We also got pretty proficient at riding the subway. If I had been thinking, I could have taken a picture of the huge rat that ran across the platform in front of us . . . New York, New York! A wonderful town!

It was such a wonderful day . . . I wish the pictures could convey the joy . . . and the exhaustion. We were all over the place! And there's so much more to see!

Harpers Ferry W.Va. Trip

2008-10-28T19:16:00.004-04:00

These are a few of the pictures I took while I was at Harper's Ferry. We arrived there when it was a bit after 4 PM and didn't get to the Historical part of the town until after 5, just as the sun was starting to make its descent for the evening. The most lovely part of the area is where the Potomac and Susquehanna rivers meet.

In one of the pictures, you can see the moon making an early appearance.

The last picture is of a fox that was sitting outside of the entrance to the parking lot - he seemed not to care that we were there and taking photos.

I feel like I'm channeling COTW with the photos . . . :-)

Random End of October Update

2008-10-28T15:36:00.005-04:00

Mommanator has been wondering where the heck I’ve been, and I’ve been wondering that myself. I haven’t been keeping up with the blogging, but Random Kath’s world has been chugging along at full speed and I only have a few moments to catch my breath . . .

Here’s what’s up:

School: I am still taking my Econ Money and Banking class. Lots of reading and writing. Constantly need to monitor current events since the economic news seems to change every hour on the news of layoffs, or mergers, or bank failures, falling stock markets or or financial calamity. Like I said before, it’s an exciting time to be studying this stuff, but for all of the wrong reasons . . .

Teaching: I have a class of 17 this semester in my Tuesday night ESL class, which is a very overwhelming number to me. I am very happy that they keep coming back each week, but it is much harder to gauge how everyone is doing, and a lot of the learning tasks take longer since so many people need time to finish. My challenge this semester is to figure out fun group projects for people to do so that (a) they can practice speaking English to each other and monitor each other more effectively and (b) I don’t have to be standing up front most of the time and let them take more ownership of their learning.

Church: I’m on the search committee to find a new Pastor. Because I have nothing else to do. No, just kidding – I’m actually very interested in this process and I’m looking forward to helping the church figure out what it wants to be. I am a bit annoyed with some of the folks already because someone scheduled the first meeting without asking anyone about their schedules and of course it is on the night I teach class. I have made it very clear that I am willing and available ANY NIGHT EXCEPT TUESDAYS – so of course, let’s have the meetings on Tuesdays. Arrgggh! In my irritation, I said that I really wanted to be a part of the process, but if they are going to schedule the meetings like that then find someone else. So we’ll see what happens.

Job: I am formulating an exit strategy after a scare I had a month ago. I’m not going to be laid off or anything yet, but I do need to get on the ball and start doing proactive, positive things. I’ve started setting up lunches with friends of mine who I’ve worked with in the past, to get a sense of what’s out there. Once I started doing that, I started feeling better about myself and am not quite so depressed and despondent. Yay! I’m not a loser! I also need to take better advantage of the College’s career center – I may be a special case as an older student, but they should be able to point me in some sort of direction.

Grandma: She’s still plugging along at age 90! Mr. Random and I still go down to visit her every other Sunday. She’s getting a bit slower, but is still in pretty good health. My mom and dad are talking about trying to arrange a daily visitor for her, someone to look in on her and make sure she’s eating a least one good meal a day and taking her medications properly. This would be a great load off of my mind if it happens, but I won’t hold my breath. I am becoming more comfortable with the fact that I can only do what I can do and that my grandma appreciates seeing me as often as she does. If anything happens, I will know that I did my best and not beat myself up for not doing more – especially since she has 5 children and umpteen other grandchildren who aren’t coming to see her. I still have issues with my whole family over this though . . . and I’ll have to work through that as best I can.

Mr. Random: He’s doing well. He completed his *sixth* Marine Corps Marathon on Sunday, which is always awesome. He’s super sore and walking funny these days, as can be expected. The Random Publication he works for has been super busy, what with the elections coming up and all of the congressional trials. He’s going to be working all through Election night, so I won’t see him until the next morning. It will be so strange to spend such a historic evening without him but I’ll try to find something else to occupy myself with that night.

His grandmom had a fall and was hurt for a while and decided on her own to move to a group home. Mr. Random’s mom is going back and forth to help sell the house and make sure her belongings are accounted for. It is a pretty rough time, but his grandmom is happy with her new surroundings. It helps that it was HER decision . . . I just hope my own grandma will willingly make that decision at some point – she’s still being very stubborn about wanting to live independently.

My Army Sister: My sister has decided to stay in the military, which was a shock to me, but she’s going to try to work in one of the research facilities. If she does that, she won’t get deployed, which *whew!* There aren’t that many research facilities, which means there’s a good chance she could be posted somewhere in the DC area, which would make me SO happy. She also had been having trouble with her legs since she's been back from overseas, but it turns out nothing is seriously wrong, which is also a blessing – we were worried it might be MS or arthritis or something.

Culture: Goodness, I haven’t been good about keeping you apprised of what I’ve been seeing! I saw two versions of Romeo and Juliet – one all male version, one all female version. Both versions were excellently done and both had very standout performances. I also went to the Phillips Collection a couple of weeks ago and saw all 40 panels of the Jacob Lawrence’s Migration Series exhibit. You might remember seeing some his paintings on The Cosby Show. I am so glad I was able to see the full exhibit before it closed this Sunday.

What else? My friend J and I took a trip to New York City this past Saturday to celebrate my birthday. I will post a few pictures later this evening. It was one of the most fun trips I’ve taken in a very long time! We were only there for the day – took the train up very early Saturday morning and came home around 1 AM Sunday. Lots of walking around and looking like tourists. Seeing lots of sights that one usually only has seen in pictures or on TV. I loved the energy and the vibe and wish I could go back more frequently. The trip out of town was very much needed, if only for a day. I was exhausted when I got home, but in a good way.

I also took a lovely day trip to Harper’s Ferry a few weeks ago. I took a few pictures there too. It wasn’t for sightseeing but more to just drive and see the pretty landscape. The leaves hadn’t turned yet, which was a little bummer, but it was still quite gorgeous where the rivers came together.

Oh, that's right . . . Sunday was my birthday! I'm now another year older, and while there are some things I need to work on in my life, I'm pretty happy with the way I am at this stage of the game. This year, I'm going to not dwell on what I haven't accomplished yet but try to focus on what I *have* accomplished and what I'm doing now. Easier said than done, but you know, it's a goal . . .

Now it is back to the grind of work-school-teaching-church. I’m still having a bit of a struggle trying to balance everything, but so long as some fun is thrown in there once a week, I can keep an even keel . . .

So that’s what I’ve been up to! I’ve missed you all – I haven’t been blog visiting, but I’m going to try to catch up and say hi. Thanks so much for being patient and for being here and reading!

Warmly,

Your Random Kath :-)

How Noble is the Nobel?

2008-10-13T15:14:00.002-04:00

This is going to sound really geeky, but I was super-excited to hear the Paul Krugman, the New York Times columnist, blogger and Princeton professor, received this year’s Nobel Prize in Economics.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/14/business/economy/14econ.html

I have been reading his column for a long time, been following his blog, and started reading his books for one of my econ classes last semester. His writing is accessible, full of common-sense and has an element of speaking truth to power – which, as someone grappling with learning economics and trying to associate what she learns in ways that can help the greater good, has made him quite a role model for me.

So yay Dr. Krugman! Thus ends the geek portion of today’s blogging . . .

Hand Me a Gin and Tonic, Will Ya'?

2008-10-13T13:05:00.004-04:00

Another Quiz, actually kind of similar to the other one . . . I'm not quite sure what these things say about me . . . Carole Lombard and Marilyn Monroe, huh?

Your result for The Classic Dames Test...

Carole Lombard

You scored 5% grit, 29% wit, 38% flair, and 33% class!

You're a little bit of a fruitcake, but you always act out in style. You have a good sense of humor, are game for almost anything, but you like to have nice things about you and are attracted to the high life. You're stylish and modern, but you've got a few rough edges that keep you from attaining true sophistication. Your leading men include William Powell, Fredric March, and Clark Gable. Watch out for small planes.

Standing over a Subway Grate . . .

2008-10-13T12:18:00.003-04:00

Hi, everyone!

Yes, I will do a proper post shortly, (I promise!) but to ease my way back into posting, here's an interesting little Quiz that's been making the rounds . . .

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Marilyn!

You are a Marilyn -- "I am affectionate and skeptical."

Marilyns are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

* Be direct and clear

* Listen to me carefully

* Don't judge me for my anxiety

* Work things through with me

* Reassure me that everything is OK between us

* Laugh and make jokes with me

* Gently push me toward new experiences

* Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a Marilyn

* being committed and faithful to family and friends

* being responsible and hardworking

* being compassionate toward others

* having intellect and wit

* being a nonconformist

* confronting danger bravely

* being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Marilyn

* the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind

* procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself

* fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of

* exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger

* wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right

* being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

Marilyns as Children Often

* are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn

* are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger

* form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent

* look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel

* are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Marilyns as Parents

* are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty

* are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence

* worry more than most that their children will get hurt

* sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

Joys and Concerns

2008-09-19T16:14:00.000-04:00

I’m an agnostic in the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition sense, “one who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and probably unknowable” – a state that can otherwise be known as “hedging my bets.” I actually, probably lean more towards atheist, but I do like knowing about other religions and I do think there is a lot of comfort and good that come out of them. (And a lot of really bad too, but we won’t even go *there* for today.)

However, I like going to church because: (a) I like singing, especially with choirs, and there are some hymns that are just so gorgeous and heavenly in melodies and harmonies that you can be SO transcendently moved. Soothing the savage breast and all that; and (b) there is just a whole community of (somewhat) like-minded people who are there to care and support each other, working together all for the purpose of what I call (probably very blasphemously) “putting on the show.”

The church I go to is one of the more hippie, liberal Protestant denominations, pretty close to Unitarian as you can get. Not a lot of decorations and doodads, communion is open to whoever wants bread and grape juice that day, and usual Sunday attire runs more along the lines of jeans/khakis/shorts/sandals – both guys and gals. Even before our pastor left, we had lots of “lay” participation and people in the congregation take turns running parts of the service and teaching Sunday school to the kids. We have a very energetic choir director, so we always have a (relatively) large amount of people in the choir, and on an off Sunday, the choir members look like they outnumber the people in the pews. On a good Sunday, we might have 45 people in the pews, on a summer Sunday we might have 15-20. We have lots of little kids in the congregation, most of whom are under the age of 8, so during the service before the kids get to go downstairs for Sunday school, there is always chaos of little ones running around and playing with toys. (Ours is not a “sit-down-and-shut-up” church for kids.)

Why am I writing this? I’m not sure, but I’m going with it. It seems to be the story I want to share at the moment . . .

Anyway, there is always part of the service, after the weekly sermon, called “Joys and Concerns.” This is when people can share any of their own joys or problems that they’ve been having during the past week with the rest of the congregation. It can be as innocuous as “My anniversary was this week!” all the way up to people talking about recurrences of cancer, job losses, sicknesses and deaths of family and friends, and heavy-duty personal struggles. The pastor writes all of these things down and mentions them during the closing prayers.

It is always amazing how much people feel comfortable sharing with everyone during these times – just letting a lot of raw emotion come out that has been stored up all week, trying to be brave. It is hard to describe. Sometimes it is very draining, but there is a wonderful, healing things that happens, when everyone’s heart goes out to the person talking, and the person feels like s/he is not alone in bearing his/her burden.

However, for me, there always seems to be a downside to all of the sharing – one that makes me feel . . . well, left out and apart . . .

You see, hearing about everyone else’s problems, makes my problems and issues seem *not very important.* Having money troubles? Well, somebody couldn’t sell their old house fast enough, was stuck paying two mortgages for a long time and is horribly in debt. Angst about paying for school? Some people can’t afford their courses any more and they have to drop out. Angst about horrible conditions at work? Someone has been out of a job for months. Not that it’s all a competition or anything, but how can you compete with that? So I keep my mouth shut, because my problems are not, relatively, problems. Even though they are, and they make me very unhappy. But I feel like I have to suck it up. Which makes it less of a safe space for me. But . . . who can help me, really? Where can *I* turn when I’m feeling bad, without feeling like I’m whining?

So I’m reaching the point where I’m getting pretty tired of the stuff I’m doing. I just see miles more road to travel to get where I want to go and I’m sick of traveling, but I’m also tired of where I am. It’s nice to have the blog as an outlet, but then I actually have to take the time to write all this out. So here I am.

My joys right now: my friends and family, having fun Saturdays, being able to go see plays, taking my college class.

My concerns right now: My Army sister (who is having problems with her legs), my grandma (who really needs someone to look in on her once a week, since she’s living alone and is now taking a lot of medications due to a hospital scare two months ago), Mr. Random and his family (mom, grandmom and sister – all having issues), my job (more people leaving, office is unstable, and I am unhappy every single day), money (Mr. Random’s student loans, pressure because of job uncertainty and debts), school (taking one class a semester is not getting me very far, will take me at least 3 or 4 years at this rate, plus it adds stress in dealing with work).

What are your joys and concerns at this time? Let’s lift them up and share!

I Picked the Wrong Week to Stop Sniffing Glue . . .*

2008-09-15T19:23:00.002-04:00

. . . However, I did pick the right time to study Economics!

These are scary times for the U.S. economy. There are a lot of things that have not been going right for, oh, about 10-12 years, and a lot of fundamental economic/business truths were tossed out of the window in the service of people getting really greedy. You would have thought that people would have learned lessons from 1987 and 2000-2001, but NOOOOO. People are stupid. Or rather, a number of people made a lot of money being stupid, so being stupid was the OK default for a very long time.

Now our very flawed system is starting to crash down and a lot of people are going to be hurt by it –even little old you and me at some point. It is a fascinating thing to watch as a student. There is so much information to process, so many things happening in such a short amount of time, such that trying to get one’s head around everything is impossible. There are many lessons to be learned from what’s occurred in the past year and from what will occur over the next six months or so. What happened this weekend is not bottom yet . . . so hold on tight . . .

“Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” -- Winston Churchill

* Yes, I know . . . gratuitous Airplane! reference.

Passing the Peace

2008-09-11T11:15:00.000-04:00

So, I haven’t been blogging for a while. This is for a number of unintentional reasons, but one of the main reasons is that things got super busy, a lot more “life drama” things happened, some new things got super shiny and distracting, plus all of the usual “starting-up-of-classes-and-getting-my-schedule-figured-out” fun.

OK, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest . . .

One of the things going on is that the church I sing in the choir for is going through a lot of heavy duty transition at the moment. We’re looking for a new pastor, going through a discernment/search process (which I’m on the committees for), and recently had people in our top three leadership positions step down simultaneously. (All for different reasons and none of them knew that the others were doing it.) There’re lots of emotions going on at the church. We are a small, tight-knit congregation, so everyone is rather burnt out and not really up to taking on more tasks. It is a very difficult situation.

One of the good things about our church *is* that it is so small that people really care about each other and treat each other like family. At every service, there is the usual moment towards the beginning of “passing the peace,” where in normal churches you just turn to your neighbor and shake their hand and say “peace be with you.” At our church, we don’t just stay in the pews, we walk clear across the sanctuary, hugging everyone and saying hi to each other. It’s one of the best things that our church does, though it does tend to put newcomers off a bit. For those who get what’s going on, they usually end up coming back. To have a moment where you’re feeling accepted and everyone is welcoming and smiling, is just the thing to get communal good feelings brewing.

So this post is my passing of the peace to you all. It’s me saying that I’m very glad you all are still here and reading. I know we are all going through a lot of stuff, internally and externally, but know that I appreciate every comment and I am reading your blogs and of thinking of you all too.

Peace be with you all today!

I'm Still Here!

2008-09-05T14:46:00.004-04:00

It’s been a while, but it has been a super busy time. I’m trying to get back into the swing of writing again, but there are a ton of other assignments and reading I have to catch up on. I’ve also discovered the joy of feed readers – what an awesome time suck they are! Of course I have loaded mine up with more blogs than I can possibly keep track of at any given point, so the totals always are taunting me: I always seem to have over 1000+ posts in the box, and no amount of marking “all read” helps me catch up. However, it does make it a lot easier to see when my favorite bloggers have updated posts – now at least I can get out of habit of clicking on people’s blogs 10 times a day to see if they’ve updated. The only problem now is that it is hard to keep up with the comment threads . . .

I promise to write more soon, but until then I’ll leave you with this picture of my Army sister and I hanging out this past 4^th of July with the dearly departed dog, Lady. (I'm the one in the blue jacket.)

This picture will disappear within a few days, so enjoy it now . . .

--->Picture went POOF!!<---

I'm Going Out to Clear the Pasture Spring

2008-08-14T16:16:00.000-04:00

I have a lot to write, but not the presence of mind write it today – so here’s more poetry!

Sometimes poems are much better at conveying a mood than clunky prose . . .

Ark
By Katie Ford

We love the stories of flood and the few
told to prepare in advance by their god.
In that story, the saved are
always us, meaning:
whoever holds the book.

Other Answers
By Carl Dennis

Now he's gone off, the middle-aged man
Who rang the doorbell a moment ago
Looking for the Russo family,
And already I'm sorry I settled for saying, "No.
No Russos Here." A true reply,
True to the precept against deception.
But what about a flow of fellow feeling
That would have pushed me to step out
On the porch a moment—pulling a coat on
Against the November chill—and point
To houses where I knew for certain
The man would be wasting his time to ring?
A dinner guest, maybe, growing uneasy
About finding the residence of his new friends.
Am I so gloomy about the likelihood
Of stories with happy endings that I'd like everyone
To stay home, content with his portion,
However meager? Or did the man remind me
Of a character in a play who spells trouble,
A borrower who might bleed a house dry,
A talker so courteous he makes a wife regretful
She didn't meet him before she met her husband.
Or did I suspect he'd envy the pair the joy
Each feels in the other's company, as Iago
Envies the love of Othello and Desdemona?
If I want to be fair, I have to assume the visitor
Innocent until proven guilty. For all I know
He could add to the play the part of the true friend
That Shakespeare hasn't provided, a counterpoise
To the secret enemy. What a difference he'd make
By urging Othello to pause a moment,
Listen, and reconsider. However else
The world would remain the same
If I were inclined to give fuller answers,
Othello's story might be less predictable.
He wouldn't always stumble without a candle
To the final scene, wouldn't always learn late
What he'd give everything to learn earlier.

Friday Random Muppet Video

2008-08-08T14:24:00.003-04:00

For your Friday entertainment . . . this is such an incredibly sweet song, done by the incredibly talented Danny Kaye . . . and a little extra show at the end . . .

Two Random Wednesday Poems

2008-08-06T17:02:00.001-04:00

I haven’t posted any poems in a while, and I felt the need to find some. These two spoke to me today . . .

Spring
By Angela Ball

My feelings just took a turn for the better
While thinking of white flowers turning into strawberries,
Of clover turning into bees, of crowds of wisteria
Swelling and swelling.

People often think I have a friendly dog, but it is just me:
My wide arm-span for folding tablecloths, my feet that seem worn
Not just by me, but many.

I had this feeling once before, when I was walking through rain
And wet leaves in shoes that were red and navy.
Much of me hadn't been tried out, and I liked that.

Stopping along the Way
By David Wagoner

Heading south toward campus, my car
stops suddenly, abruptly, almost
on its own. My right foot
has found the brake pedal
before my eyes can admire
a very young possum strolling
across our right of way
at his personal intersection
of human cross-purposes,
some of whose brakes are squeaking
behind us now. The possum
pauses, lowers his gray-pink-
and-sooty snout to drink in
the odor of something
among the fallen and flattened
sycamore leaves. I've seen
too many of him lying down
even flatter than seemed
possible beside roads
and in gutters. I realize
my car's mere presence looming
over him won't quicken
those four deliberate paws,
won't urge him out of danger,
but before I can think or make
some warning sign, two cars
are honking. He lifts his head
dreamily, comparing
that sound to some distant sound
somewhere deep, far back
in his old, new mind, then begins
strolling forward again
and up onto the grass
among the unloaded, locked,
and abandoned bicycles
and empties and leaflets left
by fraternal and sisterly
orders on their own ways
to and from understanding
or back to forbidden gardens
and holes in the ground. Again
a car behind me honks.
And another. It's what geese do
heading south at the beginning
of winter. They want to know
the one in front still believes
they're there and are trusting him
to be sure where they're all going.

Mid-Summer Bumbling Along

2008-08-06T16:49:00.002-04:00

I’m just going to start writing and then we’ll see where all this leads.

Ready?

Shall we?

My sister stayed with myself and Mr. Random last week. She was in the area all month on leave from the Army and stayed at my parent’s house most of the time. Since she has been back from Iraq, her legs have been giving her a lot of pain, and she has trouble going up and down stairs and also walking long distances. Since Mr. Random and I live in a 3rd floor walk-up, it was a slight problem. My sister and I had talked about going to New York City for a couple of days, but it was now out of the question.

I had taken the week off and had looked forward to getting away and doing things with my sister. Instead we were mostly home-bound. She was fine with that – visited friends some days, another day we went to lunch and a shopping mall, another day to the Museum of the American Indian and then had lunch, one day we went down to visit my grandmother – kept busy. Friday, she left – flew back to the base. My sister said she had a good time, got plenty of rest, just enough time away. She’s going to get her legs checked out when she gets back to base in Texas, and will let us know what happens.

I am not sure if I had a good time or not. I’m still tired. I am happy that my sister enjoyed her time here, but I’m concerned about her health. We did a few fun things, I saw a museum that I had not been to yet, we went to an ice cream tasting, had some nice lunches and dinners, but . . . but . . .

As much fun as the Fringe Festival was, it was still in the context of the day-to-day-slog. Despite my being home and staying away from work last week. It still felt like the same daily slog – just one element taken out of it. I feel bad because I don’t feel good, if that makes any sense.

I am low on days off until Christmas break – I have to save the rest of my time so I can take off the week between Christmas and New Years. Mr. Random will have the last two weeks in August off, because Congress is in recess then and he’s not going to be working at the Conventions. I look to the rest of the year with a weary eye . . .

Oy! I’m hoping that I figure out something fun and relaxing to do soon or else I’ll be fried by the end of September . . .

2008 Fringe Festival Experience – Part 4, 5 and 6

2008-07-29T10:42:00.003-04:00

Subtle as a Brick to the Head: Ball and Chain – Journeymen Theater Ensemble

J and I went to this one last Wednesday night. It had been threatening rain that evening, but I had incorrectly surmised that it probably wouldn’t start until much later. I was terribly wrong – it poured down rain right before the show and I only had a scraggly little cheap umbrella to protect me from the elements. The rainstorm turned out to be the most dramatic part of the evening.

Ball and Chain consisted of five very short one act plays, all focusing on the subjects of love, marriage and relationships. I had high hopes for the evening because I had seen this company’s performance of Bartleby (from the Melville story) during the first Fringe festival and was quite impressed with what the scrappy group could do. Going into this year’s Fringe, they were coming off of a well-regarded season and I was rather excited to get to see them for cheap.

There were only two actors in this evening’s offerings, and after each short play they would move the sparse props around to set up for the next scene. The segments weren’t well written, and they weren’t very deep and so I was very disappointed. Luckily the whole thing lasted less than an hour, but afterwards I wished I had made another performance choice with my scarce dollars.

Written by a Hill Rat for Hill Rats: McSwiggin’s Pub – One Man Show

Mr. Random picked out this show for us to see together on Thursday. The guy who put together this one man show had worked with Second City for a while, but eventually got a job working on Capitol Hill. So most of the show consisted of a lot of Hill in-jokes which were really funny, but unless you knew that world – or watch a lot of C-SPAN – you would have sat there wondering what everyone else was laughing about. For example, you needed to know that a “Senior Legislative Correspondent” for a Congressman means just a step above “intern” and is a lot more gopher and glorified receptionist than anything. You also had to be able to recognize a dead-on Barney Frank impersonation. A lot of insider type stuff.

There actually were some tourists in the audience, which was awesome to see folks doing something so daring – especially since this venue was in a back alley in Dupont Circle, in a tiny artist’s studio. But a lot of the time they seemed confused by what people were laughing at, and I felt kind of bad. The show was really entertaining, but I would only recommend it for hardcore Hill folks and the people who love them.

Subtle as a Brick to the Head - Part 2: One for the Road – written by Harold Pinter

Sunday was the last day of the Fringe Festival, and I ended it by going to see this rendition of Harold Pinter’s One for the Road. This play was supposed to be a commentary on state-sponsored torture. The acting was amazing – the room was freezing, but one actor was able work up a major sweat during an interrogation scene – but all you took away from the play was . . . yes, torture is bad. Evil people are evil. Innocent people get hurt. But, um, we already knew that, and it didn’t have any nuance or complexity. Is all of Pinter’s work like that, I wonder?

2008 Fringe Festival - Final Summary

Thus ended my Fringe experience for this year. So I saw two excellent plays, one “OK, but fun” play and two uninspiring plays. I am glad that I got to see so many, but bummed that I was not able to see more. I didn’t get to see any “train wreck” plays like last year, when one guy didn’t even bother to put on a play but talked to the audience for 20 minutes explaining why the play wouldn’t work. There are also a lot more wacky, weirdo works that it would have been nice to experience, such as cabaret shows and more experimental/experiential plays. I’m just going to have to save up my money to buy an All Access Pass for next year!

Thanks for humoring my amateur theater reviews, everyone! The 2008-2009 theater season starts up in September, when I look forward to seeing a new set of Shakespeare plays. Hope you all are having a wonderful and exciting summer!

2008 Fringe Festival Experience – Part 3

2008-07-21T15:16:00.003-04:00

On Friday the 18th, as the DC Fringe Festival continues, J and I saw an amazing staging of the play Marat/Sade by the Forum Theater. I’ve included an experiential summary of the play, because the more explanations, the better.

Wow.

The troupe was one of the most professional I have ever seen during the Fringe. The two hours were intense and powerful. I had neither seen nor read earlier incarnations of the play, which may have been in my favor since I experienced the play as this company had shaped it, and not through a frame from the 60’s or 70’s. I am curious as to what the other versions looked like, but I thought this version was very applicable to the present day on a number of levels. The simple fact that this was set in an asylum after the French Revolution, with the patients speaking about freedom, rights and power . . . it was just . . . wow.

It was uncomfortable. You weren’t sure when to clap or not, because the play-within-the-play conceit made it hard to judge whether you should play along or not. You’d think “wait, that’s not something to applaud, is it?” There was a great deal of activity on the stage and sometimes, you’d be looking to see how an interesting background character was reacting and miss something going on in the front of the stage.

I am very glad that we went. The only thing I would complain about is that the theater was wicked hot that night, but if it was warm for the audience, I can’t imagine what it was like to be on stage for 2 hours.

The play runs though the end of the Fringe Festival this week, so if you are in town and are looking for something challenging to do, definitely check this play out.

My next Fringe outing is on Wednesday . . . I’ll keep you all posted . . .

Elegy for My Lady: 1992 - 2008

2008-07-17T10:28:00.005-04:00

On Friday, my sister called and told me that our family’s dog, Lady, had been put to sleep. Poor Lady had gotten progressively worse and worse as the 4th of July weekend went on, until her seizures returned and . . .

It makes me very sad to even write this, thinking of her shaking and scared . . .

My Dad woke up early Monday morning and saw her. He was very upset as he took her to the Emergency vet for the last time. Over the years, he had been her primary caretaker, and while he always complained how he hated that dog and always tried to give her away to . . . anyone, you know he adored her. He held her in his arms as the doctor gave her the shot. He was totally devastated and since has been slow to get rid of her toys and leashes.

She was the first pet I ever had, even though she technically was my youngest sister’s pet. When I moved out of the house, she sat in my empty room for days – in the place where my bed used to be – waiting for my return.

Whenever Mr. Random and I came over to the house, she would always jump and bark all over the place, she was so excited. She liked to sit next us on the couch or sprawl out by our feet. When we left, she always looked so sad, and I would always give her a treat and a hug as I walked out the door.

I will so miss her when I go home to visit . . .

I’m sure the house is so different, so much quieter, now that all three daughters are gone . . . and the dog. Life goes on. We all get older. People and pets we love can’t stay around forever, no matter how much we wish it not so.

Lady was a wonderful pet and we were lucky to have her in our lives, helping us to be gentler, more responsible human beings to everyone and everything around us. She lived a few days past her 16th birthday and it seems like just yesterday my parents brought this little puppy home to my 8 year old sister.

Goodbye, my Lady . . .

2008 Fringe Festival Experience – Part 2

2008-07-15T11:47:00.001-04:00

Let’s Put On a Show . . . or Not

Last night, my friend J and I went to a Fringe Festival “Fireside Chat” on How to Put on Your Own 60 Minute Show.

It’s been an idea that J has been mulling around for a while, so we went last night to see sow doable the idea is. I’ve always had a hankering to be a producer/do behind-the-scenes stuff, so I thought it would be fun.

The event was a panel discussion among three people who have done shows at the DC Fringe, past and present, and they gave the audience advice from what they learned through the past few years. On the producing side, it didn’t really tell me anything I didn’t really know – that you need to run a production like a small business and think ahead. The main key is to have a quality product – the creative, the actual show –you are supremely proud of and are certain you can sell . . . all you need to do is find an audience.

One of the speakers was kind of swarmy/sleezy, and talked a lot about how successful he is and how he’s able to do a national tour of festivals. Not that his advice wasn’t good, it’s just that the vessel kind of turned off the message.

It was a valuable experience and I’m glad I went, but I don’t think we have the time or energy to start working on something like that anytime soon. The first problem is that we don’t even have a show yet, or even a fully formed idea of one. Then once you do have one, it needs to be developed until it’s something you are ready to show people. THEN, and only then, are you ready to do the work of promotion and logistics and budgets.

It’s slightly disappointing, but when the time is right, it will be right. I did take good notes, so I’ll just file them away until they are needed . . .

2008 Fringe Festival Experience - Part 1

2008-07-14T11:22:00.003-04:00

The 2008 Capital Fringe Festival officially started on Thursday, but Saturday was the first day I was able to see any performances.

J and I went to the Rude Mechanicals’ staging of Shakespeare’s Coriolanus . This staging was remarkable in that it packed what was originally a 3 hour play into 75 minutes. (In doing so, they had to cut out a lot of the battle scenes.) The situation was updated to the present day, thus alleviating the need for major costumes. The opening of the play was a bit uneven, and some of the actors in smaller roles were really, really bad – but the actors in the main roles were quite good, especially the actors who played Menenius, Coriolanus and Coriolanus’ mother, Volumnia. In fact, the performances that linger for me were those of Menenius, who had long gray hair in a ponytail and a long, scraggly beard, and of Volumnia, who portrayed her passionate, possessive emotions very convincingly. The fight scene at the end was well staged and definitely left a lasting impression.

So for a scrappy group working with minimal props, sets and a mountain of material, I give that show a definite thumbs up.

Adding to the Fringe experience, before the play we found what can best be described as a “Mozambique-an fast food” restaurant on 7th Street. Yes, really. It was mostly some sort of rotisserie chicken in a flavorful sauce (which you could ask for in varying degrees of heat) and some healthy and tasty sides, such as Butternut Squash with Corn. We’re trying to eat healthier, so this definitely fit the bill until we got to the desserts, which were a very chocolate chocolate cake and a generous scoop of chocolate ice cream with a little spiciness to it. Yummy!

After the play, the Fringe has a patio area where you can get snacks, beverages of many types and bratwurst. Sine it was still rather early in the day, we got sodas and water but definitely tried the bratwurst. The patio seems like it would be a chill place to hang out in during the evenings after a play, mingling with other Fringe-goers and Fringe performers. As it was, we were there so early that we were the only ones occupying the tent for a while, but we could see the potential of the space.

Tonight, I’m going to another Fringe event and I hope to have something fun to report tomorrow. This is going to be a super busy week for me of evenings filled with both Fringe and non-Fringe related activities. There is much for me to look forward to and help keep my mind off of the many other things pressing on my brain. I’m hoping the creative activity nudges me towards thinking of creative solutions to what’s been keeping me stuck . . . we’ll see!

Trying to Count Blessings Instead of Sheep

2008-07-07T11:06:00.002-04:00

There is so much going on that it is hard to even figure out where to start, so I’ll just throw some words down and see what follows from there.

My parents’ dog has been having seizures. She is 16 years old, which is very old for a dog. When I came home to visit on the Fourth of July, she was not able to do her usual glad-to-see-me jumping up and down and barking. She is on lots of medication. It made me very sad to see her this way. I gave her many hugs and kisses, since this may have been the very last time that I ever see her. If she has another seizure, they are going to put her to sleep. I am so upset about this . . . I know it is time, but she’s the first pet I ever really had (even though technically it was for my youngest sister.)

My sister in the Army came to town for her month-long leave on Thursday. Mr. Random and I picked her up from the airport and took her out to dinner. Two things kind of threw me for a loop there: (a) She now has a tattoo on her left arm, midway between her shoulder and her elbow, kind of like an armband in a Greco-Roman pattern. I know it’s kind of a military thing, but you never expect your 34 year old sister to show up with a tattoo. My other, 24 year old sister, yes, but not the 34 one. (2) She is applying for Officer Training School – she finds out in October if she gets in. If she does get in, she’s staying in. If not, she’s out in December. This threw me because I thought she just wanted out, out, out as the rest of us hoped she would be, but it looks like maybe not. So I have to reconcile the reality of who my sister is and what she might want for herself with the false impressions I guess I’ve been building up in her absence. I also have to look at myself and see if I’m projecting my own hopes onto her. Very unsettling . . .

Fourth of July, as I mentioned before, we went down to my parents’ house. My sister bought fireworks (they are legal in my parents’ county) and we spent the afternoon and evening hanging out until it got dark, then my sister and dad put on a little fireworks show in the driveway. Some people in the neighborhood had driven to South Carolina and bought some heavy duty fireworks, and so we watched them for a little bit, semi-afraid that one of the rockets would land in my parents’ trees or on their roof.

More people are leaving the Random Non-profit, some not of their own accord. The numbers dwindle further. It is very stressful to be here.

This is the last week of ESL classes. Yay! I teach tomorrow night and then there’s an End of Semester celebration on Thursday night. However, my ESL work isn’t over since I volunteered for a committee to develop some new resources and a new ESL teacher training class for new volunteers. I’ve never done something like this before and I thought it would help me develop some new (marketable) skills while doing something worthwhile for the organization.

Saw Get Smart over the weekend and was plesantly surprised. My expectations were low, but I am always amazed by how Steve Carell has blossomed since his days as "Produce Pete" on the Daily Show. Also, it was great to see all of the references to the old TV show sprinkled throughout the movie, although I don't think that some people in the audience knew about/understood them, which makes me feel really old . . .

Went to visit Mount Vernon yesterday with my friend J. We had been there before 8 years ago, but they’ve added some new museum spaces with a lot more short movies to watch on George Washington’s life. I don’t know if it is because we’re both kind of cranky people, but we found all of the new stuff to be completely without nuance. They did have a little exhibit on slavery at Mount Vernon, but otherwise it was all overtaken by how awesome George Washington was at all times. He almost didn’t seem human – Did he crack jokes? Did he have a sense of humor? Was he wracked with doubts? I mean, I know that Martha burned all of his letters to her after his death, but there needed to be some sense of conflict, of humanity, of doubt, of anger, for me to think that I actually learned something there. Oh, and the gift shops were really cheesy too.

I joined Facebook over the weekend. I finally succumbed to the peer pressure. It’s fairly addictive, I must say, but it is something else that has to be checked and maintained all the time. Also, I’m fairly skeeved by all of the personal information that corporations must be gathering on all this online activity, but I guess we’re all going to go down one way or another, so might as well have fun while we can.

The DC Fringe Festival starts this week and I’m seeing my first show on Saturday. I will do my usual Fringe Updates on the experiences I have at the various shows. It’s always an experience, let me tell you . . .

There’s more stuff, but I’ll stop there. I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying your summers . . .

The Original Drama Queen

2008-06-30T14:28:00.003-04:00

The awful cold I had turned into bronchitis, so I’ve spent the past week laying low and trying to get a lot of rest. I’ve been through my course of antibiotics and am almost done with my inhaler. I still have a bit to go in getting better, but I don’t cough as much, I can actually talk, and people tell me I seem a lot more peppy than I did last week.

This weekend, I saw Antony and Cleopatra, the second play in the Roman Repertory going on at the Harman Center Shakespeare Theater. It still had the “Rome-by-way-of-Japanese-steakhouse-décor” sets, but by now I was used to them. This was a very exciting and moving production, and although being a tragedy, the humor in the piece came through and added an extra umpfh to the play.

The woman who played Cleopatra seemed to be channeling Bette Davis/Joan Crawford, which was rather fun – it IS a rather dramatic role, since Cleopatra did seem to be the original “drama queen.” (Ba dum bum!)

This is the last week of both of the Roman plays, and the next set of Shakespeare plays doesn’t start up again until September. By now, my friend J and I have seen eleven (out of 40 or so) of Shakespeare’s plays performed here in DC (and several in multiple versions.) It is an accomplishment that I am very proud of and I hope to be able to let the streak of playgoing continue this Fall.

In other news, with all the rest I’ve been forced to get by being sick, I have been able to plow through several books in the past couple of weeks:

Moneyball – Michael Lewis
A Long Way Down – Nick Hornby
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay – Michael Chabon

I really enjoyed all of them, but I think the one I enjoyed the most was Kavalier and Clay. I do recommend all of them though (even Moneyball – I was a huge fan of his Liar's Poker and The Money Culture and this book is actually more about reasoning processes than sports, but you certainly learn a lot about baseball, that’s for sure!)

I hope everyone is doing well!

“The Most Honorable Man of All”

2008-06-23T12:08:00.002-04:00

On Saturday, I went to see Julius Caesar at the DC Shakespeare Theater’s Harman Hall. It is a lovely brand new facility (the one where I saw Major Barbara actually) and it was great to go on a Saturday afternoon and not be in a full rush and panic trying to get downtown after work. By observation, I do believe the average age of the usual Saturday afternoon attendee is around 72, although it was a rather more diverse crowd than usual, which was heartening to see.

I did enjoy this production of this oft read Shakespeare play – the production was about 3 hours with intermission, but the time really flew! The only quibble I had was with the sets, which upon first glance looked to me like Rome by way of some Japanese Steakhouse décor – lots of rich woods and retracting stairs and balconies, which did make the sets very versatile. Once I got over that, I was fine.

As you all know, the story is more about Brutus than Julius Caesar and the gentleman who played Brutus was amazing. My friend J didn’t like the fellow who played Mark Antony, however, I thought he did very well, especially considering that the original person who had been playing the part injured himself a week ago, so this fellow had not been long in the role. I thought he did the “Friends, Romans, Countrymen . . .” scene very ably and with a good bit of humor, which usually you don’t notice when reading the play.

The play runs through the first week of July, and is running in repertory with Antony and Cleopatra, which I’m also going to see this weekend. I’ll let you know if that play is good too – a lot of the characters overlap, which will be interesting to see.

In other news, the schedule for the DC Fringe Festival is out and I am very excited. This year it is going to run from July 10 to 27, and have events in more venues all around the city, not just in one area. You can check out the offerings here. It’s almost like Christmas, I’m so looking forward to it, and I do want to see as much as I can.

I hope you all had wonderful weekends!

PS – Yes, my sister is in the States for good this time. Her tenure in the Army should be ending at the end of December – unless she decides to re-up, which then I’ll just have to have myself a coronary . . .

Random Pop-In

2008-06-19T16:57:00.001-04:00

Quick hits:

*I came down with an awful cold over the weekend and am still trying to get over it. I slept for pretty much three days straight starting on Sunday and am looking forward to another weekend of much needed rest.

*My sister landed in the U.S. at 5 AM on Saturday and the first thing she did was call me at home. I didn’t pick up the phone in time (um, because it was 5 in the morning), but was glad to hear her cheery message. Spoke to her a few evenings ago and my parents and younger sister went to her home Army base to meet her. She had four days of leave, so she hung out at the hotel with my family, just shopping and eating and hanging out. I’ll be able to do the same with her when she comes to visit around the 3rd of July. Yay!

*Only three more weeks of teaching ESL. Yay! It will be nice to have one more evening free . . .

*This weekend, I’m going to see a play – will let you know how it turns out.

Hope everyone is doing well!

On Random Losses . . . and a Special Flower

2008-06-14T09:01:00.001-04:00

Life comes and goes in an instant.

There is the life that exists before . . . and the life that exists after.

One moment, someone or something you know and care about is here on the earth. You probably take the presence for granted, that the presence will always be around, so you may not pay the presence much attention sometimes. But the presence is always there in the background, and you are comforted in the knowledge that it is there and all is right with the world.

Then something happens and the presence is not there anymore – taken away when we aren’t at all prepared for it.

Or maybe we are kind of prepared for it – we can see the signs – but we choose to ignore it and the shock of the event *actually happening* throws us for a loop. Our lives had been touched and they will be touched no more.

These are not original words or original thoughts, and they are not even that well written, but they are true.

Yesterday, Mr. Random actually called me from work as soon as he found out that Tim Russert died. Mr. Random works at a Random Publication which has sort of a tangential association with that world, and his publication has a lot of guys who fit Mr. Russert’s profile – middle-aged, kind of heavy journalist – so it struck really close to home. DC is a small place, and circles overlap, so it really was a bit of a blow.

But yesterday something else happened. For the past two weeks, my friend J had been dog-sitting a large poodle named Daisy, who was 14 years old. I had met Daisy a couple of times before and she was the sweetest dog, very well behaved and, since she was so old, had a bit of trouble with standing up and going up and down stairs. Yesterday, Daisy wasn’t eating at all and wasn’t herself. The owners were supposed to come back earlier in the day, but their flights got screwed up and only one of the owners came back early enough to help J take Daisy to the vet. It turns out that Daisy had to be put to sleep last night. J was there and very upset about it and called me after it happened, since I was one of the few people who actually met Daisy, and I was very upset too . . .

So I decided to write this post. Because while Daisy wasn’t as big and famous as some other people who died yesterday, her life had meaning to those of us who knew her, even briefly.

It may seem cheesy, and I didn’t write this very well, but this post is in honor of Daisy.

Well done, sweetie! You were a good girl! Sleep well, my dear.

This is My Brain After a Conference

2008-06-12T10:31:00.002-04:00

My brain has been much too fried to write anything coherent these days. Last week was the Random Non-profit’s annual conference – Quite a slog and a very overwhelming experience, especially if you aren’t an extrovert. There were times when I had to sneak out of a plenary to find a quiet place to check my e-mail and take a moment to get myself together. The turnout this year was better than expected and I think that our field gained a lot of useful information – we had some better speakers this year than in the past, although no one who was headline worthy. I did get to see Chris Matthews (of MSNBC fame) walking out of another conference being held at the same hotel, so I did have at least one famous person sighting . . .

Good news! My sister is on her way back home from Iraq. She is waiting for the rest of her unit in an undisclosed location and should be landing back in the States for good at the end of this week. Yay!

I wish I could write more, but my brain is having problems with linear thought today and I’m doing well just writing this sort of coherently. I'm just exhausted. I'm lucky that I was able to dress myself somewhat this morning - only by wearing a suit - but I still screwed it up by somehow thinking that bright pink socks would work with a black suit and black loafers. I feel like I'm channeling 80's-90's Michael Jackson whenever I'm walking around . . . which is rather unfortunate, fashionwise. See, this is why I need to remember to lay out my clothes before I go to bed, because my most dubious fashion choices have come about in the early morning hours . . .

The weekend is coming and I am really looking forward to having a very lovely Saturday.

I hope you all are doing well!

Yet Another Random Book Meme

2008-06-03T14:52:00.003-04:00

These are the top 100 or so books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing's users. Bold the books you have read, underline the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish.

It’s really weird because a lot of the books that I haven’t read, I actually DO have in the stacks somewhere waiting to be read. Those I’ve marked with an asterisk . . .

I’m kind of bummed and embarrassed that I can’t check off more, since I do love reading so much, but I have been so lousy at the concentration thing recently. Now funny thing is that over the past few months on Saturdays I often end up in coffee shops and in parks where it’s pretty easy to just settle in and start reading. Once I do that, I’m pretty focused and tend to plow through pages, just like when I was younger. But when I get home, oy! The focus is gone. There’s too much other stuff distracting me . . .

*****

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell
Anna Karenina*
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi: A novel*
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote*
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel*
War and Peace*
Vanity Fair*
The Time Traveler's Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked: The life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian: a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault's Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo (saw the miniseries w/Gerard Depardeiu, which was AWESOME!)
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath (reading right now)
The Poisonwood Bible (I hated it)
1984
Angels & Demons
Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray*
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D'Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela's Ashes: A memoir
The God of Small Things
A People's History of the United States: 1492-present*
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces*
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved (I hated this one, too. It annoyed me to no end)
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves*
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake
Collapse: How societies choose to fail or succeed*
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion*
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics: A rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything (working on right now)
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An inquiry into values*
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood: A true account of a multiple murder and its consequences*
White Teeth (I don’t know why I couldn’t finish it – I just couldn’t get into it . . .)
Treasure Island
David Copperfield

*****
I hereby tag any person who wants to take the time to do it, otherwise just feel free to comment!

Keeping the Spark

2008-06-02T10:50:00.000-04:00

Let’s see . . . what’s been going on in the Random world since I last wrote?

I’ve had several very lovely weekends since the graduation. Even this past weekend, with all the rain and the hail on Saturday afternoon, had some definite awesome parts. Some crappy parts too, but the lovely outweighed the crappy. I like wonderful weekends . . . they make getting through the rest of the week so much more bearable . . .

An old friend of mine has moved back to the area after a several year absence and we briefly caught up on the phone on Friday. He and his wife just had their second child, a little boy, and their daughter is almost 3 years old. He works for one of the many defense-contracting firms in the area, doing things I probably don’t want to know about. I actually felt a bit sad and disappointed talking to him, because he didn’t really sound like himself – or at least the person I knew a decade ago. He has many more responsibilities and now and isn’t quite the same bubbly, happy-go-lucky guy anymore. I know we all change and grow, but it felt like something was lost there and it made me feel very sad. Some of my friends I have had for years, and while they have changed and grown too, they are still pretty much the same as when they were young and single. My friends, the R’s, have a boisterous little boy now and it is fun to see how these two people who we adore and who we’ve pretty much grown up with navigate their life changes while still maintaining their humor and personality. Even though I don’t have kids, we can still hang out and have fun and great conversations (although we have to keep looking out for the little one and making sure he isn’t tormenting a cat.) There are some people . . . that the spark is just gone. And it hurts when it happens, but it’s part of life and I should be used to it by now . . .

I found out that I received an “A” in my spring Microeconomics class. That was rather unexpected, since my final paper was dreadful upon dreadful, but I’ll not look a gift horse in the mouth . . .

I will be at a conference beginning Wednesday morning through Saturday evening. I am not looking forward to it, but at least it will be something different.

In service of my ongoing Shakespeare project, I’m going to see Julius Caesar in a couple of weeks, and hope to see Antony and Cleopatra soon after that. Yay! And this year’s Fringe Festival is coming up quickly (mid-late July) and I’m always pleasantly surprised by that experience.

My ESL class is humming along. Some of the students have dropped off for life reasons, but the core group I still have are very lively and interested. They always ask great questions and make me want to try to figure out more effective (but fun!) ways to teach the material, which can be deadly dry at times . . .

Just wanted to update you all quickly and let you know I’m still puttering about!

Just One Person . . . A Muppet Tribute

2008-05-26T22:30:00.004-04:00

A week and a half (or so) ago was the anniversary of Jim Henson's death. There was a very moving remembrance posted over at Edge of the American West at that time, and I highly recommend you go look at it . . . and bring a hanky.

To have grown up in the late 60s, 70s and 80s, was to be touched by this man's humor and genius. Those of us of a certain generation will always hold his work close to our hearts. I know I do.

The songs I've embedded here are some of my favorites. The first one I sang in choir in elementary school, I think, or was it one of the early Doogie Howser MS/HS years? Whatever . . . I love them all . . .

Tuesday Random Twenty - Post Graduation Edition

2008-05-20T16:07:00.001-04:00

Thanks so much to everyone who responded with congratulations for Mr. Random’s graduation. It was a very happy and proud day for the Random Family (if a bit soggy due to soaking rain off and on during the whole day.) It’s been a hard road.

I’m feeling rather melancholy after the graduation and the Random Mother-in-Law coming and going, so rather than bore you all with my current angst, I’m going to do that reliable blog standby – the list of Random Twenty Songs I’m listening to at the moment!

In the Palm of Your Hand – Alison Krauss
Everybody Hurts – R.E.M.
Every Day You’ve Been Away – Bebel Gilberto
Shooting Stars – Mosquitos
Spider – They Might Be Giants
Paper Bag – Fiona Apple
No Business – Bonnie Raitt
River – Mary Chapin Carpenter
Mood Indigo – Duke Ellington
Get Rhythm – Johnny Cash
Passion – Gipsy Kings
Take the A Train – Duke Ellington
Syracuse – Pink Martini
Stand – R.E.M.
Orchestral Suite #3 in D: 1. Ouverture – J.S. Bach
Everyday I Write the Book – Elvis Costello and the Attractions
Sitting Still – R.E.M.
A Foggy Day – Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
Is That Love – Squeeze
Bitch – Meredith Brooks

Looking at the list, the music was firmly in “mellow” for a while and then started to ramp up a bit. Freaky, huh? How did it know that was just what I needed?

Is anyone listening to anything interesting these days that you’d want to recommend? You’ve seen some of my taste in music . . .

Congratulations, Mr. Random!

2008-05-13T11:25:00.004-04:00

Congratulations, Mr. Random for graduating this weekend with a Master's in Journalism! It was a long 18 months, but I am so incredibly proud of you!

****Picture went POOF!*****

Really Random Early May Updates

2008-05-08T10:33:00.002-04:00

***My mom is doing much better these days – thanks to everyone who has been asking about her! She is still recuperating from her surgery and dealing with her new, radically changed diet. To give an example of how much my mom has to change her diet, when I went to visit her right after the surgery I cut up an apple for her and put some peanut butter on the side. She remarked on how tasty it was and why didn’t she think of having that before. This is someone whose main food groups previously were soda and chips, so she has a ways to go . . .

***The Random Cat had a serious stomach bug over the past few days which required us taking her to the emergency vet hospital to see what was wrong and to get some fluids in her. We had to leave her at the vet overnight for observation, and she looked just so sad and scared at being left in her little kennel that I wanted to cry. Going home without her was hard too . . . it is amazing how much you depend on having your furry little friend around all the time. She is back at home now, and seems to be doing much better. The vet gave us some pet antacid to give her each evening and she has a little bandage wrapped around her right front paw where they inserted a catheter. For the first few hours she was home again, she was so groggy from a sedative (that they had to give her to get the catheter out) that she only slowly limped around the condo for a while and then nestled in to sleep for the rest of the day.

***We’re getting ready for Mr. Random’s grad school graduation this weekend. The Random Mom-in-Law came into town last night. She is still in horrible health. She can barely walk down a block, or up stairs or up a slight incline without getting incredibly winded. She has told us that she bruises much more easily now than she has in the past. She still smokes a lot. Mr. Random and I are very concerned and will continue to monitor the situation for the week that she is here.

***We have decided to go to the 48 Hour Film Project screening on Friday, and eat the cost of the play tickets. Mr. Random and I are just way too curious to see how our film does, especially since we both put so much work into it. I’m also curious to see how a bunch of strangers will react to it. I fully admit that the whole thing IS rather thrilling and it feels like I’m going to a huge movie premiere. I’m still doubtful our film will win anything, but the anticipation is just awesome.

***I finished my final Econ paper. It turned out horribly, but I am just glad that that class is over and done.

***The new semester has started for my ESL class and I have 8 students this time. In this class, I have students from Sierra Leone, Sudan, Bulgaria, Bolivia, Pakistan, and El Salvador. They seem like a fun group of people and I think I have a better grasp on how to teach the higher level than I did last semester. It also helps with class dynamics that there isn’t one “majority” language.

***There is so much going on for the Randoms these days and I am exhausted. I will be very happy when the graduation is over, summer comes and the schedule slows down a bit.

***The bullets in Blogger don't seem to be working for me and really suck. Oy!

I am waving to you all and hoping all is going well . . .

My 7 Minutes of Fame or “I’m Ready for My Close-up, Mr. DeMille”

2008-05-05T14:12:00.001-04:00

THIS is what I did this weekend.

If you get a chance to participate in your local area, you should definitely get involved! It was a total blast, although I definitely learned how the hurry-up-and-wait conditions on a movie set can be quite exhausting. Mr. Random served as the film editor and my friend J and I helped write the script and had sizable acting roles. The acting was unintended on my part – I had thought I’d be an extra in a crowd scene or handling the boom mike. But no, my character is rather integral to the plot and I even had a couple of lines and a close up shot.

I don’t know if I will ever post on this blog the resulting 7 minute film, because that would blow my little bit of anonymity to heck. If it gets YouTubed or something I might put it up for a very limited time, but under the condition that you realize the whole thing was done in two days, so don’t expect art, decent camera work, a linear plot, or even good acting.

This week, they are showing all of the films created in our city at the American Film Institute Theater in Silver Spring, Maryland. Unfortunately, our film is going to be shown in the Friday night group, and we already bought tickets to take Mr. Random’s mom to see a play at that exact time. Bummer! I really wanted to see what the other entries looked like . . .

Maybe after the judging is over with this upcoming week, I’ll let you know how our film did. I doubt we’ll get any awards though, the actual photography was kind of spotty and the plot-as-scripted and the plot-as-edited in the film are a bit different. (Now I see why screenwriters are a bitter and cranky bunch.)

Random Music Answers - Finally!

2008-04-30T09:03:00.003-04:00

Thanks for waiting, everyone!

I am so glad that so many of you visited and left comments – Welcome! I do believe that this was my most responded to post EVER. I’ve highlighted the ones that were guessed correctly in bold.

As I said earlier, I have a lot of cover versions so if you guessed Fred Astaire for “Cheek to Cheek,” I think that’s close enough . . .

Before I go on, I just want to highlight my favorite local folks:

Eddie From Ohio is a local band that’s been together and touring for more than 16 years. They got their start doing regular gigs at the long-gone-but-much-missed dive bar in Arlington, Bad Habits. I’ve seen them live several times at venues as large as Wolf Trap and as cozy as the Birchmere. They are a very fun, folky group that deserves to have a wider audience. An archive of some of their shows can be found here: http://www.archive.org/details/EddieFromOhio. Robbie Schaefer is part of that band, and has a solo career doing children’s music (and other music too) and a weekly kid’s radio show on XM.

I am also a huge Mary Chapin Carpenter fan. I’ve seen her at Wolf Trap a number of times, mostly from the lawn. She’s from around here too.

So without further ado . . . the answers!

I got the heebies, I got the heebie jeebies – Hebbie Jeebies, The Puppini Sisters
River full of stones when there is no rain – River, Mary Chapin Carpenter
I can’t forget the night I met you - You Call it Madness, Diana Krall
Papa come quick, Jody’s gone to the city - Papa Come Quick, (Jody and Chico), Bonnie Raitt
Looking out on the morning rain – Feel Like a Natural Woman, Carole King
I went out walking through streets paved with gold – The Wanderer, Johnny Cash and U2
Heaven . . . I’m in heaven – Cheek to Cheek, Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
Whatcha gonna do with all that junk? – My Humps, Fergie/Black Eyed Peas
No, I would not give you false hope – Mother and Child Reunion, Paul Simon
The charter bus ride is getting to me – Porter’s Tale, Eddie From Ohio
T’was just a garden in the rain – Garden in the Rain, Diana Krall
I’m undecided about you again – O’ Sailor, Fiona Apple
Call out the instigators because there’s something in the air – Something in the Air, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Oh yeah I tell you something I think you’ll understand – I Want to Hold Your Hand, The Beatles
You’re older than you’ve ever been and now you’re even older – Older, They Might Be Giants
When we were young we pledged allegiance every morning of our lives – Stones in the Road, Mary Chapin Carpenter
Same old place, same old city – Oh, Atlanta, Allison Krauss
My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue – Tapestry, Carole King
This old house has been boarded up – This Old House, Robbie Schaefer
I can hardly bear the sight of lipstick on the cigarettes here in the ashtray – Good Year for the Roses, Elvis Costello and the Attractions
This shirt is old and faded, all the colors washed away – This Shirt, Mary Chapin Carpenter
I don’t want you, but I hate to lose you – Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea, Ella Fitzgerald
How glad the many millions of Jonathans and Williams would be . . . to capture me – I’ve Got a Crush on You, Sarah Vaughn
Nothing’s impossible, I have found – Pick Yourself Up, Anita O’Day
Got my work clothes on for love, sweat and dirt – Grand Central Station, Mary Chapin Carpenter

This was fun! I'll have to do this again sometime soon.

Name Those Random Lyrics!

2008-04-23T20:35:00.004-04:00

This is a fun meme that’s making the rounds and I just felt like trying it. It was that kind of day. The rules are:

Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike through when someone gets them right
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING.

This is going to be interesting, since some songs I listen to have been covered a billion times, and some songs are fairly obscure. Also, I was working off the lyrics as I actually heard them, so there might be some slight discrepancies, but nothing too bad. Do try to guess! In fact, you don't have to guess them all at once, just ones you recognize will suffice.

I’ll post the answers in a couple of days . . .

1. I got the heebies, I got the heebie jeebies
2. River full of stones when there is no rain
3. I can’t forget the night I met you
4. Papa come quick, Jody’s gone to the city
5. Looking out on the morning rain
6. I went out walking through streets paved with gold
7. Heaven . . . I’m in heaven
8. Whatcha gonna do with all that junk?
9. No, I would not give you false hope
10. The charter bus ride is getting to me
11. T’was just a garden in the rain
12. I’m undecided about you again
13. Call out the instigators because there’s something in the air
14. Oh yeah I tell you something I think you’ll understand
15. You’re older than you’ve ever been and now you’re even older
16. When we were young we pledged allegiance every morning of our lives
17. Same old place, same old city
18. My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue
19. This old house has been boarded up
20. I can hardly bear the sight of lipstick on the cigarettes here in the ashtray
21. This shirt is old and faded, all the colors washed away
22. I don’t want you, but I hate to lose you
23. How glad the many millions of Jonathans and Williams would be . . . to capture me
24. Nothing’s impossible, I have found
25. Got my work clothes on for love, sweat and dirt

Sunrise, Sunset: Another Odd Week

2008-04-23T20:12:00.000-04:00

It’s another one of those weeks, when all I touch seems to go awry – even the simplest tasks have monkey wrenches thrown into them, making everything twenty times more aggravating than need be.

Ugh.

Last week, my dad took my mom to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Long story short: my mom had her gallbladder taken out and is home resting and walking around gingerly and having to cope with a new, low-fat diet that is mandatory for her now. It was a very rocky 24 hours in trying to figure out what was wrong with her and seeing if she got through the surgery OK. I was just a nervous, hysterical mess in waiting to hear from my dad . . .

Also last week, a co-worker’s brother died and Mr. Random and I went to visit her while she was sitting Shiva at her home. We were there in time for the evening prayers and tried to follow along as best we could in the prayer books but we don’t know Hebrew so it was a little difficult. There were a few other non-Jews there too, so we didn’t feel too out of place. My co-worker really appreciated the company, the hugs, and the concern of all her friends. It is a shame that most Christian religions don’t have the same ritual – I can see how the week of structured activities can be very helpful and comforting. You allow yourself time and space to fully grieve, and you always have people around you to help support you and take care of things during the big hump of the first week. The rabbi (or assistant rabbi) comes by every night to start the prayers and offer comfort. The whole community is there for you for an extended period. I just thought, wow. That’s cool.

So it’s been a little rough the past few weeks . . .

There IS light at the end of the tunnel. After next Friday, my classes are over for the summer. Whether I’ll be able to take a class in the Fall is up in the air (grumble, grumble) but hey, after I write my 30 page Econ paper, things should get easier.

I look forward to reading more for pleasure and having evenings free, except for the nights I teach ESL.

The weather is beautiful these days. The tons of rain we’ve had, now yields lots of gorgeous green. (Unless you have major allergies, to which I saw – hang in, the blooming season ends soon!)

I send my best wishes out to everyone! I am waving and thinking of you all, even if I'm not writing and visiting much!

A Fun Moment From My Childhood

2008-04-14T19:24:00.003-04:00

Just to liven things up a bit, let's turn back the clock and revisit one of my fave Sesame Street characters: Roosevelt Franklin.

Bonus: The outdoor shot of the school looks a lot like my alma mater, Doogie Howser MS/HS.

Wile E. Coyote, Looking Up, Holding a Small Umbrella

2008-04-14T11:17:00.002-04:00

I see that COTW is taking some time away after having a few life events happen. She does so much and is such an awesome person that it’s good to see her take some time to step back and rest and deal with all of the change around her.

Like I said earlier, I was sick last week, but it wasn’t really the flu – although that’s what I say because getting into what’s actually wrong with me would take too much time to get into normally.

The bottom line is that I woke up on Wednesday morning and had a huge panic attack. And then I couldn’t stop crying. Because it gets SO overwhelming sometimes – the whole grandma thing, the whole school thing, the whole work thing, the whole soon-we-are-going-to-owe-a-ton-in-student-loans thing – it all hangs over my head like an anvil being suspended by piano wire. There are a few other things going on that I haven’t had the nerve to talk about yet, but they weigh on me too.

I was so upset, Mr. Random thought that I should probably stay home. After much hemming and hawing, I agreed. I felt bad though, because my being so upset was making Mr. Random way late for work. Even when I’m not happy, I still feel worse because I’m ruining stuff for other people too. If it was just me, then I could just call in sick and be done, but when you factor other people who need me to do my part so they can do theirs, it feels such like a burden. My decisions affect others and that can make even simple decisions take forever for me.

I get tired of thinking sometimes. I want to step back and stop the show for a while and just not do anything for a while, except those things I like to do.

So Wednesday I just stayed home and slept a lot. I felt really run down and drained, so it seemed like my body was telling me that that’s what I needed. Towards the end of the day I started getting this huge headache coming on and by Thursday morning it hadn’t let up, and added some nausea in for good measure. However, I had a ton of things that needed to get done at work, so Mr. Random dropped me off as usual. Once at work, I holed up in my office, wrote the things I absolutely needed to write and then had someone take me home at noon. Then I slept some more. It’s a good thing that I went home, because between my head and my stomach, not much else was going to happen. (I know, TMI!) Friday, I made it to class and was able to send out a few work e-mails, but mostly I stayed low and didn’t do much.

Saturday was a bit of a reprieve, and my friend J and I were out and about, finding a new barbecue place for lunch and hanging out in a coffee shop afterwards, reading and working on random stuff. Then when Mr. Random got home we had dinner and walked around a bit (because I ate SO much that day!) My headache started coming back in full force that evening, and Sunday was spent just reading the paper and nodding off. Now here we are today . . . still having a low level headache and feeling blah, but at least I can somewhat function . . .

I am happy that I did well on my Econ exam, but am stressed out about this 30 page final paper that is due first week of May. I am stressed out about work because I am not really sure that I even want to be there anymore. More people are resigning, new people are coming in and I don’t know how I fit in the big picture anymore, or even if I want to fit in. I am stressed about Mr. Random’s mom coming in a couple of weeks. I am stressed out about what my future holds and other decisions that I have to make that will affect other people.

It is spring! The sun is shining and the weather is getting warmer. The summer lies before me – if all goes well my sister will be home from Iraq then – and I should be thrilled, but I’m not. I just see more . . . stuff going on, more stuff to navigate through and deal with.

I want a vacation from thinking about stuff for a little while – maybe just a month? What’s a month out of a lifetime of stuff to deal with, really? Why is this so hard to do?

I guess the whole “needing to earn a paycheck thing” has something to do with it. The whole “have to pay the mortgage” thing. I hate being responsible. Trying to be a grown-up sucks sometimes, really . . .

Sorry, guys, I just had to get this off of my chest. More cheerful posts will be forthcoming, I promise . . .

Coming Up on the Ides of April

2008-04-12T16:02:00.004-04:00

This week I was wicked sick and home a few days with a massive headache and flu. I'm doing better now, but it wasn't pretty for a while.

On the happy news front, I got an A- minus on my last Econ exam. Yay! Still don't know much Micro econ, but hey, at least I'll have a decent grade in the class . . .

I'm going to be teaching ESL for the Spring/Summer semester and won't take another College class until the Fall because I need a bit of a break. It will be nice to read books for fun again . . .

Mr. Random is still on track to graduate next month - he's just finished his comps and now just has a few more weeks of class to go. His mom is coming out for the graduation, which means that I have to get hopping on making party plans and cleaning up the condo - at least the guest room.

I hope you all are doing well . . . hope to be able to write more soon . . .

On the Broad Street Line

2008-04-03T11:33:00.001-04:00

This morning on the Today Show, there was a feature segment on a kid who started riding on the NYC subway by himself when he was 9 years old. (I think he’s 10 or 11 now – I didn’t have the sound on for the first part.)

When I first saw the topic on the screen, my first thought was “so what?” However, I guess I am one of the few people who thought that because both Ann Curry and some psychologist lady seemed to be berating the kid’s mom for, GASP, letting little precious travel by himself. That kids that age don’t have the developmental skills to handle something like that by themselves. His mom, who was handling this thing so much more calmly than I would have, was trying to make the rational arguments that, um, he seems to be doing fine and how is he supposed to learn how to get along in the world unless he actually gets along in the world. (I think – I was getting ready for work at the time and half-paying attention.)

As you all may or may not remember, I started going to Doogie Howser MS/HS in Philadelphia (the same illustrious alma mater of Justrose) when I was 9 going on 10 and I took the subway AND the bus back and forth to school every day by myself. It was not a random unusual thing – lot of other kids did it and I do believe that the world of the 1980s wasn’t vastly safer than the world of today. I’d even argue that today is safer in a lot of ways. But what once was considered somewhat normal when I grew up is now almost grounds for child endangerment, and I don’t know how I feel about that. It kind of upsets me on a basic level.

See, this is why I’m semi-wary of having kids because the rules seems to always change about what kids should be allowed to do at what age. OK, now it’s fine that little kids are supposed to be able to start writing paragraphs in Kindergarten, but it’s not OK for the same kids to ride their bikes around the block by themselves when they’re eight. I’m so confused.

I remember how competent and independent I felt to be able to go to school by myself. Yes, the Philadelphia subway transportation system was not the most hygienic and there were some weirdoes along the way, but my parents didn’t raise any fools (although the jury may still be out on me . . .) and the majority of people in the world are good and decent and just going on about their business. If we make things uber-scary, then guess what? Kids will grow up thinking relatively normal, harmless things are uber-scary.

I don’t think this has a point. I’m just rambling. But that segment ticked me off and I’m trying to pinpoint why. Maybe because it sort of invalidates and devalues my own childhood experiences? Negates the brief feelings of control and mastery I felt as a child? (Other than in academics, I sure as heck didn’t feel that way anywhere else . . . and I still have problems with it now.)

Anyway . . . as you were . . .

Another Shot at the Scottish Play

2008-04-02T11:34:00.002-04:00

I’ve been very quiet this week. I’ve been feeling kind of down and overwhelmed, so I haven’t had much to say that wouldn’t have depressed the heck out of everyone. I HAVE wanted to write, and I would start and stop, but thought better of it once I actually read what I wrote. It helped me improve my mood a bit to actually “pretend write” though, since putting words on electronic paper does help me reason things out sometimes.

Last night, Mr. Random, J, and I went to see Macbeth at the Folger, the one co-directed by Teller. It was a very entertaining, riveting performance, not very stogy at all – maybe even a bit of what the original Globe performances of Macbeth were like, with lots of blood and gore and humor and just plain “life” in it. I am so glad that we bought our tickets so early which allowed us to have such awesome seats. The magic in the play flowed naturally and didn’t seem obviously staged. I gave this Macbeth two thumbs up!

I have an Econ exam on Friday, the class of which I am very weary. I want the semester to be over so badly. I’m going to try to sign up to take Statistics in the summer semester, which means I’ll have class three nights a week for 6 weeks. That sounds pretty intense, but it will keep me on track for the fall.

I’m still trying to figure out what to do for Mr. Random’s graduation, since we don’t have a home big enough (or with enough parking) for the type of celebration that I’d like to have. We are thinking of having it at a local restaurant the Saturday before, but it still isn’t the optimum choice and makes me feel very disappointed and frustrated. I want everyone to come and not feel stressed, and I want families to be able to come and go, and I want to not have to worry about tallying up a bill at the end and playing the “money game” – you know, where you try to get everyone’s portion of the check and some people end up underpaying and leaving which means other people have to contribute more than they should to leave the correct amount. I HATE that with a passion. . . .

I am looking forward to the weekend, even though that will be busy as well. It’s the weekend to visit my grandma and I also have to finish out an outside project that I am working on. Mr. Random has his comprehensive exams one day then will play in a soccer game the next. Monday night, there is a church meeting that has to do with the project I’m working on this weekend. Next Thursday, Mr. Random has free tickets to a Nationals game at the new ballpark. And then another weekend comes . . .

So I’m muddling through . . . I hope you all are doing well and enjoying good weather wherever you are!

Being Cultured on a Budget

2008-03-26T12:01:00.003-04:00

Folks always ask how I see so many plays and movies as often as I do. That’s a pretty fair question, since the prevailing wisdom is that these things are uber-expensive and take up a lot of time. Well, here’s how I manage to swing it:

I have no children, just a cat. Therefore, it’s just me and Mr. Random, and often Mr. Random has to go to class on Saturdays. Since I hate staying around the house, it is a perfect time to see movies and go to museums.

Culture is cheaper than you think. When I go to the movies it is usually at 10:30-11 in the morning. Tickets are at matinee prices and the theaters are somewhat empty, so you aren’t smooshed next to random people. Then you also get the movie out of the way and can go on to other adventures for the rest of the day.

Theater tickets can be pricy, but if you go on off days (like Tuesdays and Wednesdays) or during preview weeks, the tickets are much cheaper than on Friday or Saturday night. Also, most small theater companies are have pretty cheap tickets as a rule, since they just want to get people to come and see their productions. The most expensive theaters I’ve been to are the Kennedy Center and the Shakespeare Theater Company here in DC, but we don’t go to those very often and only for really big plays. There is also an outlet here that sells half-price tickets for some shows, and that can be a god-send. Besides, we only usually hit one or two plays a month, which seems like a lot when you don’t go to many plays normally, but when you see the whole universe of plays available out there it is only a drop in the bucket. I wish I could go see more! And that doesn’t even count all of the music I wish I could go see . . .

It’s a priority for me. I LOVE being out and seeing things. This Shakespeare project that J and I are doing has opened up a whole world to me that I hadn’t experienced before. I’m starting to be able to evaluate productions and acting. I think I can knowledgeably discuss plays now. The English major in me is just thrilled to be in semi-literary settings on a regular basis. I guess this may make me a snob, but it is FUN to me . . .

I bring my lunch to work at lot and cook more food at home. Doing that has really cut down on that sort of spending for me, which means more money can go towards entertainment. I don’t watch a lot of TV, I don’t travel anywhere, so this is how I find my joy.

Hope this answers any questions and concerns. Besides, what other exciting things would I have to write about otherwise? Even *I* get tired of me whining about work too . . .

Random Cultural Show and Tell(er)

2008-03-24T15:06:00.004-04:00

So here's some of what I've been doing . . .

Teller at the Folger

Teller, the normally silent half of Penn and Teller, was in town at the end of February to discuss his co-directing duties for the production of Macbeth that is currently running at the Folger Theater, and which I’ll luckily get to see next week (the full run sold out really quickly!) The discussion was held the night before the play opened and we were able to grab a quick and grainy photo at the end of the hour. I had never head him speak before and he seemed extremely bright and witty, and we could have sat and listened to him discuss Shakespeare and magic and other things all evening if possible.

Chicago 10

This part documentary/part animated film did not really fulfill the potential of its premise very well. It tried to do a lot of things and most of them not very well. It is a good jumping off point for a lot of good discussions and further research for the background and history of the 1968 Democratic Convention, but I wouldn’t advise any young people to watch it as a stand-alone history piece.

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day

This is one of the few movies that I’ve ever attended where the audience burst into applause at the end. After a few months where most of the movies I’ve seen were either deep, bloody dramas or political documentaries, it was such a breath of fresh air not to leave the theater feeling emotionally drained. A funny, poignant film that I highly recommend you go see if it’s playing in your town – it definitely deserves wider notice.

Major Barbara

I saw this George Bernard Shaw play at the Shakespeare Theater Company last Thursday. It is a wonderful production which was only marred by the fact that the play ended at 10:50 PM and the nearby parking garage closed at 11 PM – therefore we could not really pay attention to the last 10 minutes of dialogue because we were freaking out, ardently hoping the play would end in time for us to run the three blocks to retrieve the car. We didn’t even stay to applaud the actors: as soon as the scene ended and the curtain went down, we hightailed it out of our row, down the steps, out of the theater and ran like heck. Of course, because Mr. Random has been running forever, he was able to zoom ahead easily, while me and J . . . well, we were a bit slower. We did make it to the car with a few minutes to spare, but the moral of the story is to always check a play’s running time before you find a place to park.

More to come . . .

And . . . We're Back

2008-03-23T08:32:00.003-04:00

Happy Spring, Everyone!

Oops. More than a week has passed since I last blogged and at LOT has been going on around here. Saw a play, saw a movie, went to some meetings, did some schoolwork and did a lot of freaking out with more to come.

I've got summaries and pictures and stuff to post, which I should do in the next day or two. Today is going to be crazy busy with Easter Services, visiting a friend's family to celebrate a birthday and then quickly scooting down to my parents' house for Easter Dinner where my grandma and youngest sister will be in attendance.

So I'm off to start another action packed day. I'm waving and wishing a happy Spring to you all!

But My Words Like Silent Raindrops Fell

2008-03-13T15:50:00.002-04:00

I’ve been feeling kind of blah this week, so there is not much to report.

This song has been in my head all day. It fits my mood. Thing is, it’s a beautiful song – I utterly adore Simon and Garfunkel – so there are worse things that could be hanging around my brain. I can imagine the delicate guitar strumming and then the first set of lyrics coming in: “Hello darkness, my old friend . . .”

There are some songs that are just plain peaceful and put one in a mellower, if melancholy, place. This is one of them for me . . .

The Sound of Silence
P. Simon (1964)

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence

Frailty, Thy Name is Woman

2008-03-10T15:46:00.000-04:00

My grandmother has moved to a new independent senior living complex. The good news is that she is no longer in the outer boonies –she is now in the “inner” boonies. It’s still a schlep, but the drive is a half-hour shorter for me and Mr. Random.

This place has better security, it has more activities for the residents and the apartment my grandmother is much larger, more spacious and more light-filled than her old one. In fact, I would argue that it is too large because her furniture now seems tiny and sparse in the big open space of her combo living room/dining area/kitchen and the expanse also gives the illusion that she is smaller and frailer than she truly is.

And seeing that makes me sad. Each time I see her, it’s like she moves a little slower and she’s shrunken a little more. She now walks slowly and gingerly with a cane – this being a woman who used to walk for miles back and forth across Philadelphia dragging her two little granddaughters behind her. I remember her standing strong (not tall, she’s always been kind of short) and being fearless, and now . . . while she still has a lot of spunk in her and her mind is still very sharp, something about her is a bit more tentative and she has to depend on more people to help her do many things that she used to just charge ahead and do herself.

Seeing my grandmother, helping her out when I can, brings me face-to-face with what it means to age and what it means to watch someone you love slowly decline. I am very lucky – my grandmother will turn 90 this year and I will have spent most of my life with her living within a 50 mile radius of me. She has always been in my life, one way or another, and I can’t imagine her not being here - being cranky and crotchety and hating people, while having a heart of gold.

At least I know that we have a good relationship. That I am still close to her. That I am one of the few family members that she relies on and talks to on a regular basis. It means a lot to me and I think it means a lot to her. My only regret is that I don’t have any children of my own yet for her to put her blessing.

When my grandpa died 21 years ago, it hurt. A lot. And it still hurts in some ways, but I’ve moved on and try to do the best I can to honor his memory. But my grandma? Oy! The dread I have! There are some situations where you won’t know how you’ll react until it happens but this is something . . . I don’t want to know right now. Yes, I am trying to be rational and I know that she has lived a full, exciting life and she is tired and has ailments and has already told us that when she goes she doesn’t want any fuss but to just put her “in a Hefty bag by the curb.” (No, seriously! She’s said that several times. She has a wicked sense of humor . . .) I know a lot of things intellectually. I get it. But still . . .

So a cloud hovers heavily on my brain, even though it shouldn’t. Every time I see her I hug her tight and tell her I’m so glad I could be there. What more could we do in this life that would be more important than taking the time to appreciate the moments we have remaining and making the most of those?

Coming in Like a Lion

2008-03-03T11:45:00.001-05:00

It’s March – woo hoo! Mr. Random’s birthday is this month and I have no idea what to get him that would be special. I have some things in mind but because he’s going to be graduating in May, I want to save really nice gifts for then. We may just go have a nice dinner somewhere and call it a day for now . . .

I have a Georgia O’Keefe calendar by my desk. The month of March has a beautiful picture of two bright yellow flowers on a gray/white background, which is very cheery and uplifting to me. I need all the cheer I can get!

The next few days are going to be in the 60s here in Northern Virginia, which is kind of a waste when you think about it since I am going to be stuck at work and in meetings all day. I’m going to try to sneak outside to get some lunch and hope I can get enough healing sunshine from that . . .

I had a very enjoyable weekend: On Saturday I saw the movie, Chicago Ten, and on Sunday I saw the Ibsen play, Hedda Gabler. A bit of running around, but it always makes me so happy to have activities to go to and new things to experience on the weekends. The play was rather cheap, since it is a small local acting company who will soon have to find new digs other than the abandoned warehouse that is currently its home.

When I was out yesterday, I was sitting in a coffee shop where they had local artists’ work on the wall for display and sale. Looking at the works made me want to start taking photos again and think of ways maybe I could sell a few of them at an art show or two. I have a photo printer now and there are a few pictures that are interesting enough that people might want to buy. I have a feeling that it would be an expensive project to undertake, so I’ll just keep mulling it over for the time being . . .

OK, to change gears for a moment, my newest thing is for the month of March to cut out a lot of dairy, soy and grains in my diet. Now I’m usually not one of those diet freaks who follows whatever trend is going around – I’m more of the “eat less, eat healthier, exercise more” school of living. However, I’ve notices that in the past several months, whenever I eat or drink certain things I feel horrible and sluggish afterwards. I’ve been trying to reduce the amount of starches that I eat, but after reading an article in Health magazine I thought I would try this for a month and see what happens, and then start adding them back into my diet sparingly. This also will help my goal of eating more fruits and veggies and not get as filled up on rices and pastas, as can easily happen with a lot of stuff that Mr. Random and I usually eat. I’m also learning to size portions a bit better and not try to eat mounds of nut and berry mix as a snack – a handful should suffice at a time.

This is the week before Spring Break - for both college and the ESL program – but I’m not going to get much rest or time off at this point because of work. It would be a great opportunity to take a week and get caught up on all sorts of reading and get a bit ahead in some other things, but alas, that is not going to happen. Bummer.

Well, this has been a crappy blog post, but I wanted to pop in and say hi, I’m alive and kicking around, just not visiting very much. Sending much love to all . . .

Opening and Closing Doors

2008-02-27T10:03:00.001-05:00

I’m taking a personal day today. The Random Home Improvement Store is going to come by today to install a new bathroom door for us. We’re quite excited about it because our bathroom door is just about to fall apart – it only closes after trying to slam it a few times and if while you are closing the door you slightly shift it to the left, but not TOO far to the left. There are door shavings everywhere, the front and back panels are flapping in the breeze, and there is now a huge hole torn in the front of the door from the time Mr. Random got impatient when the door was sticking shut and it was irritating the heck out of him.

Home repair is not our forte, by any stretch of the imagination. It doesn’t help that the previous owner of the Random Condo either used the cheapest materials ever to refurbish the place or just left a lot of the original fixtures from the 1970s. Oy!

Also just realized (or rather RE-realized) that we really need to get a new bed for the guest room. The current frame is broken and leaning, and the mattress is just a nightmare to sleep on for any length of time. I’m hoping for a daybed which will take up a lot less room and will also allow me to get a nice wooden filing cabinet in there for my ESL and college stuff. I generate a lot of random papers and files and piles, all of which I usually end up using again in some form during different semesters. I especially want to save all of the flash cards I make up for my students and some of the vocabulary sheets and dialogues that I write. It would help so much to get rid of some of the clutter around my desk . . .

So today I am home and working on stuff, but trying not to work on “Work” related things because that would just annoy me. I’m just really tired and cranky and I think I just need some time to get my head straight a bit since I’ve been a lot overwhelmed lately. I also have to submit my financial aid forms for the Fall – which I’m sure the government is going to say “HA! Don’t think so!” but I will try anyway. I’m very anxious to have to take out loans for school, especially since Mr. Random is just finishing up his program, but I need to do this – I am SO close to finishing in about a year or two if I just keep plugging away.

I wave and send love to you all . . .

Random Muddled Day After Thoughts about the Oscars

2008-02-25T10:50:00.004-05:00

I’m exhausted and babbling, but just wanted to share . . .

***I saw There Will Be Blood on Saturday. And wow. I think I really liked that movie. Yes, it is very dark. And there are a lot of people who are very mean and nasty to each other, but I really don’t think that the main character was the pinnacle of evil as everyone thinks he is.(a) because a lot of the other people around him are pretty sneaky and selfish and (b) I could kind of see where the main character was coming from in some of his actions. You may not like him, but you can see the thought processes there and they are pretty rational. There is a scene that is shown in commercials for the movie that comes off totally quite differently in the context of the film – the scene is actually slightly funny and scary.

***Daniel Day Lewis totally deserved that Oscar for Best Actor. (Just as Javier Bardem totally deserved Best Supporting Actor for No Country.)

***This year I actually saw 3 of the 5 Best Picture Nominees. (Michael Clayton, No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood.) I felt so proud about that – I very rarely get to see so many films in a year.

***And yes, I watched the entire Oscars ceremony and I thought that Jon Stewart did a great job as host. And yes, I remember the Billy Crystal years but I’m more of a Stewart-humor type of gal.

***Tilda Swinton was way too pale for that sack of a dress she was wearing. I could think of a lot more styles and colors that would have been more flattering.

***Why don’t people write down who they want to thank anymore? I know the nominees don’t want to see presumptuous, but there were way too many people who stood up there and their minds went blank from absolute shock and amazement.

***The couple from Once was quite adorable and I thought it was wonderful that Jon Stewart brought back the woman to be able to say her piece. I thought that they were hustled off the stage rather quickly and unfairly compared to other winners.

***I also was kind of sad that the song from August Rush didn’t win. That little 11 year old girl could SING! But I also think it’s awesome that she got an extra 3 minutes on stage to do some bit with Jon. I’m sure she’ll remember that night for the rest of her life.

***As much as I hate the idea of giving out awards to people just because they are now really old, instead of for the particular work, I do think that Ruby Dee should have got something . . . just because . . .

***Jennifer Hudson’s dress was rather unfortunate too, in my opinion.

For better, hardcore Oscar blogging, do check out TWP’s post today.

The Smell of Jasmine Flowers

2008-02-21T15:54:00.007-05:00

My friend J and I saw the movie, Persepolis, on Saturday – If you haven’t seen it: RUN, don’t walk to your nearest theater, it is so awesome! I read Marjane Satrapi’s graphic novel first and while the plot of the movie is slightly different it still effectively captures both the main plot and the tone of the graphic novel. If you aren’t moved by this film, check your pulse! I have read that they are coming out with an English dubbed version (the movie was made in French), but the version with English subtitles worked just fine for me, and I really can’t imagine it in English now. Also read the book if you can – it is definitely a work that makes you rethink your concept of what a graphic novel can be.

For the Oscars, Persepolis is nominated for Best Animated Film, but probably won’t win because it is up against Ratatouille and Surf’s Up, and it is just a travesty that it is being put against those “lighter entertainment” movies.

I have my Econ mid-term tomorrow, so I’m a bit tired and a bit numb. I met with my professor on Tuesday and while he is still on the extreme leftist side, he genuinely seemed very nice and accommodating and was quite a dear in spending time in answering my questions and working through problems. I was incredibly anxious beforehand, but I do feel a bit better about the class and where I am in it now. I’m still glad I got in another discussion section, I’m certain it will prove helpful in the long term.

I’ve been feeling kind of restless and down in the evenings, not being able to concentrate very well, doing lots of sleeping, having trouble being fully awake in the morning - even after an hour of reading the paper, showering and getting ready. I get to work very early now, since Mr. Random drops me off on his way in to his office, and I end up staying late waiting for Mr. Random to come pick me up. Like I said in an earlier post, I would gladly walk home, but it isn’t the safest neighborhood to be walking in alone at night. I feel slightly better on days when I go to school, and on weekends, since I’m usually out and about doing things I like doing.

There was a meeting at the Random Non-profit yesterday in which the guy in charge said he didn’t know why everyone was walking around so traumatized. Aren’t we starting to do some great things? You shouldn’t complain unless it is to someone who can do something about it, like him. Oh, by the way, he knows that we are down a lot of staff members and we are overburdened with work, but we should figure out on our own what we can stop doing. Oh, another by the way, another staff member is resigning as of the end of this month . . .

Gee, why would I feel so down?

On the happy side, next week starts the play-going season again in earnest. Yay! Going to see Hedda Gabler and Macbeth and maybe even Major Barbara .

What else is going on? I finished reading Michael Pollan’s In Defense of Food , which is something else I highly recommend folks check out. It doesn’t say anything really that we don’t all know deep down in our hearts, but it does make you want to internalize it a bit more. It has managed to do for me what reading Fast Food Nation didn’t, and I think that’s a good thing. It’s so simple: Eat food. Not much. Mostly plants. Then you realize how easy it is to NOT eat real food, how much of what we eat in the name of eating healthier and low fat/low cal isn’t real food at all but stuff full of all sorts of chemicals and syrups that mimic real food . . . and how we really aren’t that sure how good that stuff really is for your body.

I know that COTW at A Little Off Kilter already has this way of eating down pat. If you read her blog for any length of time and look at the pictures of some of the meals she’s had – yum! She makes eating healthy look sooo easy and sooo tasty. That’s definitely what I aspire to . . .

I’m sorry I haven’t been “blog traveling” that much lately, but know that I read your comments and they bring me great joy! I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still kicking around and thinking of you. I hope everything is going well for everyone . . .

Because All I Have Time for Are Random Memes

2008-02-20T16:33:00.002-05:00

You Are Ginger

Like ginger, you are a total shape shifter.

You can be sweet, spicy, mellow, or overpowering.

You are both soothing and unique. You are popular... yet you are often overlooked.

What Spice Are You?

What Time of Day Am I?

2008-02-14T17:40:00.002-05:00

You are 10:02 a.m.

You are breakfasty, like a pile of pancakes on a Sunday morning that have just the right amount of syrup, so every bite is sweet perfection and not a soppy mess. You are a glass of orange juice that's cool, refreshing, and not overly pulpy. You are the time of day that's just right for turning the pages of a newspaper, flipping through channels, or clicking around online to get a sense of how the world changed during the night. You don't want to stumble sleepily through life, so you make a real effort to wake your brain up and get it thinking. You feel inspired to accomplish things (whether it's checking something off your to-do list or changing the world), but there's plenty of time for making things happen later in the day. First, pancakes.

Friday Random Observations

2008-02-08T11:42:00.000-05:00

OK, what’s the deal with all these people randomly shooting up places? I know it’s a stressful chaotic time now, but . . . wow? Some guy shoots up a city council meeting in Missouri, someone else shoots some girls at a college, and that’s just in the last 12 hours or so.

Also in the area where I live, there seems to be a guy (or a bunch of copycat guys) going around attacking women who are walking home alone – and not necessarily late at night, but in the morning and early evenings too. This is why I can’t walk home from work anymore, even though my condo is only 2 miles away and I could use the exercise. In the paper today, I read that they may have caught someone who was responsible – the cops saw him dragging a woman into the woods yesterday and caught him right away. Creepy, but from the way they described it I don’t think this is THE guy, but someone who saw an opportunity. Oy! They joys of living in an urban area . . .

Bad news and good news: Bad news is that I am totally fed up with my Econ professor – in class he is STILL going over how to graph a demand curve, while lots of the other classes have already moved on three or four chapters ahead. I am beyond frustrated and am trying really hard to keep up with this man’s thought processes, but it is really difficult. Good news – I was finally able to get into the discussion section for another class, and I start going on Monday night. The TA sent me the syllabus for the class the section is for and I just about wanted to cry. They are already starting on Chapter 6 and have completed the first exam and wrote first reaction papers. The textbook that is being used is awesome (I had to buy it to keep up with the section) and has a lot of practice problems. The professor is doing a lot of interactive discussions and there is a lot of group-work connected to current events. Well, at least I know that when I take my next Econ class, what professor I should try to get . . .

I am also very excited because even though now I am in effect taking two classes and am going to have to do a LOT more work, I think I will have the good foundation that I will need to continue on in Economics – if I survive this semester, that is . . .

Ok, as I’m typing this (in the school library yet!) there is a girl sitting next to me who is coughing up a phlegmy storm. Ewww! Sweetie, do you want a cough drop? Some Lysol? I’m quite surprised that I’m not sick more often, given how I seem to end up next to the coughers and sneezers . . .

OK, I have to actually run to my class now, but I hope that everyone is going to have a great weekend. Sending many happy vibes your way . . .

A Random Moment of Clarity

2008-02-07T17:19:00.000-05:00

There are many days that I do write something for the blog, but don’t post because my thoughts are usually half-finished – for example, I think about something and start writing and then I get sucked into something that takes me away from writing and when I come back my entire train of thought is gone. And once that “train has left the station,” it’s really difficult for me to finish. Then I say “Oh, well” and delete what I’ve written. Usually, later in the evening, I’ve regretted doing that because at least at some point I had SOMETHING on paper – a half-formed thought that I could have probably taken up again at some later date. But even when I do save it, the day never comes that I do revisit the writing and so the file just sits there, taunting me because I can’t quite build up the full head of steam that drove me to start barfing my words onto the page in the first place. (Gee, isn’t *that* a lovely image . . .)

A post on Writer’s Block on the EconLog made me think of this.

This one comment struck me:

It's been a long time since I had that kind of problem. I stopped having writer's block when I learned that writer's block comes about because you're afraid of finishing the work, meaning you have to stand behind what you've written.

Sometimes you have to mull things over, though. You will note on my blog that I write something every day. Sometimes it's very short, though. Other times it's quite long. And that's on top of the other work I do off the blog every day. The habit of writing every day can keep the words flowing. Sometimes you have to accept that you are just going to write a bunch of garbage today. That's fine. Sometimes you have to write a bunch of garbage to get the one gem, the one line that you can use. Sometimes you have to write very long bridges between ideas and then go back and get rid of all the garbage. The important thing is that you don't think that everything you write is a wonderful gem (it's not, and you know deep down that it's not, and the fear that it's not will also cause the problem you described).

In other words, when you let fear drop away and recognize that much of what you write is scaffolding that you need to tear down when you're done, your writer's block will end.

I just realized – right now I’m suffering not just from writer’s block, but *life block*. There is a lot of fear here coupled with displeasure with my current job situation that forms a bit of paralysis on my part. I hate being a whiner and a complainer. I am a fairly optimistic person at heart; otherwise I wouldn’t throw myself into my community and my new studies with such abandon. But now, in the process of making a change, I have to wade through a lot of garbage and create a lot of garbage as I try to figure out who I am and what I want to be.

So I have to accept the garbage and realize that it isn’t ALL garbage. There are some real truths to be found in what I’m doing and I have to be open to the full range of experiences – good and bad – that I’m dealing with. And if I have a half-thought or a half-feeling, I need to put it down and keep it filed away in my brain, because by returning to it again and again and trying to make sense of it, one day a fully-formed thought might actually come through. And – Surprise! Surprise! – It might just be the gem I’m looking for . . .

Rare Persuasive Argument to Get a Camera Phone

2008-02-04T11:14:00.000-05:00

I was skimming Crooked Timber today and saw this post on using a camera phone as a memory aid:

http://crookedtimber.org/2008/02/03/photos-as-notes/

It is so obvious, so simple and so useful, that NOW I finally see the point and want one.

I may be a Luddite, but I can be seduced by certain features . . .

It Was Only a Little Packet of Nuts and Berries

2008-02-04T10:17:00.000-05:00

My goodness, it’s February already!

Let’s see. What’s been going on this past week?

Mr. Random has been super busy at the Random Publication and had to work most of the day yesterday and was in the office until 10:30 PM on Friday. Saturday was an off week for his grad school class, but he still spent a big chunk of the day working on interviews and filming for a class project. Poor dear is just being run ragged and all I can do is stay out of the way at this point.

The Microeconomics class is ramping up homework-wise, and I’m kind of glad about that. I just want this class to be over, and I’m trying to go with this Professor’s flow as best I can. I am excited about future classes though – I am certain that there will continue to be enough going on in the economy, both in the U.S. and internationally, to keep me hyper-interested for several more years.

I was really bummed about Edwards dropping out of the race last week and it means fewer choices for us come February 12, when Virginia finally gets around to having its primary. I’m super annoyed at the e-mails that Clinton supporters are sending out basically saying that if you don’t vote for Hillary, you are a sexist pig who doesn’t realize what double standards she’s being held to in this race because she is a woman. Because, gee, you can’t possibly not like her just because of some of her actual POSITIONS. No, we’re all just sheep . . .

I do think the press focus in this election season has just been absolute crap on a cracker, which is why I try to stay away from the “manufactured dramas of the day” reporting that’s been going on.

The Random Non-profit gets worse and worse. Oh, boy. Does it ever.

Talking to my friend J over the weekend, I said that if I ever won a million dollars, I would automatically quit my job, but otherwise I’d just keep on doing what I’m doing in all the other parts of my life. I’m basically very happy with who I am and all of the outside things I’m involved with – which is so awesome to get to this point! Now I just have to find something that I can do for 8-10 hours a weekday that actually does not kill my soul . . .

Went to visit my grandma yesterday, and she seemed a little bit slower to me and little bit more depressed. I am a bit concerned, but Mr. Random didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, so maybe I’m just being overly sensitive. She is going to move to a new retirement community at the end of the month which will have a lot more activities and sounds much better for her in general. She is looking forward to the new location and I do being there will make her happier.

I’m signing up for a couple of 5K walks in March and April, just to keep the healthier living ball rolling. I found out this weekend that the little packets of nuts I’ve been downing as “health snacks” have been 210 calories a pop! If I’ve been eating two or three packs a day as things to munch on, that means I’ve been adding more than 600 calories to my day without even realizing it. Eeeek!

I hope everyone is doing well! I’ll try to post more when I can . . .

Looking Out My Window

2008-01-29T16:55:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to share a picture of what Mr. Random and I have been seeing outside of our windows these days. The construction of townhouses on the empty lot behind us is proceeding apace, and in a few months we will have the joy of being to look directly into someone else’s kitchen and bedrooms.

For a while, we actually had a pretty good view of the horizon, but that is gone now. I am trying not to get depressed about it, but it is hard – especially when I am working at home, listening to the sounds of construction. For three years we were very lucky to be able to look out at a forest of old growth trees, where lots of birds would congregate during the day.

Mr. Random and I went to a open house of one of the model homes for this project and they are truly beautiful inside, just the right size townhome if Mr. Random and I were so inclined, but the costs – oh, it was WAY too expensive, even with the market downturn and all.

Today has been rather overcast and drizzly, which isn’t helping my mood. I am going to teach tonight, which is always a joy, and I am well prepared for tonight’s class. Preparing lesson plans are always such fun – it’s like a puzzle, trying to figure out what activities and exercises will reinforce the evenings lessons, figuring out how much of class should be interactions between groups of students rather than just me leading them in exercises, trying to figure out how to keep the evening interesting for both the class and for me. Sometimes I am successful and sometimes I fall short, but I love the process of it all and wish I could hurry up and figure out a way to make a living at something like this sooner rather than later. Although, I think part of the fun of it is that there isn’t any pressure as a volunteer, so I just need to keep on keeping on and get what joy I can out of it for as long as I can.

The weekend was very laid back, which was good. Next weekend, we will spend Super Bowl Sunday visiting my grandma, which is fine by me since I’m not a huge football fan. Saturday will be my usual forays into creating art and hanging out with friends, which I always heartily enjoy.

Hope your days are going well . . .

Mid-Week Random Mind Dump

2008-01-23T16:28:00.000-05:00

I have been trying and trying to write a proper blog post about what I’ve been up to over the past week. As I am dutifully accomplishing other tasks, beautiful paragraphs flow from my brain, all wanting desperately to be put down on paper.

Now that I actually have the time to do so? Nope, nuttin’ coming out. My brain is clogged – clogged I say! How very disappointing, since there are very cool things that went on last week. I shall try my best to impart to you some of what happened as best I can . . .

Item One: Back in the Saddle! I started teaching my ESL class last night and I am very pleased with the lively group that is in my level. I had 7 students in my class last night, all very advanced for our program, but still eager to learn and hone their English skills. I will definitely have to do more interactive conversation activities with this group and get in a lot more reading and writing practice than in other levels. I will have to get myself to a library to see if there are some DVDs that I can show in class to help supplement discussion – make the class more lively. The students I have are from all different backgrounds – from South Korea and Japan, from Venezuela, Columbia, Chile and Nicaragua, and one from Ghana. This is great because no one language really dominates and everyone is fairly comfortable trying to converse with each other in English. Yay!

Item Two: A Random Shakespeare Experience. Last Friday night, Mr. Random, J and I went to see a friend of ours in a play that had been enigmatically titled “The Christmas Show.” All we knew about the play is that the audience was restricted to 15 people and that we would have to dress warmly. Dress warmly? Huh? So we get there and everyone is sitting around the lobby (which was decorated like a living room at Christmastime, complete with lights and tree and Christmas records playing), and actors are passing out cups of hot chocolate to members of the audience as they arrive. (yes, the cocoa WAS tasty.) After everyone arrived, the play, just sort of began in the middle of the room. And shortly thereafter we realized that “The Christmas Play” really was . . . Hamlet! A very innovative portrayal of Hamlet yet, with us following the actors all around the theater building - through storage rooms, to the back alley, and even in the men’s room – to follow the action of the play. It was very cool and interactive and made the play come alive a bit more than usual. As J said, “It’s something to have Hamlet emoting while standing right next to you.”

Item Three: Super Bowl Hopes Dashed. My friend J almost got to go to the Super Bowl, but unfortunately the Packers lost. Big bummer! It was going to be ridiculously expensive though, so J is slightly relieved not to have to spend the money. So now I have no idea who to root for . . . I just go to the parties for the food and the hanging-out anyway.

Item Four: More Theater on the Horizon. In February, planning on going to see Hedda Gabler, then Macbeth in April (this version directed by Teller, of the magicians Penn and Teller). Yay! Things to look forward to!

Item Five: Mr. Random Rules! Mr. Random had his first performance review at the Random Publication and it seems that he is doing smashingly well. They didn’t know what to expect when they hired him, so mostly anything he does is considered an improvement on what they had before. This is also Mr. Random’s last semester in Grad school before he graduates in May. He wants a party of some sort, so I have to figure out what to do for that.

Item Six. Econ Class Countdown. Our final Econ paper will be due on May 2. There will be no final exam. Yay! I just have to get through the semester. The professor is waaaaaaaay left of even being a Marxist. I’m pretty liberal but even I have to cringe at some of his ideas. At least the class discussions are going to be lively . . .

So right now, that’s me in a nutshell. Hope you all are doing well – I’ve been lousy about blog visiting, but know I’m thinking of you.

Waving and smiling . . .

Two Quick Notes

2008-01-15T17:36:00.000-05:00

(1) My Microeconomics class this semester, at first glance, is going to kick. my. butt. Seriously. But it will be in a good way, and if I complete it successfully I will be well set up for future economic study - I am quite sure of it. At least I'm being optimistic to start out . . .

(2) I've fixed the e-mail address attached to this blog so it will be much easier to check that mailbox daily. My old e-mail was a pain to check, so I would only check it, oh, once every month or two . . . or three. Ooops! Especially oops when people would ask me questions, so if I've taken forever to get back to you, I promise that I will never do that again, to the best of my ability. Mea culpa!

There might be more changes to the blog this year, but it will be dependent on how much time I can spare and whether I feel like learning WordPress . . .

I'm waving a cheery hello to you all!

A Foggy Day in a Virginia Town

2008-01-11T09:29:00.000-05:00

This morning, I look outside my window and all I see is a white/gray cloud of fog. No trees, no buildings, just a white/gray cloud that seems to go on forever and ever. The whole day is gray. It could be quite a downer if I let it, but I’m trying not to let it.

Have I said how happy I am to be going back to teaching? On Tuesday night, I volunteered to help with registration and placement testing for the ESL classes and the whole thing was just so energizing to me. I had the opportunity to talk to amazing people from Chile, Venezuela, Ghana, Honduras. I love hearing their stories of where they grew up and what they did in their home country and why they are here. We get a lot of people who work for their home country’s embassies or military and are stationed here for a while and they want to improve their English while they are here. These are people who have been here 2 months, 6 months, speaking better English than I could ever speak Spanish after being in a strange country for 6 months. I also talk to others who are not so well off, people who left their children behind with relatives to come to this country and try to make some money so their kids can have a better life. I am humbled in their presence and I want to teach everyone as best I can.

It has been a long week, but next week classes begin again and my life will get much, much busier. I think I like being busier – I feel like I’m out in the world DOING things – and just being a home after a full day at work is just . . . depressing in a way. I’ve certainly got enough sleep these past few weeks, that’s for sure.

So tomorrow will be a day of art for me and of grad school class for Mr. Random, Sunday will be a day with my grandmother out in the Boonies, and then next week the fun begins in earnest.

I will take a deep breath . . . then dig in.

Trying Not to Carbo Load

2008-01-08T11:02:00.000-05:00

I’m feeling rather needy today. More stupid stuff going down at the Random Non-profit – some other people are leaving, which will leave huge holes in the organization – and I am just getting tired of dealing with it all and having it infiltrate my brain. I’m just kind of numb. I’m trying to do my job, but it does seem that no matter how much a person does or how hard one works, it all comes for naught in the end. It is very, very discouraging.

I need a hug or three . . .

In happier news, I got a B+ in my Econ class for last semester, which I guess is pretty good, but I’m aiming for an A this semester, that’s for sure!

I start teaching ESL again next week. Yay! I’m teaching a different, more advanced level this time, so I’m a bit nervous about that. I’m hoping to get some of the materials ahead of time so I can start planning my lessons this weekend. I can’t wait to have students again – no matter how crappy my day is, at least by teaching I’m trying to make a little difference in the world. It can be frustrating, but it is still a wonderful feeling to have . . .

It also turns out that Mr. Random may be going to one of the political conventions this summer for the Random Publication. That’s such a great opportunity for Mr. Random! I won’t be going because I won’t have a press pass and I don’t want to just sit in a hotel room for umpteen hours a day . . .

My friend J and I are going to do a self-paced art course on Saturdays, which should be fun. I get to be an artist again! Also, it should keep my creative juices flowing and give me something else to look forward to during the week.

I am doing better with my eating so far this year, but the stress at work is really threatening my willpower. I’m trying to eat less starchy carbs and more veggies and proteins. If I eat a lot of bread, pasta or chips, I can feel my mood change quite a bit, so I’m trying to stay away from all that as best I can. However, if I’m stressed, I tend to go directly towards the salty chips, the quick bowl of pasta or the mound of mashed potatoes . . . and I need to watch that. For example, last night for dinner I had nachos – which are not at all healthy, but they were darn tasty after a crappy day. I have to minimize my stress eating a lot more . . . I’m not perfect, but I am trying . . .

I hope everyone is having a good week. Many happy vibes to you all!

My Theory of Primaries

2008-01-04T15:15:00.000-05:00

OK, Mommanator just commented that she wished that all of the primaries would be held on one day, so all of the states have a say in who they want as the main candidates. It is a commendable goal, and I understand the sentiment, but I can see why that may not be the best idea for several reasons.

Let me again preface this by saying that I used be really involved in politics and am speaking purely from my own experience and observations, so my views may be different from someone else who worked on a campaign. I think everyone should work on a campaign once or twice in their lives, to (a) get the experience and (b) be able to tell the BS from the truth in how things are reported. If you know anything about how campaigns are run, half the stuff you read in the newspaper about presidential electoral politics is overblown crap. Things that don’t mean anything or are normal kinds of campaign blips and errors get blown up way out of proportion to their importance. Just my $.02 . . .

Money: If you think that there is a ton of money being spent on campaigns already, just imagine how much would have to be spent by EACH primary candidate to campaign in each state SIMULTANEOUSLY. Some candidates count on good showings in early races to be able to generate enough support to be able to run in other states. That’s why Biden and Dodd dropped out - these early losses, coupled with a projection that they might not do so well in the next few races – they were not going to be able to generate enough support and funding for their campaigns to continue. Television, radio and newspaper ads cost money. Disseminating information (brochures, posters, bumper stickers, etc.) costs money. Travel costs money. Having enough staff to cover the country, costs money, even taking into account large numbers of volunteers – you still need someone to give them marching orders and be able to control what’s going on. Which leads to . . .

Staffing: During the general election, you notice that candidates don’t campaign in all of the states, they only campaign in key, battleground states. Why? Because there is only so much of one candidate to go around and a campaign wants to expend its resources most efficiently. The state parties can help, but a lot of times having the candidate there can make or break a state’s turnout. For example, in past years many Democratic candidates did not bother too much with Virginia because we were pretty much a pretty reliable red state, so it would have been silly to waste too many national election resources here. However, with the recent change in demographics here (growth in urban/suburban areas) making us a bit more purple, I think that the Democratic nominee would spend a lot more time here meeting and greeting and cultivating supporters. Now, think what would happen if all of the primary candidates had to cover all of the states at the same time. There will still be Wyoming situations where places get ignored for whatever reason . . .

Also, to effectively cover states, there has to be experienced, capable campaign staff stationed on the ground there. In a 50 state scenario, that staff would be spread pretty thin, whereas in the rolling primary scenario staff moves from state to state as a primary election is completed. You may not think it is a big deal, but you also have to think in terms of control – campaigns try to have as much control over information going in and out about a candidate as they can. You also notice that in general elections there lots of special interest groups sponsoring ads, hosting events, putting out negative information and otherwise running amok without the coordination or consent of the candidates or their campaigns. Just think if this was happening for 8 or 9 or 10 candidates, instead of just two! Oy!

Learning the ropes: Early primaries also serve as sort of “training wheels” for candidates. These allow the candidates to get their organizations up and running, get the volunteers and staff trained, and get the big mistakes out of the way early. It allows everyone to learn how to run an efficient and a responsive campaign, to learn how to interact with the public, and to learn which messages work and don’t work. Throwing all the candidates into a 50 state situation right off the bat would just be ugly and confusing.

OK, now that I’ve pooh-poohed the “one day – all states” primary idea, what would I be happy with?

I think that we should still have a few “warm up primaries,” with a mix of a few large and small states, and then maybe 4 regional “Super Tuesday” primaries, each held one week after another. This would allow campaigns time to ramp up and get their feet on the ground, allow candidates to cover a certain region prior to a primary, and allow most people to have their say. It may still suck to be one of the last primaries, but part of the race does have to do with viability, and if you can’t get people to vote for you when you’ve been practically living with them for months, staying in the race for an extended period of time is only going to hurt – both personally and financially.

That’s enough of my political ranting for today! See, that’s why I try not to discuss this stuff too much on this blog, since I get so overly passionate about it . . .

Please feel free to share your own ideas in the comments!

Watching Paint Dry in Iowa

2008-01-04T09:30:00.000-05:00

Since Mr. Random now works for a Random Publication, watching the Iowa Caucuses is now kind of part of his job. Last night we settled in for a cozy evening of C-SPAN and C-SPAN2.

Thoughts about last night:

**I must preface this by stating that I was involved in local Democratic politics for a bunch of years, so watching the workings of one of the Des Moines precincts gave me flashbacks to too many long party meetings and caucuses. It’s funny that all the casts of characters for the local Dem parties look AND sound the same, no matter where you are in the country. Watching the Des Moines people gather and organize and persuade and count and go over resolutions, I was like, whoa! I knew exactly what types of resolutions would be offered and how people would respond pro and con. It was scary . . .

**I know that us Dems are all about inclusiveness and making sure that everyone gets a say, but you know, you can be inclusive AND efficient. Watching people try to count off once they were in their little interest groups was just painful. Couldn’t people take a number when they decided on a group, just like a deli, and the last number be the count? “23, 24, 24, 25, 26 . . . oops, wait, let’s start again! Count off one by one . . .” The hand-raising thing was only slightly better.

**I felt really bad for the Richardson people. At the precinct that was being filmed, the groups needed at least 57 to be considered “viable” and at one point the Richardson group had 47. The woman who was one of the organizers for the Richardson group was a master to behold in the art of persuasion, but some of her other helpers didn’t seem to be as committed as she, and their group started losing people as soon as it was obvious that Clinton, Obama and Edwards were going to be the more viable choices. At the end of the evening, C-SPAN interviewed her and she looked like she was about to burst into tears at any moment. My heart went out to her – I have been in her place SO often – it breaks your heart to work for so long for someone, giving up your life for months and months, staying up for hours on end, knocking on doors, talking to all sorts of people, doing all sorts of mindless grunt-work, all for a candidate you believe in . . . and then to lose at the very end, all of your work seemingly for naught, by a really close margin – they just needed 10 more people! – it hurts SO much, I can barely describe it. I was happy to see that she remained uncommitted at the end because she really didn’t want any other candidate. It takes a while to process what just happened and figure out what to do next – I wish I could have reached through the screen to give her a really big hug and some support. I do hope some family or friends were nearby . . .

**Good luck to the people who volunteered to be delegates to their county-level Democratic Convention. I’ve been to those before. That’s 8 hours of your life that you’ll never get back again . . .

**Its great that Iowa had much higher turnout of new people for their caucuses this year, even though the process is a big pain in the butt and isn’t even representative of all Iowa’s voters. What I hate about the caucus process as practiced in Iowa is that it isn’t a secret ballot. It can be intimidating to show your preferences in front of everyone you know, and maybe if it was a secret ballot and people weren’t so caught up in being seen with a winning group, there might have been a different outcome.

**Did you know that Wyoming is having its caucuses this Saturday? It wouldn’t surprise me if you didn’t because I didn’t know either and hardly anyone is campaigning there – all the energy is going towards the New Hampshire primary on Tuesday . . .

Oy, this is going to be a very long election year. I’m probably not going to watch all of these primaries and caucuses – I’m probably going to end up holed up at my desk with homework or a book or something, thank goodness . . .

Auld Lang Syne – A Random Look Back at the Blog in 2007

2008-01-02T14:24:00.000-05:00

I couldn’t resist doing this meme and today I actually have time to do it. You know the rules – slap down the first paragraph of the first post of each month of last year:

January: There was a meme going around for a while where you posted the first sentence that you wrote on your blog each month for the past year. Today seemed a rather appropriate day to do so . . .

(side note: Yup, I did this last year. That month I also went to view Gerald Ford’s casket at the Capitol, played a bit with my new camera, went to the U.S. Holocaust Museum, and queried about using cell phones in restaurants.)

February: Well, actually, I’m not one of those people who bite their nails – mine usually just break off at inopportune times. My nails grow to be long pretty quickly, so unless I am hyper-vigilant about trimming them regularly, they start to get really annoying. I am at a loss to understand those folks who have the big press-on-nails – how can they type? Or rip open a box? They just seem so dainty . . . and I am so not dainty . . .

(side note: That was the month I started getting nervous about a medical problem, went to a Super Bowl party, did some Scribbling Challenges, continued to teach ESL, had my 300^th post, got hooked on Gilmore Girls reruns, saw the Capitals and the Wizards in the same week, played in the snow and first got wind of possible layoffs at the Random Non-profit.)

March: Finally got the results from the doctor yesterday. Mr. Random was right there by my side as the doctor said . . . that the tests showed about what he thought they would, and that I have no reason to worry – things should be OK.

(side note: Big sigh of relief, there were layoffs, did a book meme, found out my sister was going to Iraq, was feeling pretty low.)

April: As promised, here are all of the books that are stacked up by my bed at the moment. Mind you, these are just the books sitting BY MY BED and not in the living room, den, guest room, and elsewhere in the bedroom that are also begging to be read - such as Mr. Random's major stacks.

(side note: Also took my first spinning class, did the Easter thing, dealt with the fallout from the layoffs, had a visit from the Random Mom-in-Law, started on the Shakespeare Project and went to see Edward III, celebrated the 2 year anniversary of the blog, briefly celebrated Poetry Month.)

May: It’s May already! April went by so quickly . . . too quickly. There was a project that I meant to finish last month, which I had not yet started on. I definitely have to finish it this month or else I won’t have certain options available to me in the Fall . . . options that might be able to get me away from the Random Non-Profit sooner, rather than later . . .

(side note: Started visiting my Grandma at her new location in the Boonies of Virginia, saw more Shakespeare plays, got the new vanity for the bathroom, Mr. Random left the Random Non-profit for the Random Publication.)

June: Last Friday night, Mr. Random, my friend J, and I went to see Love’s Labors Lost at the Carter Barron Amphitheater in Northwest DC. The play is this year’s Shakespeare Theater’s “Free for All” performance.

(side note: Got a new iPod, had family issues, ESL subbing, had more angst.)

July: On Saturday, I went to see Tom Stoppard’s play, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead at DC’s Studio Theater. This play fit in very well with our ongoing Shakespeare project, since the main characters are two minor characters in Hamlet who aren’t mentioned often but do have something integral to do with the plot. They are old friends of Hamlet’s who are sent to keep him company and find out why he is behaving so oddly. They play delves quite a bit into the nature of life and death, while giving a backstory of the types of characters who are usually just afterthoughts in plays.

(side note: Also saw Hamlet and the nude Macbeth, Fringe Festival and lots of kvetching.)

August: That’s today’s New Yorker daily calendar cartoon caption and I feel like that’s what the last few days of this blog have been – The blogosphere is a big cocktail party, and the hostess has to pull people aside and say to them, “Would you be a dear and sit with Random Kath? She’s seems a bit cranky lately . . .”

(side note: August was “spend no money” month, took pictures at a comedy open-mike, AC died at the Random Condo, went back to college, very excited but very anxious.)

September: Yup, school has started and I am trying to get into the swing of things. I am still overwhelmed and freaked out, but at the moment it is the usual Random Kath level of overwhelmed and freaked out, so things are semi-normal.

(side note: More open mike pictures, did a 5K, Mr. Random and I had an anniversary.)

October: I have two exams this week so in theory I shouldn’t be writing anything at all until after they are over on Friday afternoon.

(side note: Got a 97 on both exams, did some touristy sightseeing, bought new shoes, saw Michael Clayton, more Random Non-profit angst, my sister came home for R&R, saw another Shakespeare play.)

November: I have a 4 page paper due for my International Relations class this evening and, of course, I put off writing anything until last night. I HAVE been doing research for the past week or so, so I’m not a total slacker, but for some reason I just could not get myself girded to write anything until last night.

(side note: More Shakespeare, Grandmama drama, crashing bookcases, slogging through school.)

December: My word! It’s December already. Here’s my update on stuff so far – I’m going to start with the happier stuff first.

(side note: More layoffs, more angst, letter for a Newborn Girl, memes, ended being optimistic.)

Whew! That one took a while to do. Glad that’s over for this year . . .

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T23:13:00.000-05:00

Today turned out to be a busy day, since the lunch I went to turned into a rather lengthy excursion to the Thrift Store and to the Mall, to help a friend pick out some stuff for a project they are working on . . .

When I got home, Mr. Random was watching the "Biggest Loser" marathon and then we watched tonight's Couples episode and got a bit inspired.

I took tomorrow as a vacation day to allow myself a little more breathing room before I get back to the work-a-day grind. It's just one way I'm trying to start off the year with a healthy, non-stressed perspective on things . . .

I hope your first day of 2008 went smashingly well!

Winding Down / Gearing Up

2007-12-31T10:50:00.001-05:00

We can close the books on 2007, and I am so glad that it is finally over. It seems that most folks are using this as a time of introspection, to recount all that has happened in the past year and to try to make sense of what has happened. On reflection, though, I believe that a lot of what happened in the past year has made no sense at all.

Oh, wait – let me rephrase that:

What happened this past year has made sense to all of those who set the wheels in motion for the larger events, and as a person affected by those events I can muster an appreciation for the thought processes in other people’s minds that went into their decisions. I also know that I can choose how I react to these events and in doing so help set the stage for positive or negative personal outcomes. I am the captain of my fate and the master of my soul, you know . . .

Dealing with these events caused me a lot of stress and worrying. I have to learn how to not let things get to me so much, while at the same time acknowledging that my propensity for wanting to take care of the world is part of what makes me the unique individual that I am. I love volunteer teaching, I love doing things for other people, I love trying to affect change in my little corner of the world. So I know that on some level, I will always be a bit stressed out and emotional.

On one of the other blogs I read, the writer said that for the next year she should remember to be mindful:

“Instead, my goal for the coming year is mindfulness - to be mindful of what I'm doing when I'm doing it, and to ask myself if it's really what I want or need to be doing right then. . . . I'm thinking that right now, my biggest problem is not doing or failing to do any specific things, but just not thinking about what I'm doing at all.”

I think that it is a pretty admirable goal. I do think that my problem is that I tend to OVERTHINK things, but in being mindful I should think about how what I am about to do relates to what *I* ACTUALLY want as opposed to what I think other people would think I should want. There IS a difference and only in the last few months have I started to really think about what I am doing and who I am trying to make happy and why . . .

My main goals this year are to get farther in my schooling, see more plays, take more pictures, have more excursions, be a better teacher, and generally try to enjoy myself. If I feel happier in general, everything else should follow. If I am enjoying myself, I will feel better about myself. If I feel better about myself, I will feel more confident in other areas and hopefully some other successes will come from that. I will be less of a miserable, moody person and be able to have more positive interactions with family, friends and co-workers.

As regards to my work situation, I will take it one day at a time. I will try to maintain my current schedule and keep my eye out for other interesting opportunities to get involved in that may be a better fit for me at this time of my life. This year has proved that working my tail off for the Random Non-profit will not net me any professional gains or martyr points, so I only need to do what is needed to be done each day in the time allotted and then let the rest go.

As for the blog . . . well, I’m always lamenting my crappy posting and writing here . . . and so I resolve to do much more of it in 2008! I will no longer beat myself up about it because – Hey! – the title of my blog says it’s OK . . .

“A snapshot is popularly defined as a photograph that is "shot" spontaneously and quickly, most often without artistic or journalistic intent. Snapshots are commonly considered to be technically "imperfect" or amateurish--out of focus or poorly framed or composed. Common snapshot subjects include the events of everyday life, such as birthday parties and other celebrations, sunsets, children playing, and the like.”

My blog is a snapshot of what I am thinking or feeling at a given point. It is usually dashed off in an odd moment, usually with some forethought but little time. But the cool thing about snapshots is that they document moments in time that existed and will never again. Some are gems and some are not, but they are all out there. And what one person may consider “amateurish,” another person may consider art . . . so I’ll keep going, doing as best I can to document the randomness which is my life and share it with you all . . .

******

OK, now I am a bit more optimistic and excited about the New Year. I really wasn’t when I started writing this morning, but putting words on the page has helped me focus and realize that continuing to look forward is the best course of action for me. Whatever happens, happens.

Happy New Year, Everyone! May your 2008 be full of adventure and discovery and happiness!

Isn't It Romantic? . . .

2007-12-31T10:04:00.000-05:00

As seen on Scrivener's blog today . . .

I am rather pleased . . .

You Are Romanticism

You are likely to see the world as it should be, not as it is.
You prefer to celebrate the great things people do... not the horrors they're capable of.
For you, there is nothing more inspiring than a great hero.
You believe that great art reflects the artist's imagination and true ideals.

What Art Movement Are You?

Seasons Greetings . . .

2007-12-26T10:24:00.000-05:00

. . . from the Random Family! (and dig those funky Winnie-the-Pooh PJs of mine . . .)

Random Blog Post of Note

2007-12-23T16:28:00.000-05:00

This post at Scrivener’s talks about one of the most beautiful and meaningful Solstice observances that I’d ever heard about. Like many of us, he and his family are going through a rough time of transitions and I think this ceremony would give many of us meaningful space for thought and reflection. Also, his Unitarian Church sounds like it is just awesome . . . the Random Church could probably learn a lot from it . . .

. . . Anyway, December is a month of observances for a number of reasons and I hope that whatever you celebrate, you know I wish everyone a healthy and happy New Year. I will continue to cling to the hope that 2008 is going to be a wonderful year for ALL of us!

. . . And I send a special shout-out to Virginia Gal, Mommanator and CS for being such cool, faithful readers this past year. Just knowing you are all out there has been such a comfort for me and I really appreciate your support as we all work through our lives.

Much love to you all!

A Christmas Meme

2007-12-23T16:20:00.000-05:00

(Found at Terminal Degree’s blog)

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper! Gift bags are expensive and often stuff doesn’t fit, especially if the box is big.

2. Real tree or artificial? Artificial. Which sucks because we live on the top floor of a walk-up condo and dragging a real tree up and down all those stairs would not be fun. I love the smell of real pine and I miss it . . .

3. When do you put up the tree? At least a week before Christmas, but usually don’t decorate it until a day or two before.

4. When do you take the tree down? Shortly after Epiphany – usually the next weekend.

5. Do you like eggnog? Yes, but not too thick – I hate thick egg nog, it just gets the gag reflex going . . . so if you make thick egg nog, warn me beforehand and I’ll try to cut it with some milk or rum or something . . .

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Books! Always books!

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, a teeny one. I’ve always meant to start collecting them and get some ones of diverse backgrounds, but I never get around to it until it’s right before Christmas and too late to get a decent one.

8. Hardest person to buy for? Me – because I hate asking for things, and I’m usually happy just to get stuff for other folks.

9. Easiest person to buy for? My mom. She loves any type of puzzles and loves old movies.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever got? I’ve received a lot of really unfortunate sweaters.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail . . . when I remember. I actually did send out cards this year, but usually I intend to send “New Year’s” cards and fail miserably . . .

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Scrooged. Oh, and there was once a Christmas movie on the Family Channel that starred Andy Dick (yes, seriously!) that I adored the couple of years that they played it . . . I should have taped it. I must find it, if I could ever remember the title . . .

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? November, online.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? To Goodwill? Oh, yes . . .

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Freshly baked cookies, with egg nog, on Christmas eve.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored! Must. Have. Colored. Lights. Non-negotiable.

17. Favorite Christmas song? Pretty much most of them. Especially all of the ones we sing in the choir for the Advent/Christmas season. Least favorite? Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. Christmas in Washington. Christmas Shoes. (I have a rant about this song which is several layers of sacrilegious, otherwise I would share . . . but darn, that song is SO schlocky, and I’m usually very forgiving of Christmas music.)

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Home. Mr. Random always threatens to want to travel across the country to visit his mom and sister, but then I remind him of how this time of year is travel hell. I’m not budging. Besides we have our own traditions now, after 10 years, and I’d hate to give them up.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Only if I say them as part "Night Before Christmas."

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? A big red bow. To match the smaller red bows sprinkled around the tree.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? One on Christmas Eve, and the rest on Christmas morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Shopping in crowds. But I hate that any time of the year.

23. What I love most about Christmas? Everything! The Music! The Food! The Time Off! What’s not to love?

Random Sunday Afternoon Tree Trimming Music

2007-12-23T16:18:00.000-05:00

In the CD player right now, on “shuffle,” the following Christmas albums are on to try to get me into some sort of Holiday mood:

Charlotte Church – Dream a Dream

The Cambridge Singers directed by John Rutter – Christmas Star: Carols for the Christmas Season

Harry Connick, Jr. – Harry for the Holidays

Vince Guaraldi Trio – A Charlie Brown Christmas

Diana Krall – Christmas Songs

A Note to a Newborn Girl

2007-12-17T10:37:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine is about to give birth to her first child. Her and her husband asked all of their friends to write little letters to the soon-to-be-arriving little girl on how to be a confident, well-rounded, young woman. These letters will be assembled into a scrapbook, which will be held until the girl is a bit older.

I was having a bit of trouble with the assignment, since I'm not exactly a poster-child for well-adjusted-ness, but I thought I would share what I wrote . . .

If anyone has any other advice to add, please feel free to do so in the comments!

****

Dear [Baby Girl]

First, I want to say that you are very lucky to have two of the most awesome parents in the world! They love you very, very much. You may not realize how much now, but you will when you get much older. There may be a lot of bad things going on in the world at the moment, but there are also a lot of amazingly wonderful things going on too, and your parents will help lead you on that journey.

Your parents asked many of us to write a little note to you before you were born on how to be a confident, well-rounded, young woman. At first, I did not know what to write because it took me a REALLY long time to figure that out myself . . . and in many ways I am still learning how, even after 37 years on this earth.

So my words may be a bit of a cliché, and have probably been written by many other people, but I learned them the hard way and sometimes the oldest words are the truest . . .

Be open.

Always be open to learning. Read EVERYTHING you can get your hands on. Travel. Learn about other cultures and religions. Be a sponge. Find out how things work. Know how to fix things by yourself (or know where to take them to be fixed.) Talk to cool people. Ask lots of questions. More information is always better than less. The world becomes a wonderful and interesting and fascinating place when you do that, you will very rarely be bored, and you will always have fascinating stories to tell.

Be yourself.

You are a unique individual. You will grow up to like certain things that other people may not. You will not like other things that other people do. That’s OK. Don’t do something just to fit in if you don’t like it, even though it may seem easier at the time, because it will make you miserable. People will love you for just who you are, and if they don’t . . . that’s OK too. It is always better to have one or two REAL and TRUE friends, than have lots of people that you call friends who don’t care as much about the real you.

Be a friend.

Like people for who they are, not who you want them to be. Care about other people and their situations. Be generous with your smiles and your kindness – you never know when someone who is having a horrible day may take comfort in your small little act. Sometimes people are happy and want other people to share in their joy. Be happy with them. Sometimes people are scared and lonely and need someone to listen to them. Be a friendly ear (. . . but within reason. Your Mom and Dad can talk to you about that . . .) Know how to refer people to get more help when they need it. Be the kind of friend that you would want people to be for you, but also don’t expect people to always be a good friend back. Unfortunately, that happens sometimes, but most of the time people will surprise you with their generosity.

Be one with your common sense and intuition . . . Don’t take crap from anyone!

Sometimes a voice inside of you will tell you that something doesn’t seem right, that you should be wary of a situation. Listen to that voice. Don’t let anyone try to talk you out of it. You should always be able to walk away and take time to think about things if you are uncomfortable. Seriously! No one should pressure you into ANYTHING on the spot. Good intentioned people will always understand and let you have that space to decide on your own. Not very nice people often will try to rush you to do what they want. If you are uncertain, ask your parents or a trusted adult to help you decide. Even if they don’t have the answers, they can help you talk through things and think about things a bit better. Then, once you’ve thought about things and made a decision, people should respect that decision. They may not like it, but they should respect it.

That is my advice to you, my dear. It may not be the best advice, but it is what I have for now.

It is given with much love and affection from my heart and soul. Welcome to the world, young woman!

Sincerely,
Random Kath

Cloudy and Snowing Today

2007-12-05T11:30:00.000-05:00

My word! It’s December already. Here’s my update on stuff so far – I’m going to start with the happier stuff first.

The Holidays: I’m trying to start purchasing presents now – which is a bit early for me. I have to get stuff together for my sister by the middle of next week to send a box over to her in Iraq. Also, the Random Non-profit partners with an elementary school to buy gifts for low-income families. Mr. Random and I are going to buy gifts for two kids, a 3 year old girl and an 11 year old boy, which now looks like a LOT, but I always get overly generous at this time of year. I mean, Even though Mr. Random aren’t doing great financially, we are very lucky in a lot of ways, and this is the least we can do.

Back in the Choir: I’ve started back up in the church choir for the Advent/Christmas season because this is the best time to be in a choir, you know? All of the hymns and carols, all of the lush harmonies – I couldn’t miss it for the world. The church also has a new interim minister who is very, very nice – very warm and engaging.

Layoffs at the Random Non-Profit: A higher up was let go in a shockingly crappy manner on Friday, which we found out in a staff meeting hastily put together early Monday morning. The news was greeted with eerie, angry silence. This person was one of the few people left here who actually had some institutional knowledge and cared about what was going on with the rest of the staff. A very drunken happy hour was held at the end of the day. I think this was a tipping point in a lot of our minds that we really need to get our fannies out of there. Person who was let go will be able to come out of this very well, and we aren’t worried about them, but we hate how it was handled and the screwed up rationale, which also leads to our absolute mistrust of anything that our CEO has to say from this moment forward. The CEO says there won’t be any more layoffs, but they have lied about that in the past and a number of things about our financial situation and organization don’t add up. Very unhappy at the moment . . . lots of people very unhappy at the moment . . .

Final Exams: Next week are both my final exams and I am in the crappiest mood ever to try to study for them, but study I must. I was going to do some studying last night, but I felt so disgruntled and horrible that I went to bed at 9:00 instead. I do that because otherwise I would just make everyone miserable and I can always use the sleep. There is a lot going on in my brain and I just can’t stand it anymore.

Home Front: I’m still highly annoyed about the bookcase collapse. Our condo looked decent for two whole days before everything came crashing down. I’m also not happy about a lot of other things, I really kind of need some sort of break, some peace and quiet, but none is really forthcoming. I'm not real fun to live with right now, and I know that and I'm trying not to be, even if that means going to bed at 8 PM. There is a play I’m going to on Friday night which I was hoping would lift my mood, but even that may not . . .

So I’m ending kind of grumpy and trying to not let it take over, but it is. I need a hug. I need a vacation. I need more sleep . . .

Wading in Knee Deep

2007-11-27T22:03:00.000-05:00

I am surrounded by piles again.

It happens every so often – I look up and there are piles of papers and magazines and books, all waiting to be sorted and/or read.

Over the weekend, one of the shelves of one of our bookcases collapsed rather suddenly, breaking glass in the pictures frames that sat on one of the shelves and bringing several other shelves down with it. Many books thudding to the floor.

At first Mr. Random thought “Earthquake!” when he heard the noise, being from Southern California and all, but then thought better of it. My first concern was for Random Cat – luckily, she was sitting in another room at the time – and then my concern was for the pictures.

The pictures that sat on the bookcase shelf are family photographs, the kind that are collected over the years and can never be replaced. Pictures of Mr. Random and his family, when his father and both sets of grandparents were still alive. Pictures of his grandmother and grandfather on their wedding day. Pictures of family moments sprinkled from a span of about 30 years. Whew! The frames were broken, but the pictures were intact. Hooray! Hooray!

But after the collapse we looked at the bookcase, and then looked at its partner a few feet away and decided to would be best to take all of the books out of them and eventually get new ones . . . and not cheap Ikea ones either! We just bought those a few years ago, when we bought the condo – you would think they would be able to handle lots of, um, books. So we’ve learned our lesson, no more cheap bookcases. And now we have about roughly 200 or so paperbacks and hardcover books sitting in piles in our living room. Lots of history and politics and law and philosophy. Many, many hours of reading and studying and learning sitting on the floor. I try to quickly walk past those piles – if I pick up a book, I will start to read it again and many hours will pass. Too much to do, but they call out “read me!” I have to persevere . . . I hope one day to be able to have the luxury to sit with them again . . .

So lots of piles. Piles that mock me. Piles that make me proud. There’s something about a house full of books . . . It just feels like home. You can pull one down from the shelf and curl up in a chair and be comfortable. Of course, our chairs and couches aren’t that comfortable which is why I don’t do it much any more. But if they were, say, nice comfy couches and chairs – if we win the lottery some day – my joy would be complete.

I have walked into homes that didn’t have any bookcases around and I immediately feel cold. Like, well, what do you all DO? What do you all read? What do you talk about? You can tell a lot about people by the reading material they have around. Yes, I’m judgmental that way. I guess you can call me a snob.

But when I was little, my parents didn’t have much, but they always had books around. Lots of worn paperbacks. My mom loved to read and always had a book in her hand. My dad always read the paper. Reading was a big thing. Reading is what you did at home. It was a safe thing. A comfort thing. Your day could have sucked royally, but you could come home and lose yourself in a book. A blanket and a book.

So piles of books I have. Piles of magazines and newspapers and stuff printed out to read. In fact, right now I have next to me a copy of the new NEA report on reading, To Read or Not to Read, that I am about to dig into. I have to read it myself to get a sense of what it is saying, whether I really am part of a vanishing breed or not. Right away, the coolest thing about it is this quote from Virginia Woolf at the end. It speaks to me for some reason:

I have sometimes dreamt, at least, that when the Day of Judgment dawns and the great conquerors and lawyers and statesmen come to receive their rewards – their crowns, their laurels, their names carved indelibly upon imperishable marble – the Almighty will turn to Peter and will say, not without a certain envy when he sees us coming with our books under our arms, “Look, these need no reward. We have nothing to give them here. They have loved reading.”

Virginia Woolf, “How Should One Read a Book?”